Depression Hurts

[FALCON]

Depression Hurts

yes my friends like the commercial you all probably herd it on TV depression hurts . I have no urge to use adderall any longer My problem now is a overwhelming frikin deep depression I am so tierd got up this morning 8 am drank 4, 8 oz off frikin coffee it did not do shit for me I was still tierd and lethargic after one Hour of drinking my coffee it finally kicked in way over stimulated. My face got numb I was having an OD on caffeine my hands where sacking. I’m in extreme mental pain and all my frikin mussels hurt taking 8 Advil a day and I’m still in pain big time Pain. HELP HELP Im FUCKED UP I have bin on antidepressants all my life got of all chemicals 34 days ago I need to see my thru feelings not artificially inducts feelings. I may need to be on some form of antidepressants butt I will not take any type of chemicals right now. I’m hurting big time nothing you can do for me my friends I need to get thru this shit on my Owen. Maybe time will heel me I don’t Know maybe this is my destiny so bring it on I will fight this friken shit Intel it wins or I defeat the bastered. Owe yes my friends I also have big time anger I find my self curssing at the firkin TV jest angry at every thing butt I do not take it out on anyone I’m to respectful toured other peoples feelings mostly Im mad at my self .Its Saturday night need to go out and listen to some Chicago blues the great music gives me a little relief and I can not stay in the hous boat anymore or I will lose my mind. So off I go I do need some Jake denials butt dont worry I am on the wagon as must of you Know at least I can control not having to drink butt I can not control this frikin depression and the pain. I jest need a little relief . Share your own depression storys her misserry loves compony.

Song of the day Old love by eric clapton

Thank you all my new friends THE FALCON

[jennablu]

Sorry Falcon! It does suck - people who have never suffered from 'true' depression, which can seep up from anywhere at any time, really have no idea! I really have nothing to say that will help except I have been there - and it does fade a bit! Yes get out of the house - run - that helps me with my anger (and might save the TV ;-) When I'm down that low - I just make myself walk or run and sweat till it hurts a little less!!

Hang in there!! Let us know how you do!

[sky]

hey bro, hope you're feeling better... sounds like you did the right thing and got out of the house boat.......... it comes in waves my friend, some are little shore lappers, some are massive and crash down upon you and drag you out to sea... you are a champ if you didn't succumb to urges to drink it away if you're an alcoholic in that regard. If you did, don't beat yourself up, just keep on keepin on. the walk sounds like a great idea, especially if you live in the harbor! I'm thinking house party on your boat with all the forum members, kool aid, stale chips, sheet cake, and a plethora of random music we all bring on mix tapes...

http://youtu.be/eDwOFThiNnA

[FALCON]

Hay my friends I think this a good topic people shun depression because thy don’t understand it seems like there is a link between adderal use and depression. I do not hide my depression under the covers I speak up and bring it out into the open people still judge you because of their ignorant regarding the subject .Let’s keep this forum going I think we all can help one another suffering from depression. Any now it’s a new day in paradise got home at 2 am it was Halloween night at the club most people where in costume .No my brothers and sisters I did not drink alcohol I was strait as an arrow this is unusual for me because I usually get fucked up on Adderall Xanax and boos .Like I said I’m on the wagon it felt good going out and staying strait I had some good time shutting the shit with the homeys it’s a whole new seen for me now the band was ouwsome they brought my spirits up. This morning I am feeling a little more hopeful than last night my good friend depression is still here with me. Thank you jennablu and sky for your support

[FALCON]

Hey my friends depression is kicking my ass today. I don’t Know how to get this dark cloud off my back . This has bin a real dark day no light shining at all I am completely in the dark sad lonely depressed. I haven’t Ben like this in a long time no cure for me. I have bin on at least 20 different meds in the past 20 years they work for a wile then the drugs stop working. NO more experiments on me 5 shrinks in 20 years no one has the answer to my chemical imbalance. I now realize why I was self medicating myself all these years to get rid of the pain. Today I was in zombie land . Had no energy at all two red bulls 3 black coffees and I went back under the covers Why am I hunted whit this dark obis . I am asking my angle to give me a little relief I jest what to have some good days mixed in with the bad days jest a little ying and yang .Well I know my friends you all cant do anything about my shity depression. I jest needed a ear to bitch in to . Well I need to be patient I guess HA HA HA HHA .Yes my brother and sisters IM fucket up today. I jest want to sleep it off maybe tomorrow I will have my yang back HA HA .I’m not good to be around right now I have way to much negative energy I do not Like to display my misery to anyone no one wants to be with a person whit so much negative energy Lord have mercy on me Eric Clapton Learn from My mistakes do not self medicate your self the long term effects moist likely cant be reversed.

THE FALCON

[ashley6]

I was just wondering how you were doing before this post. You quit a lot of stuff all at once pretty recently, so give it some time. I don't think you're doomed, just for a little while. Coming off of adderall alone sent me into a deep depression, so all of the other stuff along with quitting the adderall is bound to hurt like help. Keep it up. You're doing everything you can. I'm praying for you.

[sky]

hey Falcon, I'm writing this as I listen to BB sing the blues...

You hit it though, good days and bad days... sometimes the only thing to do is crawl back into bed and hope to wake up to a brighter tomorrow.... it weighs heavy, and nothing can help but time, and the knowledge that you felt good before, and you'll feel good again.... we're all with you brother, hoping you get some relief from the blues. damn what a sweet slow jam. sometimes all you can do is nod your head and groove along with it...

[FALCON]

Thank you ASHELY and SKY your kind words are appreciated. Its good to have someone who knows how you feel and someone who chairs about you even though we never met are internal energy has made a connection in the dimension of space I am a believer in energy healing . There is energy in everything around us and in side us. Example did you ever try to catch a healthy fly with your hands its almost imposable because the fly senses your movements before you even flinch tour hand trying to catch the fly. You can only catch a fly if the fly is on a window or if you have a extension of your arm like a fly swatter or a news paper ASHLELY and SKY we have connected . Today was a hell of a better day then yesterday 6 .out of 10. ten being the worst I really was thinking I was ready for the loony bin that’s how bad I was feeling. Well another weekend is upon us lets keep clean Thanks again my friends I am blest to have you.

[

[Shambo]

Hey Buddy. I'm sorry your skies are dark. I hope you realize how bright your light is on this forum though. You are so encouraging and always giving of yourself. You have such a gift for making others feel not so alone.

I believe I read that you are taking supplements but have you tried sitting in the sun for a few minutes everyday? I spend most days sitting on a quilt under a tree or doing something outside. It helps tremendously. Even if I just walk around my yard- sunshine is a miracle. And what about moving around. I have yet to do any "exercise" but on days when I hang a load of clothes on the clothes line or just use my body more than just sitting, I do notice an upward shift in my moods.

The last 3 weeks have been great.

My refill was yesterday.

And I caved.

But my time will come again.

I have hope. And I credit your kind words and your story and honest struggles with giving me some of that hope.

Keep going, buddy.

The sun will come out. Go soak it up when it does. Sending positive thoughts your way.

[Shambo]

OH! And do me a favor and listen to Shambala by Three Dog Night- really loud! Lol! There's a great live video on YouTube somewhere from way back in the day. Before my day, actually, but it's the JAM and hopefully makes you smile.

[ashley6]

Falcon,

How are you feeling?

[FALCON]

Hey Ashley thank you for asking. I got some good days lately there are more bad days then good days. I hope this is not as good as it gets I am jest praying for a little happiness. I am so tierd of depression its Ben my friend for way to long it’s a friend I don’t want in my life any more you know what I mean .I had a conversation with a lady friend last night we were talking about what is happiness. I tolled her I don’t know if I ever new real happiness she shed shier you have. Have you ever look up into the sky on a nice day I mean really looked and notes the great sky and the clouds you will feel what happiness is for 10 seconds or so that is what happiness feels like I said O yes I have had that feeling before but it’s a very brief and euphoric feeling .So the point is happiness is out there for us to harness I guess its something we need to cultivate its all within our own spirit she opened my eyes up and got me thinking how I can find my own happiness. I got it must be cultivated with in your spirit.

Thank you for caring it makes things a little easier to deal with shit.

I hope things are well for you

Your friend falcon

[quit-once]

The good old boys who wrote the US Constitution got it right when they said we were all entitled to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". If true happiness was easy to come by (even then), they would have left out the word "pursuit".

[gonzo]

Hi Falcon,

Depression is very much like a friend. A warm, comfortable, familiar place of misery and despair.

As for persuing happiness -- it's kind of a misnomer. I'm not sure happiness is something than can truly be actively persued. And it is certainly not the same as "gratification" -- Adderall in particular tricks you into thinking it is.

I think the path to "happiness" invovles eliminating the things that make you suffer, even if it involves a loss of gratification. For one, the drugs.

best of luck, man. I'm there with you. Bad days and medicore days.

As for adderall-widthdrawal triggering depression: oh, believe me, there's a fucking link. I'm sorry your friends don't believe you on this one.

My best friend takes adderall every day (40mg), but his relationship with it seems totally different from mmine. He just takes it as perscribed. He has never binged. He exercises and eats a lot. He can be a little up-and-down but no more than your average individual and he never seems tweaked out or manic. But he fully admits it gives him a huge advantage in his daily life ("I've seen myself without it... you don't want to know"; "I don't think I could hold down this job without it").

It's hard to talk frankly with him about my own problems because he seems to feel guilty about the advantage it gives him. He used to just change the topic immediately whenever I mentioned amphetamines.

I don't feel any kind of spite towards him because of his amphetamine use. I really do love him, and love to see him happy, and he's got a job and a girlfriend and a real good life going for him (seemingly for the first time in his life), and while the drugs are an enabler, it's not "just the drugs".

At the same time, MY relationship with amphetamine is so so so different. The dissonance is really hard to deal with. And the people I know who are "like me" ("abusers"?), glorify it and have no intention to stop.

I'm so glad I found this forum.