kisskiss

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About kisskiss

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  1. Relapsed again...

    Hi there, Yesterday I relapsed. I had one more written script and immediatley filled it up yesterday morning. See, I am a personal trainer-- I know, how can a personal trainer be addicted to adderall? Well, it happens...and when I went to measure a new client yesterday who is very thin, I immediatley relaspsed. I started comparing myself to her, and wanting to be as skinny as she is. She's about my height, and a very desirable/unrealistic weight I wish to be. My biggest struggle in quitting, is gaining weight. I am suppose to be a good example for many, and when I feel fat and chose poor food choices-- I resort to adderall to fix those bad choices. I think, "well if I take an adderall, I wont eat as much and won't obsess over being skinny..." I feel so out of control. I was so upset yesterday for filling that prescription. Now I have spent $72 on a bottle of 60 pills that sit in my drawer. Today, I haven't taken any. I really do want to stop. I want to be clean, and have my full self back. I have told my boyfriend about my problem and he's been helping me through it. I feel like if I can get through 2 weeks, I can get through it. I stopped before for 3 months, and one day relapsed and went and got scripts again. I am going to tell my doc to stop prescribing them to me. I don't know what to do now. I want to dump the bottle down the drain, but I just spent $72...I know that's a terrible excuse, but part of me thinks..well maybe I can wean off. I was only taking 20mg a day, so I'm wondering if weaning myself off and never getting the script again would work? I want to quit cold turkey, and for today I am. I am going to be adderall free for 2 weeks-- I promise myself. It's almost like I need to get the pills out of the house & away from me. But I'm scared. Scared to gain weight-- not that I am "adderall skinny", because I still ate and like I said only took 20mg and sometimes only 10mg per day. So, I'm not really skinny, just fit cuz I work out and try to eat good for the most part. But I'm still scared. I need to use that fear are courage. I want myself back-- and I'm okay if that means gaining a few pounds-- as long as it's not some crazy weight gain. I just need to be good, have faith and stay strong. I need to know the first 2 weeks will be really rough, but I can get through this. Have faith for me, Kiss
  2. Just got back from a date..

    Amen! I totally relate!
  3. My Story - Inevitable?

    Make sure you are consuming a good diet & exercising. I take CALM (calcium & magnesium supplement) for the body aches. I also take Iron, Zinc and L-Tyrosene for mental awareness, energy, mood stabilization, and appetite suppressant. So far, so good. I also juice daily, lots of fruits and vegetables. I'm down to 10mg about 4x per week. I haven't totally detoxed yet, but I'm trying to wean myself off. This seems to have been more effective for me... Hope all goes well! I enjoyed reading your post and wish you the best!
  4. constipation?

    Yes! I have experienced this. That is why I started Juicing fruits and veggies and make sure my diet is adequate with good fiber. I am currently detoxing, about 5-10mg 4x week and it hasn't been too bad in reference to this. I've decided to wean off to prevent this..
  5. Juicing for Recovery?

    Fruits & Veggies are actually very "alkaline" in the body. Even lemons for instance, they are very acidic OUTSIDE of the body, but once consumed they become alkaline. It's very interesting. If you research alkaline vs. acidity of blood pH you can learn a lot about the benefits of juicing or consumed fruits and veggies entirely. At this point, I need anything to keep me clean, feeling good and not gaining weight. I'm scared to gain weight, as many post about gaining A LOT of weight. But I never took that many mg (I'm currently only taking 10mg about 4x a week). I already work out regularly, and try to eat healthy-- but im far from perfect. Anyway, thanks for all the feedback! It's great to have such a supportive group
  6. Wheatgrass!

    I juice fruits & veggies..same alkaline concept. I love the effects, especially coming off of adderall!
  7. Juicing for Recovery?

    Has anyone tried juicing for recovery? I have recently become an avid fruit and veggie juicer. I think this has helped me to recovery easier. I also take CALM a calcium & magneisum supplement to help the body aches & pains. Hope to hear from some! Thanks Xo, Kiss
  8. Controlled Adderall Use?

    I have recently stopped taking my medication-- well almost completley sober, but I weaned myself off and occasionally take 10mg max in a day. This has helped me a lot, so I'm not crashing or having a terrible come down. I feel like a small amount, on the right occassion isn't too bad. I definitley feel more "tweaked" out on adderall, even 10mg, but it's helped me come down a little better. Hope all goes well. I look forward to more post
  9. I really enjoyed your entry...congrats!! Keep posting your progress, as reading others helps me get through mine