aj.adderall Posted June 3, 2011 Report Share Posted June 3, 2011 I would like to delete this thread You all are great! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Posted June 4, 2011 Report Share Posted June 4, 2011 Hey AJ, *hug* Don't give up hope just yet, for your Adderall problem or for that gaping hole in your heart. The lifestyle you've been born into (moving around all of the time) has effectively forced you to live as a hyper-introvert. That is, you're living as if you were someone that is so isolation-minded that they literally avoid all contact with others. But I don't think you're naturally that type of person. At least, not as much as your circumstances have force you to be. Adderall is the ultimate drug for this introverted lifestyle. You can literally live your whole life alone, and as long as you have enough pills and enough things to keep busy with, you'll be able to feel contented. For you, I can see where this made sense. You didn't have another choice. It was either find a way to be contented with not being able to grow roots, or go crazy. That's the rub of abusing mental health drugs that you kind of need. Often, it's not a choice between high or level; it's a choice between high or crazy. And that makes it very tempting to continue rationalizing. Forget your Adderall/Vyvanse problem for a minute. Focus on that hole you've always had in your heart. You will not be able to succeed in quitting Adderall think of something else to plug that hole with. This is not an easy task. Superficial things like exercise and having fun with others...those will only dull the pain a little, temporarily. You need something big. Something so hugely fulfilling that it fills up even that hole. As far as I've seen, there are only two things that are capable of being that fulfilling: A family or a calling. It's hard to systematically work to earn a family, so focus on the calling. You may need to reduce or quit Adderall to figure this out though. That's one of the greater side effects of quitting: Quitting brings pain and discomfort back into your life. And those are powerful forces for change. It can be hard to figure out what you really love to do when you're hopped up on a drug that makes you love doing anything. You can do short or long-term experiments to help you find what you want to do. Short term: Stay off Adderall for a week, and load yourself up with different kinds of task, ranging from work to hobbies. Try them all sober. Which one didn't make you miserable, even when in the midst of Adderall withdrawals? The long-term option, of course, is to try staying off Adderall for several months or years, and see where your heart gradually leads you. But whatever you choose, you need to start prioritizing figuring out what fills that hole. I promise you there is something. You are very wrong in thinking that it's permanent. A hole is not permanent, but a thirst may be. A hole is something negative; it will drive you to impulsively escape. A thirst can be quenched from a fountain of your own invention. Great things come from thirsts. You just have to figure out what you're craving. Love? Success? Freedom? Commitment? Depth? A home? Then go for it, at all costs. I know you may feel all alone, but you're not. You have lots of kindred spirits, and whether you know it or not, you are fighting alongside many others like you. Hang in there, and keep posting updates! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aj.adderall Posted June 10, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2011 You all are great! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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