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britt

"Self Destruction is in my hand"

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Hey folks,

Thank you to everyone who posts on this site!

I have been reading this board for over 1.5 years but this is my first post. I started coming here about four months after I was prescribed stimulants. My life was on a high for a hot minute before it all began to spiral downward.

I've been thinking about the insanity of my relationship with these drugs. When I do not take them, all I do is remember the brief period of happiness we shared: the honeymoon phase. I know the truth now but refuse to accept it. It is like passionately loving someone you know, at your core, you cannot be with long-term but who you refuse to walk away from because you keep believing one of you will change and THEN it will be like it was in the beginning, before you both knew the truth about each other.

I recently discovered Marvin Gaye's "Flyin' High (in the Friendly Sky)" and it conveys the feeling I have right now. It is about his addiction struggles (which really got him in the scenario that killed him). He knew "self destruction is in my hand" but couldn't put it down. I get that. I hope you listen - it is a beautiful song and the lyrics (which I had to look up to get the full gist) ring so true.

(He was really close to his mom - that is the two of them in the video still)

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hey britt, welcome to the forums...

so where are you at with it all? are you wanting to stop? or keep running thru that cycle...?

I can tell you this, eventually, with enough time, you stop looking back thru those rose colored glasses, the present now takes on a much brighter light than the past, the new and improved "you" is so much better you wonder why the fuck you waited so long...

wasted so much time...

So where are you at with it all?

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Hey Britt,

How is it going? I have found this forum to be quite literally a life saver. Hope you're ok and closer to making the first and hardest step to live life on your own without the chemicals. I think we're all in place to say it's a much more rewarding experience...

Here to help... and commiserate...

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