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blesbro

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Posts posted by blesbro

  1. I'm headin towards 6 months. I am doing good feeling like the worst of it is over. I have some major hurdles to overcome yet. But I'm just putting one foot in front of the other and making small improvements  daily. I am soooo much better than I was 4 months ago, I've really leveled off in terms of the depression etc.  Now it really is just working towards incremental improvements. Thanks for being so positive.  I'm going to go to the gym in the AM for the 1st time in a long time largely due to your positive posts.

     

    Haha whoops I just realized I said congrats on hitting 11 months my bad. I knew you weren't that far yet. Brain fart.

  2. A question for the people that have come back to use/abuse again: Was it because you missed the high, you were lonely or bored, you wanted to avoid physical withdrawal, you wanted to avoid depression? Obviously there can be other reasons. I would like to know what straw broke your camel's back. 

     

    I think one of the most common cause of relapse is people are addicted and their brain tricks them into thinking that taking adderall will somehow make their life better despite their negative experiences in the past. How they feel it will make their life better depends on the person. For you, whatever positive things you felt like the drug did for you would be the potential "straws" that break the camels back. I would venture to guess that for you it would be a desire to feel more intelligent/articulate.

    • Like 2
  3. Well three days later I made it to the gym for the first time since I took adderall. I've been walking and cycling and taking advantage of the weather...another blizard hit today. Winter is going to be a motherfucker this year. So I headed off to the gym /pool. I think I have to do it more than once every six months to feel any positive effect.  Just trying to get into the routine then I can start crushing it and saying things like "bro do u even lift'

     

    Good job. 80% of life is just showing up. Haha "bro do u even lift" that made me laugh. It might help to not hold yourself to any crazy workout and instead just make sure you get to the gym and do something. Even if you don't go all out. Consistency is key. I've never seen a Canadian winter. I'm just on the other side of the border though. Winter in Minnesota isn't going to be fun either. 

  4. For any of the more knowledgeable people that know about the chemistry of the med, is it possible that I built up a tolerance so quickly from having an acidic diet that nullified a lot of the effects? I tend to have a lot of diet coke,rice, soy products, pecans and other acidic proteins. Im a natural body builder so my food choices are not random, but just curious if I knocked down the effects hence needing more so quickly. Yes, I know diet coke is bad, so I'm not looking for a lecture there. 

     

    Acidic foods might actually destroy amphetamines or make you less efficient in absorption. I remember avoiding orange juice and other things with vitamin c to get better effects of the drug. I definitely needed more to feel the effects when I did have something acidic. I'm also a natural body builder (haven't ever competed yet). But because you probably eat similar foods every day, the needing of a higher dosage was probably more due to you just getting accustomed to the feeling and/or tolerance.

    • Like 1
  5. Haha I bet, it stops us all.  I'm at the worst stage right now and I can't wait to be 11 months clean.  I keep thinking about how much time I've already wasted on this adderall its rediculous.  It really is a deceptive, evil drug.  It makes you think over and over again it's ok to take and will benefit you to succeed.  All lies! I realize each adderall we took is setting us back, not moving us foward.  I'd be better off a lazy bum, who never took adderall but just needed some motivation.  But instead I'm two steps behind that guy and it's hard to take.  It's hard to suck up your pride and realize your not above everyone else.  Your acutal self worth without adderall is next to nothing and now it's a matter of reinventing yourself.  It sucks now, but hey at least I'm not backtracking anymore

     

    It seems like you got your head in the right place. That's exactly true, each adderall sets us back rather than pushing us forward like we thought. I had a strong work-ethic before adderall. After relying on adderall to do my work for me for two years, I had no work ethic. That's just an example of how adderall really sets you back. Rather than actually making you hard working it makes you lazier and lazier. Reinventing your self is exactly it. It actually becomes fun getting to know who we are for real and reinventing ourselves. Recovery is a perfect time for you to decide who you want to be.  Adderall is simply a crutch. If you go on crutches for 10 years, yeah it's gonna be damn hard to walk but eventually you'll learn to walk without your crutches and you'll be up and running before you know it if you keep at it every day.

    • Like 1
  6. Im able to sleep through the night its just frustrating because when i wake up i realized i didnt use and it was juzt a dream but than i want to use. Also caved yesterday :( back to day 1

     

    Tessa, thanks for being honest. That is really important. Have you considered getting rid of your pills and telling your doctor not to prescribe them due to abuse so you have no choice but to quit?

    • Like 1
  7. I read this as, "Also, I forgot about the bath salts.." LOL.

     

    I know this is off topic, but I just felt like putting it out there. I was starting to become addicted to bath salts while I was already addicted to adderall. I've never tried cocaine but I would assume that cocaine is in every way like bath salts. Too crazy. I'm glad the government got that shit off the market or else I might have wound up with two stimulant addictions. I remember the last day I went to the store and they no longer had bath salts. I was very upset. Then I realized it was a good thing. At least my sober brain today is smart enough to stay away from all those types of things. I always will have a weakness for stimulants.

    • Like 2
  8. Congratulations man, I'm so happy to hear that!! Luckily you've only been on it for 3 months so withdrawals shouldn't be horrible and hopefully you'll be able to recover quickly from the drug. Keep active on these forums and let us know how things are going. Recovery takes most people a year or more. Because you've only been taking it for three months, I would think that recovery would be much shorter for you but I can't say for sure.

     

    Blesbro

    • Like 2
  9. I agree with what your saying 100%.  I wish I had more time to recover before going back to school where I'm most tempted to take this drug again.  Unfortuantely, I have already committed to returning and made plans that cannot be reversed.  But I do truly believe that anything is possible and will not give up no matter how hard this path is.  I do already plan on taking an easy schedule so I don't get ahead of myself.  That's another thing about adderall, is it gives you a false reality that you can do anything without being realistic and honest with yourself. 

    It's definitely possible for you to make it through the semester. I quit while at college and ended up withdrawing or failing 3 of my 4 classes but I got an A in macro because there was hardly any homework. Just going to class and taking notes was enough. I didn't have the mental capacity to go all out on all four classes so I ended up just focusing on one. I feel like I can do anything now that I've been sober for 11 months and I'm being honest with myself. Quitting was by far the hardest things I ever had to do and I feel like now that I've more or less overcome that challenge, nothing can stop me. Except for adderall. That surely would stop me.

    • Like 1
  10. Hello everybody, instead of boring you with my life story I will get right to the point. Im 40 year old male and I was prescribed  Adderall which seemed to be a miracle for my add inattentive/scatterbrained/fidgety etc etc type symptoms but unfortunately the initial effect seemed to lose its strength so i asked the doctor if It was possible my body was just needing a slightly larger dose, so he agreed to increase my dose and that's where the problem started. Once again I felt on track again and so happy to be able to read a book without getting a paragraph in and then just going elsewhere to 10 places in my mind. I was relaxed again, almost like Xanax with perfect focus. Well as the weeks went by increased my dose more{without doc consent} because it seemed like yet again i was losing the benefit and didn't want to lose out on this great slowing down of my mind.  

    As of 2 weeks ago I went overboard because i started to like the feeling I got when i increased the dose. It was almost euphoric, i still had my focus and but felt happier  than before. As of today{ 12 weeks} I got up to literally 100mg between 5am and 3pm. In the previous week the most I took was 60mg which is obviously still a lot. I didn't and don't feel remotely anxious, my heart isn't beating any faster than my initial dose weeks ago but it's clear that this is abuse and leading down and really bad road. I like this feeling of calmness too much and my self medicating is foolish.  I need to stop NOW. So here I am putting it in words so I can see what I've been doing and to read other posts so to see if I can relate to anyone and how to get back on track without this double edge sword medication. Im sure it's great for people that have more control, but I guess that isn't me in this case. I don't drink, smoke or do any other type of drugs so  I don't have experience with what withdrawals will be like,  but from what I've read I'm not looking forward to it. Thanks for listening. 

     

    Hey oyvey,

    it seems pretty apparent to me that you have natural addictive behavior towards amphetamines like all of the other people on these forums. I had a very similar experience during the first 6-12 months of usage. Unfortunately, I wasn't smart enough to look for help like you are. For the first 6-12 months, adderall gave me super focus, relieved all my anxiety, and made me feel extremely euphoric. It seemed like the perfect fix in my life. After taking a certain dosage for awhile I always increased my dosage like you despite the fact that i KNEW it was wrong what I was doing. I had really good self control when I started using adderall, and adderall eventually (after 2.5 years) took all of my self control away. You are headed down a dark, dark path. I suggest you explain to your doctor EXACTLY what you wrote on these forums and I'm sure your doctor will agree that you should be taken off adderall immediately. We're here to help you if you do decide to quit.

     

    Blesbro

    • Like 2
  11. Adderall is the ultimate mind fuck. It undermines your confidence and replaces it with a false sense of confidence.  One of the pro's of quitting for me is I truly don't give  a shit what others think anymore. 

     

    I can relate 100%. Nobody else's thoughts of me will ever bring me down again.

  12. Thanks I appreciate that.

    I totally agree with what you were saying about running should not lead to eating more if you want to lose weight. I lost a lot of weight but I forced myself not to increase my calories much and now I'm at a waist size 32 . After I quit adderall I gained a TON of weight but now I've lost all the weight I gained after quitting adderall (which was at least 30 lbs) and much more on top of that. in general I still eat more (just a little more) because of the running but because my metabolism is higher now from the running club I don't gain weight or anything from it.

    Congrats! 32 is a great waist size. Do you enjoy running now that you've gotten used to it? 

  13. Not really my bfs working outa town for the next couple months and I've been on it for about a yr if it wasn't so long I wouldn't mind just quitting but I feel Like I've heard that withdraws off of 60mg can be harsh so I can only imagine what mine might be :(

    The actual physical withdrawals only last a couple weeks I believe. I have stopped cold turkey (because I ran out of pills and money) before after taking 150-200mgs a day and after 3 months I felt normal. Unfortunately I didn't actually try to quit so I began taking it again and it eventually destroyed me from the inside out. It's good that you've only been on it for a year because the longer you stay on it the harder it is to quit. You can quit cold turkey at such a high dose and I would recommend you quitting soon before your health seriously deteriorates. 

    • Like 1
  14. I experience those exact scenarios.  It's like adderall has killed my ability to be vunerable anymore.  I'm more focused on what other people think rather than what I think.  I think now it's a battle of remembering that this forever.  Theres times when I'm feeling great off adderall and then worry about the future and question whether I can always do this.  But that's the change I have to make. Is remembering that this is the reason why I'm quitting adderall.  Its the hope that you will be able to conquer all your dreams and expectations without adderall.  I have to go back to school on campus in January.  I hope this time I make it.  I need to overcome my fear of studying without adderall.  I think I need to figure out what is going to make me happy from studying and doing school.  Because that's where adderall kicked in.  It was motivator to study hard and become this great mathematician.  And now I don't know what is going to keep me happy.  I hope I find a new reason and meaning for life in general.

     

    Breaking the association of adderall and homework is really hard, but you can do it. It's not gonna happen by January, but you have to know that if you decide to take it again in January not only  life will continue to get worse and worse, it will continue to become harder and harder to quit. If you stay sober for one full year, I can almost guarantee that you'll be able to get lots of homework done no problem. I can understand how difficult this is for you, especially considering you've been taking it since 8th grade. That means most of the homework you've ever done in your life was on adderall. Obviously you can't expect homework to be easy after a few months of being off adderall. You've been taking adderall for way too long.  Trust me man, you really gotta just man up and push through this. It's hell and it sucks but it is SO WORTH IT. There was a time when I couldn't imagine doing homework without adderall. And now I do homework every day without it. It's not as fun, but definitely doable. There are other people on this forums like Ashley and Liltex who are finishing up school over a year after quitting. And they're doing great. They were also in the same exact place as you in the early stages of recovery. With that said, your NUMBER ONE goal should be to never take a pill of adderall ever again. If that's not your number one goal, then other things like school will cause you to relapse. It's a pretty common story. Many adderallics relapse to get school/work done only to realize that they made a HUGE mistake. Set yourself up for success and either take next semester off, or drop a few classes. Stick with it bro.

     

    Blesbro

    • Like 1
  15. I have heard that too because it forces your body to burn fat instead of the food in your stomach.

    But I find if I don't eat before I run I can't sustain longer runs. So I always eat before. But just running in general scorches body fat and the more intense the more scorching. 

    Yes exactly. Your muscles should have glycogen stores from the night before which are used as energy. But once those are used up, it's on to either the muscle or fat for energy depending on the intensity. I would only really recommend extremely slow jogging or walking on an empty stomach to prevent muscle breakdown anyway. For everyone still mentally recovering, the health benefits of getting an intense run far out-weigh the benefits of doing a shorter, less intense run in order to burn more bodyfat if that makes sense. So there's nothing wrong with eating before. Anyways, keep it up!  I don't mean to say you're wrong, because I get what you're trying to say, but running with food in your stomach actually burns calories not fat. Fat is burned when you burn more calories than you consume in a given day. Running helps you to burn more calories over the entire day and thus if you run more and eat the same amount, you will start to lose fat. Losing fat is all about the caloric deficit. The reason I say this is because I know a lot of people such as my mom who have been trying to lose weight and I've had to explain that running doesn't necessarily mean you'll lose fat if your run causes you eat way more during the day. Sorry, I'm a health nut and get kind of technical.

    • Like 1
  16. I'm headin towards 6 months. I am doing good feeling like the worst of it is over. I have some major hurdles to overcome yet. But I'm just putting one foot in front of the other and making small improvements  daily. I am soooo much better than I was 4 months ago, I've really leveled off in terms of the depression etc.  Now it really is just working towards incremental improvements. Thanks for being so positive.  I'm going to go to the gym in the AM for the 1st time in a long time largely due to your positive posts.

    Congrats man. 6 months is huge and I'm glad you're doing good. You have definitely gotten through the worst of it. Exactly I feel like incremental improvements are key. Rome wasn't built in a day. You're doing great man. I'm confident you'll make a full recovery. Let us know what you think about the AM workout! The AM workouts seem to get me in "get shit done mode" nice and early in the morning. I tend to get a lot more done if I wake up early and go to the gym. I should be thanking you for reading my posts. Sharing my thoughts in writing really helps me to get my ideas straight and my brain thinking properly. It's always a pleasure to help another person out on the road to recovery! Giving back to this website and everyone on it is the least I can do after everything you guys and this website have done for me.

  17. for the answer somwhere late at nigt after a binge like u said ( i of course hope u don't actually do this) than ur search or mine atleast always brings me back to this site... i come back on and off on and off much similar to my addiction. years of the same pattern and cycles. and when i come back i no reading everything gives me that feel good change but the kind of feel good that happens though with in before after and during some rough emotional inner work kind of pain.. therefore i leave often. it just blows my mind how similar we all are

    i sware every time i come to this site i choose a thread to read and i have to scroll up to see if i wrote it.. we sound so similar. its insane.. even the words we choose. i tottaly and completly do the exact same thing  u mentioned and whats crazier is that the other night i was up late doing so and had these great plans that physically and mentally felt amazing like theres no way i wont do this tommarow ect. and i remember the other night i thought u know what i do this alot i bet tommarow it will be gone.. it was and i pondrered on that and than havent thougt about it again till i read this post just now...

    insane. we are all patternized cycle running conditioned little addie addicts and i feel like since we all go though the exact same thing or since i do than i should consider the thought that this is real. serious.

    I also had the same thing. I felt so euphoric and confident on adderall at times that I felt like I could easily quit the next day. Until I came down and realized that it was just the addy lying to me.

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