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Everything posted by blesbro

  1. Sorry to hear that. Does she know what you are going through? Were you this depressed before starting adderall? If not, you can certainly expect to get back to whatever level of well-being that you were at before starting. Quitting sucks but you will become stronger because of it. 4 years is a long time. I think once your depression subsides you'll be able to mend that relationship if it is still important to you. Anyways, we're here for you and we understand what you're going through so feel free to vent as much as you want on here. It's good that you're not craving addy anymore. Blesbro
  2. 12 Miles a Week Running Club

    I appreciate your support. The fact of the matter is I love lifting. It's one of my favorite things to do(after making it a habit and getting used to it of course) so I go every day simply because I enjoy it. I look forward to going to the gym every day. It really makes things pretty easy for me. I love pushing myself in the gym and I love getting better, stronger, etc. It's probably my only serious hobby at the moment so I figure while I don't have much going on in my life at the moment I might as well make the most of it! By the way, good luck on your finals!
  3. How you doing man? Hanging in there?
  4. 12 Miles a Week Running Club

    Hey everyone. I just wanted to upload a progress pic of me starting several months after quitting adderall to today. I could not have done it without quitting. I would look sickly and skinny if I never quit. I also encourage anyone else to show their progress pics as they are a great way to stay motivated!
  5. Casting

    One of the links was to a porn website. Banning them would be a good idea

    Tessa I'm not sure what else to say to you. You need to make to make a commitment to YOURSELF that you will quit addy for good. Until that happens, there's not much else anyone else on these forums can do for you. At some point you need to wake up and and scream at the top of your lungs, "WILL THE REAL TESSA PLEASE STAND UP!!!" You won't be able to feel secure, confident, and proud of yourself until you hang up the drug, for good. It's a difficult situation and I understand it completely. We are here for you when you are ready to make your life better than you can even imagine. It all starts with a simple decision to quit adderall FOREVER. Quitting adderall is very, very difficult. That's pretty obvious. The good news is once you defeat that demon with pure, natural, inner strength you WILL feel so confident and proud of yourself I can guarantee it. Keep coming back Watch this video, it's school related but can be applied to any other situation in life. Bottom line is, nobody has motivation to do anything in their lives until they want it bad enough. It seems like you just don't want to quit badly enough, yet. Keep telling yourself all the negatives adderall causes you and keep telling yourself all the positives you will notice after fully recovering from addiction.
  7. One Word Status Update

    You're still recovering man. No need to impress other people. What's most important is that you focus on yourself and aim to only impress yourself. Be the best person you can be in your eyes not what someone else wants you to be.
  8. Congratulations Jon

    Wow, it's already been 5 months? Congratulations Jon!! 12 years is a long time to be on adderall I can't even imagine.

    I agree 100%. I believe I was hooked after my first addy. So for me, avoidance of addiction is synonymous with avoidance of addictive substances. Especially stimulants. For example, there's a pre-workout supplement called CRAZE that is used by a lot of people. Apparently, it has a chemical in it which is scarily similar in structure to meth. Pre-addy addiction I would have been all over that shit. Now, there's no way in hell I'd try that stuff.
  10. My biggest wake up call was I could no longer do well in school no matter how hard I tried even with adderall. But there were many, many more. That was just the straw that broke the camels back.
  11. I agree with quit-once. I have a lot of respect for you being able to get of that train to hell before you reached the destination. You will certainly find that the natural euphoria of life is much better than the false euphoria of adderall. I have no doubt about that. Just give it some time. As for focus, you know what it feels like to feel calm and focused now so I think if you keep searching for natural solutions, with the help of your doctor, you will be able to get to a much more focused state naturally.
  12. mind grapes - ZK's stream

    Congrats!! And happy birthday!! I hope you have a wonderful addy-free birthday. For me, birthdays and holidays are SO different and much better off adderall.
  13. I lost my sex drive and gym drive completely when on adderall too. I still went to the gym out of habit but couldn't force enough food down my throat to gain weight. I ended up losing at least 20 lbs of muscle multiple times because I simply couldn't eat enough. And my workouts sucked ass. I didn't push myself very hard. Now I go 10x harder in the gym every day. And my sex drive is high. Yay for no adderall.

    Thanks Lunax that means a lot to me. I'm glad to hear it! You're more than welcome
  15. There are some great free self-hypnosis videos on youtube I believe. Check them out. Also, I've found isochronic tones and classical music to help me focus and calm me while trying to get mental tasks done such as homework or reading. Type in on youtube, "daily music learning isochronic" and click the top video. That's one of my favorite ones to listen to.
  16. mind grapes - ZK's stream

    Ah I bet! The good thing is once you get it done, you will feel so fulfilled. As far as I'm concerned, If you quit adderall you can do anything. Good luck with that! Let us know how it goes.
  17. 3 YEARS!!!!!!

    I second what Jon said, InRecovery. That was my biggest fear when I quit. That I wouldn't be able to get back to a high-level of achievement in school. While I'm not there yet I'm taking big steps in the right direction!

    Ashley, I know doesn't it feel AMAZING to see how far you've progressed since quitting? I didn't even really have a good grasp of how much progress I've made until I read my list last night. Check!! I remember reading the list to my parents when I told them about my addiction and my plan to quit. I could hardly get through 1 sentence without having to stop and take a deep breath I was bawling my eyes out so hard. We've come a long way. Adderall seriously will strip any adderallic of almost everything they have if they don't quit soon enough. It's so sad but I truly feel like I'm going to be stronger because of it. No regrets just moving forward. If i didn't try addy in high school, I'm sure I would have in college or later in life. I'm just glad I got that over with early in my life. 110% recovery let's goo!!
  19. I was just thinking about how I love waking up early, going to the gym, and getting my day started early. Why? Because I love feeling productive and being productive. I have loved being productive since before I ever took adderall. At first, addy seemingly increased my productivity which played a huge role in my love for adderall. I became a productivity NUT during the honeymoon phase. But now I have realized that I can still feel damn productive no addy necessary I guess I have a natural love for feeling productive. Is anyone else like me in that sense?
  20. Random interesting thought

    Damn really? Yes sir! Born and raised.
  21. mind grapes - ZK's stream

    That's really powerful. Wow. Thanks.

    Tessa, you don't sound like you're in a healthy frame of mind right now. I'm pretty sure the addy is wreaking havoc on your ability to think clearly. It was kind of hard to understand what you were typing. The reason why you have weak willpower is because you don't have a good enough reason to quit. It's as simple as that. Yes, your willpower will improve the longer you stay off addy. I want to tell you that you have much more at stake in your life than what you may have already lost. Think about your fiance. Do you have a job? Write down a list of the top 100 golden reasons to quit adderall. Write down every benefit you can possibly think of. I did this before I quit and it made me realize that I had every reason in the WORLD to quit adderall and few, if any benefits of staying on it. Here were my top 25 or so reasons to quit. 100 would take me too long. I wrote these while I was on adderall before I quit. They are in no particular order. I just wrote them down as they came to my mind. I deeply desire to become motivated once again (at the time this was just a dream. Now it's a reality.) I deeply desire to be able to increase in the weight room rather than decrease due to not eating enough I deeply desire the self-confidence I once had (at the time this was just a dream. Now it's a reality.) I deeply desire my creativity and wit which has become nearly non-existent I deeply desire to be able to relate and connect with people like a human being rather than being the anti-social and hard-hearted person I have become (at the time this was just a dream. Now it's a reality.) I deeply desire to be able to do well in school once again I deeply desire to be able to make strong relationships with people once again. I deeply desire to be able to wake up early in the morning, have a cup of coffee, and feel alert and focused. (at the time this was just a dream. Now it's a reality.) I deeply desire to not have to hide the animal that has caused me to lose more than I can imagine I deeply desire to be able to regain the ability to have a sense of humor and the ability to have fun with others simply by laughing and joking. (Reality) I deeply desire to be able to tell my family I'm doing well and really mean it. (Reality) I deeply desire to be responsible once again and have the willpower to get done what needs to be done. (still working on it) I deeply desire to have thriving relationships with everyone in my life and have the ability to give genuinely good advice to people close to me as I have had before adderall. (Haha can't believe I wrote this) I deeply desire to truly care for others feelings and to be able to empathize and relate to people in my life like before adderall. (It's really hard to even remember what that felt like. What a relief that that's over with!) I deeply desire to be able to confidently achieve every one of my long-term goals. I deeply desire to be able to say that I finished a tough project of some sort and did it with natural perseverance and work ethic. (Check) I deeply desire to have passion for life and developing my natural talents once again. I deeply desire to find financial success after completing college. (If I didn't quit adderall I wasn't going anywhere in life period) I deeply desire to start a family one day - and be a good and loving father. I deeply desire to begin building a reputation that I can be proud of once again. (I ruined my reputation completely on adderall) I deeply desire to find the girl of my dreams and have fun looking for her . (lol) I deeply desire to have a healthy mind and body once again. (Check) I deeply desire to show anyone who has doubted me that I CAN quit adderall and that I CAN get back to the real Dillon I deeply desire to be on the track to success rather than failure once again I deeply for my life to be wonderful. (getting there) I deeply desire to never take a single pill of adderall ever again. (I won't be able to check this off until the day I die.) I desire with all of my heart to be able to quit adderall without any setbacks on my first try as I know there is no other way of accomplishing any of these goals without quitting adderall forever. After I wrote these, there was just no damn way that I could relapse. As you might be able to notice, i DEEPLY DESIRED to get off of adderall. I didn't just kind of want it. That was the ONLY thing I wanted at the time. Nothing else was important but getting off adderall because adderall was the single thing stopping me from doing everything that I wanted to do with my life. I could see it in front of my face. I couldn't accomplish anything on my list without quitting adderall so it became pretty clear what my options were. I hope you can find the strength to quit forever Tessa, you're seriously making it a lot harder than it has to be. It's not your fault though. I understand that some people, including myself, need to hit rock bottom before they can quit. I had to lose just about everything in my life before I decided to quit. If it takes you losing your marriage and whatever else, then that's what will happen. I am sure you will get to a point where you will quit. It is just a matter of how much more are going to lose? I am praying for you. Blesbro
  23. mind grapes - ZK's stream

    This is what I looked like when first trying to accomplish stuff without adderall. Irritability to the max.
  24. 12 Miles a Week Running Club

    I can totally relate. Lifting is absolutely an escape for me. When I go to the gym, it's just me, my music, and the weights. Any stresses or issues in my life just dissipate the second I walk in the door. I would love to join the club but unfortunately I have different training goals right now. I'm trying to put on muscle and running 12 miles a week would make it much harder to do that :/ I am thinking about enlisting in the marines eventually, however, so I'm going to have to start getting used to running long distances. When I start training for that you can count on me joining the club. In the meantime, does going to the gym 7 days a week for and hour and a half count? haha
  25. Random interesting thought

    Haha lucky you. No snow yet in MN. But it's definitely cold enough so it won't be long.