Finally learning my lesson

[Aventus]

I wrote another story that I was going to post yesterday, but like most things that I’ve wrote while on Adderall it is super long, has way too much detail and makes no sense. So I thought I’d try this again.

First of all I’d like to say hi and thank everyone who has posted on this forum. When I first started thinking about quitting I think I was here just about every night reading posts and they really helped me out. So naturally I wanted to post my own story.

It was yesterday when I finally admitted to myself that there is no possibility that I can take Adderall again and not abuse it. I originally started taking Ritalin 2 years ago when I was a freshman in college and then changed to Adderall midway through my sophomore year just to test it out and see if it worked better. I didn’t start really abusing Adderall until this last April. Since then it’s been getting worse and worse until I reached my absolute worst during finals week. That’s when I quit for the first time. I lasted 17 days and then 6 days ago I got a refill, convinced that now I could take it responsibly. It didn’t work out that way and I’ve been out of control the last 5 days. Then yesterday I finally stopped bullshitting myself and flushed the rest and tore up my script for next month. It still amazes me that with all the side effects I was experiencing and how much I was worrying that I was destroying my body that I would keep taking more and more.

Initially it did wonders for me, but at this point I’m doing shitty in school, let all my friends drift away and so much else. It’s time to get back to how happy I felt after quitting the first time.

[Serena]

Just wanted to say welcome and that you are not alone! Good job on flushing the rest of it and tearing up the script. It is hard and really sucks but it totally worth it. I recently did something very similar and I also know that I cannot ever take Adderall and be "responsible." So I hope you can continue to rebuild your life without Add. Life gets so much better, just give it a little time. Be gentle on yourself.