Cody

New guy seeking help

54 posts in this topic

I’ve been off of adderall now for a good month and a half. I had been taking it for three years and usually when I got the meds filled, I’d be taking atleast 100mg a day and running out a couple of weeks before my next fill. I went cold turkey, but I am still really craving the stimulus. I don’t like who I am on adderall..but to replace it I have been drinking alchoholic beverages a lot more than usual lately because of the lack of anything being in my system. I have been trying to get my life back on track, attempting to make a steady workout routine (I used to be a swimmer and runner before adderall) but I cannot shake the desire for it. Does this go away in time? I don’t want to trade one addiction for another, I just need practical ways to fight the urges i have for the high again. It doesn’t help that i work basically as a telemarketer full time, I'm in my early twenties and am really wanting to get out of adderall land here, but it seems like if i don't have it in my system I go seeking out SOME sort of stimulus. I'm sure a lot of you have wisdom, please share. I knew quitting cold turkey would be tough but after a month and a half I was hoping the desire to seek this stuff out would get less intense. I don't currently have access to the drug, and am not seeing that psychologist anymore, I'm just afraid I could easily seek it out again from another doctor. Tips? Advice? Any step down meds I could use to counter the desire to drink? Thanks in advance, I've got way to much going for me to let this OR alcohol get in my way of living life right now, it's just a tougher fight than I anticipated :-/

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The best thing you can do in the beginning is distract yourself as much as possible. For me that meant watching A LOT of TV, reading, going on weekend trips, hiking and doing yoga. It's really just a waiting game, you just have to wait for the months to go by and wait for your body and brain to adjust. After 4 months or so I started to have a little more energy and was thinking more clearly.

Yes, the desire goes away with time.

I'm not a big drinker, so I can't answer those questions...

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First of all, congratulations on making it this far. You're going through what is probably the lowest part of your recovery, at least it was for me. Everything sucked - I was lonely, bored, hungry, sad, tired ALL THE TIME. I had awful cravings that honestly are still there sometimes.

I found the following things helpful, and still do, to be honest:

- Take the supplements suggested in this forum. Particularly L Tyrosene and HTP-5, which aid the restoration of serotonin and dopamine receptors

- Red Bull, 5 Hour Energy, Coffee. Some people think this is "cheating" but I think it's "helpful". I still can't really get going in the morning until I've had a Red Bull and a strong coffee.

- Antidepressant medication and talk therapy. Having someone to talk to about how down I was, a "voice of reason" if you like, has been really helpful and sometimes lifted me right out of a really dark place

- Not being too hard on myself. This is always the hardest, as we adderallics can pick ourselves to pieces generally, especially when we've gone from "perceived superhero" (at least in our own mind) to "depressingly normal" in our behaviors and actions. Self acceptance is the key to recovery, or so I'm told.

Congrats to you again, you're right at the point you need to be and everyone here will tell you... it DOES get better!

Welcome and we hope you join us in our little community, and help others along the pathway too. being here has helped me relapse, and some days I've done nothing but read this site and post to this forum. STAY STRONG.

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Welcome to the forum, Cody. I have a couple of thoughts for you. First off, congrats for quitting and staying quit for six weeks now. That is a huge accomplishment all by itself. I believe you are complicating your recovery from adderall addiction by drinking alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant, and so is amphetamine withdrawl. They might even aggrevate each other so 1+1=3 when it comes to depression and lack of motivation and energy. Plus you might be on the edge of simply swapping one addiction for another. I suggest you cut out the alcohol entirely for now. As far as your cravings for chemical stimulation, anything and everything that is not a drug is better than even thinking about taking adderall. In fact you have to banish those thoughts before they take hold. Read all about how we use coffee, redbull, 5 hour energy, l-Tyrosine and other energy supplements in the supplement section of these forums. You have up to a year (maybe even longer) until things will get back to normal in your life and in your mind. If you really like taking pills for energy go to GNC and get some energy pill supplements to take whenever you crave an adderall fix. If it is not a drug is is not cheating. Alcohol is a drug and using to fill the adderall void won't make your recovery any easier.

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This stuff is incredibly helpful you guys, I really have been alone in this struggle as none of my friends or family have really struggled with addiction so even though they mean well, they don't quite know what i'm going through. I'm looking forward to being in this community.

Cassie- that is great advice, I need to throw a few more things in the schedule! :-)

MVA: Thank you very much for the encouragement, it is nice to hear that you were right at the point I am and got through it, I will take ALL of those suggestions and look into them.

Quit-once: You are hitting the nail on the head I believe. Thanks for shooting straight about the alcohol. I think I knew that already but didn't see any alternatives (do to poor lack of research) so I kept seeing it as the lesser evil if I didn't go back to adderall. I hate it, and I hate how unhealthy i KNOW it is for me. I will really research these supplements, thought i'm not sure where to get the L-Tyrosine or HTP-5 (forgive me for asking if it is posted in the supplement section, I haven't read it yet :)

Adderall really snuck into my life, and just to give you guys some background it cost me an engagement to the young lady I love. We are seeking to fix things though and then move forward so I am VERY serious about kicking this addiction and preemptively preparing for the road ahead. Thanks all of you!!

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I’ve been off of adderall now for a good month and a half. I had been taking it for three years and usually when I got the meds filled, I’d be taking atleast 100mg a day and running out a couple of weeks before my next fill. I went cold turkey, but I am still really craving the stimulus. I don’t like who I am on adderall..but to replace it I have been drinking alchoholic beverages a lot more than usual lately because of the lack of anything being in my system. I have been trying to get my life back on track, attempting to make a steady workout routine (I used to be a swimmer and runner before adderall) but I cannot shake the desire for it. Does this go away in time? I don’t want to trade one addiction for another, I just need practical ways to fight the urges i have for the high again. It doesn’t help that i work basically as a telemarketer full time, I'm in my early twenties and am really wanting to get out of adderall land here, but it seems like if i don't have it in my system I go seeking out SOME sort of stimulus. I'm sure a lot of you have wisdom, please share. I knew quitting cold turkey would be tough but after a month and a half I was hoping the desire to seek this stuff out would get less intense. I don't currently have access to the drug, and am not seeing that psychologist anymore, I'm just afraid I could easily seek it out again from another doctor. Tips? Advice? Any step down meds I could use to counter the desire to drink? Thanks in advance, I've got way to much going for me to let this OR alcohol get in my way of living life right now, it's just a tougher fight than I anticipated :-/

Even two years after quitting I still get urges, desire for it. One thing I have done in the past that works for me when I'm dealing with urges is I try as hard as I can to vividly remember the feeling it was like to be in withdrawal from adderall in between doses. That feeling of the adderall wearing off and wanting more. It was such a god awful feeling, and I am thinking about it as I type. My forehead would crinkle up in agony and I would feel so utterly uncomfortable and deprived of speed and so shitty from it wearing off. I try to remember that god awful feeling of trying to postpone my dose so wouldn't run out as early. That always helps me with urges, tremendously.

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Even two years after quitting I still get urges, desire for it. One thing I have done in the past that works for me when I'm dealing with urges is I try as hard as I can to vividly remember the feeling it was like to be in withdrawal from adderall in between doses. That feeling of the adderall wearing off and wanting more. It was such a god awful feeling, and I am thinking about it as I type. My forehead would crinkle up in agony and I would feel so utterly uncomfortable and deprived of speed and so shitty from it wearing off. I try to remember that god awful feeling of trying to postpone my dose so wouldn't run out as early. That always helps me with urges, tremendously.

It's been 7 days and nothing I've experienced so far has been as horrific as the constant mood swings when drug wears off and constant battle in my head about should I or shouldn't I pop another pill -- lost that battle bigtime. Then the internal dialogue becomes all about getting more, praying I don't OD, feeling like a failure etc...

So excellent job Cody being off the drug a month and a half! Have you started to exercise yet? I haven't but know that once I do it will be a huge improvement. I hate that the stronger part of me chooses to wallow in misery (right now). From reading this forum it seems like a lot of ups and downs in early recovery, or should I say lows and lowers... but a definite upward trajectory after a few months to a year and beyond. So I'm trying hard to keep my eye on the prize... which you think would be a no-brainier knowing how bad I've screwed up my life in the past few years. Unfortunately the addict is very much alive and well so I wholeheartedly agree with using withdrawal memories as motivation.

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Keep it up lea and Cody!

Withdrawal memories are like counter opposing force to urges. The positive and negative signs on a battery come to mind as an analogy. I was just running errands and thinking of withdrawal memories and I always feel better, it helps with PAWS too.

My advice to everyone. You may remember the euphoria from the drug, but don't ever, ever, forget that feeling of what it was like when the pills wore off and you would try your best to postpone the next dose. Keep that memory vivid and alive and relive it when u need to.

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My advice to everyone. You may remember the euphoria from the drug, but don't ever, ever, forget that feeling of what it was like when the pills wore off and you would try your best to postpone the next dose. Keep that memory vivid and alive and relive it when u need to.

So true. I'm having a PAWS kind of day today - just really hard to get up and move around at all. Days like these are the days I crave adderall the most (and also in high stress situations, which I am yet to figure out why). I crave a bit of something that will get me off my butt and doing stuff. But then I think of the nightmare it would be to go through this whole thing again and prolong the pain of recovery, and it usually puts me off the relapsing scent.

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Me too! feel like ass today. don't want addy, but feel like shite for no apparent reason. been in sweats all day.

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I had to go to a meeting in long island city today. Got in such a bad mood about it. Traffic sucked. Was nearly late. Meeting sucked, but I had to fake it. By the way, faking enthusiasm on withdrawal is an EXHAUSTING thing to do, by the way. Drove back home, collapsed on couch, and don't want to move for the rest of the night.

We all have our days, I guess. Sky, I should know this but how long have you been clean?

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yeah, just one of those days...

gonna be 3 months on the 21st.

on the rollercoaster of life, this is the corkscrews at the bottom of the apex...

haha, just ho hum today.

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Hey guys finally see some light felt descent today its a little better then felling like hard shit had a burst of energy butt I am shore its short lived. I will probably feel like shit again tomorrow at lest I know that I am making some progress Clean 113 days today Thank you all my friends FALCON Hang in ther cody it took me over 3 mounts to feel this day.

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Hey Cody, I know what you mean about alcohol. For me, I spent the past four years in one of three mindsets: high on Adderall, drinking/being drunk, and sleeping with Ambien. My peace of mind depended on knowing I'd be able to take my pill to get shit done, drink to come down, and take my pill to go to sleep.

Eleven days ago I quit Ambien and Adderall cold turkey. I drank myself through the first several days, hours, minutes, seconds of fog and fatigue and exhaustion and anger. Knowing that of the three drugs, I just needed to quit the As. With a healthy lifestyle, without Ambien and Adderall, I am a responsible drinker. But in those first moments, I needed familiar emotions. Fog was not familiar. Exhaustion was not familiar. Dumb was not familiar. Being tipsy or drunk was familiar.

If you know yourself, you know what might hurt you temporarily and what will absolutely break you.

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Hey Cody hope you are having a better day hang in there brother you need jest to put your time in there is no fast way to recovery .Hey guys I cant fucken believe it I have had 2 days in a row where I feel half way descent .I think its my hiking in the woods every day that’s giving me a little extra energy I better shut the fuck up now so I don’t jinks my self. Thank you all my member friends FALCON

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Guys thanks so much for the motivation and encouragement...the best thing in the world for me has been to see that i am not insane and that this effed up drug did to others what it did to me (although i hate it for you guys). I'm still clean but now i'm REALLY trying to kick the alcohol out completely. I know if I let it take adderall's place it will friggin tear me apart..to be honest i feel like adderall is LESS harmful (atleast physically). Man this really is the toughest part of the withdrawal for me. To be honest with you guys I took adderall for the euphoria MORE than i did to get things done. The hardest part in all this right now for me in what i believe is the lowest of the lows, finding joy in anything. I used to love an occassional play through of a video game for example, but now I don't even want to pick up a controller...isn't that effed up? This thing not only stole my motivation but my joy from life..I'm so ticked. Things i once enjoyed doing no longer do anything for me. Falcon, congrats on being clean this long i'm really glad you had a good couple of days.

*EDIT* Just wanted to add...do any of you guys feel like adderall made you a lazier person, and only focused you on the things you enjoyed? Like it really got me addicted to online gaming for example, when I should have been building a life, or looking for a job for example. I feel like I'll never be able to experience anything as enjoyable as popping a 30mg and playing some xbox. I know you won't ALL relate to me but this is where i'm at.

I am trying to start exercising, but like i said it's hard right now to do the things i once ENJOYED much less something that takes some good effort.

Thanks everyone

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do any of you guys feel like adderall made you a lazier person, and only focused you on the things you enjoyed?

Oh hell yeah ! I too became glued to the computer screen and online shopping was my gaming -- when the UPS boxes started rolling in (several a day) I would open them and seriously wonder what the hell was I thinking??? A total waste of time I will never get back, and subsequently wasting more time having to return things. The procrastination of reality didn't bother me because I was so obsessed with the high followed by doing damage control I had no brain cells left to think about anything else.

Thanks for reviving the memory of that shit-storm! As much as I've procrastinated over the past 8 days of detox I am determined not to let this experience be in vain...

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Falcon,

I'm so glad you've had 2 good days in row! You truly deserve it after the hard work you've put into your recovery. Way to be patient! It really is a virtue, especially in recovery. I think hiking has a lot to do with it. Getting your body moving can feel oh so good!

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*EDIT* Just wanted to add...do any of you guys feel like adderall made you a lazier person, and only focused you on the things you enjoyed? Like it really got me addicted to online gaming for example, when I should have been building a life, or looking for a job for example. I feel like I'll never be able to experience anything as enjoyable as popping a 30mg and playing some xbox. I know you won't ALL relate to me but this is where i'm at.

Yes, I have the same issue with music recording.

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I hate to break the bad news to both of you, but there will never be anything that replaces or simulates the feeling that a stimulant drug has given you, except another stimulant drug. Accepting this sad but simple truth will help you get through the rough spots of recovery.

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Could not agree more, however Cody's experience with video game playing mirrors my experience with recording - I don't expect to ever pull another all-nighter for purposes of creating the greatest beat ever, but at this point I don't even want to plug my drum machine in, whereas pre-ritalin I did want to do that in reasonable amounts and for reasonable periods of time. So ya my use of Ritalin has,at this point, actually reduced my ability to experience joy at doing something I like doing.

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We've all experienced that long-lingering anhedonia. All I wanted to do for the first 9 months was watch tv/movies because that was the only activity I had any interest in. Try to focus on the positive changes you see, like being a nicer person, having more empathy for others, etc. Don't force yourself to participate in hobbies that you're not feeling right now. What's the point of that? The anhedonia will lift in time. By a year I had genuine interest in things again (other than watching Breaking bad and Weeds marathons, lol).

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that's kind of where I'm at these days. trying to maintain a healthy positive attitude but still lethargic and lacking motivation and oomph. I eat healthy, exercise regularly, chant, read positive mind expanding literature, get out more, and I've quit all the bad habits I thought held me back (weed, cigs, bad diet, porn) and still after almost 3 months I don't sense a profound change nor upward momentum. I'll remain patient and keep trying to evolve daily, but I keep wondering when I'll be excited and motivated again.

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ya what is it about anhedonia and television? A couple weeks ago I watched the first 4 seasons of Sons of Anarchy on netflix over a weekend.

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