A very quick relapse. What am I in for?

[slowdown123 1]

Hello All, 

After a 5 month journey off adderall, I thought to give vyvanse a try (telling myself that it was different b/c it wasn't the same drug, though deep down inside, I knew it was). Anyways, I tried it one day and had a bad experience. I woke up the next day and thought to give it another try, and yet had another bad experience. This was the first time I had taken a stimulant without smoking weed/tobacco and or drinking after doing so to cope with the comedown(very glad I still haven't relapsed on the other three). Other than feeling a very intense high for maybe 3-4 hours both days (which to be honest was far too enjoyable for me to get any work done at all), I had a terrible experience.

I couldn't eat at all! When I did, it had to be sugar and carbs!

I barely slept, even after taking tons of melatonin!

The anxiety was crippling!

I got rid of it all and cancelled my future appointment with doctor. 

I very much missed my normal self and came to appreciate all of the progress i've made, which brings me to my question: What kind of set back am I looking at as far as brain chemistry goes? I know that I obviously blew the streak, but will I be set back months, weeks, days? Can I still be on track for the "first year"? If anyone has had a similar experience, I would love to hear! Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated!

 

 

 

[sweetupbaaby 127]

Don't worry about blowing your streak. Your sober days have far outnumbered the days you have used. Literally put this relapse out of your mind and fix your gaze forward. Just jump back on the horse and re-center! These things happen, we are human. You have also seemed to learn something from this experience. I am glad you shared this with us because it's easy to get down on ourselves when we keep our setbacks to ourselves. From my perspective, it sounds like you are smart and introspective about your behaviour and you seem to know what you want. I too, have fooled myself too into thinking I could use stims (just a lil) but at the end of the day, it just didn't feel right...even tho my GP wanted me back on them. I had to make that decision for myself to stay off them. That was really hard, especially when I had a Doctor pushing me in the other direction.

Your brain definitely needs time to recover from the huge crash it's gone through. I quit smoking weed, cigs, and alcohol around the same time as addy so I'm right there with you. Medication is not for everyone- but I take a low dose SSRI and a mood stabiliser to aid the healing process. That's just me though! Definitely talk to your GP about it.

I have found that maintaining a good sleep schedule, eating well, daily exercise, yoga, limiting toxic news and influence, drinking lots of water and staying productive in one way or another has helped me. But the one thing that has maintained my sanity is routine, routine, routine!! Get into a routine and your life will become 10x easier.

I was about 3 and a half months in when I had a relapse for 2 days. I then jumped back on the horse and two months later relapsed for a week. That was about a month ago, and I am finding it easier now without my meds. Those relapse definitely made my will-power stronger to defeat this beast. Healing is not linear, and it will vary from person to person. I know that's not what you want to hear- but we live in a culture that expects fast results and unfortunately healing from Adderall use will not be easy, nor fast. So just be patient and take it day by day.

Good luck!

[DrewK15 350]

@slowdown123 if you only took it for 2 days that’s not really going to set you back on a brain chemistry level. Psychologically it could be hard. You have what the drugs feel like fresh in your memory again. Don’t use again and you’ll be ok, not much harm at all. But that’s the catch, you’ve made it a little bit harder on yourself now. Stick with it!

[Doge 896]

Agreed with other people above!  Now you have a firm reminder why you quit.  Focus on the future, and rest assured things will get better faster than last time, at least for the first couple weeks.  You can bounce back from this!  The fact that you are already being honest with yourself is a great sign! 

What's the plan to prevent this from happening again?  Do you have any bridges (access to refills down the road) left unburnt?  Burn them!