ashley6 Posted January 14, 2013 Report Share Posted January 14, 2013 Ok, so a huge reason I didn't finish my college degree is because I couldn't get myself to take public speaking. I thought then it was just my anxiety, which is definitely there, because I have social anxiety, but I'm learning now it was because I was tweaked out. We all know the paranoia we felt and having people focus solely on me....no thank you. Well, I'm on my way to public speaking now. Am I nervous? Hell yes. Would this ever happen if I was on adderall? Hell no. Steps in the right direction, even if it's freaking uncomfortable. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searchingsoul9 Posted January 14, 2013 Report Share Posted January 14, 2013 Congrats! The best way i deal with my anxiety is just thinking, "There are MUCH bigger things in life than this" "Who cares what anyone else thinks" and "If it sucks, it'll be over soon anyways" haha. Anxiety is debilitating for sure, but the adderall certainly made mine worse too xoxoox Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted January 14, 2013 Report Share Posted January 14, 2013 Ashley I would have never guessed you were shy in public. You are so free with your thoughts and ideas when posting on this forum...I thought you would be the life of the party. Use the practrice you have gained by posting here in your public speaking class. I mean try to put the entire class or whomever you will be speaking to behind this computer screen and just be yourself like you always are around here. Here, you are speaking to the entire world via the internet, and you are certainly not anonymous because you share your picture. So how can a little class of 30 or so people keep you from graduating? It will not. You Go Girl! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted January 14, 2013 Report Share Posted January 14, 2013 Ashley I'm sure you'll do amazing now that you are not on adderall... When I was in my senior year of college I took a public speaking course and my entire course was based on one 30 minute lecture we were suppose to give at the end of the course. I was so nervous building up to it, I just started popping adderall. That was my solution to preparing for this thing. I popped like 10 pills. When it came time for my speech I was So incredible strung out, my thoughts were so all over the place, I was peppy but my thinking was everywhere. Then as i started to do bad, i started freaking out about how i was doing bad. The adderall had me so strung out that I just bombed the whole thing. It was a mess. LOL. Adderall screwed that while thing up. And I had been doing well in that class up until that assignment. But unfortunately my whole grade was based on the final assignment. What I needed was no adderall in my system so I'd be nice and relaxed. But instead I was on hyperdrive, totally overstimulated and my anxiety levels were through the roof from speed. You will do well in your public speaking. Didn't you give a lecture on your experience with adderall in front of a bunch of students? That sound intimidating. I'm sure u will rock this course. Especially since you aren't on adderall. Don't forget to picture the audience naked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2013 Sky, It's funny you say that because a lot of people I know are surprised that I even have that fear. I think adderall really had my mind jacked up so much and a lot of the fear came from the anxiety that caused. I mean, I've registered and not gone to this public speaking class 101, like 5 times. InRecovery, Wow that sounds exactly what I would've done, only I just avoided the situation altogether. I can just imagine trying to do that on a shit load of adderall. You were probably swearing profusely too, since adderall tends to cause that. Ha. Our first speech is "what I believe." She wants us to do a presentation on something in our lives that has shaped who we are and how it affected our belief system: whether it be in God, another higher power. Can anyone guess what mine will be on?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2013 That first part was meant towards quit-once, not sky. I don't think you can edit posts on your phone. Just woke up from a nap...little groggy...ha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyle_Chaos Posted January 14, 2013 Report Share Posted January 14, 2013 Ok, so a huge reason I didn't finish my college degree is because I couldn't get myself to take public speaking. I thought then it was just my anxiety, which is definitely there, because I have social anxiety, but I'm learning now it was because I was tweaked out. We all know the paranoia we felt and having people focus solely on me....no thank you. Well, I'm on my way to public speaking now. Am I nervous? Hell yes. Would this ever happen if I was on adderall? Hell no. Steps in the right direction, even if it's freaking uncomfortable. Yes, and it's funny because BEING paranoid on adderall of what people may think of you..well, it shows in your behavior and it's obvious to others around you that something is wrong with you. On adderall the paranoia is justified. I used to think I had social anxiety..but really it was just the meds, and now I'm somewhat outspoken and not shy at all (could have to do with the wellbutrin too) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted January 14, 2013 Report Share Posted January 14, 2013 Ok, so a huge reason I didn't finish my college degree is because I couldn't get myself to take public speaking. I thought then it was just my anxiety, which is definitely there, because I have social anxiety, but I'm learning now it was because I was tweaked out. We all know the paranoia we felt and having people focus solely on me....no thank you. Well, I'm on my way to public speaking now. Am I nervous? Hell yes. Would this ever happen if I was on adderall? Hell no. Steps in the right direction, even if it's freaking uncomfortable. Ashley you wonderful woman, congratulations! I used to teach and coach communication and presentation skills at Universities so I know how much terror it can bring people. And I also relate to your paranoia: I started to feel that way myself towards the end of my adderall usage: I would sit in meetings and dread being called on for my opinion because I knew I'd either not be able to get my thought out in any succinct kind of way, or was so scared of what people would think of me. SOCIAL ANXIETY sucks on adderall. But you go, girl! And if you ever want someone to practice on, PM me I'd be honored to help! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krax Posted January 15, 2013 Report Share Posted January 15, 2013 It's interesting how we have all dosed in response to some uncomfortable feeling, even though it clearly magnifies the discomfort. I would often pop one to deal with feeling aggravated, of all things, which of course only made it worse. Now, when I get annoyed or frustrated or wherever I find myself surprised at how quickly the feeling passes by not doing anything 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted January 15, 2013 Report Share Posted January 15, 2013 I have two embarrassing 'public speaking on Adderall' stories for your amusement! First one: At the college where I work, we were doing a large new student orientation for the first time. There were about 150 students in attendance. The MC for the thing was going to motion for each staff member to introduce themselves, then later on we were going to go into a deeper presentation about our department, what services we offer, where to find us on campus, etc. I was so high on Adderall, that when it came to my turn to introduce myself, I thought it was time for the longer presentation, so I went on and on for like 10 minutes about library and tutoring services when I was supposed to just say my name and title. Everyone was like, WTF? Second one: I teach research methods to various classes in the form of 30-60 minute lectures. I do like, 50 of these things a year. So normally, I hook my laptop up, turn on the projector and do my lecture using the big pull-down screen, just like every lecture you've ever been to. Well, this one time, I was so strung out on Adderall that at the end of my 45 minute lecture I looked up at the big screen and I realized I had forgotten to TURN ON the projector! I did this entire presentation looking at my laptop and talking based on what was on that, and the corresponding projector screen was blank. What's worse is that NO ONE told me that the projector wasn't on, probably because I looked like a crackhead and was talking a mile a minute without interruption. Needless to say, I am a lot more engaged with the students now. Anyway Ashley, most people hate public speaking and get nervous and anxious. The only reason I'm fine with public speaking now is because I've had to do it a million times for my job - I was terrified in the beginning. But yeah, Adderall and public speaking don't mix as you can see! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2013 Cassie, Those stories had me rolling laughing!! Hahaha. Hahahaha. Glad we can laugh about this stuff now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyle_Chaos Posted January 15, 2013 Report Share Posted January 15, 2013 I have two embarrassing 'public speaking on Adderall' stories for your amusement! First one: At the college where I work, we were doing a large new student orientation for the first time. There were about 150 students in attendance. The MC for the thing was going to motion for each staff member to introduce themselves, then later on we were going to go into a deeper presentation about our department, what services we offer, where to find us on campus, etc. I was so high on Adderall, that when it came to my turn to introduce myself, I thought it was time for the longer presentation, so I went on and on for like 10 minutes about library and tutoring services when I was supposed to just say my name and title. Everyone was like, WTF? Second one: I teach research methods to various classes in the form of 30-60 minute lectures. I do like, 50 of these things a year. So normally, I hook my laptop up, turn on the projector and do my lecture using the big pull-down screen, just like every lecture you've ever been to. Well, this one time, I was so strung out on Adderall that at the end of my 45 minute lecture I looked up at the big screen and I realized I had forgotten to TURN ON the projector! I did this entire presentation looking at my laptop and talking based on what was on that, and the corresponding projector screen was blank. What's worse is that NO ONE told me that the projector wasn't on, probably because I looked like a crackhead and was talking a mile a minute without interruption. Needless to say, I am a lot more engaged with the students now. Anyway Ashley, most people hate public speaking and get nervous and anxious. The only reason I'm fine with public speaking now is because I've had to do it a million times for my job - I was terrified in the beginning. But yeah, Adderall and public speaking don't mix as you can see! That's hilarious! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyle_Chaos Posted January 15, 2013 Report Share Posted January 15, 2013 I've had one of my supervisors at my last base (I'm in the Air Force) ask me if I was "too high to hear them and follow instructions." They all knew I was on Adderall (I had no problem telling everyone.) Pretttyyy embarrassing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted January 15, 2013 Report Share Posted January 15, 2013 You know what else I noticed today? I was talking with someone and made a self-depricating joke. Then like so many other "oh right, yes, I remember that emotion/feeling/behavior" type things that happen during recovery, I realized that self-deprecation is an art form afforded only to non-adderall users. Why? because adderallics take themselves too. fucking. seriously. all. the. time.... Cassie, your stories are hilarious(ly embarassing)... I remember you telling the one about how you wanted to jump in to a class with a witty comment but you overengineered it so much that by the time you came out and said it, everyone else in the class must have thought you were a bit awkward! Holy crap! I just realized my memory us coming back, by the way! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyle_Chaos Posted January 15, 2013 Report Share Posted January 15, 2013 Congrats! The best way i deal with my anxiety is just thinking, "There are MUCH bigger things in life than this" "Who cares what anyone else thinks" and "If it sucks, it'll be over soon anyways" haha. Anxiety is debilitating for sure, but the adderall certainly made mine worse too xoxoox My anxiety and paranoia about what others thought was REALLY bad before I got on Wellbutrin, now I really could give a fuck what anyone thinks.. I'm kind of the other extreme now, oh well 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted January 15, 2013 Report Share Posted January 15, 2013 thanks for the entertainment tonight, Cassie. great stories you could only laugh at after you've quit and recovered. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted January 15, 2013 Report Share Posted January 15, 2013 You know what else I noticed today? I was talking with someone and made a self-depricating joke. Then like so many other "oh right, yes, I remember that emotion/feeling/behavior" type things that happen during recovery, I realized that self-deprecation is an art form afforded only to non-adderall users. Why? because adderallics take themselves too. fucking. seriously. all. the. time.... Totally. In fact, on the days I have PAWS, I take myself very seriously and get super anxious about my job, my future career, money, and stress myself out about these things. That's actually how I can tell it's going to be a PAWS day, that serious Adderall-like mentality, because normally I'm a pretty mellow person. When I have days like that I think of this quote by Bertrand Russell: "One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted January 15, 2013 Report Share Posted January 15, 2013 I have two embarrassing 'public speaking on Adderall' stories for your amusement! First one: At the college where I work, we were doing a large new student orientation for the first time. There were about 150 students in attendance. The MC for the thing was going to motion for each staff member to introduce themselves, then later on we were going to go into a deeper presentation about our department, what services we offer, where to find us on campus, etc. I was so high on Adderall, that when it came to my turn to introduce myself, I thought it was time for the longer presentation, so I went on and on for like 10 minutes about library and tutoring services when I was supposed to just say my name and title. Everyone was like, WTF? Second one: I teach research methods to various classes in the form of 30-60 minute lectures. I do like, 50 of these things a year. So normally, I hook my laptop up, turn on the projector and do my lecture using the big pull-down screen, just like every lecture you've ever been to. Well, this one time, I was so strung out on Adderall that at the end of my 45 minute lecture I looked up at the big screen and I realized I had forgotten to TURN ON the projector! I did this entire presentation looking at my laptop and talking based on what was on that, and the corresponding projector screen was blank. What's worse is that NO ONE told me that the projector wasn't on, probably because I looked like a crackhead and was talking a mile a minute without interruption. Needless to say, I am a lot more engaged with the students now. Anyway Ashley, most people hate public speaking and get nervous and anxious. The only reason I'm fine with public speaking now is because I've had to do it a million times for my job - I was terrified in the beginning. But yeah, Adderall and public speaking don't mix as you can see! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted January 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 19, 2013 I'm facing another fear that adderall held me back from for so long: flying. When I was younger I flew to Brazil and Norway a couple times without issue, but as speed came into my life I was too jacked up with anxiety to face anything that made me uncomfortable. People always say "your chances of dying in a car crash are more likely than a plane crash." The funny thing is, while I'd prefer to not be in a plane crash , my fear is being confined where I can't escape. I'm doing this, though! Plane ticket is booked to visit my family in Houston in a couple weeks. It's funny how the smallest things mean a lot to me in recovery, because they're in fact, not small to me at all. Finally feel like I'm starting to live life again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted January 19, 2013 Report Share Posted January 19, 2013 You will not be scared. I was terrified of flying. Went away after I quit. Typing on phone. So swamped. In mba boot camp right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeHereNow Posted January 19, 2013 Report Share Posted January 19, 2013 I relate to you all so much! Adderall messed with my public speaking and social anxiety to the point where I was paralyzed into silence with a storm--a white out blizzard-- of thoughts during my classes and seminars. Yes, they felt very smart and amazing as I wrote them down...but I was also all silent and awkward because it would paralyze my voice. I would overthink my thoughts, or downgrade them, or self-depricate in the deepest of ways. Which I do anyway, but adderall just put a wet blanket over me. And if I did speak, or in my teaching, I would speak too quickly and not be fully engaged with other people there. I'm naturally a socially anxious person anyways and adderall totally brings that out.... which of course includes the never-giving-ourselves-a-break aspect that many of us tend to have anyways. Day 22 off of it. Yesterday, while teaching, I was all calm cool and collected.... still energetic, I summoned that naturally, but also spoke slowly enough to engage my students better than I think I used to. Much more colorful personality. I think I'm realizing that being sociable, and capable of speaking and connecting with other people, is far more important to success in probably any workplace than the productivity edge or "brainy feeling" those pills can offer. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted January 19, 2013 Report Share Posted January 19, 2013 I found that my fear of flying was 100 percent created by adderall. Everytime we got turbulence my heart would pound like crazy and maybe id even begin to sweat. When I stopped taking adderall...poof..it vanished. The whole fear of flying thing. I swear that was adderall created. It was definitely weird!! I have a feeling you will not have that fear of flying anymore! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted January 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 19, 2013 Wow, that's interesting, InRecovery. Crazy how abusing that shit fucks with almost every aspect of life. I'm glad you were fine....calms my nerves a bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted January 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 19, 2013 Occasional, It's amazing that people like us (anxious by nature) would even like adderall. It caused so many things to be filled with paralyzing fear. That's wonderful you were able to do that being calm and collected. Day 22....yaaay! Keep up the hard work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted January 20, 2013 Report Share Posted January 20, 2013 Confidence and capability is what draws us to adderall; it's what adderall takes away from us; and it's what we eventually find deep within ourselves in greater measure than we ever knew possible once we're free from it. Here's to recovery. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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