hello all,
my adderall absuse began in college when my friend gave me a 30xr to cram for my calculus exam. I had never experienced such clarity and focus ever in my life. The test that I had been dreading for months, I aced it. And so I was hooked. I Faked the symptoms of adhd at a psychiatric training clinic and got a prescription for adderall 20mgxr. Over the course of the next 7 years I would spiral completely out of control as the dosage increased. Delusions of grandeur. Striving for perfection in my music, school, personal life. I've known a whole lot of people who use and abuse the drug, but nobody as feverishly as myself. 4 nights without sleep was a weekly occurrence. for 7 years I treated my brain and body like hell. It was like an experiment to see how far I could push the limits. Lsd, marijuana..,and always the adderall. I was trying so hard to elevate my life and to live life to the max, and to accomplish everything under the sun. I didn't realize that I was destroying myself in the process
21 months have gone by since I quit. I eat a vegan diet and excercise daily. This helps. My physical appearance is much healthier. Everyone tells me I look great. Some days I feel like myself again and it's amaZing. Some days I feel complete exuberance for life and I feel hopeful and excited. But of course, it's not easy. My emotional side which used to be vibrant and complex is very dull. I'm afraid to connect deeply with another girl right now. So I occupy my time with other things like sports and chess and work. I'll get there eventually. What worries me the most is my neck. I know it sounds strange. But the most damaging effect that the drug has had on me is from all those sleepless nights and tweaked out days, my neck and shoulders have completely tightened up and the muscles are hard. Hard to the point where I spend hours each day manipulating my head and neck to break up the hardened ligaments and cartilage to releive the pain. And to restore mobility. I have spent countless hours researching the causes and possible cures for this condition, but to no avail. If not for the neck and shoulder issue, I would be sleeping much much more and my recovery would be on a much better track. I would love any helpful advice on how to manage the neck and shoulder issue. it was definetely caused by the adderall abuse.