Shady

Love hate relationship with addy

3 posts in this topic

I’ve been addicted to adderall for 9 years. If it wasn’t for adderall I would have never graduated highschool. It helped me in so many way. It was a miracle drug. Fast forward to now and I realize that I would have graduated college if I weren’t on adderall. I was always on adderall. All of my friends and even family knew the adderall me. Not the sober me. I didn’t even know the sober me. I had my first child last year (because of adderall) sounds strange but I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant if I would have been sober. I’m so addicted that I couldn’t even stop taking it during my pregnancy. My doctor knew of course she just lowered my dose. Now, adderall hits me differently. It used to make me want to get out and do things see people talk to people. Now when I take it I never want to leave my house. I feel 100% better doing things sober. Other than cleaning my house. Which is important because I do stay at home. I am distracted and absent when I take it. I don’t want to play with my baby or interact with her. And I hate it. It makes me disgusted with myself. I don’t know how to act around all of my old friends because I’m sober. I’ve never been sober around them. Adderall has ruined a lot of good things in my life. I’ve wasted happy moments where I could have been happy but instead I was sad and down all because of adderall. I’m going through an identity crisis and it sucks. I envy people who can take their medication as prescribed and still feel the same effects as the first time they took it. People who don’t think about taking another or another or another. I really want to let it go. Yet it’s so hard to let it go. It’s my biggest secret and my biggest disappointment. I feel so much better when my script runs out and I can be sober for 1-2 weeks. By that time I’m itching for my adderall so I can do this and do that. It truly is so hard to stop. Probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. 

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It is really hard to get off, but so is staying on adderall. I had to get to the point where I realized I needed to choose the hard that was best for me long term. It doesn’t get better on adderall it just gets worse. It kind of lies to us and makes us believe we need it. We don’t. I was on for so many years...I lost myself as well. Finally free from this drug and it’s worth all the pain to get to where I am today. You can do this!

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On 10/3/2020 at 0:48 PM, Shady said:

I envy people who can take their medication as prescribed and still feel the same effects as the first time they took it.

you're still glamorizing Adderall after all the super negative things it's done to your life?

here's the thing: no one gets to have "honeymoon Adderall" forever. it's a fact. you could perhaps make the argument that there are "true" ADHD'ers out there that require life long medication, but for those people, there was never a high to chase. for the rest of us, it is simply a matter of time till our tolerance outgrows the pleasure.

that being said, are you ready to really give this up? do you have support structures in place (financial, emotional, etc.)? what is your plan for the next couple of years?

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