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Kyle_Chaos

*pats self on back*

21 posts in this topic

So, I got a gym membership this week. 4 miles on day 1 on the treadmill and 4.5 today. Yeah, I walked some, but it felt goooood! Only 391.5 miles to catch up with you, Kyle :)

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That's awesome, do you have Nike Plus? If so, I'll add you.

After about two weeks of running/doing anything it becomes habit and you feel strange NOT doing it.

That's how I feel about running now, I have to limit myself so I don't overdo it.

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No, I don't. What is it? Today I caught myself wanting to just go and go and go. I've realized I needed a replacement from my addiction. I caught myself think

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No, what is Nike Plus? I want it to become a habit, a healthy habit. It's awesome you have to hold yourself back from overdoing it, I think.

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Hay good subject. The falcons wings are broken depression is really bad and motivation is 0000 need to do something to help my self cant site around waiting to recover I am going crazy that’s all i do is think all day about what my past my fucket up life I have created for my self flash back’s. Jest thinking about my past life not healthy at all thinking and thinking and thinking. I Ben reading Choasas post about his running .Today was day 1 for me I walked I went to the forest preserve and walked like Tom hanks in the movie forest gump. I haven’t walked since I quit using adderall 110 days ago I’m so fucken tiered my brothers and sisters hiking helped me when I was withdrawing from xanax i am hoping it will help me with this fucked up depression and lack of motivation iv worked 12 hour days all my adult life look at me now washed out burnt out and fucked up. I hate fucken depression it makes me depressed to be depressed does this make sense to you because right now I am jest feeling sorry for my sorry ass. I am jest rambling on rambling on that’s a good song its by LED ZEPPLON .Any how day 1 for me getting my ass out of the house boat and walking it kicked my ass I only did 2 miles and felt like I was lost in the woods and trying to find my way out to find some civilization it was fucken hard to do but I made it step one fist day out. I will need to continue every day no mater what the whether is like I started it and I cant not stop its like our first week without adderall remember that first week of hell.. I made My commitment and I can not relapse. I got to my car still alive I lite up a cigaret that cigaret felt so fucken good its my addicting part of my brain talking any how as I always say to my self and to others tomorrow is another day I will Let you all know if im still living because today I felt like the end was here and there was no way out of that forest thanks for listing to my shit the falcon wings will heel.

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YOOOOO FALCON!!!

play this LOUD!

DUDE! good job getting out of the houseboat and doing something to try to make yourself feel better! you gotta move dem ol bones and get that sludge you call blood moving thru them ol cells...! FALCON! You can't just come around here and give good advise and not help yourself too, what would Falcon tell Falcon!?! He'd say, Brother man, get up offa that thang, and make yourself feel better! It is proven, exercise makes you feel better. It is an anti depressant. They recommend it and a good diet for ADHD, for depression, for ol guys like you.... DUDE! don't look back. The past is the past, all we can do is move forward... you're a good guy, you have a lot to offer folks around here, and I'm sure you do the same in your real life out there in the windy city you're in. Take it easy on yourself, it's ok to have bad days, to feel like shit, to hibernate and nest... but you gotta wake up from that and do something different before too long...! which you did today. So good job my brother. Play some loud music, and get that houseboat a'rockin!!

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I agree with sky. Live by your own words. You help all of us out here so much. Good job getting out there...keep it up!

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I haven't figured out how to delete posts from my phone...anyone? I can do it on the computer, but I can't figure out on my phone.

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Hay good subject. The falcons wings are broken depression is really bad and motivation is 0000 need to do something to help my self cant site around waiting to recover I am going crazy that’s all i do is think all day about what my past my fucket up life I have created for my self flash back’s. Jest thinking about my past life not healthy at all thinking and thinking and thinking. I Ben reading Choasas post about his running .Today was day 1 for me I walked I went to the forest preserve and walked like Tom hanks in the movie forest gump. I haven’t walked since I quit using adderall 110 days ago I’m so fucken tiered my brothers and sisters hiking helped me when I was withdrawing from xanax i am hoping it will help me with this fucked up depression and lack of motivation iv worked 12 hour days all my adult life look at me now washed out burnt out and fucked up. I hate fucken depression it makes me depressed to be depressed does this make sense to you because right now I am jest feeling sorry for my sorry ass. I am jest rambling on rambling on that’s a good song its by LED ZEPPLON .Any how day 1 for me getting my ass out of the house boat and walking it kicked my ass I only did 2 miles and felt like I was lost in the woods and trying to find my way out to find some civilization it was fucken hard to do but I made it step one fist day out. I will need to continue every day no mater what the whether is like I started it and I cant not stop its like our first week without adderall remember that first week of hell.. I made My commitment and I can not relapse. I got to my car still alive I lite up a cigaret that cigaret felt so fucken good its my addicting part of my brain talking any how as I always say to my self and to others tomorrow is another day I will Let you all know if im still living because today I felt like the end was here and there was no way out of that forest thanks for listing to my shit the falcon wings will heel.

Hey Falcon, our friend and supporter,

This made me cry. Now that's not what you wanted, is it?! The reason I was crying is because you can't seem to see something really really fundamental, that we see. You are spending so much of your time berrating yourself for the past, being your own torture chamber, but without looking in the mirror TODAY. Don't you see? There are at least 9 or 10 people here who visit this site all the time who have been directly impacted, for the better, by your words and actions. The Falcon that comes here is the one we know and love and I think it's pretty commonly accepted that you're a FUCKIN LEGEND, MATE (in my best Aussie accent)! You always cut to the heart of the issue. You see people's pain, lift them up when they need it and do some straight talking when they need the tough love too. We love you and respect you and admire you, Falcon.

Now, to address the sticking point which for you seems to be your reflections on the past. Would it be too much to say maybe you're going through your own version of Post Traumatic Stress? Sure, it might take a different form, but it sounds like reflecting on the past for you is creating your own private hell today. Self sabotage is such a tough thing to navigate when you are depressed, it takes all the strength in the world to look yourself in the mirror and go, "I'm going to be ok... I am ok... all I need is to be the best me for today".

If you feel up to it, there's a really great book I'd recommend to you, it's called, "The Power of Now". Sounds totally like mystical bullshit I know (and the tie-died LSD-inspired cover doesn't help.... who THINKS of these things>!) but the book actually does help with reflecting on how to think about bringing peace to where you are right now.

http://www.amazon.co...t/dp/1577314808

Also, 3 other quick things:

1) Your houseboat sounds awesome. When I think of you in it, listening to jazz and relaxing, I get this picture like you're the guy from the Dos Equis ad, you know, "the most interesting man in the world" ... all the stories you could tell!

2) Congrats for walking! The first steps is always the hardest.

3) Are you addicted to nicotine? I hope not... did you know there is a positive correlation between nicotine addicts and depression?

WE LOVE YOU FALCON. REALLY. hang in there - one day a time, like you always say to us.

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Nike plus is an app. for Iphone/Itouch that keeps up with your milage without GPS. (it isnt entirely accurate..but it is reasonably close)

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Kylechaos,

I have to give you props. It's amazing what working out can do in terms energy levels, dealing with stress, and motivation in general. I'm normally dragging by the end of the day, but after a solid run (some walking in there) I felt so energized and in such good spirits. I couldn't have done long runs in early recovery, but even short walks are great for the mind and body. Loving those endorphins.

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I really like this app. I ran 1.7 miles today using this app. I like how you can pause it when you slow down and and start it back up when you run. And it will just keep track of the distance that you have run. My goal is to try to use this everyday.

I like how on this forum there are lots of things people recommend that are really great. quitting adderall group activities? perhaps tonight ill watch Happy. And everyone who hasnt should read On Speed. And download this Nike Plus app.

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I haven't figured out how to delete posts from my phone...anyone? I can do it on the computer, but I can't figure out on my phone.

Oh just delete the stuff u wrote in the post and then replace it all with the word DELETE.

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