I am needing some advice from those who've fully recovered. I am really quite scared about what I may have done to my brain, permanently.
I quit 5 weeks ago and although my personality is stabilizing (don't get me wrong, I still burst in to tears at nothing at all occasionally), the 2 biggest things that really honestly concern me are the following. I would really like to know if others could help me by giving me a prognosis by sharing their own story or insights...
1) Loss of executive function/decision making/good judgement: People at work and in my life used to tell me how good I was at navigating sticky political and social situations, how my actions and interactions would seem to demonstrate utmost diplomacy. It's funny, because I never really knew what they meant until I lost the ability to do these things with adderall. I still am having difficulty after quitting, being able to have confidence interacting with and influencing others. It's like a residual paranoia is still there, telling me there's always another side to a story or perspective I haven't thought of yet, and halting me from making executive decisions. It's very frustrating as it's such a finite skill that requires much intuition, balanced with logic and is very hard to describe... can anyone relate to this? Any insights or advice on when this ability will return, or IF it will return?
2) Short & medium term memory loss. This one is really, really bad and has me very concerned. I literally cannot remember the simplest things -- I memorize something and 30 mins later it is GONE. Someone will explain something to me and if I don't write it down, it will be like the conversation never really happened... I will remember talking to the person about a topic, but all the details will have disappeared completely. My notes have to be very detailed or I won't even remember the prompters.
Any insights here would be really appreciated. I am terrified I may have done some serious damage. I just feel so much more stupid, if that makes sense.