Searchingsoul9

Need Help. Adderall has taken over my life.

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I'm still a weirdo...and damn it good with that! !! With that being said...its late and I'm punchy from boredom,and I told our new friend you would all be getting with her and sharing all of your cool knowledge and experiences and you didn't disapoint....but falcon dude...you are the bomb, " that therapist is no good for you and you need to get the fuck away from her"...I was literally L'ing OL !!! That was awesome. And motivation you referenced American psycho!!! No you did not!!!! Shut up!!!! I Have seen Christian bale as the Huey Lewis listening crazy fuck kill squad about 20 times. Lol. Love you guys. <3

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Wow baby girl you got all of our attention man see you got a hole bunch of strangers you never met before felling your pain jest by being honest and telling us how you really feel inside .If you can do this whit strangers jest think what would happen if you open up to your mom and talk to her tell her exactly how you feel talk to her without the anger and the sarcasm you will be supper surprised how much she will understand about your thru feelings . Your mom is a human being like all of use are with her own share of emotions and feeling and the every day problems we all have with in our every day life’s do you think your mom does not chair about you and your addictions and your ED a mater of fact I am betting see spent nights crying her self to sleep worrying about her baby girl it hurts her tremendously that she can not help you the only one that can get you out of the shit your in is YOU and YOURSELFE no one else .The therapist you are seeing sounds like shes not the right one for you get the fuck away from her and find another Good therapist you most be totally comfortable whit your therapist and feel like she is honestly listing to you baby girl my heart is still with you and I feel your pain I really do .You need help please talk to mom and make some arrangements to get detoxed at a facility and to get the professional therapy you so desperately need .All do respect butt this web site is a great place but I am afraid it is not what you need right now it is moistly a self help web site with a lot of information about quitting adderall and some great people to support you in quitting adderall please talk to mom in the morning not tonight you are to angry right now to have a heart to heart conversation whit mom talk to her strait up tell her you need her help she will help you get the professional help you desperately need .Keep on posting if its helping you tonight you can see we are a very supportive croup.

Your friend FALCON

Much appreciated :) I know my mom means well. And she does have a hard life financially, she is a good woman and she cares. I just am still this selfish adderall junkie, but i have gotten through one night successfully and i feel pretty good right now. Even though i smoked some weed, i avoided the adderall for today and i know i am going to have a good sleep tonight.

As far as talking to my mom goes, we had a talk about this situation a couple of nights ago. I just hate asking for help. & my therapist is a waste of time. I'm going to try getting through another day tomorrow and take it from there.

Thank you so much for being so caring though. Without this site, i would have taken it today for sure

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I'm still a weirdo...and damn it good with that! !! With that being said...its late and I'm punchy from boredom,and I told our new friend you would all be getting with her and sharing all of your cool knowledge and experiences and you didn't disapoint....but falcon dude...you are the bomb, " that therapist is no good for you and you need to get the fuck away from her"...I was literally L'ing OL !!! That was awesome. And motivation you referenced American psycho!!! No you did not!!!! Shut up!!!! I Have seen Christian bale as the Huey Lewis listening crazy fuck kill squad about 20 times. Lol. Love you guys. <3

I'm still a weirdo...and damn it good with that! !! With that being said...its late and I'm punchy from boredom,and I told our new friend you would all be getting with her and sharing all of your cool knowledge and experiences and you didn't disapoint....but falcon dude...you are the bomb, " that therapist is no good for you and you need to get the fuck away from her"...I was literally L'ing OL !!! That was awesome. And motivation you referenced American psycho!!! No you did not!!!! Shut up!!!! I Have seen Christian bale as the Huey Lewis listening crazy fuck kill squad about 20 times. Lol. Love you guys. <3

haha Well, weirdos are a very good thing. Certain weirdos :P i am one naturally too

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lol, twas a good day on the QA forum........

nice to see everyone come together for a common cause, help each other out, and care about others' well being...

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Searchingsoul, I don't post a whole lot but I have Raynauds syndrome and my hands are always freezing and red or purple. If that circulation thing continues see a rheumatologist. It's nothing to joke about and although rare, there are things they can do to help you. I haven't quit taking addies completely but take a manageable dose to get out of bed b/c I have severe chronic fatigue. I have been through the taking a ton though, and it's a roller coaster for sure. Best of luck!

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Searchingsoul, I don't post a whole lot but I have Raynauds syndrome and my hands are always freezing and red or purple. If that circulation thing continues see a rheumatologist. It's nothing to joke about and although rare, there are things they can do to help you. I haven't quit taking addies completely but take a manageable dose to get out of bed b/c I have severe chronic fatigue. I have been through the taking a ton though, and it's a roller coaster for sure. Best of luck!

Good to know i am not the only one with the finger discoloration. It is so embarrassing! May i ask, what did the rheumatologist suggest you do? And did they say stopping adderall could help? I have been meaning to make a docs. appointment for a while now to check my health/circulation out. Just need to actually do it! Thanks again

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smoking is the worst thing for circulation. my hands were horrible- cold, dry, red/purple/orange in cold weather. I had old man hands according to friends... been 1 month since I stopped smoking, that went away. The problem with going to a specialist doctor and not doing any of the basic things that lead to a healthy body first is all they can do is treat the symptoms, not the root causes. When you stop smoking a million things get better.

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smoking is the worst thing for circulation. my hands were horrible- cold, dry, red/purple/orange in cold weather. I had old man hands according to friends... been 1 month since I stopped smoking, that went away. The problem with going to a specialist doctor and not doing any of the basic things that lead to a healthy body first is all they can do is treat the symptoms, not the root causes. When you stop smoking a million things get better.

Yeah, you are spot on. I have been smoking heavily for over 4 years. But i find that without the adderall i don't have AS MUCH of a desire to smoke. With it, i tend to chain smoke during the comedown because it is the only thing that keeps me "sane". Right now, i am just so used to my routines that involve smoking. Especially when i am driving. It is so natural. I want to quit smoking, i always have. I am a slave to ciggies.

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yup... adderall and cigarettes should just be packaged together. but nicotine constructs blood vessels and wreaks all kinds of havoc. someone posted a video on FB of little kids going up to people smoking and asking for a light ( with a cig in their mouth) and of course everyone turned them down, then the kids asked why they would smoke then (something like that, I'm not doing a good job of painting the picture) ah hell here's a link derp

anyhoo, saw that, had been wanting to quit, n was like "aaaand scene". 30 days, feel great.

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yup... adderall and cigarettes should just be packaged together. but nicotine constructs blood vessels and wreaks all kinds of havoc. someone posted a video on FB of little kids going up to people smoking and asking for a light ( with a cig in their mouth) and of course everyone turned them down, then the kids asked why they would smoke then (something like that, I'm not doing a good job of painting the picture) ah hell here's a link derp

anyhoo, saw that, had been wanting to quit, n was like "aaaand scene". 30 days, feel great.

WOW. That was intense. Very thought provoking.

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yes indeed.

just see if you can cut the adderall out, no need to tackle everything at once, but as momentum builds, throwing other things in there is easier... I quit weed a few days after adderall too. was a daily smoker for years, but it made me too introspective, quiet, boring, blasé, flat-line and I didn't like it in the end... thought it was holding me back...

just see if you can get thru without the adderall. remember that you're surrounded by folks who are doing the same things without it, so you can too, just gotta get thru those first days and then it gets easier....

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yes indeed.

just see if you can cut the adderall out, no need to tackle everything at once, but as momentum builds, throwing other things in there is easier... I quit weed a few days after adderall too. was a daily smoker for years, but it made me too introspective, quiet, boring, blasé, flat-line and I didn't like it in the end... thought it was holding me back...

just see if you can get thru without the adderall. remember that you're surrounded by folks who are doing the same things without it, so you can too, just gotta get thru those first days and then it gets easier....

I totally agree about weed. I used to be a giant stoney bologna. Like 3-4 blunts a day, alone. Total loser. No life, no job, no drive. But then i quit. Now if i smoke i can only have a few hits or else i get anxious, paranoid...etc. I think the adderall really fucked weed up for me for good. Which i suppose is a good thing in the end. I need to quit weed too. It always triggers my bulimia. My cycle goes like this. Weed triggers my bulimia, which triggers my adderall use, which triggers my alcohol use, which triggers my weed use....so on and so forth. And throw ciggies somewhere/everywhere into that mix. haha Very bad indeed. You give me hope though. You quit them all, and i hope one day i can too.

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have you considered therapy? there is a deeper issue here. my mom committed suicide when i was 14 and i moved around a lot on top of that (both before and after her death). this eventually lead to a sort of numbness about life-like i was just going through the motions mechanically not really caring where i was headed or where i'd end up...everything was static noise to me. then after abusing adderall for so long came the adderall numb...the other numbness is more or less absolute indifference about everything. adderall numbness is more of a platonic mental state where nothing phases you- you could hear the best news or the worst news and nothing. it's like your brain stops processing sensory- verbal visual auditory physical. blanketed, all of it. anyway, i was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder. your drug and eating problems are probably just a symptom of something deeper. good luck

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have you considered therapy? there is a deeper issue here. my mom committed suicide when i was 14 and i moved around a lot on top of that (both before and after her death). this eventually lead to a sort of numbness about life-like i was just going through the motions mechanically not really caring where i was headed or where i'd end up...everything was static noise to me. then after abusing adderall for so long came the adderall numb...the other numbness is more or less absolute indifference about everything. adderall numbness is more of a platonic mental state where nothing phases you- you could hear the best news or the worst news and nothing. it's like your brain stops processing sensory- verbal visual auditory physical. blanketed, all of it. anyway, i was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder. your drug and eating problems are probably just a symptom of something deeper. good luck

Yeah, i have considered that maybe i have some underlying cause for my disordered behavior, but my life was not a hard one like yours seemed to be. My parents got divorced when i was 5. My dad came out that he was gay. My mom was/is a great and loving mother. She was a pretty bad alcoholic my whole childhood and i took care of her a lot forcing me to grow up a bit quicker than other kids. She went to rehab when she was engaged to this abusive man. I then lived with my dad for a few months. My brother is transgendered ...born a girl, but living as a man now. It all seems a bit fucked up, but whose life isn't? I have a loving mom and dad and brother. I feel i sort of chose this path for myself. I decided to turn to bulimia and then drugs. I've had some fucked up experiences, but my story is a walk in the park compared to others. I have tried a therapit, have one now. She literally just asks me the typical, "and how does that make you feel?" bullshit. I hate talking to her, but maybe i could/should search for a new one. There is no one who specializes in eating disorders where i live though. :/

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Hay there baby girl sorry for posting so late we had to deal with that ignorant post to mike. Any how day two for you .So you see our little community will support you unconditionally. Do you know adderall has a 48 half life witch means its in your system for 48 hours and than the real withdrawals come into play .How committed are you in quitting adderall are you committed to the point that you are ready to disposal or as we say flush off your stash because I am afraid if you have adderall around you will be tempted to use it when your feeling better. The next 10 day will not be as easy as you think it will be .You need to remember something adderall will always be calling you. You will need all the will power you have not to use anymore. I have known some people whom have relapse because they have some leftover stash I don’t want to see you relapsing that is my concern for you wright now.

Your Friend FALCON

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Hay there baby girl sorry for posting so late we had to deal with that ignorant post to mike. Any how day two for you .So you see our little community will support you unconditionally. Do you know adderall has a 48 half life witch means its in your system for 48 hours and than the real withdrawals come into play .How committed are you in quitting adderall are you committed to the point that you are ready to disposal or as we say flush off your stash because I am afraid if you have adderall around you will be tempted to use it when your feeling better. The next 10 day will not be as easy as you think it will be .You need to remember something adderall will always be calling you. You will need all the will power you have not to use anymore. I have known some people whom have relapse because they have some leftover stash I don’t want to see you relapsing that is my concern for you wright now.

Your Friend FALCON

Hey there! I am a research NUT. Literally. Before, after, and without addies. So, i am painfully aware of the 48 hr. half life. Before medco decided to give me a 3 month supply, i would always run out of my monthly skript at least a week or more before i was able to refill it. For me, day 3 was always the toughest. So i am preparing myself for tomorrow. After day 3, the rest was no walk in the park, but i did begin to feel more normal. I am pained to say, but i am not quite ready to throw my remaining stash out. I know that is trouble waiting to happen.

I just feel that it is my security blanket at this point. If shit gets bad in my life i just like to know i have it. Just "in case" i decide my life isn't worth being sober. Fucked up? I'd say so. But i feel if i threw it out now that i would go insane. I know it's weird, but i did the same thing with my eating disorder. I would buy junk food and hoard it. Not eating or looking at it. Just knowing it was there "incase" kind of put me at ease. Not to say i didn't cave and eat it all after a fat blunt sometimes. But there were times i went weeks/months just letting it sit.

I want nothing more than to be "happy" and drug free, which is my goal for today, but when i think too far ahead i get so overwhelmed and want to give up before i begin. And throwing out my pills, even the thought makes me sick.

Maybe i'm asking to relapse, but all i know is right here, right now i am trying my best with the help of you all. I plan to stick it out. To stop being a slave to these pills, but the best i can do right now is fight through it. Even with them sitting inside my drawer.

Too add to this, i also know no one may understand this when i say it, but if i become a fat bulimic slob off the adderall, i will go back in a heartbeat. I will need to. My life was kind of crap before the addies, it is crap with them too...but at least with them, i know i will be thin. Disordered thinking sounds even more fucked up when you write it down! haha oh boy

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Searchingsoul,

I'm so impressed with your honesty and candor. You seem to really want a better life for yourself, even if that's a foreign concept for you. Seriously, you are blatantly honest about how you're feeling and are putting your trust in people you met yesterday....I say "met," but you know what I mean. You've made it through day 2...congratulations! I was paralyzed by fear when I decided to try to quit adderall....one day at a time! Let's call it what it is. Fucking terrifying. Hang in there. It does get better.

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Searchingsoul,

I'm so impressed with your honesty and candor. You seem to really want a better life for yourself, even if that's a foreign concept for you. Seriously, you are blatantly honest about how you're feeling and are putting your trust in people you met yesterday....I say "met," but you know what I mean. You've made it through day 2...congratulations! I was paralyzed by fear when I decided to try to quit adderall....one day at a time! Let's call it what it is. Fucking terrifying. Hang in there. It does get better.

Searchingsoul,

I'm so impressed with your honesty and candor. You seem to really want a better life for yourself, even if that's a foreign concept for you. Seriously, you are blatantly honest about how you're feeling and are putting your trust in people you met yesterday....I say "met," but you know what I mean. You've made it through day 2...congratulations! I was paralyzed by fear when I decided to try to quit adderall....one day at a time! Let's call it what it is. Fucking terrifying. Hang in there. It does get better.

Thank you girl! I appreciate it :):D I suppose it is easier to be 100% truthful with complete strangers than it is to be with myself/friends...or is that just me? lol

I don't know, but what i do know is you guys are truly amazing. I have only ever been on one forum before this and it was an eating disorder forum. People were nice there, but it was more like a competition or some shit. I really enjoy being able to express myself/thoughts on here. I watched this community (doesn't that sound stalker-y? ha) before i decided i needed to join and post, but i am very glad i did. One day at a time. Fucking terrifying indeed!!!

xox

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lololol!!!!!!!!!! this forum does make me laugh and smile........

good job on day 2!

good job to everyone who posts and keeps coming back... Its funny how a thread gets started with one title and main post, and then quickly diverges and digresses and goes all over the place...

Don't worry about the stash of addies. I still have 600 pills, FALCON (gotta capitalize it) still has a drum of them on his nightstand, it's no big deal if it's no big deal... you decide that when the time comes... until then, keep struggling thru it... tomorrow may be hard, maybe not that bad, who knows, it's a lot of mental prep work, and allowing yourself to be illin and let it all pass. we were all there, we were all here with a day, 2, 3, 4.... struggling to varying degrees, illin, chillin, moping... but it passes and look at us all now, freakin poster children. keep it up!

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lololol!!!!!!!!!! this forum does make me laugh and smile........

good job on day 2!

good job to everyone who posts and keeps coming back... Its funny how a thread gets started with one title and main post, and then quickly diverges and digresses and goes all over the place...

Don't worry about the stash of addies. I still have 600 pills, FALCON (gotta capitalize it) still has a drum of them on his nightstand, it's no big deal if it's no big deal... you decide that when the time comes... until then, keep struggling thru it... tomorrow may be hard, maybe not that bad, who knows, it's a lot of mental prep work, and allowing yourself to be illin and let it all pass. we were all there, we were all here with a day, 2, 3, 4.... struggling to varying degrees, illin, chillin, moping... but it passes and look at us all now, freakin poster children. keep it up!

I'd like to think someday very soon i can be a poster child with you all! I just wish i wasn't using my bulimia as a coping mechanism. I did great all day. I know this isn't the right forum for eating disorders, but lets just say i spent the latter part of my night in the bathroom. Not feeling so great now. Feeling fat and disgusting. But still not willing to throw tomorrow away. Good night everybody. Best believe i'll be ranting and raving some more tomorrow! ^_^

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just go easy on yourself... there's only so many things you can tackle all at once. So allow yourself time to heal, it's a process, I think you'll see it's all part of this balanced breakfast... steps towards being healthy start to make room for other healthy behaviors and old unhealthy habits soon make no sense in the new you.... until then, allow yourself time, don't be too hard on yourself.

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What everyone says here is right. GO EASY ON YOURSELF, SearchingSoul.

Here's what I did, which I struggle with but does help: I've given myself 90 days to recover, and like Mike says and others have said here, that is my ONE and ONLY goal (oh, and getting a frickin job). The weight stuff, the vanity stuff, the having to look perfect all the time for everyone I have deliberately told myself to ignore. Do I like looking in the mirror? No fuckin way! Do I like not fitting in to my skinny jeans? No, it's gross. But I do happen to know that the more I berrate myself over my body issues, the worse my depression becomes, which will lead to sugar binges, more weight gain, and on and on we go. I've given myself a pass until 90 days off adderall, and then I will work on my next biggest addiction, sugar.

One day at a time... one addiction at a time... one forum at a time... ;)

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What everyone says here is right. GO EASY ON YOURSELF, SearchingSoul.

Here's what I did, which I struggle with but does help: I've given myself 90 days to recover, and like Mike says and others have said here, that is my ONE and ONLY goal (oh, and getting a frickin job). The weight stuff, the vanity stuff, the having to look perfect all the time for everyone I have deliberately told myself to ignore. Do I like looking in the mirror? No fuckin way! Do I like not fitting in to my skinny jeans? No, it's gross. But I do happen to know that the more I berrate myself over my body issues, the worse my depression becomes, which will lead to sugar binges, more weight gain, and on and on we go. I've given myself a pass until 90 days off adderall, and then I will work on my next biggest addiction, sugar.

One day at a time... one addiction at a time... one forum at a time... ;)

That is some great advice. I would say i should try the same thing, but i am so superficial with appearances and how i look. I mean i cried and pouted all day if i felt fat even when i was 20 lbs underweight! It's so fucked up. Now i am probably 10 lbs heavier and i feel horrifying. Exercising helps for a moment. I just am scared to go to work and have everyone thinking "ew, whats her excuse for looking so disgusting?"

I woke up today DIEING to use. First thing that popped into my head. I wont lie, i am still dancing around the idea. I almost didn't come onto here because i was so ashamed. I don't want you guys to think i am a failure. I just want to feel ok. I took a shower and feel a bit better, but eugh!

Last night sucked so bad. Everytime i try to quit, i end up eating more than i should and my mom always looks at me like i am a fat pig. She doesn't say that, but i can see the disgust in her eyes when i go to the kitchen, then she legit stares at me and the food. I say, "what?" and she goes "Nothing..." and turns away. It's like she hates when i am on adderall, but she hates ME when i am off of it. No one seems to like me off of it. They like the quite, skinny girl who minds her own business. Not the loud, pig who talks to much and interrupts everyone.

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