Greg Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 I just randomly and suddenly had a huge panic attack in my room as i was unpacking some shirts, but it started before that. i get nervous i think when i leave my room because there are suddenly so many people around. I felt like throwing up and I broke into a sweat and breathing was short. I just kept saying to myself what the hell am I doing here? It lasted for a while and continuing to last. I've been totally isolated in my adderall recovery and now there are just so many people around. Maybe it was because I was running earlier. And i drank a lot of coffee. I started analyzing all these random things and just...and one thought led to another and woah... I haven't experienced anything like this since the days I was on adderall...I would get paranoid start to think of all these random things that would never occur to me if I was calm. I took Xanax which I think is helping to calm me down. Tomorrow I have a meeting with the professor I'm working for and my first class. I hope this is not a sign of what's to come. Any advice would be appreciated...I feel better for typing that out. Edit - I had a list of things I was supposed to do today but only did like three of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 You have come SO far, InRecovery. Remember that. No one can take that away from you. I'm so sorry you felt this way, panic attacks are horrible, especially because once they start you don't know if, like you said, it's a sense of things to come. I had a few years' worth of panic attacks in my late 20s. Like you, it was when I'd just gone through a whole bunch of changes (I'd just moved to London from Australia, had an entirely new life to begin, no friends, and also had to deal with the awful fucking cold and dreary weather that I just wasn't used to). I remember my doctor told me just to focus on breathing. I guess that kind of helped. Since then, whenever I feel them coming on, I try to "pick a mantra" that will work for me at that moment. Some useful ones have been: "Breathe in peace, breathe out release" "Just get through" "I think I can I know I can" (like Thomas the Tank Engine!) "You are safe. You are safe" I'm sure others have better advice. But for me, just repeating something that is mine, and only mine, that I had thought of in a calm state of confidence was reassuring to me that I wasn't going to die, and I was going to get through it. Remember that most panic attacks only last a little while.. And good on you for posting here... you are ALWAYS safe here.... Edit; you did 3 things, didn't you? Celebrate those! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sky Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 wow that sucks!! Its hard for me to give you any advise, but I just wanted to say hey, boy that sounds crappy...! maybe it was the coffee/ running plus the new environment times the shirts... bro that sounds awful! do you have certain tools you can use when you start to feel that come on? like, you know how we have tools we use when we start to feel urges come on? do you have those for panic attacks? Like when you feel them come on you change your course of thought, or concentrate on something else, etc... I don't know, is there something that you can do when you feel them come on? or do you just have to ride them out?? man oh man, I hope you're feeling better............. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SomedayDreamer Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 If you're not opposed to trying yet another supplement, look at L-Theanine. I suffered intense panic attacks in my twenties. They'd totally come out of nowhere, first one landed my in the ER it was so scary. L-Theanine helped alot whenever I'd start to feel the panic building, and seemed to work fast. I also noticed morning coffee didn't bother me, but any coffee in the afternoon did.. huh. Matcha green tea has lots of naturally occuring theanine, the less pricey brand is Good Earth Super Green Tea, can find it at most grocery stores for like $5 a box. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FALCON Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 InRecovery Hi brother you know I was also a xanax addict for 20 years there is nothing wrong with thanking a xanax if you yous them responsibly on occasions when you do have a panic attack it is a good medication for calming you down you have a new career now and it will be stressful in tell you get accustomed to your new job .Butt brother please do not get addicted to that shit its very easy to become addicted to xaanax if you need to calm down naturally breathing techniques they do work if don correctly. Your Friend FALCON 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted January 22, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 Thanks guys ... I think I am breathing normal again. I just hope this panic attack is not the beginning of something new.. Edit- Falcon you are right. I need to keep a watchful eye on Xanax. But this time it really came in handy. And I am beginning something new so that scary too MFA - yes, I have no friends here, except acquaintances and people i talk to for like 3 seconds in the elevator, and this is a new environment and am feeling like a total fish out of water. Thanks for your story of moving and not knowing anyone. That made me feel better. I got to know other grad students in boot camp and also they are organizing a social hour in Thursday but I will have to miss it because i have class scheduled. Sky - I'm sure the coffee and running had something to do with it. I think I might try to distract/unwind with an episode of walking dead or breaking bad. Some daydreamer - yeah I think I need to go lighter on the coffee. I had it before I ran, after I ran and some more later...and I think it had something to do with it. I will have to look into those supplements and teas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krax Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 Can you schedule a telephone appointment with your dr? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted January 22, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 I think a doctor would put me on kolopin or xanax. What do u all think? I'm not sure...the Xanax is really helping now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 I have heard that breathing in and out of a paper bag helps to reclaim your breath. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted January 22, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 I have heard that breathing in and out of a paper bag helps to reclaim your breath. Hmmmmm,,,,and I hear paperbags are also inexpensive which is a bonus. Really, I should give this a shot. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 Talk to the professor you'll be working with when you meet him tomorrow. You don't have to say, "oh I'm having panic attacks please help!!!", but I'm sure you're not the first to suffer anxiety with all this newness and pressure. Maybe there is a counselor at the school (psychologist as opposed to psychiatrist), and also don't forget the other students are probably feeling the same as you! When I'm feeling social anxiety in new surroundings, I just try to focus on meeting and connecting with one person only. That way it is meaningful and purposeful, and usually makes me much more relaxed. And look, it will only be a month or so before you will have had meaningful connections with your whole class! You're going to be fine, great even. You have overcome one of the greatest obstacles anyone could ever overcome. The rest is easy! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted January 22, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 Talk to the professor you'll be working with when you meet him tomorrow. You don't have to say, "oh I'm having panic attacks please help!!!", but I'm sure you're not the first to suffer anxiety with all this newness and pressure. Maybe there is a counselor at the school (psychologist as opposed to psychiatrist), and also don't forget the other students are probably feeling the same as you! When I'm feeling social anxiety in new surroundings, I just try to focus on meeting and connecting with one person only. That way it is meaningful and purposeful, and usually makes me much more relaxed. And look, it will only be a month or so before you will have had meaningful connections with your whole class! You're going to be fine, great even. You have overcome one of the greatest obstacles anyone could ever overcome. The rest is easy! That is such a great idea. Ok that is my plan. I will stop by the academic advising office tomorrow that deals with this and maybe gets some counseling or other services. I love it! Edit - and yes, that makes sense I just need some time to get to know people like during classes and stuff..maybe the anxiety will begin to go away? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 Good luck tomorrow! I also should be finding out tomorrow whether I got the job... Feeling such dread about it, I have reflected and don't think I got it. Ah well. On to the next application... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 Delete Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeHereNow Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 Sorry to hear you went through that! Panic attacks are the WORST. I have them regularly and take xanax daily to keep them under control. I first started having them in my early 20s. I went to a doctor thinking I had a heart condition. I found out I had an anxiety disorder. A cluster of them. People always like to ask, "what are you anxious about?" But the thing about panic and anxiety attacks (Heidegger writes) is that they are "about" nothing. And everything. All at once. They have triggers and occur within a context of your life that can contribute in major, major ways (like your new chapter for example) but they are not focused on any one particular thing. If they were focused on one thing, then they wouldn't be panic attacks--they would be fears. Anxiety is really brutal because it's so unfocused and it comes seemingly out of nowhere and you just feel like you're either dying or going crazy. It becomes cyclical too, because you can start panicking about panicking, or you panic about the feelings you're already having, which triggers even more panic. Sometimes in my experience these can spiral into rolling panic attacks that come and go for hours, but usually they only last like half an hour at most. Things that help me: As lots of people have said, focusing on something--one thing--helps. Counting--pick a random number and count down from there. Like MIA said, KNOW in your heart that you are NOT dying or going crazy and that you ARE going to be okay. It's hard to do in that moment, but xanax can help calm the physical symptoms and get you there. Taking a walk helps. Fresh air helps. Sunglasses help (I know that sounds weird, I have sensitive eyes...) Never tried the paper bag thing, but breathing deeply helps Recognizing the panic attack for what it is (not mistaking it for something else, like dying) and remind yourself that you're OK (or having someone to remind you.) Having people in your life who know that you have panic attacks is really important if this happens to you regularly, they are your support network and they can talk you through it if they're there. For me, being aware of my triggers is important. Not necessarily so that I can avoid these situations, but so that I can recognize them and recognize the anxiety they bring, and recognize when to take preventative xanax (that might sound bad to some people but I have really bad panic attacks otherwise, so, whatever works right now.) Some triggers include: Feeling trapped in any way shape or form (could include being in traffic, being in a classroom, having a major deadline to meet that I can't meet....) After going running Coffee, definitely. Also weed. Pressure to perform (like in a new situation) Social situations Anything involving affairs of the heart The future of the world (I think we live in very anxiety-generating historical moment) Uncertainty. I think coming off of adderall is a trigger in a lot of ways. And, umm... nothing! Nothing at all! I don't know, they come on out of the blue. I mean everyone's experience with these is different and sometimes the symptoms vary and can be really surprising. I hope this helps, I've been battling this for years now and it's just my experience. Most importantly, let's remember not to let anxiety interfere with living a full life. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krax Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 How long have you taken Xanax daily for? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeHereNow Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 Probably about 2 years, though I've taken some breaks of up to a couple weeks which were horrific..... Edit: But only here and there prior to that... and in the future I hope to return to that point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted January 22, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 Good luck tomorrow! I also should be finding out tomorrow whether I got the job... Feeling such dread about it, I have reflected and don't think I got it. Ah well. On to the next application... I'm crossing my fingers for you. But remember it is a crapshoot. I'm sure you are both amazing candidates and they can pick only one and they might as well just flip a coon. And if you don't get, there are so many factors that may have decided it that had no bearing on your performance in the interview. Maybe the other candidate has a strong connection inside the company. Maybe their resume experience is skewed more to the position than yours. maybe your interviewer was in a bad mood. You made it to then end, you were vetted, you got through two rounds and that is an awesome achievement in itself. You now know there is no reason you should not be able to get interviews that are similar and at similar companies and that you have a great shot at getting to the end for those.. And there a ton of banks on Wall Street really. But good luck!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted January 22, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 Occasional1 that is some great insight. Thank you. I was definitely feeling the whole panicking and then panicking about panicking thing. Tomorrow I'm going to go to the academic advising office and try to get a counselor. I only have 4 Xanax left and I don't think I want to get a refill...but tonight it really helped. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 please do not get a xanax refill please Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted January 22, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 Yeah...no. I won't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 please do not get a xanax refill please Just a thought, but could it be possible that the xanax has been aggrevating your anxiety rather than helping it? After all, you just found that bottle in your travel bag and started taking it only last week. The only reason I suggest this is because adderall actually caused me to develop ADD symptoms, especially when I took too much of it. BENZOS 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeHereNow Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 I mean xanax is dangerous, very addictive and VERY hard to come off of, worse than heroin.... if you are on the fence about it, it's not a good road, if you think you can go without it. If you do get a refill please be careful with it.... but if you have panic attacks regularly, at least for me I feel like it's better to have it on hand just in case, than to compromise your life by living with panic attacks. It's a really controversial drug and there are major trade-offs I have to live with, but for me it has improved the quality of my life. When I'm panicking like that, I can't focus and my ADD symptoms get worse. But I can't take too much of it either because that DOES worsen them. Just be careful with it.....VERY careful....my 2 cents. And good luck today! Also, MIA, if they don't choose you then that's their loss! On to the next one! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeHereNow Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 (Not that I have tried heroin.... but I've heard, from people who have come off of both drugs, that xanax is the hardest. Look up xanax withdrawal online before you go down that road-- it's serious and can cause seizures, heart attacks, etc....) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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