Defunct Posted December 3, 2012 Report Share Posted December 3, 2012 I am needing some advice from those who've fully recovered. I am really quite scared about what I may have done to my brain, permanently. I quit 5 weeks ago and although my personality is stabilizing (don't get me wrong, I still burst in to tears at nothing at all occasionally), the 2 biggest things that really honestly concern me are the following. I would really like to know if others could help me by giving me a prognosis by sharing their own story or insights... 1) Loss of executive function/decision making/good judgement: People at work and in my life used to tell me how good I was at navigating sticky political and social situations, how my actions and interactions would seem to demonstrate utmost diplomacy. It's funny, because I never really knew what they meant until I lost the ability to do these things with adderall. I still am having difficulty after quitting, being able to have confidence interacting with and influencing others. It's like a residual paranoia is still there, telling me there's always another side to a story or perspective I haven't thought of yet, and halting me from making executive decisions. It's very frustrating as it's such a finite skill that requires much intuition, balanced with logic and is very hard to describe... can anyone relate to this? Any insights or advice on when this ability will return, or IF it will return? 2) Short & medium term memory loss. This one is really, really bad and has me very concerned. I literally cannot remember the simplest things -- I memorize something and 30 mins later it is GONE. Someone will explain something to me and if I don't write it down, it will be like the conversation never really happened... I will remember talking to the person about a topic, but all the details will have disappeared completely. My notes have to be very detailed or I won't even remember the prompters. Any insights here would be really appreciated. I am terrified I may have done some serious damage. I just feel so much more stupid, if that makes sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted December 3, 2012 Report Share Posted December 3, 2012 You'll get all your mental faculties back eventually - you haven't done any permanent damage. The brain takes a long time to recover and you're really early in your recovery, just the beginning stages. My cognitive abilities and memory began improving in month four, but the intuition issues took longer to resolve, maybe nine months or so. I know what you mean, you can't read situations properly and pick up on social cues like you could before Adderall. I remember a couple years ago I was taking a graduate class at night, and I was always way tweaked out because I went to the class straight from work and took lots of Adderall to get me through these long days. One night, we were routinely discussing a book and I thought of something witty to say to contribute to the discussion. But before I raised my hand to say it, I had this massive internal dialogue, like, "Is this comment actually funny or is it dumb? Is it too racy for the people in this class? What if someone is offended? What if I say this thing and no one laughs and everyone just stares at me?" After this lengthy mental debate I finally raised my hand and said my comment, and some people laughed. But I know I looked and sounded awkward and serious. The delivery of the joke was completely unnatural. I was completely unnatural. All social situations eventually eroded like this while on Adderall - no intrinsic judgement whatsoever. You become all thought and no feelings, and when you quit Adderall all you have is a million strange feelings and no thoughts to bridge the correct ones together. That is the source of the frustration, made even more frustrating by the fact that you can't think your way into a solution because excessive thought is what brought you into this mess in the first place. To quote Alan Watts, "it's like trying to bite your own teeth." So, all you can really do is try to relax and not push yourself and take comfort in the fact that one day, your brain will do this amazing thing and regenerate all these connections and neurotransmitters that you're lacking right now. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted December 3, 2012 Report Share Posted December 3, 2012 After exactly 1.5 years (today) I can say that the thought processes, concentration, humor, and my personality traits have all returned to pre-addderall states. The ONE thing that I wish was better is my memory. Some days it is good, others not so good, and taking the occasional fish oil capsule really helps smooth it out. But I want a better memory that can recall words and names quicker, remember faces, and not lose my train of thought halfway thorugh a conversation. Should I quit smoking weed to see if my memory improves? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Defunct Posted December 3, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2012 My first thought was, "Wow, 1.5 years to get your memory back, and still having challenges? That is scary!"... that is, until I read the last sentence... now I'm no expert; I've smoked weed exactly three times in my whole life and hated it each time; but the correlation between marijuana and memory loss is pretty well documented wouldn't you say? Just a thought. You'll get all your mental faculties back eventually - you haven't done any permanent damage. The brain takes a long time to recover and you're really early in your recovery, just the beginning stages. My cognitive abilities and memory began improving in month four, but the intuition issues took longer to resolve, maybe nine months or so. I know what you mean, you can't read situations properly and pick up on social cues like you could before Adderall. I remember a couple years ago I was taking a graduate class at night, and I was always way tweaked out because I went to the class straight from work and took lots of Adderall to get me through these long days. One night, we were routinely discussing a book and I thought of something witty to say to contribute to the discussion. But before I raised my hand to say it, I had this massive internal dialogue, like, "Is this comment actually funny or is it dumb? Is it too racy for the people in this class? What if someone is offended? What if I say this thing and no one laughs and everyone just stares at me?" After this lengthy mental debate I finally raised my hand and said my comment, and some people laughed. But I know I looked and sounded awkward and serious. The delivery of the joke was completely unnatural. I was completely unnatural. All social situations eventually eroded like this while on Adderall - no intrinsic judgement whatsoever. You become all thought and no feelings, and when you quit Adderall all you have is a million strange feelings and no thoughts to bridge the correct ones together. That is the source of the frustration, made even more frustrating by the fact that you can't think your way into a solution because excessive thought is what brought you into this mess in the first place. To quote Alan Watts, "it's like trying to bite your own teeth." So, all you can really do is try to relax and not push yourself and take comfort in the fact that one day, your brain will do this amazing thing and regenerate all these connections and neurotransmitters that you're lacking right now. So true! Thanks for the encouraging thought. I love that quote, by the way, and plan to use it liberally... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FALCON Posted December 4, 2012 Report Share Posted December 4, 2012 Everything in moderation is my new model if you smoke weed once in a why’ll I believe its OK. I know someone who smokes a bong every night he is a burn out you can tell jest by talking to him he speaks very slow and forgets what he is trying to say. There is a deferent’s in getting stoned and getting high when your stoned out you jest site on the couch and vegetate out and you cannot conduct a conversation that makes any sense . When your high you are very aware of your surroundings and you can have a coherent conversation whit someone this is what I call being in control of your self. If you smoke a bong you will get stoned and loss your senses if you get high you have full control of your senses getting high is having 1 or 2 tokes of weed moderation is the key word her .I am talking from experience when I was between the age of 17 and 25 I smoked 3 or 4 joints a day I was stoned most of the time for 8 years strait at the age of 25 my old man died and I became head of the family this is when I stopped smoking weed all day. I needed a clear head to take care of the family business . I still indulge in a little weed 2 or 3 times a month but I do it in extreme moderation like I said 2 hits at the most jest to catch a little buzz and still be coherent and conduct a conversation that makes sense. The point I am trying to express is if you smoke to much you will incur a temporary memory loss Iv Ben on both sides of the street No bull shit. Your friend FALCON Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted December 4, 2012 Report Share Posted December 4, 2012 Quit once, WHY are you getting stoned all the time??????? You don't need that stuff...doing that is not good for your health. If u google memory loss and smoking pot, you will find tons of articles. Here is one from science daily. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/03/120301143424.htm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted December 4, 2012 Report Share Posted December 4, 2012 I guess I am fucked....I just learned that THC causes long-term memory impairment in mice. Since I have been smoking almost daily since I was 16 (that makes 33 years as a career stoner) there may not be much memory left to impair. Couple that with almost a decade of adderall use and I am certainly headed for early altzheimers or dementia. My brain probably looks like swiss cheese. Oh well, its just a lifetime. InRecovery, thanks for that link. I did read that article and a couple others it had links to. Falcon, I agree with your "everything in moderation" approach and I apply it to just about everything in my life. That "moderation" approach works well until the addiction kicks in. Any addiction. I used adderall responsibly for about six years and I convinced myself I was not abusing it or addicted to it until reality kicked my ass and then I had to quit. So far I have conquered nicotine and adderall addictions. I have come close to being addicted to attivan and alcohol. I am good for at least one pot of strong coffee each day and I love caffeine. I am currently struggling with a food addiction and trying desperately not to become a fatbastard... again. But weed? It just isn't addictive in the same way as all of these other substances I have just refered to, and I feel like it is less harmful than anything except coffee I can take it or leave it and I smoke less now than I ever have. Weed's pros outweigh its cons for me so I will continue to use (not abuse) it until I don't enjoy smoking anymore or unitl it causes some kind of damage to my mind. Is it possible that weed causes memory loss? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GetToIt Posted December 4, 2012 Report Share Posted December 4, 2012 "You become all thought and no feelings, and when you quit Adderall all you have is a million strange feelings and no thoughts to bridge the correct ones together. " This is statement is spot-on. a lot of my best qualities come from my intuition and instinct, rather than one-dimensional thought and information. You can imagine how this might affect my self on this spectrum. I am A LOT of feelings and almost devoid o thought in my present state. Scary but awesome, real but ineffective. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Defunct Posted December 5, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 5, 2012 GetToIt, How will you know if you are capable of higher-order thinking and resolving your memory loss issues if you aren't willing even to start? Cassie has mentioned about the power of the brain to repair its neural pathways given time... it's what I'm going on to hope for the future, I hope the same for you too? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FALCON Posted December 5, 2012 Report Share Posted December 5, 2012 quit-once Hay brother you are not a mouse so don’t compare your self with a little mouse brain you do not have memory loss do to the weed everyone needs a little to deal with the rat race we live in I see no problem with a Daly toke of weed . What you have is called getting old my brother you know what I mean. Also don’t beat your self up your not fucket up the brain is a amassing organ as you know it can repair and heal it self with time and adapt. I think maybe your memory loss may have a little to do with your condition of face blindness do you agree. There is also a great deal of evidence for the municipal qualities of weed it is good for many deferent conditions it’s safer than the junk we bin on like adderall , bensos ,sleeping pills and alcohol. So go easy on your self my friend. FALCON 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted December 5, 2012 Report Share Posted December 5, 2012 THANKS, FALCON!! I needed that reassurance tonight. Getting old is hard to accept when age itself starts fucking with your mind AND your body. Adderall made me feel old, and not in a good way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GetToIt Posted December 5, 2012 Report Share Posted December 5, 2012 Goldman, Sorry, that wasn't a clear post. My present state is off of adderall for 7 days, and yes I believe a natural healing of my brain is occurring right now but I currently am dealing with an imbalance due to the synthetic chemical's presence. I'm happy to be on the upswing to balance! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Defunct Posted December 6, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 6, 2012 Sorry if it came off as harsh, GetToIt. First 7 days for me was the beginning of the real crash - it took me about 36 hours to come down. I hope you're doing ok and taking it one day at a time. How are you feeling today? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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