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BeverlyM

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Everything posted by BeverlyM

  1. In my experience, when Ive tried to go back to my reg dose, i wind up still searching for that high that i had before, and when i take it like I'm supposed to and don't find it, i take more whether i whole heartedly want to be normal again or not. Good luck buddy.
  2. That's so weird to me, to hear that from everyone. And I always have, so I guess I'm the weird one lol but I always QUIT smoking when I start taking them abusively. I don't even think ab a cigarette until I start to run out.
  3. Yes, our stories are very very similar. Maybe we can help each other through this mess.
  4. I meant ab a week** before I go to the doc every month.
  5. I know all those feelings well. Leaving the dr office with ur script, getting cold sweats just from the anxiety of knowing you're fixin to have it filled. And then getting to to the pharmacy just to hear that they have to order more, and feeling your heart drop. After feeling that so many times, you'll get to the point where every time your script is due for renewal, you get scared that they wont give it to you for some reason. That feeling starts ab a see before I go to the doc every month. So a week out of the month, I'm scared shitless, and paranoid that I won't get my meds. You may not feel it yet.. But it'll happen. Just sayin. And you're welcome. All I'm trying to do is save at least one more soul from winding up like mine.
  6. ANYBODY who is thinking ab putting their child on any kind of stimulant needs to quit "researching" if they're even doing that much, and start finding ppl that are experienced in the situation, so they can hear ab how you WILL ruin your childs life. Sorry I only answered one. I have a huge heart for children, and that one really "hit home"
  7. And whether you think you're abusing it ir not, if you're worried about it and you say you're addicted, you're abusing it. You talked ab how you would rationalize why to take it... That goes away, and not in a good way. It will get to the point where you know you don't even trust yourself anymore and you just do it BC you feel like there's no other option. End it while you still have a stable mind about it.
  8. Yes, I have many times taken that much of Adderall. And I was saying that I realize you haven't gotten thus far yet, so you need to quit NOW. that was my whole point. You WILL know what I'm talking about if you don't quit, and you don't want this experience. It only gets harder.
  9. I'm 25 years old and been taking Adderall since i was 8. I have not been successful in quitting, but if I had been smart enough to realize that I should after 7 or 8 months, it would have been a hell of a lit easier. It will only get worse. A LOT WORSE. trust me. If you want this to end... End it now. Procrastination is the addicted part of you speaking, and you have to avoid it. Or you will look back on this a couple years from now, taking 350mgs a day, with 3 dif doctors prescribing you meds until you get caught. You do NOT want to live in fear of when you will run out of amphetamines.
  10. I'm goin to my neurologist Thursday anyways. I'll ask them ab it for sure
  11. When I lay down, I'm fine. I lay down and close my eyes... And my head/upper half of my body does this super intense twitching thing every 30 seconds or so. If I try to sleep through it, it gets worse and my whole body starts twitchin. I looked it up online and it said something ab myoclonic jerks, which is when you dream and u feel like you're falling when u wake up. This isn't what I'm talkin ab. I kept lookin and there's also myoclonic seizures which sounds a lot like what's goin on. Is it gonna go away ever? I feel like its gotta be some kind of withdrawal BC it never happens unless I quit takin Adderall. I just wanna sleep and I can't BC I wake up in "shocks" it feels like. Its like my whole body is hiccuping or something except mostly in my head. I sound crazy probably, but damn, this shit gets old real fast. If anyone knows how to prevent it PLEASE let me know.
  12. I'm on day 2 or 3. And I mostly can't get over how much I just want to WANT to do something. Do I sound crazy or what?
  13. Bloodline ive actually started watching before and forgot ab so I'm glad you reminded me haven't heard of the other but ill check it out. I love once upon a time also, and Dexter. Thanks yall for the ideas and encouragement.
  14. I have so far, but my daughter went to her dads today. And some might say its easier to fall back into the habit when your kid is around, but I found a while back that is a selfish thought. It may be "easier" for me to take my pills but from her point of view, she's wondering why her mom gets irritated ab everything. So, my scare is that since she's gone for the week, I'm not gonna be able to find a reason to not take them. This is real hard.
  15. I don't drive BC I have seizures, so anywhere I went, she would have to take me and even if it was BC I needed it, she would make me feel bad ab her having to get out when she didn't need anything. And I don't have a babysitter. I'm moving into my own apartment in a couple months, back to where I grew up and I know people there so I think that will help a lot. I'm just stuck here, really. I have my daughter and she keeps me goin more than anything. Her imagination and innocence, and genuine love in everything really helps me realize there's a reason why I'm doing this.
  16. I'm havin the worst anxiety ever, and I guess its just ADD too, but I can't sit and watch a whole movie. I need ideas for tv series to binge watch that I can get really into and forget that I don't see the point in it. That nihilism crap is stickin with me pretty bad, but I've only been off Adderall for a few days now, so maybe it won't stay forever. I love weird crap, like warehouse 13, and Roswell. I watched Scandal recently and it was REALLY good even tho I don't usually like political themed anything. I love spy shows, like CIA stuff. Not FBI stuff, like the crime scene whatever thing is the same thing over and over. But CIA stuff, like the show Chuck. I love it. Anything like these things. Ima quit talkin BC my ADD brain is super intense right now. Ugh.
  17. And if u have any Netflix suggestions, I'm fixin to post a thread in the lounge for ideas. I need tv shows mostly BC its harder for me to pay attention to a whole movie at once. And I find myself getting up like, every 15 or 20 minutes for absolutely no reason other than I can't sit in one place anymore. I get up... Walk to the other room.. Sometimes ill grab a snack or something I don't really want, and come back in my room. Then I stare at the paused tv wondering why the hell I'm doing this, but there's nothing else to do so I turn the tv back on. Itd be ok if this was like, once a day. I literally di this over and over until I go to sleep.
  18. Yeah actually, ive been watchin revenge when I talk myself into thinking there's a purpose in television. Its hard to enjoy anything. And im not really a beer drinker. I looove wine. Pino grigio is my fav
  19. Nobody puts me down like my own mother. Sounds bad, and you may think I'm being sensitive BC I'm coming off Adderall, but I promise... This woman cares ab nothing except her self image. And its really hard to stay positive when the person that's supposed to be here for me most insults me, and treats me like I'm a step child she doesn't really care ab. How do I stay strong for this
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