Smhjen

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About Smhjen

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  1. Yup, sept 22nd last year I took my last pill. I just realized yesterday it's been over a year. I can't believe I'm on 'the other side' now. For those who don't know, I tapered from 30mgs that I was taking for about 9 years. It was awful. I gained a lot of weight. Was tired, miserable, depressed, you name it. after 7/8 months off of it I decided to get the fk off my a$$ and stop feeling sorry for myself. I was starting to feel suicidal.. at that point I made the commitment to join bootcamp and start eating healthy. I looked into the mirror and didn't recognize the body that was attached to my head, almost 180lbs I was mortified. 3 months into bootcamp and I'm down to 155. I still have a ways to reach my 'normal' weight of about 130, but the weight is coming off and the inches are coming off faster. I'm building muscle and I don't feel exhausted anymore. I have honestly never felt happier or healthier. I hope anyone out there that's maybe at least around the six month quit time would maybe consider joining some type of a gym or crossfit. Get out there and push yourself. Honestly, the hardest part was walking through the doors the first day. I almost left the parking lot.. I'm glad I didn't. For anyone who doesn't have money for something like this, a lot of places offer free classes and Groupon ap has tons of classes for places for you to try. it's easy to sit here and feel like crap and feel sorry for yourself, I know bc I did it for a long time. Give yourself time to 'heal' and detox.. but after a few months, mine was 7/8 months, get up, go out, and MOVE. Don't think about it. Just do it. i PROMISE you, you will feel better. I honestly haven't thought of adderall for months.. I just don't care about it anymore.. there's hope out there guys, you just have to WANT it. Xo
  2. Where is everyone from?

    Why is everything so expensive in Canada
  3. Thanks guys. It definitely took a long time to get here. Honestly, the biggest motivator was seeing myself in the mirror or in a picture. I don't recognize the person I become. For once since quitting adderall, I actually feel somewhat in control again. For once in ten years, I'm starting to feel 'normal'. Also, I never use to drink coffee as I hated it (still do lol) but I drink two cups in the morning and it helps tremendously w my appetite and my energy levels. Quitting adderall was the hardest thing I ever had to do and literally the worst time in my life. it's just time to force myself to move on to the next step...I can't keep living in this awful misery.. I just can't.
  4. A month ago I saw an ad pop up on my FB timeline for a bootcamp near my house. It was only for woman, which is something I normally wouldn't of done. I signed up for a free class. I went and got there early, sat in my car and thought about it. I almost drove off. How am I gonna work out 40lbs fatter than what my normal weight is? thank god I didn't drive off and stayed. Granted, I probably could only do half of it it but not only did I stay but I signed up for two months. It's only three times a week and at first, let me tell you, I couldn't walk the first three days lol. But now my legs are finally use to the pain and I go and do cardio at my complex gym on my days off from bootcamp. since I quit addy in sept, I can tell you this- for the first time since then I'm starting to feel 'normal'. I still have my ups and downs and I'm tired but you guys-- getting off my ass and just making the first move has been amazing. I feel better physically and mentally. I've been eating healthy as well and although it's only been a few weeks I can feel my jeans already feeling looser. it motivates me to do more. and now, I actually look forward and enjoy bootcamp. it's so nice to be able to excercise without my damn heart beating out of my chest. This sounds so lame but I feel like I'm beating adderall every time I'm working out and getting my anger out. I feel accomplished kinda like I won the 'battle'. The hardest part in all of this? Was taking the first step and actually going to a class. No joke, anyways, I know no one is gonna run to a bootcamp after reading this or anything lol but I just wanted to share.. never thought I would be writing something like this, that's for sure. In my early stages of recovery I would always read posts on here w people saying it will get better, it gets easier. I would just roll my eyes and think yeah right no it's not. I would wish I could fast forward to be where they are. I think I just learned that things aren't going to happen on their own. You have to really fight for this. it sure as hell isnt going to be easy, but I hope to god it's worth it.
  5. Where is everyone from?

    Feel like almost everywhere is materialistic, especially living in CA. Makes me not like people even more lol
  6. Where is everyone from?

    Hey Lilly. we are probably close to one another. I just tried to message you but it won't let me write in the body of the message just the subject. Smh how old r u? Are you just out here in the area for sober living or is this where you're from? I just moved out here recently. And how the hell did you take 300mg without dying? Seriously?
  7. Just wondering where everyone lives Im in San Diego... wish I wasn't though
  8. I am afraid.

    I had goosebumps reading your post. Welcome to 'our' place. I have to tell you, being off adderall since last sept after being on in for almost 10 years, this website and the people here have really helped me and kept me going. People here have hope and remind me things will get better, so just remember that. i feel like I should be careful what I say because you obviously have a deep issue with depression and I've never experienced that (until just quitting adderall). Maybe it's me, but whynot talk to your dr about what you're feeling? Better yet, show him/her this post. MOST drs want to help and MOST have your best interest at heart. I am by no means a doctor but from just reading your post it seems that you need to find the right antidepressant and get off the adderall. Drs are so quick to throw this stuff at their patients. I almost wanna say this stuff ruined the last ten years of my life but that seems so dramatic.... That's good you wrote your mom a letter, I hope she can help you. you have a voice, use it. you have to want to help yourself. took me a long time to learn that, and not in the best way. good luck and welcome to the board xo
  9. Do you drink off Adderall?

    Being on adderall fueled my alcohol intake, sometimes to a seriously unhealthy level. I have a drink now and then but boy, not like I did on adderall. I probably shoulda been committed a time or two from the way I acted mixing those two. No joke. youre better off without the booze. Ugh
  10. I'm at a loss you guys. I literally feel lost and alone. No energy, no desire to do anything. I just don't care anymore. if I didn't have a family that loved me so much, I'd probably just off myself at this point. probably doesn't help I'm living in a state where I don't wanna live and with a husband I'm no longer in love with. i literally just want to runaway. I wanna goto sleep for like a year and then maybe when I wake up I'll feel better :*(
  11. Omg you sound JUST like me. I refuse to buy any fat clothes and 30lbs here too! im so beyond aggravated and frustrated and annoyed!! Ugh!!!!!! SMH
  12. Glad you are feeling better! Exercising and eating healthy makes a huge difference. I understand why people roll their eyes when you say it but until you try it... then you're like sh!t, they were right!! Haha happy to hear you're doing well!!
  13. I know it's hard. I took my last adderall sept 21st not that I'm counting or anything lol I did taper after I failed cold turkey once. Tapering was hard but for me it was better than cold turkey because I didn't have that annoying fog brain thing. youre still pretty early.. it takes time. I actually have a bottle of leftover pills that I can't seem to throw away but I can't make myself take one even on the days I so desperately want to. It sucks. the thing that really keeps me from taking one is thinking about how far I've come even if it's not huge. I think about going backwards and starting all over and all that pain and misery reliving it.. it would be like I suffered through all that for nothing. Why go backwards? Keep looking and moving forward. I know it's hard, believe me. Sometimes I have good days sometimes I have bad.. starting to wonder if I'm bipolar Lol I notice though when I actuallly force myself out of the house and get outside, I'm in a better mood and don't feel so lazy and down. How long were u on for? How much?
  14. Idk if it will post me let this page, but for god dang this speaks to me.