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Heather67

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Everything posted by Heather67

  1. Been a week...still freakin in my own skin it feels like!!!! Blaaahhh!!! I hate this..its soooo.vacant and empty feeling!!! Sucks....again and still.
  2. And maybe its time to finally get around to picking up that Wellbutrin XR 100 mg script at the pharmacy ..it was called in about a month ago and was the last med on my mind at that time. LOL
  3. Yup..indeed I did Ashley. Got a new number and it does suck my car strait died ..but that aids in ending the chase also. I CANT walk with a child to hook up with this person or return that item for $$$$. The hustle is impossible via hoofing it. Or atleast I decided it had to be for me. And our clothes are in the wash I have a towel on my head...not sure if the conditioners all out but A for effort! ! Lol
  4. Thanks for the thoughts john. I have been down this road before and it is always confirmed that staying clean is easier than getting clean! !! And I have taken my own will back too many times now. Ill be happy if I get those 2 things done today. .hahaha ..they r my challenge.
  5. Yup...and it sucks bad!! Gonna force myself to wash my hair soon ..and throw a load of laundry in..it's like 100 here too..that isn't helping.
  6. So a doctor prescribed me Wellbutrin 100 xr. This was like 3 weeks ago..still haven't picked it up. I have not quit adderall entirely..much due to not feeling so down in a hole when I do...will this stuff help with any of that?? I've never been a fan of the build up in your system meds either...I want what they do...like NOW! !! LOL
  7. I went to rehab..the real deal 30+.day inpatient kinda rehab specifically for adderall and adderall only back in 2006. Of course they accepted me..if you will,but the kick in the ass was NO DETOX!! Booze,opiates,benzos...even coke got you some meds to take the edge off...not adderall. Well ya know folks ...they aren't PHYSICALLY addictive!!! Yeah o.k..that'd explain why I slept my first week.through group,my skin crawled..I was beyond paranoid and anxiety gladden..everything ached and I ended up in an e.r with the worst migraine I've had to date...cause yup...all just psychological. Fuck if that were the case I would mentally put myself in a much better place. For real.
  8. No disrespect to anyone on that either...the interested in everything I know sure as hell hits home with most of us...and we like to be interested in it all at once too. LOL
  9. Hahaha ..in recovery. "If you consider being interested in everything a skill"..that was fucking hysterical dude. U made my night.
  10. Confused ...its fucked up for sure huh? We will stay on something that's leveling us and we are the first to.admit it and tell.u how its doing it...but like yourself..I'm on it and 98% is because Im so afraid to jump.and handle that emptiness for awhile.
  11. Wow. I always had alot to say on here when I frequented it more...now I'm kinda a lost mess really. Thanks for the post..I feel ya on.the emptiness of not having your husband...mine is in prison for 5 years and we have a son..I'm handling shit from the past..shit I'm in now..his shit inside..shit that's gonna happen..yeah its a shit ton of shit..and adderall has controlled me for alot of it. I can take alot of amphetamines ...a real lot..and I'm really not sure why??? I have had long runs more than once on ridiculous amounts..like 300+ mgs. A day...why I'm still alive I actually gotta wonder. You have found a great source of info and support in this community ..as I have..I am not back on the positive road yet..I've had decent time off it but this time the going thru the quit AGAIN...I don't know,its fucking with me this time. I am a mess just thinking about it....I love everyone who says.."well atleast adderall isn't physically addictive...".hahaha..maybe not but YOU try comin off it and we'll see how you make out..physically I mean. LOL so I agree..it is the devil and be addicted to it has me questioning my sanity daily.
  12. Hey thanks you guys for reaffirming all that I know to be true and telling it like it is and respecting the falls that I seem to taking lately. Quit once ...I have felt that too..as u know at another point in my life. I did want it more than anything..and I put it before everything. Those are key...and honestly ,at this moment..tho I haven't used today...I can't say I'm feeling the way.I need to about recovery. I don't know if I'm under thinking my current situation..or over thinking it. With or without it..all seems manic and unstructured,depressing and lack luster....its almost like having to choose if I want this piece of shit or that one. Its hard to even explain my mind is so fuckin stressed....but I really appreciate the feed back from everyone.
  13. Thanks lilitex. And yes it absolutely is. Well,besides cigarettes,and when.I'm not on these..I DONT care for smoking.much. just that thought of the deep depression and empty no feeling, feeling!!! I need to.get a job.and feel.I can't even.take that on.going off pills. These aren't reasons to keep using either...ive been down this road..I use or I don't reasons and excuses dont matter much. Adderall has a huge physical aspect to it's withdrawal and when I think about getting a job and going off it..I wanna throw up. Staying quit is the best route..starting over and over..not so great.
  14. I was thinking about sitting down.and writing a letter to ummmm...don't really know ..someone I could honestly tell everything to. Tell them how much.time I waste and.how my head spins and how I can't even accomplish anything.on this bullshit I chase cuz I have to be on how I'm getting the next dose all the time. How exhausting it is..how by the 2nd day without it I can't fuckin cope with shit..I feel so absolutely bullshit I can't handle it. Do I know I need to stop...yup. do I want to...I'm really not sure. I mean I do...but I can't stand the thought of that feeling without it!!!! That's motivating alot of this. I am now the chronic relapsor and my past experiences I've spoke of mean shit now. I feel completely totally trapped!!! I don't know what I think or feel honestly...I'm too busy trying to keep up with my own shit..and that's failing. I don't know what to do anymore..or what I want..I'm so fucked up currently its not even.rational.
  15. See...I'm all better now Ms. Leah...thanks. that was the most bullshit day I've had in awhile!"! The being off em.is still kinda sucking...not sure why,but yup...just trying to keep doing it...keep on trudging....try'n to get up that great big hill of hope...for a destination. LOL
  16. First time ever I think that I got no replies on.a post...it wasn't really adderall related...it was kinda venting ..I have a complex now. LOL
  17. Yup...but not for what u think I'm sure. Not the grocery thing..not Addie related at all.actually. so I'm heading about 2 miles from home to.a friends house yesterday(Monday) bout 1:00..with my son. Get pulled over for a turn signal somethin or other....k..bullshit but here's license and registration....he comes back and says my license is suspended!! WTF!!!! seems the state of RI thinks that's a great way for parents with arrears on child support to pay up!!!! Gankin the ability to even drive to a job to pay the shit!!! But better still...seems I was not notified obviously. Then he asks if I have weapons in my hoop Dee???? Hahaha. No. Has me out of the car..my son is freaking!!! Tells me to call someone to get him..they are booking me and impounding the car. But it gets better....guess not knowing your license is even suspended is cause to get your purse dumped???? Hmmmm?? O.k. fine. Well...about 2 months ago I gave my friend..legit one..to the laundramat...which also included dropping a friend of his off at his job on the way...asks if he can bum a few cigs..sure I said. Geting out he tosses a cellophane with like 3 maybe 4 klonopin he says for the cigs on my backseat...I'm like naaahh dude I'm good...still left em. Told my friend Casey to grab the shit and take it. He did but dropped it on the floor...I grab em when I get home and just throw em in my purse with freakin m@Ms all over and bullshit stuff...well now I'm charged with possession of controlled substance....A FELONY!!!! my cousin gets my poor child...then I'm cuffed...behind the back too..cruisered and locked for 4 hours in a concrete cell!!!! Holy shit!!! Released on a summons ...I didn't mention that I've been friends with our chief of police since high school..we talk all the time actually ....good God damn thing! !!!! He's atleast getting the possession charge dropped and was able to keep my name out of the fuckin paper!!!! That was quite an experience ..and my son was beside himself. A life of crime is not for his mother. ..
  18. Hey busymomma...welcome. some really great people with substantial time free of adderall in their life will pop up soon with all kinds of suggestions and ideas of where to start when stopping. I don't have alot of time currently ..I did once,after all the things you spoke of in your post...the kids,hubby,clean and organized house...my abuse of adderall would go on to remove them.from my life. I was you....I am you,a mom just trying to get it all done...keep em.all happy and fuck ill say it....maybe look good doing it!!!!! HOLLA!!! LOL! so many women here have found the supergirl powers of the addies. But alas my girl they will/have started to turn on you. So just wanted to get a quick little welcome out to ya...for you have come to the right place!
  19. I had quit round Xmas last year..if you were to pull posts from then...yup.."fuckin scale" pops up alot. I'm 5'6...have always been a hair below what a chart would say to weigh..usually avg. 120- 125. When I was in crazy use mode and waitressing full time ...I dropped to 100. NOT GOOD!!! had to see a doctor for supplement drinks to go with eating. But now I leveled ...you will too..you're body finds its middle ground..I'm good right now..but I haven't been in the quit long yet either. So yeah,"oh my godddd Becky "..oh yeahh,when I was posting with the ladies on here about my wide glide ass...quit once posted the baby got back video to jam too. Lol
  20. Hahaha,ya know its old school CHEER. They only have 2..one with smell,one without. My mom used it. Don't know how they stay a float in this age of everything being laced with febreeze, ultra ×20 load potential, and hey ...don't forget the we never test our detergent on any animals eyes section...plan on paying bout an extra 10.00 for those shits. LOL
  21. Boy this area of discussion takes me back..done the WTF MAYBE I JUST DREAMT I RIPPED MY SHIT UP deal...but indeed to show my allegiance to a sober life I went big,so some off the wall,way too over the top crazy story would be pit in place. Then All the experiments with ink removal from paper..the assorted ways and what's to soak it in...fluids that usually go in your car engine vs the great lemon juice debate...gel pen or regular ink???? Gel pen=you're pretty much fucked. Just a few random thoughts from me. LOL
  22. Oh WTF FALCON!! IM SO LATE IN ON THIS!! I hope tho that with my lapse on this has come an easier time of it for you. That depression ..she is a motherfucker indeed!! I have endured my own fuck up while you've been away..so ima give it another go. Just like you are with disabling that depression ...just like we all are by just doing the next right thing. So hook up some comfy sweats, yummy snacks..and perhaps some Enter the Dragon on the tube..LOL ,feel better and know that we gottchu dude!!! MUUAH!!
  23. OMG CALO...HYSTERICAL!! That is classic!!! And my personality is definitely a little ummm,left of center.I feel ya on the just wanting to say,"ya know,Fuck it,I'm just gonna act on that emotion..literally, once or twice." In my own little safe place,the confines of my home. And get it the hell out there. Ohhhhh how I know. The early days of this phase...uggghh!! Just drained of all personality,not wanting to even speak an entire sentence,the violent mood swings that accompany the acceptence of all of this...even the laundry detergent I put robotically in the washer,just God damn smells different! !!!! Used the same one for years. WTF! Just trying to not freak on everything at once and get through the next..(fill in the blank ) amount of time. Sometimes it seems minute by minute. No clarity yet...cloudy,very much so. Tomorrow is another day tho,and a new one at that"! Thanks for that post!!
  24. So simply said Ashley and so very true...the real you is the best feeling ever. Leave it to me to complicate the simple... page 1 in the handbook if there really was one. LOL
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