lea Posted January 21, 2013 Report Share Posted January 21, 2013 Hey guys -- I need to put this out there because I am scared shitless to talk to psychiatrist about abusing ADD meds. Two weeks off ritalin will be a great milestone for me, and 2 weeks I never care to repeat ... I've done a ton of reading, writing and talking about this with my former AA sponsor and feel confident in my resolve to get on with a life without stimulants. Thanks to all of you I know it will eventually get easier, but the voice of the addict is rearing it's ugly head, even though the horrific memories of my last 3 day binge are still very fresh. I long to be healthy so my spirit can rise from the depths of destruction and lies I have perpetrated on myself and others. I want to live an authentic life so badly, which means coming clean with my doc. Any advise on how to do this ??? Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted January 21, 2013 Report Share Posted January 21, 2013 Just say it loud and proud girl. Let her know what these 2 weeks have been like for you...your struggle with the drug and your struggle currently to exsist without it. That telling her is part of your intense desire to regain control of the onething that you own outright girl....YOURSELF!!" you'll earn respect by telling it like it is...most know this certainly exsists in their line.of work and find it refreshing to hear honesty about acceptance about ones own addiction versus excuses and denial. Great your in touch with a former sponsor...the general gist of a 12 step plan to address past present and future life issues was an immense help to me. It simplified everything that I worked so hard to ummm...complicate. so deep breathe tomorrow girl...tell it like it is...then go home and be good to yourself ...you're working hard to find your own true happy!!!! Hugs!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted January 21, 2013 Report Share Posted January 21, 2013 Maybe you could say that 'I've grown a little too fond of my adderall pills and I think I have a problem and I think I need help. You are making the smartest decision of your life and as neversaynever mentioned, I'm sure he will appreciate your honesty with him. I'm sure you are not the first time he has encountered this. I'm sure this is like a routine problem for him, he's seen it before and it's really no big deal. Don't be afraid. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 When I told my psych, I just said to him that I didn't want to be on adderall any more and please not to prescribe it to me. Simple as that. He said, "that's a positive step", and then told me if I wanted just to step down my prescription that I could do that too. Fucking drug dealer, that's what I thought of him. Subsequently, I found that having denounced the pills to my doc and having him be the "weak one" in that scenario, made me loathe him and that made me stronger. It's a powerful feeling when you have the mental and emotional strength over the supposed "experts". You're the boss of you. Take control of you and tell your gremlins, doctors and whomever else that doesn't believe in you to take a flying fuck! Imagine yourself standing on the platform, raising the trophy to you, winning the battle with your addiction. Whoo hoo! Go lea! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krax Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 sorry to go off topic but I wanted to ask neversaynever how the Soundgarden show was? I saw Iron Maiden last summer, for the 4th time but only the 2nd time without Ritalin and enjoyed it a lot more without the stimulant - a lot more open to the music and all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sky Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 Do you have to come clean with your doc? I mean, all that stuff ends up in your medical records, and some stuff is better left out, especially in light of healthcare and insurance being a business, and as a business they want to constantly protect their bottom line, and some things in your medical record might preclude you from getting insurance or changing insurances, etc... I'm not entirely sure. I know that I never told them I smoked, ever, nor about my past history with other drugs. Of course that may not have been in my immediate best interest, but since it is a history that never goes away, I figure it was better for the long run... obviously I'm not working the best program there... but seems like entirely honest is not always in our best interests... like, when keeping it real goes entirely wrong. I dunno, you gotta protect you, I don't see though, besides allaying any guilt you may have, how telling your doctor that you started abusing the pills will help, aside from the fact that he would be more reluctant to prescribe them in the future. but hell they KNOW they're addictive, and everyone they give them to gets addicted, and as we use it for longer and longer we ask for a higher dose, so they know we're stepping up... I mean, that's just the way it goes. So to me, unless you want to burn that bridge of getting it in the future, which I can understand, I don't think you HAVE to tell him you were abusing them.... when I got a recent physical, my doctor asked me about the wellbutrin and adderall that I had been prescribed, I just told him I stopped taking them and was doing great, and better than when I was on them. That seemed sufficient to me, and I didn't want to open a whole can of worms with admissions on what I was really doing with them and how I was making suppositories and whatnot. kidding. my two cents. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 That seemed sufficient to me, and I didn't want to open a whole can of worms with admissions on what I was really doing with them and how I was making suppositories and whatnot. kidding. my two cents. Haha Sky...suppositories...were you taking Asserall? He he. I kind of agree with Sky though about protecting your medical privacy, so to speak, when it comes to insurance. Who knows what kind of information they use and/or sell to other companies. I calmly told my doc that I didn't need it anymore, that I didn't like the side effects and that I felt it was psychologically addictive. I didn't say I was abusing it or going through withdrawals or anything that would have made me look like a junkie. I don't think I would have had the guts for a 'confession' at that point in time, so that worked for me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FALCON Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 lea Hey sister do not be scared of the shrink his or her blood is as red as yours and min they put there paints on the same way as you and I. Do not be intimidated by the shrink. I personally think shrinks are ignorant money making quakes they do not have the answers to our mental issues they only experiment on use by trying out deferrent drugs and maybe they get lucky and hit on one that work’s on us. I am talking from experience I have bin going to a shrink for 20 years now when ever I go there I end up teching him something about the human mind your a number to them and like sky said your the bottom line for there business. I can not tell you to come clean or or not to come clean because I don’t now much about you and your history and what other medications you are taking . The only thing I can suggest to you if your not sour what to tell the shrink is be nutral I am anticipating the shrink will ask you how your doing on your Ritalin jest answer I do not need a scrip today I have cut back and I have some left over the end. Your Friend FALCON 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SomedayDreamer Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 Lea, hi-five on two weeks in! I admire that you're willing to be so straight forward with your doc. I rather wish I'd done the same when I contacted mine, except I just kinda tapped danced around it. She did stop the authorization, which would make it a much bigger hassle to ever resume it. I just felt like I should've made it more purgative and come clean about the addiction. Still could, I guess... So, yeah.... I admire you for that 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 sorry to go off topic but I wanted to ask neversaynever how the Soundgarden show was? I saw Iron Maiden last summer, for the 4th time but only the 2nd time without Ritalin and enjoyed it a lot more without the stimulant - a lot more open to the music and all. hahaha ....they tore it up for sure!!!! It was great....stimulant free!!!! Being free of the paranoia and crazy shit was even better when my friend left the parking garage ticket in the car....hello???? Try telling a cabbie in Boston to take you to ummmm,the parking garage by ummmm,????? Took us, well me..she was falling apart at the seems...bout 2 hours in the freezing cold at like 1:00 a.m ....those garages lock ya out at 2:30 too.....ya know what time I ran my cold tired ass down yet another parking garage ramp...this time to finally see the Toyota corrolla.......2:25!!!!!!!! MY FINEST HAIL MARY TO DATE!!!! if I had been spinning on shit,it may have not gone like it did! I am indeed grateful today!! Thanks krax...I saw iron maiden when they opened for Judas priest back in ohhhhhh,85. LOL 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krax Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 Oh ya being tweaked in those situations is the worst! Especially with crowds of people and unfamiliar territory. Glad you had a good time. I didn't see the infamous Priest/Maiden lineup I think a friend if mine at my youth group saw that though, I was thinking it was like 81 or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 Lea, how did it go with the shrink? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 It is a personal decision I suppose...as far as your medical records go....you have to sign access to them...and in these parts that's HIPAA (federal standards tho as far as I know)....and if your a doctor of any kind or anyone associated or linked to the business of medical anything... and you violate HIPAA...you'll have no bottom line to worry about anymore. They do not fuck around with that. I've heard of C.N.A'S in elderly homes just bullshit talking amongst themselves about a patient...words gotten out and they've stripped licenses because its that serious.....so if anyone fucks with you with that ....you'll be getting some $$$$. Its a massive deal. Just saying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea Posted January 22, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 First and foremost I have to say you guys are all da bomb and I so appreciate your feedback. I told my doctor and he was not shocked. I pay out of pocket so no insurance involvement. He asked if I would be willing to do random drug screens and I said yes. I hate myself for lying (to everyone) and it will take a long time to earn people's trust, which I can only do by actions. I know why they say 'how do you know if an addict is lying -- their lips are moving.' I guess I feel a little better for being honest. I just want to restore my dignity as a person. You all have given me a lot to think about. xoxo 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 Lea, Way to go, girl! That was the scariest step for me, so huge kudos for being honest. There's something liberating about telling your doctor not to prescribe you anymore to cut off that access, ironically. Very, very, very happy for you. What's this about random drug screens? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 It's interesting about the integrity thing; I think you touched on something really important here lea. Since quitting I have had an almost dogmatic approach to honesty and integrity. I think of the way I lied to myself and everyone else on adderall, and that behavior is so far away from my own character, that I vowed that even if it is painful for me or others, I would stay true to my word, and be honest in everything. It's hard, sometimes, and of course there are always shades of grey; but integrity is a blessing of recovery and when we talk about happiness, this is to me one thing that makes me really, really happy as a person... to have integrity. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea Posted January 22, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 What's this about random drug screens? Means he can give me a script to go to the lab for a pee test at random to make sure I'm being straight with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea Posted January 22, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 Lea, hi-five on two weeks in! holla SomedayDreamer -- 2 weeks for you too -- high five right back at ya! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted January 23, 2013 Report Share Posted January 23, 2013 That's great to hear Leah. Its scary this often unfamiliar territory of honesty about adderall and with who???? A doctor!!!!! Who woulda thought huh??? It does really feel good when it settles...I used to catch myself believing all the lies ..for a minute...then it'd be shot down by reality....no heather you're still fucked up and abusing drugs. It feels really good when you think...and its real. Nothing can shoot it down....it yours. You keep it...you deserve it girl. Super proud of you. XO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted January 23, 2013 Report Share Posted January 23, 2013 Lea, I've never heard of a doctor doing that. Is it just to hold you accountable? What are the consequences of random drug screens? I'm just curious, because I find that interesting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea Posted January 23, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 23, 2013 It's to hold me accountable and just between him and me -- no monitoring by my profession or anything like that. I think it's a good idea b/c I do need to be held accountable. I'm an addict and now he knows I lie like a rug... neversaynever thanks for the encouragement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krax Posted January 23, 2013 Report Share Posted January 23, 2013 So if a test result shows positive, what happens? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea Posted January 23, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 23, 2013 Total humiliation and we'd be talking rehab. I've been working with this Dr for several years and I do respect him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FALCON Posted January 24, 2013 Report Share Posted January 24, 2013 LEA Hi I am clad you got the doctors visit out of the way and you came to the conclusion to come foreword and be truthful with your Ritalin abuse I hope your mind is clear now and you have some piece .One thing is buttering me I have never hurried of a shrink doing random drug test on a patient for proscription medication with no history of drug abuse there has to be more to this story. I don’t think you where a heavy abuser maybe jest a irresponsible missuses sounds like a power trip on the shrinks behalf .The only time I have hurried of random drug testing is with illegal substances and usually by a rehab center or a court order tell me more about this shrink something is not right about this request from the shrink sorry you know how much I love shrinks FALCON Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea Posted January 24, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2013 Hey Falcon -- Thanks for your encouraging words. It's embarrassing to admit but I have been to rehab for vicodins. I freely admitted it at the time because I knew I needed help. With ritalin you are correct, it was definitely misuse which ultimately led to massive abuse. For a period of 2 years I took them pretty responsibly, as I'm sure we all did in the beginning. I totally get where your coming from about shrinks... no problem. For me the threat of testing positive for ritalin would likely send me back to rehab which would devastate me financially and careerwise. Sad but true... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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