anonvoice

I quit cold turkey and had massive mood swings and worsening psychosis after I quit - I wish I'd tapered off in retrospect as this may have been less of a shock to my system, but my girlfriend had just left me and I flushed the pills when she moved out, thinking she'd see that and come back, so at that point tapering off was no longer an option. I'm off the pills - so I'm grateful for that - but as far as the relationship, I've gotta chalk that one up to a casualty of my addiction (breaks my heart to think about, but things get better).

I've had the same experience. I used to LOVE jamming on the guitar, and when I was on Adderall (combined with a joint), playing the guitar became a singularly amazing experience. I've always loved music, but now, five months after I've quit, it's just not the same. The motivation I had to play is somehow gone. I don't know where it went but I am hoping it will return - music has always been a source of peace and solace for me and to find that solace taken away is saddening. But - have persistence - human biochemistry is a pretty resilient thing, and our brains are plastic - keep focusing on the positive things, try to forgive yourself for your past mistakes and be grateful and kind to yourself. I feel like recovering from Adderall is basically like reprogramming myself - I used to be able to take a pill and everything, even the hard or boring stuff, became easy and involving, but now I can't take a pill -and now everything seems hard or boring, but I still have to keep doing it, until it starts to become easy / interesting again. I just keep telling myself: This is where you are now. You can't go back to the way things were. You're going to have to work to get better - and this process is both completely necessary and potentially transformative. It's up to YOU - and right now that may seem hard - but persistence will carry you through! It really is about changing your thinking - especially with the way I feel like my mind has been damaged post-Adderall, a lot of things I thought used to come easy - making new friends, maintaining a positive outlook - are things I feel like I have to re-learn from scratch. It sucks, but - again - it's completely necessary. Just my 0.02. I hope you're able to find the heart in your music again - I'm on the same path, you're not alone!

Thanks for the encouragement everyone. I guess this is a pretty rare case - there's a lot of people who talk about hearing voices but they usually go away after a pretty short time. In my case, they're still around (although I have days where they do improve - and these days are getting more common although they're still pretty rare, but the fact that there's any improvement at all does give me hope). I'm still dealing with sleeping a whole lot and not feeling motivated to do much, but I get these weird bursts of motivation usually late at night where I end up actually getting some stuff done. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life... but I just keep telling myself that it's both necessary and potentially transformative that I go through this. I'll get through this and I'll be a better person for it - it's either that or curl up in a ball and die (which some days I'm tempted to do, but suicide will never truly be an option for me). Thanks for the words of support everybody. Here's to hoping I'm back to my normal self in a few more months and my twitching/pulsing and hearing voices goes away. Luckily I can distinguish between reality and the "hearing the voice" so I'm thankful for that.

I've had twitching in the middle of my forehead (in time with my thoughts) for five months now. I doubt your case will be as bad - but I've noticed that the twitching has been getting a little better with time, and I'm hoping it'll fade completely. Just know you're not the only one going through this! Best wishes

Hi all, New to the forum. Was prescribed Adderall for ADHD nearly two years ago, and I quit Adderall cold turkey 5 months ago today. Two months before I quit I started experiencing symptoms of psychosis on a 50 mg/day dose (I was also smoking copious amounts of marijuana and not getting enough sleep), but was in denial about the source of the psychosis until my live-in GF left (the day she moved out I quit - but unfortunately that was too late to salvage the relationship). I was hearing voices, having paranoid delusions, the works. The month after quitting was the worst - I was smoking tons of cigarettes and drinking energy drinks to try and stay functional, but ended up spiraling into an even worse psychosis, where the voices started getting even worse (louder) and I couldn't even think straight. A couple of months after that, although the worst of the symptoms faded, I was still having anxiety attacks along with not being able to think straight or focus properly, and I was still hearing voices as well. It got to the point where I ended up having to take a leave of absence from my graduate school program and now I'm a 28-year-old man back home not working living with my parents trying to recover from this. It's been two months since I moved back home (I'm hoping to return to my studies in September) and while I count myself fortunate to have the freedom / resources to live with my parents at my age until I recover, I have no idea when I'll get better. I still hear the voices at the edge of my hearing, thinking is really hard, and I have this weird pulsing/twitching in the middle of my forehead which pulses in time with the voices when I do hear them. I also sleep way too much, I'm constantly depressed and I have a hard time getting motivated to do much of anything other than work out, eat, and listlessly browse the Internet. I'm just wondering if anyone has ever experienced this long-term hearing of voices, difficulty thinking and complete lack of motivation - and if it ever fades. It's been five months and only slight improvements have occurred since December - I don't know if the voices are actually fading, or if I'm just getting used to them now. Often I find myself having a hard time finding the right word to describe a situation - I feel like my working vocabulary has been chopped in half. Things just don't feel right - and hearing voices is a constant reminder that my brain isn't working properly. I wonder if I've sustained permanent brain damage. Is this just who I am now? Is there no longer getting back to the pre-psychosis me - do I just have to accept that I'm going to hear voices and have a hard time thinking for the rest of my life? I'm just hoping that someone else has had a similar experience and then the voices ended up fading (God I hope they go away... I don't know how I'm going to live a normal life with them). I've seen a psychiatrist but they want to prescribe me Abilify or an antipsychotic and I am trying not to take any drugs period (I am taking some supplements but that's it) - I remember a time when I didn't hear voices and I certainly didn't need antipsychotics back then. Adderall has basically ruined my life. My career is probably shot (I was on track to get my PhD, but now I have to take 3 more classes if I can and leave with a master's, a huge gap on my resume, W's on my transcript and many doubts about whether I can cognitively perform at my job. I'm thinking about switching careers which will be tough at age 28 but I might have to if I can't find a job with my unorthodoxically-obtained MS). I don't know if I'll ever be able to get into a romantic relationship again, and I still obsess over my ex from time to time (even though I've burned that bridge with my pre and post-breakup behavior, I'm really not over her, especially since the voices will occasionally remind me that she's never coming back, which really sucks). I have no idea what I'm doing with my life and I have no idea when I'll get better. I just want to be normal again... everything that used to define who I was, my wit, my sense of humor, my intelligence, my sociability - seems like it's vanished. You know what's crazy? Sometimes I think that if I take the Adderall or another stimulant again, maybe I'll be able to think straight - but that's crazy talk, right? As if taking Adderall again would help me think straight when that's what caused my psychosis in the first place. I don't know. Anyway thanks for reading and hopefully someone's had some experience with this... frankly my biggest concern is... when will the voices go away???