Adderall...We had our ups and our downs...but it's time we go our separate ways...

[BerkeleyGrad]

Dear Adderall,

We've shared so many memories together during the past 4 years. There have been good times and bad times; amazing times and terrible times--but deep down inside, I know, that it's time I must let you go.

I remember back in my high school days(2004-2007), I was already cognizant of the fact that something was wrong with me, cognitively. Notwithstanding the animus to study and read my textbooks, I could not sit down at a desk and focus for more than 5-10 minutes without wanting to squirm and do something else. What is more, when I did actually manage to read for more than a few minutes, my time would be spend re-reading due to an inability to grasp what I was reading.

A few F's this semester, followed by a few D+'s the subsequent semester was all my school was willing to accept. They kicked me out of high school, told my parents I was stupid, insisted that I would never go to college--according to them, I was invariably destined for failure.

I ended up enrolling at the local community college after getting my diploma form a small adult school. Determined to prove my former high school, my parents and family wrong--that I was not destined for failure, I became inundated with an extraordinary amount of motivation. Getting by studying with caffeine supplements, herbal teas, etc., I did well for a year until that initial wave of motivation naturally subsided.

At this point I happened to meet a girl who took Adderall, and my relationship with the drug formally began.

Adderall gave me life. It gave me the motivation I was missing, the mental clarity to read and understand, the ability to focus, and emotional happiness. When I got accepted into UC Berkeley, nobody could believe it, my family was completely shocked. I dominated at Cal, but by my last year at the school, I BARELY made it through the last finals period having to increase my dosage continually after tolerance issues. I had pulled multiple all nighters, lost tons of weight, felt like crap, started feeling the crash depressions, etc.

I graduated with honors, but could not attend my graduation as I was too sickly and exhausted to walk at graduation.

I continued to take Adderall after I graduated and decided to go to law school; however upon studying for the LSAT, my hyper-focused adderall mind got into Internet entrepreneurship. Needless to say, in the span of a few weeks, being on adderall 20 hours a day, and sleeping only 4 if I went to bed that night and only if I took 5 sleeping pills, I created an Internet company single handedly that brought in $2,000 a day for me.

I lived on the top floor of a luxury hotel $400/night, I ordered $50 dollar a pop room service meals, rented a Ferrari, etc.

I was RICH, but my body was taking a huge hit...I could feel it. Eventually, I ended up in the hospital because I thought I was going to have a heart attack after trying to resurrect my company after hackers destroyed me. I let the business go as to resurrect and run it would require me to be on Adderall 24/7 and I would die.

I've decided to go to law school, and take the entrance exam in 30 days. I take MUCH less Adderall than I used to and only every other day or every two days. I want to have a life and be happy, something not possible under the spell of Adderall. Once I take my exam, I'm going to have to find the will-power to study naturally, something I try to do on my days off Adderall with limited success.

I'm 23 now, and although Adderall gave me life initially, it is now sucking the life out of me.

I don't regret my time on Adderall, we achieved so much together. Our moments of brilliance, academic prowess, creative genius were so beautiful. But, as they say, 'all good things must come to an end,' and in this case, it could not be more true.

Goodbye Addy. I'll never forget you.