carock84

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About carock84

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  1. Sleep Paralysis

    I'm glad someone responded to this. I think usually when I experience this is when I'm either hungover, sleep deprived, or really stressed and anxious. It happens from time to time but I usually can stop it when it stats. It can be a really weird "cool" feeling at times but other times you don't know if what is happening is real or not. But yeah I also think it is my brain getting back to normal sleep without being under the influence of a substance of anything too. There are many of websites or stories on the Internet that explain in detail better!
  2. Im back to DAY 1

    Thanks for the reply. Yeah I am fine at work and stuff but the loneliness at home and not being motivated is what is getting me. But I understand that this is process and my life will not be normal just like that let alone "normal" ever because life is what you make it. Take care
  3. Adderal cvs being judged

    It will be normal for pharmacy techs to do that. I remember getting soooo happy when I had my script in my hand and taking it to the pharmacy. My body would know it too and I would have to put up a front in front of the pharmacist to act like I wasnt craving my meds like a freaking Meth head! When I was in the process of quitting I would start feeling ashamed of getting that stuff filled. But I will say not all pharmacists are knowledgeable that they care and that goes for doctors as well. AND doctors and pharmacists can get addicted to the stuff just as much as ordinary people do. They know the good stuff and how to control it though, and like the previous posts stated this site is for quitting stumulants!
  4. Im back to DAY 1

    Day 12 over with....just dealing with depression and anger. Hope it goes away. Take care everyone
  5. Sleep Paralysis

    This is kinda off the wall stuff but I've always noticed when I quit that I experience sleep paralysis of some sort. I've experienced this before even when not quitting but it gets worse right after I quit. It can get pretty scary at times and could tell some crazy experiences about the times I've had it. Just wanted to know if anyone else experienced this in their life.
  6. Im back to DAY 1

    It wasn't the same doctor. When I was taking adderall I did switch doctors and got back on it at one time. I was thinking to myself how can they not check my old documents from my previous place and just go with my word. But eventually I switched to vyvanse. Day 5 now free and last night was a nightmare literally. I went to bed super early and woke up at 8pm. Ate something and went back to bed. Well I started having sleep paralysis last night. Ive had this many of times before so I'm kinda probed to it but it happened during a really bad thunder storm which made it 10 times scarier because I couldn't move and the thunder was horrible along with demon like dreams. I just prayed but I know its just my brain repairing its self. I also noticed that all my problems in my life start appearing slowly in my head. Its like vyvanse masked my problems and now they are reappearing. I feel alright physically but mentally I am really depressed and lathargic right now. I feel like I have no hope or future at the moment. I feel trapped and really dull and boring but I have no intentions on going back on any substance ever again at least not vyvanse. I want to heal myself once and for all this time and my soul is telling me to really quit. I do feel my personality coming back which is great but I'm at that stage where its hard for me to talk and get words out. I'm on my way though. I'm in bed now and its 7pm and I have to get up at 1am for work tomorrow for a 12 hour shift. I haven't worked a 12 hour shift in months and of course they schedule me one the first week after quitting 😕..oh well I got this....I'll check back soon and write where I'm at in about a week. Much love
  7. Im back to DAY 1

    I am not embarrassed or scared to go to my doctor and get off anything. I did that when I was hooked on Adderall. I was really HOOKED on that stuff and I told my doctor crying that I needed off it and he did. Vyvanse is nowhere near as bad affecting my life but yes It is already in my plan to go to my doctor to get off it. I am not scared to do that or am being weak. Ill check back in a few weeks when time has passed and let you know how I am doing.
  8. Im back to DAY 1

    To everyone out there I have been on this site for about a month now and I have quit taking my Vyvanse for two weeks at a time and have always talked myself into that Vyvanse works for me and is not as bad as Adderall. Well just because it is not as bad as Adderall was for me that is not a legit reason to take some kind of pill that Still eats your soul and doesn't make you feel like yourself. So as of Today July 31st 2015 I have flushed my pills and this is going to begin my sober journey from these pills once and for all. I have sooooo much knowledge on these drugs that I know I can do it and I feel for the past 5 years of Adderall and 2 on vyvanse I feel deep down this is the thing that is holding me back and masking the true self I have been searching for since I was 20 years old. I stated in my first post on here that I had to quit drinking alcohol for 7 months due to getting a second DUI. Yes quitting alcohol changed my life tremendously but during those times of being lonely and on house arrest you know what got me by? Vyvanse. Did it help me get by those times it sure as hell did but I will tell you this once I got off house arrest and was free to do what I want and still being on Vyvanse I still have those "lost soul" feelings and it is not getting me forward on trying to find myself. This is it!! Just get me to 60 days and I will be well on my way. Its going to be hard and I know this. If I have that depressing feeling of lonliness and lost in the world SO BE IT. If I come home from work depressed not being able to do anything SO BE IT. I got to get through those tough times and I know I can beat this. I will try and keep everyone updated but sometimes after I quit its hard for me to express how I feeling or have a desire to at that. Im so excited to get my life back this time. I don't care if I start feeling better after 2 weeks and think to myself this is a piece of cake and I think I should be on them and it wont hurt me. NO! this time I am refusing my script refill and If I get any inclination of thinking about going back on them I am coming on this site and with all you guys help to steer me away from getting back on them. MUCH LOVE EVERYONE
  9. Couldn't agree more psychgirl617. Even though Vyvanse for some (like myself) doesn't feel as addictive as Adderall it really is addictive and I know that, They really are all the same but with different side affects that trick you into believing that hey Maybe this one is better for me because it doesn't make me feel as bad but in reality it is still defeating the purpose and will do the same thing the Adderall did. One day at a time, One slip at a time, but eventually I will kick this I know deep down I will.
  10. Another Life

    Great posts guys...Yeah it is absolutely crazy that this drug should even be on the market in my mind. All of us on this site wouldn't be happier if they just straight up banned these stimulants all together. I know I wouldn't. It is crazy to fathom that at a young age children can be prescribed these. It really does blow my mind and with me I never started taking Adderall until I was 21 and made it all throughout high school. Maybe if I did take them I would have kicked the habit sooner but who knows. I just want them out of my life for good even though I have kicked my Adderall addiction for 3 or 4 years now I still take Vyvanse 20-40mg daily but I want to end this also. I want to be ME only and even though Vyvanse didn't affect me negatively has the Adderall did I know it eventually will and is already taking its toll on me. Thank the man upstairs that I conqured Adderall because I know now that I will eventually beat the Vyvanse. Being bored without a license is what is holding me back now and being a lone a lot. UGH but this site is helping me tremendously and I will continue to research all the time until I have fully kicked the drug. Take Care
  11. Running outside has cured a lot of things for me. Multivitamin, fish oil, vitamin D are good. Going to get on L-tyrosine too soon. I was more of a caffeine junkie while I was on stimulants because I enjoyed the lasting effect more but when I am not on it I feel too jittery. Weird right but that's how my mind and body works. But if I do want some caffeine I drink the white monster sugar free drinks or black coffee that isn't that strong.
  12. Spitual Faith

    JustinW, I am going to look into reading some scriptures of Nehemiah. Good luck a long your journey and thanks for responding. I try to check into this site often to keep me reminded of the terrible stuff that we all went through so that its always fresh in my mind. MUCH LOVE
  13. 5 Years of Betrayal to My Soul

    Virginia that was a very powerful read and everyone is different in our own way with addiction but we are all so a like. Keep your head up and like me time and patience a long with relapses bug me to pieces but what I read today doing some spiritual research I read that its the SIN inside us that make us do bad things but its the HOLY SPIRIT inside us that we have the power to realize we are doing wrong and need to change for the better and that is a very humbling theriputic feeling that we are always going to sin BUT we have a HIGHER GOD that we can turn to to get us through the troubles in our lives. MUCH LOVE and hang in there!
  14. Spitual Faith

    This is some powerful stuff I cam across and not everyone here is religious and may believe in different beliefs but I found this excerpt and research to very therapeutic to myself and I just wanted to share this with you guys So I have been doing a lot of research and trying to get my spiritual faith stronger and clearer in my EVERYDAY LIFE. As everyone here wants help with addiction and to be stronger and our own self again I think all of us have made tremendous progress already and that is we realize we are doing something wrong. Take a look at this excerpt from Romans. Romans 19 states: "For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do--This I keep doing". This is powerful in a simple quote. This is me in a nutshell. A train wreck, a sinner, a wretch but the good news is that we realize that the GOOD we want to do, we are NOT doing. We all understand that what we are doing with our addictions (any addictions for that being said) We understand that it is wrong. That's the famous first step ADMITTING we have a problem right. This is strong evidence that the HOLY SPIRIT in my eyes or the love we have in each one of us is coming out. A person without the Holy Spirit will not know this and will not recognize the evil things they are doing. So basically we are all awesome and everyone is here is making progress already. I am a Christian and have accepted Jesus into my heart and I know he has gotten me through soo many things but there will always be that word SIN in us. Verse 20 states: "Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is SIN living within me." Basically this means that it is SIN that is interfering with my bad choices and we need to cut our selves some slack. There is a lot more to this reading but It would take forever to type it all out because my Back is hurting and I need to get up and move around HAHA but If you ever get a chance and want some guidance the book of Romans 7: 15-24 is a really good read. Much LOVE
  15. Nouedis, Hey I just want to say thanks for taking the time to reply. What caught my eye in reading YOUR reply was "I believe you have it in you to deal with this on your own". Just by you saying that little line I felt a sense of peace. See right now am my life it is very lonely or maybe the vyvanse is making it even lonelier then it has to be but with no driving license and no significant other it is hard but in reality its because I make it hard and it doesn't have to be as bad as I make it out to be. But back to that line you stated that you reassured me that I CAN DO IT. See I am the type of person who needs reassurance in my life because I am lost and I think growing up with a divorced family I always want the loving aspect of someone and encouragement from someone to push me. Yes I have a loving family and friends BUT rarely do I get reassured that I am going to make it or I am a strong person and that effects me. I don't go out of my way asking to be reassured or fish for a compliment, I want it to come naturally from people. That's why I am so hard headed in life because basically I feel like I have overcame a lot of hardships on my own as well as suffered on my own a lot. Maybe I am making myself this way and it is me I don't know. I love doing soul searching within myself and I am really trying to find inner peace everyday. I just thought of something before I wrote this. Two things that really bother me in life right now that affects my mind and my relationships towards people. That's failure to be SOBER from Alcohol and Vyvanse. Not being sober bugs the shit out of me these days and in the past with previous relationships. Yeah My life is not where I want it to be and that sometimes makes me be down and ruins relationships but that's a part of life and life is not always going to work out. I am blessed with what I have in life as it is and it all comes down with being happy with yourself in everyway possible. But being sober to me is that I am living life by my own mind and that's what I really think would push me over the hump to finding happiness and not being so hard on myself. I want to be ME and experience MY EMOTIONS naturally without any substance. I guess every recovering addict goes through this guilt and I am pretty sure it is one of the 12 steps program. I know there NA and AA that would help but right now I cant get rides whenever I want and hopefully when I do get my license back in 5 months I can just go to a meeting and see how it is especially NA. I think I am going to really look into the 12 step program on my own and try and follow that for the time being. Ill get there but Please message me NOUEDIS because I don't know how to message people privately. THANKS AGAIN and take care.