ashley6 Posted December 31, 2012 Report Share Posted December 31, 2012 I just found out last night that yesterday was my 9 month adderall-free mark. I usually count the days until another month, but I actually lost track this month. Cassie, I think you mentioned you started to do this later in your recovery. I wish I could say things have been easy. They have not. Things get easier, but it's a damn slow process. Working on recovery from addiction has taught me many, many things, but patience is one that stands out. I've always been an instant gratification type person, and it's interesting how getting clean has overlapped into other aspects of my life. I'm consistently more patient. Do I want to feel healed and cured from this addiction without thinking of adderall ever? Hell to the yes, but that's not realistic, and I'm okay with that. I still think of adderall every day, but I don't expect that to go away soon. I can deal with the thoughts. Seeing so many people coming to this site newly clean makes me sad for them going through the hellish recovery, but is a great reminder of where I was and how I've grown. You all on this site have been truly amazing, and I feel like we have a family here, as weird as that sounds. This is my thank you. I'm trying to figure out what my next steps are in life, but I don't know right now. I'm heading in the right direction and that's what matters most. I think it's time to get out of my comfort zone and start doing things that I've avoided for so long. Scary? Yes, but I can do that, right?! 9 MONTHS :) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whoami Posted December 31, 2012 Report Share Posted December 31, 2012 Congratulations! Way to Go Ashley! you have a genuine and beautiful smile, let that light keep shining sista... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted December 31, 2012 Report Share Posted December 31, 2012 Nine months. That was the point in my recovery where I started to think more clearly all of the time. It was when I started to get sustained energy and motivation. Nine months was when those annoying adderall thoughts started abating. Nine months was about the time I started to make a plan for improving my life into the future. It was when the random mix of good days and lazy days gave way to lots more good days than bad, and it all happened in a a pretty short time frame- like in about 2-3 weeks. Nine months was when those adderall thoughts turned from inward to outward - let me explain. I was consumed by the thoughts of "last year,at this time, I was doing _______ with the help of adderall, and now I don't have that", as I looked over my cluttered, neglected surroundings Or, "I was never this fat when I took adderall". More often, those thoughts were about how much better my life was, in general, now that I don't take the shit or use tobacco anymore. Around my nine month mark, my best friend went into amphetamine psychosis and spent a week in the hospital. And I continued to post and read posts on this forum. So the thoughts of "poor me without adderall", or good for me without adderall" began to be replaced with "wow, I am closing in on a year and I have this addiction kicked", re-enforced by all the stories I read here of people in different stages of recovery, relapses, and their general struggles of addiction recovery we all read about in this forum. I saw my friend go through the painful stages of early recovery, and I realized there was not much I could do to help, other than listen and empathize. In other words, it became more of a study of addiction and how other people deal with it rather than reflecting on my own adderall experiences. Sorry for the rambling response, but for me nine months was huge. I got my shit together and made plans for the future. At about a year, I started doing the things I had planned, like exercising, doing yoga, and a better diet. I started getting shit done. I finally felt like my "old self" had returned for good. I wrote a post entitled "the R's of Recovery" last June on this forum that summed up how I felt at a year. Once in a while, I still have a bad day but the bad days could be a lot worse and more often, and I think that life, in general, dishes out a mix of bad days, better days, and great days. I would still like to find a girlfriend and have a few more friends in general, but I know better than to make those kind of things as goals or objectives because meeting new people involves luck and opportunity, and failure can induce depression. Anyway, congratulations Ashley on nine months and happy new year to you all. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lulu Posted December 31, 2012 Report Share Posted December 31, 2012 congratulations and very well said! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted December 31, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 31, 2012 Whoami, That genuine smile doesn't exist on adderall. Thank you Synergistic, Thanks! Quit-once, Thank you for sharing. I'm glad I'm not the only one that does the "I was doing this on adderall last year at this time." I associate a lot of negative with it, but there are times when it's "poor me, this is hard." I hope my timeline is similar to yours. I've read that timeline many times, so I know exactly what you're talking about. What a wake- up call that you experienced with your friend. I'm sure you were a huge asset to them during that time. You have so much wisdom that we're lucky enough to have you share with us. I can attribute much of this clean time to learning from you, Cassie, and InRecovery who have had more sobriety than me under your belt--the newbies help too! I can only hope my timeline is similar to yours. Everybody's recovery is different, so I'm going to try not to get discouraged if mine doesn't follow yours, but one can only hope! Happy New Year to all of you! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krax Posted January 2, 2013 Report Share Posted January 2, 2013 Congrads that is awesome, I look forward to reaching that point Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted January 2, 2013 Report Share Posted January 2, 2013 Congrats on 9 months Ashley. Of course my timeline as you well know wasn't anywhere near as fast as Quit once so don't be discouraged. I think it depends on how PAWS hits us in the aftermath among other considerations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted January 2, 2013 Report Share Posted January 2, 2013 Ashley, it's weird how much I consider you a friend. CONGRATULATIONS on your 9 months. All this time, when you post on this board it is done with a spirit of humility, a hunger for wisdom and an appreciation for others' inputs. All this time, while you've been growing and strengthening your resolve. You're a fine young woman, Ashely. And I can say that, because I'm a fine old(er) one Here's to your brain! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyle_Chaos Posted January 3, 2013 Report Share Posted January 3, 2013 I just found out last night that yesterday was my 9 month adderall-free mark. I usually count the days until another month, but I actually lost track this month. Cassie, I think you mentioned you started to do this later in your recovery. I wish I could say things have been easy. They have not. Things get easier, but it's a damn slow process. Working on recovery from addiction has taught me many, many things, but patience is one that stands out. I've always been an instant gratification type person, and it's interesting how getting clean has overlapped into other aspects of my life. I'm consistently more patient. Do I want to feel healed and cured from this addiction without thinking of adderall ever? Hell to the yes, but that's not realistic, and I'm okay with that. I still think of adderall every day, but I don't expect that to go away soon. I can deal with the thoughts. Seeing so many people coming to this site newly clean makes me sad for them going through the hellish recovery, but is a great reminder of where I was and how I've grown. You all on this site have been truly amazing, and I feel like we have a family here, as weird as that sounds. This is my thank you. I'm trying to figure out what my next steps are in life, but I don't know right now. I'm heading in the right direction and that's what matters most. I think it's time to get out of my comfort zone and start doing things that I've avoided for so long. Scary? Yes, but I can do that, right?! 9 MONTHS :) That's awesome, congrats. I'm starting my quitting time over again since my relapse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted January 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 3, 2013 Ashley, it's weird how much I consider you a friend. CONGRATULATIONS on your 9 months. All this time, when you post on this board it is done with a spirit of humility, a hunger for wisdom and an appreciation for others' inputs. All this time, while you've been growing and strengthening your resolve. You're a fine young woman, Ashely. And I can say that, because I'm a fine old(er) one Here's to your brain! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted January 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 3, 2013 This post made my night. I read it like 5 times. Thank you I agree, I feel like we're friends too....so glad you're here on the forums, and I've "met" you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted January 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 3, 2013 That's awesome, congrats. I'm starting my quitting time over again since my relapse Thank you! Don't get discouraged. It seems like you're doing what you need to stay off this shit now, and you came here completely honest about it. I think that's a good sign you want this whole recovery thing. We're addicts doing what we can to stay clean, and perfection and addiction don't belong in the same sentence. One day at a time, man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted January 4, 2013 Report Share Posted January 4, 2013 Congratulations Ashley! You quit once and stuck with it, that is very impressive. Don't worry about your timeline. We will all get there eventually. I am actually starting to see an acceleration of recovery related changes now, where the first ten months were really slow, growth-wise. Wouldn't it be great if we could peer into our brains and see what's happening over time, like a flip book? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2013 Cassie, Thanks! I'm glad you're doing so well, and one of the most important things I've learned on this website is everyone's journey is going to be different. I think sometimes I don't even realize my own progress. I'm excited to see what the future holds, but I know one thing...staying off of adderall one day at a time has to be top priority. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted January 4, 2013 Report Share Posted January 4, 2013 Great update Cassie. And Ashley, for your ever-consistent encouragement. I hope you haven't looked past this... no one can take away from you the fact that you've gone through 9 months adderall free... that's a proud moment I for one really look forward to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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