jason

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About jason

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  1. I'm sorry to hear about your situation (but it's good your here). From what you've said, it doesn't sound as though you were taking such a high dose...so your withdrawel may not be too bad. I think your mostly going through alot due to lack of sleep, nutrition, and current depression. Unfortunately (from my experience) you will probably go through some of the chemical withdrawel. If so, expect to be extremely tired along with a bout of depression. It seems you're already dealing with depression as a result of other (family/friends) issues. I really think you need to see someone to help with those underlying issues also. Even if you don't have insurance, call around...there are places that will get you some of the help you need. Please just try to "weather the storm". As the depression worsens over this period of time, try to exercise and eat well (refer to the quitting add. link). No matter what, just remember- it will get better. Suicide is not the solution! I know how you feel...I've felt some of the same things your feeling. Please keep us updated... -Jason
  2. Can't believe I did it....

    Erin, Thanks for your words of encouragement. Unfortunately this isn't my 1st attempt to quit; I've lost track, probably my 5th or 6th. Either way, it is one of the 1st times I've been able to keep from taking more and more after a relapse...so, I feel pretty good about that. The reason I took it, is because I have social anxiety and it has been rough at work trying to make small talk with co-workers. It really does "cure" the social anxiety. I also was tired of not feeling like doing any chore, task, etc...but, I'm sure I'll get through this eventually. I've decided to give transcendental meditation a try, and will start the training this weekend. It's been shown to help with drug addiction, anxiety, depression, among many other problems. Thanks for your support, Jason
  3. I was doing great (well, still tired and useless), but I hadn't had an addie in 70 days. I was just having a bad week and unbelievably (of course after searching)I found an old 30mg tab in my brother's car. I guess I'm not at the point where I can resist to throw it away. I took half yesterday and the other half today. I didn't get that "all great feeling", just a little something. Now...I'm just feeling like shit. I can't believe I ruined my long streak and relapsed with just one pill. So, am I in for another bout of withdrawal?...or, will I avoid all that; since it was just a small amount? I really hope so. I was just so sick of not being able to complete any little thing...but I know going back to the add. is not an option! Any words of wisdom?!? Thanks for all of you out there!
  4. Need support!

    Lilah, I am still going through (slight) withdrawal....but I can't ignore your plea for help. How on earth can you find any reason to go back to the most self-destructive drug that you have (probably) ever used?!? In your earlier posts you mentioned how you, "needed to start taking more and more to achieve the same effect. And then eventually, years later, I couldn't achieve it at any dose. I would take Adderall, only to pace around in circles for hours and never really get anything done, which would be followed by a catastrophic bout of depression that would occur as I laid awake restless at night. My sleeplessness got so bad that some nights I would find myself combining red wine, marijuana, and Xanax... and still would lay awake tossing and turning and essentially wanting to die. I contemplated suicide on more than one occasion. I had thoughts that did not feel like they belonged to me. I totally socially isolated myself. I started breaking out like a teenage boy going through puberty and my hair started falling out at an alarming rate. My resting heart rate, even when I was off the pills, was far higher than it should have been. I began obsessing over these things." All I can really say, Is any of this going to be worth it?!? The approval of your family and friends, the $?...won't it all be pretty much fake? Even if you don't care about their "real" approval, you will know it's not real. Deep down inside you will know what's really fueling all this "greatness"....not you, but adderall! All I can really say is, believe in yourself...do what you want to do in life! Fuck the approval of your family and friends! Think about your life in the longterm. JUST DON't GO BACK!!!!
  5. addicted?

    Liv, I think you know the answer to this question. It's hard to come to the conclusion that your an addict...but, it's easier to deal with the addiction once you admit to yourself that you are. Don't be embarassed about your history of substance abuse, I have the exact same history with both of those substances (alcohol/benzos.). For me, it was a matter of escaping the anxiety and depression I experience daily. It may not be the same for you, but no matter what; your'e in a "community" of other people who use and abuse...you won't be judged here. The euphoria is great...but it's not really worth it. Your brain and body can only handle being abused for so long before it's just a matter of time whereas, it can't take it anymore. Your feeling so shitty because you've pretty much depleted your health for too long. Believe me, I know exactly how you feel (well...felt). I was on the addies for more than 8(?) years. I felt wonderful for such a long time...but then it just became a matter of survival. I would have to take it to just get out of bed, then to just keep myself awake until the inevitable crash at the end of the day. No longer was there the great euphoria effect, rather, it was just "trying to survive another day" horrible feeling. It's been a while since you posted, and I apologize for not giving my input earlier than this. I was struggling with coming off the pills for over a month, but it's been 2 weeks since I popped my last little quarter of a 30mg tab, and life is getting easier everyday without it. I'm not gonna lie...it's hard to come off such a powerful little pill...but at your age, you've got every reason in the world to stop now:)
  6. Relapsed...

    Thanks...I just hope it (the plan) wards off most of the withdrawel symptoms...or atleast, gradually reduces them
  7. Relapsed...

    Yep. I'm actually a Resource teacher at a high school and I'm working on my Master's in Special Ed. I'd definitely be much happier watching tv right now!
  8. Chris here...

    I'm no Dr., but the hair loss is probably due to lack of nutrition while you we're on Add. Either way, I'm happy to hear your taking your life back. The Add. is great (at first) for people like us who have anxiety and depression, but it just ends up consuming too many of the good qualities of life, to make it worth it. Stick with it and just keep looking forward to your old (non adderall) self!
  9. Relapsed...

    You're funny...you sound like Obama. The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. - President Barack Obama ....but, YES WE CAN! Your support is one of the reasons I love this site
  10. Relapsed...

    Thanks Liz...I wish I could just be done with it. Mentally I would feel so much better about myself if I didn't have to depend on it for even 1 more day, but I don't think that's an option. I am going to faithfully stick to the schedule, and hopefully I will be able to stop sooner than I have planned to. Good luck to you to! WE can beat this terrible, evil, senseless drug!!!
  11. Relapsed...

    I was doing pretty good for almost a month...but I relapsed a couple weeks ago. I can't even remember why I started back on this shit. I'm sure it was so I could do some stupid task; which ended up being more and more stupid "tasks" I had to do :roll: (so I thought..in my addie mind). I thought I could try cold turkey but I became too depressed for the past couple of days, not to mention I work as a Resource teacher (so I can't avoid people for a week or 2). I have come up with a plan to wean off. I live near my mom, so I am going to put the pills in weekly containers and pick up the the next days dosage every night. I was taking between 20-30mg a day and sometimes less for the past couple of weeks...so, I figure I can at least handle coming off with the following schedule: Days 1-8 22.5mg Days 9-17 15mg Days 18-25 7.5mg Days 19-26 3.75mg I will also exercise (bike or running and weights) during these 4 weeks. Does this sound like a plausible plan??? Too fast or not fast enough? I really want to get of and stay off! ...but I can't deal with the extreme depression, anxiety, and all the other shit that goes along with withdrawel from the evil add.!
  12. Quitting Adderall movies?

    Salton Sea has got to be by far, one of Val Kilmer's best performances. I was thinking of Basketball Diaries for it's similiararity to the downward spiral add. can cause...not usually to the extent of heroin (hopefully). I used to rent movies constantly, or pick one to watch out of the nearly 300 I own. Of course, in my add. world, I would rather just focus on the mindless task I needed to complete...rather than relax with a good movie. I look forward to enjoying a good movie again. Regarding my other post under Social Anxiety and Adderall, I have come to a decision. I can't stand to be this "other person" anymore. I am going to come off them asap. It's not going to be as gradual as a step down approach, but it hopefully won't be too severe. I am basically going to go down from 3/4 of 30mg to 1/4 for 5 days. I will eat healthy and exercise to ward off some of the dreadful side effects. I want my true self back:) Thanks MIke, -Jason
  13. Good songs to listen to when quitting add. or as a reminder to never go back to it? One I can think of is Cold Turkey by Lennon...it's not about coming off add., but it still is a good reminder of the pain of withdrawal...and I'm not alone in the world of addiction.
  14. post is removed

    Liltexan79, I know exactly how you feel. I have social anxiety (which is one of the reasons I'm an addie addict). Adderall helps diminish the anxiety, depression, lack of confidence, and self-esteem issues...but it's a double edge sword. As we all know, the adderall puts us in are own boxed up world, we don't really socialize (normally), eat healthy, get enough sleep, etc. Sure, we feel more comfortable and confident when on the adderall, but it is really just increasing the social anxiety deep within. I would also..Oops, I mean, I take adderall or drink in order to be comfortable enough to socialize. It's great, it helps with all the (previously mentioned) symptoms. It helps, but so would shooting up some heroin. In order to really combat the social anxiety, I suggest you try different exercises. Positive imagery (a kind of meditation) has worked great in the past. I am going to a Cognitive Behavioral Specialist this evening. CBT is supposed to be one of the best known therapies for beating social anxiety. It basically helps you "rewire" your thought patterns...therefore, finding and treating the negative thoughts that accompany SA. I hope this helps you out. I have been addicted to add for 6 years (off and on). I know it has kept me from treating the SA, but I just keep falling back into the "add world of despair". I am quitting now and never turning back. It's just not worth it. It may help (with everything) for a while...but then your just living in the hell of addiction. Mike, I have been taking add for 2 weeks or so and I am down to 3/4 of a 30mg tab. I want to go cold turkey (starting tomorrow), but I am in a Master's program and need to complete a major paper this weekend. I also don't think I'll have the will power to get out of bed next week without the add. My sister will help me with the paper, but I am still worried I'll just fall into despair. Would going down to a half tomorrow, then a quarter every day (to get out of bed) until Friday work out better?...or should I just go cold turkey? My sister would hold onto the pills and "deal" 1 out every evening. Thanks for any of your expert advice, -Jason
  15. Quitting Adderall movies?

    What about Traffic and Walk The Line?? Even better..Basketball Diaries and the Salton Sea (Val KIlmer as a Meth addict).