ionehitwonderi

Glimpse of hope

4 posts in this topic

I didn't take the adderall on Friday & actually felt good & wasn't coma like & feelin like dying. (I've been taking 30mg daily for the past year, 60mg before that). But saturday it hit me in the face like a huge brick. I ended up taking it and guess what... i felt even MORE like shit. I literally sat on my chair staring at the wall having NO motivation to do anything.. I did that for 4 hours. I felt "STUCK" if that makes sense. Stuck in a horrible horrible chemical induced hell. Yesterday I took 15mg and felt the same shitty stuck nasty feeling. But once it wore off, I started feeling better! And not only that but I was able to feel my creativity come back... the one thing that is worth everything to me! This is what I wrote:

Dehydrated with a killer migraine.

Memories engrained I try to kick to the curb.

Paint my souls portrait into words...I used to do without an effort.

Till I met Esther the go getter.

Courtesy of my chemical endeavors.

Such a careless fool i was at the time.

But I'm ready to forgive her.

Paying off the debt I owe.

Reaping what I sow.

And I've never felt so low.

But I've never had such hope either.

I keep telling myself it's okay.

Even when I'm not okay.

I keep telling myself it's okay.

Knowing it will manifest one day.

Perception is reality.

Searched for a remedy in spirituality.

Transcend this fake illusion.

Hoping it will shift my current state. Can u relate?

Transmutate this self hate cuz I'm tired of one too many heartaches...

knowing now that I did it to myself.

Love will never come ur way if u dont love yourself.

And I hate cliche ass quotes, but I awoke to the truth and I finally understand.

The energy you give will smack you in the face with a backhand.

Put u in ur place where u belong.

Leave u stranded in the snow with nothin but a thong on.

But I keep it moving with style and grace...

I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I want funnel cake :P

- "Getting off the Addies" 12/17/2012

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Hi there,

Just wanted to share that this happened to me as well. I stopped taking my pills after a surgery I had because I knew I was gonna be out of it for a few days and sleep most of the time. On the fourth day, I needed to do some work stuff and couldn't focus, so I gave in and took 20 mg. Not only did it NOT help me get my attention straight or get motivated or anything, I felt like absolute sh** after an hour or so. I took the time to really take notice of how bad I felt and how it wasn't worth it. I haven't taken any since, and that was 5 weeks ago.

Try to use your experience as a reminder, any time you feel the temptation to take some. Remember how much it DIDN'T help anything, and how it actually made you feel worse. I think that my "slip-up" is actually the thing that has helped me the most with being able to refrain from taking any more. Congratulations on this progress!

Michelle

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thank u! I havent taken any today. Im drinking coffee and about to force mysef to get on the eliptical. I feel fatigued yes, but I feel a glimpse of "myself." The fatigue and laziness is 10x better than the shit feeling I felt.

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I didn't take the adderall on Friday & actually felt good & wasn't coma like & feelin like dying. (I've been taking 30mg daily for the past year, 60mg before that). But saturday it hit me in the face like a huge brick. I ended up taking it and guess what... i felt even MORE like shit. I literally sat on my chair staring at the wall having NO motivation to do anything.. I did that for 4 hours. I felt "STUCK" if that makes sense. Stuck in a horrible horrible chemical induced hell. Yesterday I took 15mg and felt the same shitty stuck nasty feeling. But once it wore off, I started feeling better! And not only that but I was able to feel my creativity come back... the one thing that is worth everything to me! This is what I wrote:

Dehydrated with a killer migraine.

Memories engrained I try to kick to the curb.

Paint my souls portrait into words...I used to do without an effort.

Till I met Esther the go getter.

Courtesy of my chemical endeavors.

Such a careless fool i was at the time.

But I'm ready to forgive her.

Paying off the debt I owe.

Reaping what I sow.

And I've never felt so low.

But I've never had such hope either.

I keep telling myself it's okay.

Even when I'm not okay.

I keep telling myself it's okay.

Knowing it will manifest one day.

Perception is reality.

Searched for a remedy in spirituality.

Transcend this fake illusion.

Hoping it will shift my current state. Can u relate?

Transmutate this self hate cuz I'm tired of one too many heartaches...

knowing now that I did it to myself.

Love will never come ur way if u dont love yourself.

And I hate cliche ass quotes, but I awoke to the truth and I finally understand.

The energy you give will smack you in the face with a backhand.

Put u in ur place where u belong.

Leave u stranded in the snow with nothin but a thong on.

But I keep it moving with style and grace...

I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I want funnel cake :P

- "Getting off the Addies" 12/17/2012

You will return to normal. It's almost a blessing, most people take their normalcy for granted..when you start to get it back after being on speed, you really appreciate the simple things.

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