dadof3finallyfree

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About dadof3finallyfree

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  1. Hey Yogi I went thru the same hard conflict and decision with my ex wife. She didnt show all the symptoms of abuse when I first found out she was addicted but man did everything come pouring out after we found out. She could be a sweetheart at times but usually when she got her way, when there was a little argument or dissagreement usually over her bad moves too it was hell in a basket. Repeated over and over and over. I know her abuse ramped way up in the last two years and everything that everyone goes through on here was text book for her like someone wrote her story out for her ahead of time especially this past year. Thank god I learned about it ahead of time on here. After all of my reading on here and I covered this site top to bottom the biggest light bulb that went off for me (this is just my opinion as a non using spouse) is that if they are still using their future is pretty much road mapped for them, make take some longer some shorter but its paved. Remember even if they quit you'll battle thru more lies and most likely relapses and just be in a circle for years most likely until they hopefully beat it and or you get crushed. The strong people on her that quit still mention years later they think about it, less and less but your looking at a lifelong uphill road here in my mind if you stay with him. Listen to the posts above and from my experience and reading your posts Id say move on, go be happy. Best of luck, sorry your in this mess!
  2. TODAY SHOW

    I watched it yesterday wish they highlighted the side effects more, was shocked and disappointed to her that guy say he would do what he had to, tough world these days but at least its getting talked about, thats the only cure in my mind. Thanks for posting it I will use this for talks with my oldest daughter in a year or so when we revisit that topic of why not to do drugs and make her watch it. Thanks for sharing!
  3. Hey Yogi sorry to hear about your heart ache but glad you made the decision. Im not much of a person to dwell on things and generally pick my butt up and am optimistic about moving on but bc my marriage ending with kids was over drugs I have to deal with it and her and her drugs for at least another decade. So I study and I read. Sounds like you could use a boost to move on so I want to recommend this book to you. Its what got me over my ex and her selfishness in a heartbeat. It opens your eyes quite a bit to what an addict can throw your life and mindset into. An incredibly friend of mine that is in recovery gave me this book. She said it literally saved her and it helped me like no other. I'm not the type of guy to journal or talk to therapists etc. Never would think I would read something like this but its great. Im a guy with a backbone that calls shit as I see it but I read this book everyday and it helps every single day. I cant recommend it enough. God knows we all are going to be dealing with drugs and the pill epidemic in this country for decades to come with someone in our family. Its just getting started. I'm raising 3 little girls in the the #1 opiate addicted town in the united states right now, think we just made the same number for heroin use now and it scares the living shit out of me. You just read one page at a time and start on whatever date you get it. It is about how to deal with significant others and their addictions and not letting their bullshit bother you or letting them pull you into it. Basically how to kick their bullshit to the curb and focus on your own needs and life to be happy. Not letting them manipulate you, not letting them trick you into their mindsets. Ive read it everyday for two years. You can apply it to family members, friends and I highly recommend it to anyone coping with drug use. Hoping you the best! https://www.amazon.com/Language-Letting-Meditations-Codependents-Meditation/dp/0894866370/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8
  4. Hey Yogi... One weird aspect to my marriage falling apart over adderall was that I didnt know she was on it for most my marriage and didnt know anything about adderall when we split. Now she did other pills which I found a few times but she gaslighted me everytime and played me for a fool and I believed her. Sounds like what your ex maybe doing to you. Only thru research and investigating did I get the full picture and learn about amphetamines. Once i found out what Adderall was and I read up on it (thank god for this site) everything I had been going through just made crystal clear absolute sense and the way out. All the bad arquements and selfishness. Everything that people go through seems almost text book with this drug and the side effects. I waited prob 6 months to really try to date and focused on my kids but more importantly I found my true self coming back, my old personality, happy, laughing and looking forward to the future again so dating turned into nothing but fun. Im not a dating expert lol but id say dont go looking for Mr perfect or to try and out do your current situation. just get out and laugh it happens on its own. You forget why you date in the first place and it should be for someone to sweep you off your feet and be there for you. Guys should be there to protect you and make you laugh not hurt you and make you cry. I guarantee that you will wake up one day and realize how dam lucky you are to get out ahead of this train wreck. And it is a train wreck!!! Its not fair for users to do this shit to someone even if its prescribed. May not be their fault entirely but it still isnt fair to you period. Best thing about breaking up is the other person is going to be someone elses problem. You get to move on and be free. I took the nice route every time and it didnt matter and still doesn't. My ex isnt ready to quit so I just flat out stopped trying and dont care anymore. I took me prob 4 months to learn that. Doesn't sound like yours is anywhere close either. After reading your story I'd say hit the road and go love someone else. Love is hard enough these days but throw in pills and its a no brainer in my book. Thats a long road for a non using significant other to shoulder. My advice to you is kill em with kindness, wish him luck and leave him with a positive outlook for his own future and just move on, dont look back, dont call and go be happy.
  5. Thats not something dumb to get out, its your life your talking about, your future and you deserve at least the basics of respect in a relationship, everyone does. Thats why Adderall is such a relationship killer in my mind. I always had the hope my ex would come around and snap too like a huge fn light bulb or nuclear mushroom cloud going off and she'd she what she had been doing but nope...My gut knew better but Hope isn't a bad thing, HOPE IS A GOOD THING! so dont lose it... Id def say set a healthy boundary or limit of bullshit for yourself. It gets old very fast even if you are in love at least it did for me...sounds like your there with his BS. What you describe happened non stop for me so much walking was easy but everyone's different though. Id try to put the same basics of respect and being in a relationship on the table for my ex as plainly as I could and she would agree sure enough she was doing it but it never stopped. For me seeing the lack of empathy and the narcisstic attitude was too much after a while. My ex always promised to show up on time, never did. She missed countless dinners, picnics with me and the kids, all school events, doctors visits, movies, was always late for her clients and late for everything and just didn't care. Didn't even care to explain why just said she was busy. But yet she says she cant stand to be away from them on my days with them now. When they are with her on her days all she does it put ipads in front of them and shes on her phone according to my girls. She cares about her clothes and makeup and cleaning. Selfishness derived from their focusing I'd guess. I posted on here wondering if addicts realize or remember even after quitting through the "FOG BRAIN" if they know how bad their actions and words were and a few cool people responded that they did and it hit them very hard. I wouldn't hold up too much hope while he is on it depending on the level of his in take and all but possibly when he quits. And he will have to quit at some point I sure hope for you both. Trust your gut and always have hope behind it to some degree its healthy for you and remember everyone's different... Id say your not the cause of this bullshit and ya gotta remember that. So do trust your gut especially if your the sober one and researching about this stuff
  6. Suspect wife uses more than she admits

    My ex and I were extremely close and very happy our whole marriage until the last year or two when her addiction hit hard. I always put things on the table and talked thru them but it was always one sided. My ex told me she didn't need the pills, didn't know why she took them, called them diet pills and said she would quit 100% at least 4 times. She never quit once, insurance print outs and dates proved all that. Lied to my face and my family non stop over and over and over until we subpoened all 22 doctors and 13 pharmacies she was going to and put it in front of a judge. Addicts will do what they need to do and you will come in second unless your very lucky. She got so bad and was so narcissistic and mean that I wasnt interested in therapy so cant help on that subject. Anything is worth trying though. She didn't offer to quit let alone admit she was an addict until a month before the divorce...it was too late then. Please remember when someone is addicted to anything and I don't know if your wife is or not as Im not a doctor or any kind of expert they will almost always choose the addiction over almost anyone regardless of how strong your relationship is. Its usually out of their control. Adderall is a relationship killer. PLEASE KEEP READING! Im sorry your having to go through this its heart wrenching because you want to do all the right steps for them but its up to them. From the hundreds of articles Ive read It sounds like it doesn't take but a few weeks or a month on this drug to get addicted. If she is addicted recovery is always going to be a part of her future and yours to some degree. You wont fix this with a conversation at the dinner table and some tears but thats where it needs to start once you have. Trust your gut and start looking long term and KEEP READING!!! not just on here, google everything about amphetamines and its history and the current epidemic it is causing. Congrats on getting married, seriously wish you both the best and hope your marriage and honeymoon go perfectly!
  7. Suspect wife uses more than she admits

    Hey Skaald ...Up until about 2 years ago I had little to no idea my wife was addicted to pills for years and I was with her for 14 years. We divorced over pills mainly adderall and its effects in march. She covered it up so well it was absolutely nuts...This drug is not anything to take lightly. In the last 5 years I caught her 3 times with pill bottles and she got way way way more sneakier after confronting her. I do not snoop at all but had to towards the end for my little kids and to deal with it and holy shit did I find out the truth. Jerry Springer aint got shit on my ex, Adderall changed her personality so much it was just lies, lies and lies and neglect and disrespect, everything you'll read on this site I went through with thru especially after confronting her. This drug can escalate and control her extremely fast. Your in the right place please do your homework on here. It got so much worse once I confronted her and even though I had all the facts on paper and from her friends she was so addicted nothing mattered to her. so heres my advice to you. READ!!!!!!! If your wife is addicted and kind of sounds like it to me but I'm no expert and my posts will show that. I came on this site for help and got it ten fold. All the answers about Adderall and relationships are on here. READ UP!!!! My advice is dont let her know ANYTHING!!! Play it like everything is cool and investigate. Dont start questioning her about it or she will be way more sneakier then you can ever imagine. If you just have a few ideas running through your head without concrete facts to confront her and hopefully HELP HER when its time it will be a wasted argument and both your futures stand a good chance of going down hill. With my personal experience Id say let her do her thing and keep getting facts, snoop around even if you feel bad about it, this shit has the complete potential to ruin your marriage and cause her damage. Just read the articles here. They are all the same story, thousands of them!!! After I brought it all out in the open for both families to see is when my ex went off the deep end and is still using to this day. Glad you found this site! Wish you the best theres great people on here.
  8. Had to Know, Now I know

    I love the honesty of this site! it is why it works even to help non addicts dealing with adderall and pills and their families. I went thru rehab when I was a young teenager for alcohol and pot and have been thru addiction a bit myself but nothing like what you all are going thru... I was just a stupid kid but I did the therapist bullshit and 12 step program for years and theres nothing that compares to this site anywhere. Your each others own honest therapist, not those fucked up ones with a degree causing more trouble then good. Its just awesome how everyone wants to help each other with total honesty! I get comfort reading not in peoples misery but truly understanding all angles off this crap drug. Thanks for your honesty Maisy and Frank! I said it before in other posts stepping thru a day in the life of someone on adderall so i can understand this shit for me and my little girls is so helpful its beyond words. I learn something every time I come here. Thanks for being on here and posting!
  9. For me being involved with someone addicted to Adderall with kids in the picture was and is a horrible horrible experience. Do your homework and research on here and the internet and please don't confront your BF or put him in a corner to quit or control his pills until you full understand how hard of a drug Adderall is. You will lose every argument most likely and make things worse for you both. Arguing with someone who cant put reality into the picture and someone who has very little if any empathy is just heart breaking especially with kids involved. It sounds like addiction to me but im no expert but your story above sounded like what I went and am still going through. I do know that loving someone on Adderall sucked to the lowest degree for me, not everyone is going to be the same but my honest opinion listen to frank and Bluemoon. Its a diff story though if the person wants to quit. If they do stand by them and learn about the side effects, if they dont want to quit back away. You deserve to be happy and there's plenty of cool people out there wanting the same.
  10. My HATE letter to your addiction

    Heres a couple of bad ass jams from the band rehab that I use to send my ex... pretty sure the first is about Adderall...listen to the first and pay attention to the lyrics around minute 3:32...Wasting my time with you!!! then listen to the second vid and laugh like your the one walking away from the explosion at the end! Not making light of your hurt at all by any means I know its there but once you know you can walk away with the promise of a better life everyday gets easier ten fold! And Traceme your not alone! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvTwBk82_Ws https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdEvL6jxUYA
  11. Just about over

    Hey Bones, Ive been divorced twice now my first was to my high school sweet heart which took 2 years to get over and the second was to my adderalic ex wife which was a 14 year relationship with 3 little girls who I did love deeply but she changed so much with the pills she will never return to that same person. Pills just seem to change people forever in most ways. That took 2 months to get over. I look at it like this, if it was just love fading away or an affair of some kind or other marital bullshit then yes allow yourself to be heart broken for however long it takes but pills...fuck that! You and your kids deserve better so my advice is don't look back. Just be truly happy your out and your future is wide open. No more suspicion for the next 50 years, no more lies. If she crosses your mind just imagine a life with a non addicted sweetheart and how awesome thats going to be. Someone you can trust and plan a future with. Its awesome! I'm an optimistic person but statistically the chances of it and her getting better are slim to none and if she did chancea of relapsing are there forever. I hate to say that and certainly dont mean to take hope away from the struggling people on here b/c it can obviously be done if you want it bad enough from what Ive read but Im a very pragmatic realistic person and i would never sugar coat living with an addict especially the mother of your kids. It sucks. But its not our fault. Its theirs and shes doing it to all of you, your kids and both sides of the family, your friends and not just you. And yes divorce sucks but it happens, divorce just happens. if it doesnt happen now because of her selfishness and disease think how hard it is for any marriage to survive these days. I like being married and the thought of it lasting but even the people that make it forever seem like their miserable...lol! I am sorry your going thru this but you probably did everything you could have. Shit your on here arent you? shes probably not...I wish you and your kids a happy future so go make it happen for them and you.
  12. He left me.

    Sorry to hear this Traceme... Its an uphill battle for both sides. I cant say much here but my relief at least came from knowing Im going to have a life without fearing suspicion and lies every day, month and year moving forward. Thats what you were in for make no mistake about it....For me the strength I got on here after reading the struggles these honest people go through I knew I was getting out ahead of the train wreck and that the worst probably was still to come. Even after I made the tough decision to leave my ex behind she got so much worse and ten times as conniving. Doesn't sound like your ex was close to quitting anyhow. This may not help but loving someone or being married forever is tough enough w\o drugs or selfishness. You have your whole life ahead now to do what YOU want to now...skies the limit! Hope you can count that bad day as day 1 just like these people do on here and be optimistic about everyday getting better because you know it will. If it can for an addict addicted to this horrible crap it sure as hell can for a non addicted loved one being pulled under by it as well. Within two months of being divorced and knee deep in this shit and thinking about it non stop all day and being on here I met the most wonderful woman and everyday is great now. One simple day can change everything around...It was worth taking time for myself and even being reclusive for a short while but my advice to you is make it on the shorter side. Be glad your out of it! Move on. Theres 7 billion people on this planet, go meet someone great! With your heart I know it will be for you as well! Try to enjoy the shit out of this summer and fall and everyday moving forward and screw that jackass...Hes taken enough from you already! Don't let him have a minute more because he probably doesn't give a shit as thats what this drug does but he will someday... And remember even if he seems to be having a great time being apart you and I and everyone on here know better, Its a living hell for him. Not saying that to be mean towards him or anyone sadly thrown into this drug and world but you are the one that is free! Hoping you all the best please say hi if you ever want to.
  13. Keep fighting or pull away??

    My ex wife was similar in alot of ways. Not sure how much you know about adderall or how long this has been going on but I wouldn't try too much until you read up on it. Saturate yourself with knowledge before confronting him or trying to communicate to much or it can back fire in the worst ways. Wish I had done my homework before I did with my ex. This site is awesome for it and the best place I have been on and I have read thousands of articles and blogs. Think I have read every post on this site over the last year. It can be sad but comforting at the same time. You will find what you need on here and its all honesty. Two years ago I had never really even heard of adderall very much but thanks to this site I feel like I do now. Communication breakdown between family and especially spouses is all to common. All I can really say is you are in the right spot to reach out for support. Hoping the best for you!
  14. Thanks Traceme for asking these questions and thanks Frank for the responses. Trace me not trying to hijack your thread at all but hoping to ask a question on here with Frank mentioning the below if ok? I hear so many people talk about having FOG brain when they run out before their refills and for up to sometimes 2 years after they successfully quit. Does adderall cause memory loss at all??? meaning do you recall most of the bad situations, lies, things said or regretted that well? My ex wife always had the best memory way back to her child hood telling detailed stories... just wondering if shell remember the crap shes doing to me and the kids while either using and if she does quit? And if so if its blurred or clear? Think I read quit-once mention it comes back in a flood with alot of regret they didnt feel while doing it? I ask b/c Im hoping those returned feelings can help keep them motivated to stay quit once they take that step...Thanks! "I always deep down knew but didn't really care now being off it forces me to reflect on the negative times on adderal."
  15. I tried adderall-so I could try to understand quitting.

    Frank you said even people in NA dont even know about this drug that much... so dam true...thats what I found so amazing that there's just not much out for most people to understand the impact it has on peoples lives and families... let alone little kids. IT KILLS ME! My friends kids are all getting put on this shit and I beg them to read these articles but know I'm probably too late. Whats worse is since divorcing my wife and meeting quite a bit of new people around town and telling our pathetic story everyone now seems to have taken this dam pill or knows about it or is on it. This or Vyanse... My town for pills sucks! Of all places I chose to live in (Wilmington NC) and raise my little girls guess which town just got ranked last week as the number one town in the entire country for prescription pill abuse especially Opiates. YUP home sweet home Wilmington! The place I have to raise my little girls in...WTF....GOD I wish there was a movement started to combat whats going on. Every week I read articles on pills and heroin in the star news, every single week.. but no one writes about what to do or does a dam thing about it. Just the word epidemic over and over... At least all you are trying! My prayers go out to you all!