blesbro
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Posts posted by blesbro
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This would describe me 100%. Stimulants are my weakness. I still seek that sped up feeling and will always have to be aware of my weakness in that area. 3 years and 2 months clean now, live is good, but I have a feeling that my need for speed will never go away which is why it's so important to understand your own behavior and make decisions accordingly.
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I'm over 3 years clean now and loving life. Adderall completely destroyed me before quitting and I would be willing to get coffee and talk with anyone in the area that needs some extra inspiration/motivation to quit or stay quit. I haven't been posting on here with how busy I am with work and life but would love to give back and help someone in need out in the area.
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Blesbro, i am nearly a year sober and noticed that some of my ambition and motivation is JUST now coming back. Natural brain tingles and happy feelings and such. You said that one year of recovery for you was just the beginning...does that mean my life may get even better? Or that my brain is still a year later recovering from by heavy abuse?
Thanks!
Searchingsoul, yes things will continue to get better. Now that I am at just over two years sober, it seems things are still getting better. I am actually super motivated without adderall now. I wake up early, cook breakfast and get ready for the day every morning, work all day, go to the gym after work every day, and basically just get shit done all day every day of the week. Then on the weekend I get some time to relax and do some fun things but it is very normal for people not on adderall to be productive and motivated, you just need to start developing the habits that will allow you to do that without thinking about it, ya know? But yes, my anxiety, motivation, and overall clearheadedness and ability to make decisions has improved so much since just one year it's crazy. Quitting adderall was THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE!!!!! That's sober me saying that. Just gotta see it through, it's so worth it. I'm a real human being now. I care for others. I form a lot of real relationships with people. I have a personality that adderall took from me. Everyone that's seriously considering quitting should do WHATEVER it takes to see quitting and recovery through, because I guarantee it will be worth it even if you're not exactly like you imagined yourself being on adderall. You will discover the true you and there's no better or more fulfulling feeling than that.
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Blake,
I took adderall for 2.5 years and like you, did not really need it. My life was great before adderall. I became hooked and it completely ruined my life. I quit and 26 months later now, I am finally getting to a WONDERFUL place in life. Everything in my life is starting to fall into place. I had to stop going to school for over a year after quitting - I just couldn't do it. I was off in every way, my mind did not work correctly. Even at a year sober, the recovery that my brain was going to experience was JUST BEGINNING. Stick with it bud, it's worth it I promise. My life is better than ever now and I couldn't have gotten here without quitting adderall. Things aren't just going to fall into place, you have to work at it every day. Get out of bed. Play your guitar. Do things that make you happy and challenge you. It's going to be difficult and some days you'll feel like giving up, but I promise it is worth it. Good things are there for people who have the patience to see this through. You'll be amazed by the month to month progress you make over the next couple years until eventually you'll be stronger and better than the person you were even before adderall. This problem will help you grow into something better than you've ever been, you just need to have the patience and perseverance to see it through.
Blesbro
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i want to quit. i just found two pills in my room, don't know where they came from. it makes me wonder if there are more pills floating around. makes me anxious and regretful.
how do i shake this feeling that being productive will be impossible? adderall made me antisocial and sucked my bank account dry. i was at 90 mg/day so i knew it was time to quit. but i feel so unable to do anything well without it. how do i access that energy? how do i access my full potential without chemical intervention?
It takes a long time of no adderall use. I don't know how long you've been taking it but typically it's going to be at least 6-12 months before you have lots of natural energy and motivation without the chemical. Exercise, eating healthy, and meditation are a great start. If you continue to use adderall however, even once in a while, you won't regain your natural motivation and productivity. So if you're gonna quit, quit for good. It will be the best thing you'll ever do I promise. I'm almost 12 months sober from adderall and I can say without a doubt that it was the hardest, yet most rewarding decision I have ever made.
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Thank y'all so much. You guys are both correct-in that, life is possible (and enjoyable) without Adderall and my "real" self is much better than addy self.
I realize that it's only been two weeks off of it, but I've cleaned out my room and bathroom (they were wrecks before when I was taking addy). I would always THINK about cleaning my room while on adderall but was so physically fatigued and mentally overwhelmed that I would just lay in bed, surfing the internet.
Now, I feel more active, social and more alive. I have gone grocery shopping and have been binge eating-- on healthy foods-- thankfully.
However, sometmes I find myself romanticizing the drug like Justin was saying. I find myself tthinking "man, I feel really great, BUT I bet I would feel even better and would function even better with Adderall".
I lost my insurance, due to my mother switching jobs (perhaps a blessing in disguise). My best friend takes Adderall and I would always hit her up for it when I ran out before my script...
I am too ashamed to even really ask her, though I have been considering it.
I don't understand how someone can be prescribed Adderall and not abuse it eventually. Sooner or later you will start wanting more focus, more energy, more euphoria, more skinniness...right?
Justin W and Blesbro...how long have you guys been off?
Don't fall into that temptation. It's normal and it's your addiction lying to you. If you took adderall again you'd have wasted the last two weeks of recovery and would have to do it all over again when you decided to quit again. The only way to get back to yourself is to quit for good. People who are addicted to adderall simply can't control their usage, don't let your addiction trick you into thinking you can. You're one pill away from a full-blown relapse and always will be. I will say that once you start to get things figured out without the pill, you're desire to take it will lessen. I have NO DESIRE WHAT-SO-EVER to take adderall ever again. I just won't ever again, period. I've tried to control my usage many times and the addiction won that dreadful battle every single time. I'm 2 days short of 12 months. Every single month has been better than the last. Life is actually starting to get really good and I'm free from addiction hell yeah! Being free from the addiction is huge. I think that most of us need to be more appreciative of the simple fact that we don't need to rely on a stupid pill to be worse than we could be without it. I'm starting to get some of my wit and humor back and finally starting to have some good increases in mental clarity. It takes a LONG time to recover from this shit. And like Justin said, tell your friend you're an adderall addict and going back down that path is simply not an option. If you feel tempted to ask her for a pill, make sure to tell her ASAP to never give you adderall and explain the negative things that will happen if you do. Your friend will like you much, much more off adderall I promise. Adderallics when they're using are self-centered and just can't connect with people. I don't know about you but I really didn't care too much about other people when I was using. I was a self-absorbed bastard and my life sucked. I've made a 180 degree flip since then. People really like me now. Both my old friends and new people that I meet. That never happened when I was messed up on addy. I couldn't talk, be myself, or relate with anyone. Finally I am becoming a "people person" once again and it feels damn good.
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Congratulations Cassie! You're so inspirational. Thank you so much for being that beacon of hope that every single one of us with less time than you needs. I'm looking forward to a more in-depth post on your experience.
Like Jon said, we love you back!
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It's good that you realize that it keeps you stagnant! That was one of the biggest reasons that caused me to ultimately quit. I had big dreams and aspirations and I was not going anywhere with my life on adderall. If anything I was in reverse getting further and further from my dreams and goals every day that I took adderall. So eventually it became clear that quitting was the most important thing I needed to do.
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Dude, you feel sluggish when you stop taking the pill not because of your eating habits but because you're withdrawing/recovering from adderall. I felt sluggish for a straight 6 months after I quit. I fixed my eating habits at 8 months quit and my body is in better shape than it's EVER been in at 12 months quit. I haven't missed a single day in the gym in the last 6 months. I could have never gotten the body I have right now off adderall. Quitting adderall was the best thing I ever did. I'm just one example but there are many other people on these forums who have quit and aren't looking back because if you're addicted to adderall, there's simply no better decision you can make for yourself than to quit. If you really want to quit addy you'll have to take a leap of faith and just get to 12 months any way you can. Forget the weight gain, forget the sluggishness. You can lose the weight like a normal person by working out and eating healthy down the road when you've quit for awhile. You will gain mental clarity the longer you've been off addy. That's if you decide to quit otherwise you'll just continue down this difficult road. I know this addiction sucks the life out of you and I can guarantee you're a much better person without it. You just need to trust that. It must be hard because you don't really know what you're like off adderall. You've been on it since you were 6. Take a year to get to know the real you OFF adderall. You won't be disappointed. Keep coming back man we're willing to help guide you to a better place if you're willing to put in the work and go through the temporary struggles of quitting.
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We'll be here when you're ready Amy don't worry. Hopefully it's sooner rather than later. You just need to make the decision and prepare yourself to see it through with a plan. Do it at the right time when you can take a break from work and your other life responsiblities. You can't just expect to go on with your normal life immediately. You need to make a situation where you will have nothing to do but watch netflix, sleep and feed yourself for at least a month in order to make it a successful first month in my opinion. Set yourself up for success. If you don't, your responsibilities of life will cause you stress which will in turn make it easy to relapse. Good luck and just know we can help you make this happen!
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Also, you should post your story in the tell your story section of the forum chachie. Quitting adderall is not easy and if you give us some details about your usage, the effects adderall has on you, etc., we'll be able to help you. You've been taking adderall for 25 years, wow that's a long time. I only took it for 2.5 years and am still recovering from it at nearly a year sober. It took me 8 months to even feel somewhat back to my old self. It's important to stick with the quit for good if you want to get back to normal dopamine levels and finally be fully-functioning again.
We're here to help make this happen!
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Welcome to the site chachie and thanks for the supplement list. I looked for an alternative for adderall throughout my addiction. I tried fat loss pills, vitamins, and even other illegal stimulants. Eventually I got to a point where adderall made me feel like complete shit and I have no desire to replicate the tweaked out feeling of adderall ever again. I like to be calm, collected, and relaxed now that I'm nearly a year sober, it's 1000% better than being addied up. Looks like a really great list but I have a hard time believeing it can replicate a powerful drug called amphetamines. Not to say you're wrong, I'm sure you do get crazy natural clean energy from the supplements. If you're taking the old jack3d, beware, the stimulant in that is amphetamine-like. I used that for a long time. The micro jack3d is fine though it only has caffeine. Once I quit, I tried it a couple times again because a friend of mine gave me a leftover tub. I found myself looking forward to taking it every day before my workout so I decided that I was better off staying away from it and I am glad I made that decision. It has dmaa, or dimethlyamymine which in my opinion did feel like amphetamines. Are you trying to get off of adderall for good or just find an alternative?
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BTW, I had another really-wanna-relapse moment this morning. I was crying and everything about how stressed out I am and how far behind in my work and much easier it would be to have no emotions and no libido, and blah blah blah.
@Blesbro, I was inspired by you to take some "after" pics. Then I went through and found a "before" pic. The "before" is when I was at the peak of my adderall addiction. It's pretty motivating. In the "before" shot I'm out of shape and HEAVY. Wow I had no idea how heavy I was, even though I had to buy new pants. I didn't even recognize that adderall --> lowered metabolism, sedentary life & beer combination was the culprit! It was probably peak weight of my life. So weird. The "after" photos from this morning are like night and day. Maybe I'll get the courage to post them.
Taking those pics and comparing made me feel so much better about quitting, and re-invigorated about staying quit. I'm almost at one year!!!!
Thanks for sharing that occasional! I think for a lot of us, adderall stripped us of our self-control and thus once we quit we actually started to gain some willpower and the ability to change our bodies to the way we actually want them to be. It doesn't happen overnight but in the long run, staying off adderall is so good for not only our minds but our bodies as well! Go ahead and post them if you feel up to it! It doesn't matter where you're at, all that matters is where you're going. I'm starting to train some friends for free because I'm thinking about getting certified as a personal trainer and that's what I tell them. Everybody has to start somewhere. I've been lifting for 5 years, along with sports, etc. so I'm in pretty good shape but the bottom line is that was after 5 years of hard work. Nothing worth having happens overnight.
Congrats on getting close to one year! I'm only 9 days away from my 12 month anniversary as well! Very exciting. Stick with it everyone. My greatest piece of advice to anyone who wants to transform their body is this: consistency is key. Even if you don't feel like working out one day, just go workout for at least 2 minutes, that's it. Even if you just go to the gym, walk in the door, then go back home without even working out, I'd still commend you for that. As long as you're consistent, you'll increase intensity over time as you feel up to it and eventually you'll look back and be amazed by the progress you've made. It takes 21 straight days (supposedly) to form a habit so no need to kill yourself every day just get out there and do something! I'm trying to apply that concept to other areas of my life like school as well. Like yesterday, I went to the library and read like 10-15 pages in my book then went on the internet and did nothing else school related. Basically I got next to nothing done but I felt like shit yesterday so I'm cutting myself some slack. At least I did something.
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ADHD is not a disorder just a difference in cognitive ability.
I remember hearing or reading somewhere during my addiction that 90% of the most successful entrepreneurs have adhd. Being a business enthusiast, along with my addiction led me to try and convince myself that I had adhd and needed a prescription during my addiction. Now I know that is not true but I could not agree more.
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I would like to add that if you were prescribed 60 x 20mg adderalls and went through them in a weeks time, you were taking 150+ mgs per day!! And that was only on your second script! Imagine what your 10th or 20th script might look like. You could cause serious harm to body and even end up in the emergency room if this continues. Please be safe and act in your own self interest and get off the stuff for good!
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I posted on here one other time .. the first time I got prescribed adderall .. I was on 10s .. went through the whole 60 .. second time I said I wouldn't do that again but this time I was on 20's .. that didn't last an I went through it within a week .. had bad withdrawls an finally was back to myself.. when time came to get refills I thought I could have my mother hold them for me an hide them .. well I found them an was taking one in the morning then a 10 then a whole one at four .. an then halfs .. I starting thinking to myself I can't keep doing this an going through withdrawls every month .. so I told my mom I found the pills so she hide them again .. now I am going crazy because I am coming dowb from them an I hate this feeling .. I am going to call my doctor tomorrow an tell him I don't like how they make me feel an want a non- stim one . I can't handle this anymore the come down is horrible
Hey shorti,
You have an addictive personality towards adderall! Most of us adderallics on these forums were just like you. We could not for the life of us control how much we took because we are adderallics. When you're addicted to something, you simply cannot control how much you use. Period. I remember a time when I stopped taking adderall for several months and eventually I went back to it and started at 5mgs per day! I told myself, "I can control how much I can take and will not take more than 5mgs per day!" After a couple weeks, I was taking 10mgs every day. Two more weeks went by, and I was taking 20mgs per day. A few months later, I was up to 60-80 mgs per day. The withdrawals are one thing, but adderall can and will destroy your life if you continue down this road. I know it hasn't yet, which makes it that much harder to quit for good. The addiction is all too good at tricking yourself that you will be able to control it. And when you even take 5mgs, you lose all control. Which means 100% abstinence is absolutely necessary. Adderall does a great job at ruining peoples lives. Please do yourself a favor and make a plan to NEVER EVER take adderall ever again because no matter what your brain tries to tell you, you cannot control yourself. You have an adderall addiction. It wouldn't hurt to tell your doc that you took your entire script in a weeks time. Don't tell him you don't like how it makes you feel because then he might put you on ritalin or another stimulant based drug which will probably end the same way as adderall. Tell him you have abuse problems with it. Some people, like myself, can't handle strong stimulants. You are the same way I am sorry to say. Glad to see you back here. Keep coming back no matter what happens because we are here to help you get out of this mess!
Blesbro
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Hi all,
I am having a very hard time finding anyone who can relate to my situation. Everyone says adderall has a 'paradoxical effect' in add and can't act as a stimulent. i find it treats my add at low doses but my energy goes up at higher doses which has led to abuse. i pretty much have to stop but after i stop for a few weeks i loose the feeling of lethargy but my mind won't stop. No one else seems to have this, only the lethragy. i can take not having an 'upper' but the add is terribly difficult to deal with. much worse. i am a recovering alcoholic and once my concentration goes i'm strongly tempted to drink to calm down my brain and i never want to go back to that. so here are my questions:
1)anyone else find adderall working on attention low dose but abusive at high dose?
2)has anyone tried or does anyone know about effective non stimulant drugs for add. i stress effective. i have heard strattera is the main one but two psychiatrists have said it really doesn't help much. i've tried wellbutrin but couldn't take side effects. any other drugs i don't know about. Everyone seems to think i faked add to get some adderall. i did not.
One of my best friends is prescribed adderall and from my understanding, in the prescribed doses it does not act so much as a stimulant for him. I'm going to be up front and honest and say that if you continually find yourself taking higher doses then you probably are predisposed to adderall addiction and should seek another alternative. Alcoholism runs in my family. My brother's an alcoholic who has went back to drinking and drinks a lot now although it hasn't seemed to ruin his life this time around. I suspect when really tough times come, which I'm sure they will, that it will destroy him like it did in his past. As for what doctors say about strattera, I'd give it a shot. Everybody is different and I bet if you did a google search there are probably people that have found that strattera worked for them otherwise it wouldn't be an option in the first place. Other than that, there are natural ways to cope with adhd such as exercise, a good diet, and different natural supplements. Others on these forums with adhd may be able to chime in. I forgot to say, my brother also has adhd but has learned to cope well with it by becoming a really organized person. When he was younger, he had poor grades and poor attention but as he kicked alcohol the first time, he got back on track and got a degree in mechanical engineering. He has found ways to deal with his adhd such as having a plan for each day, writing down lists, etc. If you're a recovering alcoholic don't go back to drinking and hopefully you have learned from alcohol that you probably have a somewhat of an addictive personality. I personally think that I have an addictive personality and thus I use that knowledge to try and stay away from things that may trigger addiction for me. I hope this helps.
Blesbro
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HTFU - harden the fuck up... getting shit done today
I tell everyone that knows me well that adderall made me a pussy. After quitting for a week I was much less pussy-like but still had pussy habits that I developed from adderall like getting anxious at job interviews, not standing up for myself when someone put me down, etc. Anyone else relate to this? I did some research and also found that long term use of amphetamines reduces testosterone so that could be one reason. But also it just ruined my self-esteem and self-confidence. How can anyone have a high self-esteem or self-confidence when they have no self control anyways.
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Pissy - I'm uber crabby and don't want to do anything but I have to scrounge up lunch for the minions and try to put up the Christmas tree and get to WalMart and snow blow the driveway and go to a Christmas party.
Bummer. I 'm kinda the same way today. Probably due to lack of sleep last night. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger!
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Never heard the term butt cold. But it is definitely butt cold!!
Word of the day - Progress
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First post.
Just took my "last" addy today. I've been taking it off and on for the past 5 years or so. I love my grades, my weight and my stamina when on adderall. I hate my personality and my body's reactions when on adderall. When I take it, i get a tic of sorts, i start rolling my shoulders and they start to hurt so badly! It's like my body becomes restless. and I hate my personality on A because I know that it's not ME! it's so hard to laugh and to not be awkward. I also love taking it because it makes doing boring chores tolerable.
I've consistently been going through a month's prescription in about two weeks. This cannot be healthy for my body or my mind. Sometimes my face starts to feel very tingly, and TIGHT. It becomes difficult to move my mouth and my face starts to twitch in certain areas. I've always dismissed these symptoms as being a part of a panic attack...but now i'm not so sure.
And I'm not sure what I want at this point, maybe I don't even like my sober self. But I think all the excuses that i've made to allow myself to continue taking adderall aren't going to work anymore. I'm about to graduate university, my life is getting started....do i really want to be dependent on this drug? on any drug for that matter. i need to learn how to adapt. how can i find a husband who will love me when i can't even love myself without addy....this is a really sad realization.
Thanks for reading, any thoughts? Can we ever really get over this desire to use addy...and how?? i feel like im wasting my life and my relationships, i am giving people a phony medicated version of "myself"..
Hey, you can and will be able to get chores done, keep your body in shape, and have lots of natural energy without adderall if you make the simple decision to never take adderall ever again. You're addicted to it like everyone else on these forums. Taking your entire script in two weeks, the negative side effects that you're experiencing, and the fact that you know you're no longer yourself on adderall reaffirms that. I used to think the same thing. When I was still taking adderall, I had the same concerns. Adderall made me super paranoid, anxious, and just simply not me. Now that I've quit, every single one of my friends that I have talked to about this have told me they like me much better now. Adderall changes your personality and if you really want to start forming real relationships, and live a happy normal life your only option is to abstain forever. Chores are very tolerable and actually pretty easy once you make a habit of doing chores without adderall. Not only that, but now when I do chores I don't really think about it. When I was folding clothes, etc on adderall my brain would be in overdrive trying to be as efficient as possible. My mind was totally zoned in on the chore at hand. Now I can do chores without thinking about it. I can think about other things in my life, let my mind wander a little bit, and still get the chores done. Simple. It took me probably 8-10 months before chores became easy again keep in mind. Recovering from adderall is a long drawn-out process and will not happen in a month or two. Based on how long you've been taking it, you probably won't be fully recovered until at least 18 months. The first 6 months will by far be the hardest, but you will notice life gets easier and easier every single month that you stay sober. You will slowly become adjusted to normal life without the pill and I can promise that if you stick with it, the reward of getting off this drug for good FAR EXCEEDS the few stupid benefits of taking the pill. Trust me. I've been where you're at. Only the drug actually ruined my life in a short amount of time. Usually once addiction/dependency kicks in, the drug will suck the life out of you completely until you have no other option to quit. It's good that you're doing well in school. I was always a straight A student before adderall and after awhile, I couldn't even pass any classes because of who I became due to adderall. Eventually, I lost all self-control even though I really did want to do well in school. Feel free to ask any questions and stay active on this website. We're here to make this go as easily as possible for you.
Blesbro
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I won't be able to post anything until Wednesday of next week. I didnt want to just disappear like I have done in the past.
I'm so grateful that yesterday is over.
I'm grateful to unplug and enjoy some time with my family.
Have a great weekend.
You too Amy. Enjoy the ability to truly appreciate your family addy free. You'll probably start to appreciate many little things that you didn't even notice when on adderall. One day at a time keep up the good work!
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Thanks blesbro. I've been struggling lately with my new project. Just getting started seems to be impossible. I know once I get going things will come into play its just getting going. I've been thinking about Adderall and Concerta a lot lately. But I am more than capable of doing this project. This project is a blessing and can open many doors for me. I need to bring it HTFU .
Anytime man. I know exactly what you mean. I'm still doing the same shit with my school work. The thing is I know I wasn't like this before adderall so I have strong faith that I will get back to where I used to be over time. Doctors say 100% recovery is possible. Even if they said it wasn't, I wouldn't believe it because whether you think you can or you think you can't you're right. People that fail in their quit after 8+ months probably just lost faith that they would recover. Or they had a slip up which ended in a full-blown relapse. Either way, fully trusting that recovery will happen doesn't leave any room for doubt. Good luck with your project! Once you get rolling on it you'll be like an unstoppable freight train. The hard part is getting rolling.
Like quit-once said, I seriously despise adderall. I used to treat it like it was god in pill form. Until I realized how wrong I was.
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Someone could try to force a pill down my throat and I would kick their ass. There is no way I will ever take adderall. Wow I'm thankful that I can say that. Yes, there are some things that I do miss about adderall but if I went down that road again I would miss about a million things about being adderall-free. Don't let your cravings trick you. Everyone needs to realize that if they go back to adderall they will be right back where they started addiction wise and will ruin all their hard earned work of staying quit! Nobody should expect to be fully recovered at 8 or 11 months. No fricken way. It takes time to get over this addiction and it takes time to get adjusted to living without it, don't give up! Every single one of us is more than capable of doing everything that we ever dreamed of WITHOUT adderall. You just have to trust it.
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Craving a boost since childhood
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Yes sir I know the feeling all too well. How long has it been for you? The motivation and energy will come back over time don't worry about it. Just focus on life and staying off of it and your brain chemicals will balance out over time. Even at 2 years off I still didn't have the focus and energy that I was seeking but things have improved since then. Hell, I'm still not where I want to be but that's the game of life and figuring out how to get to where you want to be without drugs or addiction. Real life there's ups and downs, days where you're lazy and days where you feel like getting shit done. It's all a mental game that you can overcome. It's far from easy and there will be times even years into recovery where you will feel like you're not going to make it through. Those are the downs of life but you'll find that maybe a few days from when you're feeling shitty you'll get some good sleep, eat some good food, and feel good again. You'll learn to love you and you'll learn to appreciate the things that addy took from you too like forming relationships, laughing, RELAXING, and being happy with who you naturally are as a person.