blesbro
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Posts posted by blesbro
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Thanks man during my 4 month sobriety you have no idea how much I lifted. Like you just said 7 days a week I was there. Sometime I went three times a day. The only area I couldn't recover from was socializing. I went to the gym and couldn't make any long lastin relationship with anyone. But I guess I need to realize that it's going to take longer than 4 months. I gained so much muscle also. So many girls at school reached out to me, but I was the one that couldn't make the next step. I knew I was there physically and healthy wise but socially I was still weak. I hope things change this time, but here we go. I'm on day two now but thanks for the advice. I'm 23 hopefully by 25 or so I'm completely recoverd. I may look back at this and laugh. Thanks for the advice man
Exactly. Adderall seriously fucked up my ability to have a genuine conversation with anyone or connect with anyone other than really close friends on any deep level. And even then I was pretty shallow. It helped to have one of my close friends tell me how I used to be so much better in so many ways before I started taking adderall. I used to be super witty and always had a comeback. Eventually when one of my friends would jokingly make fun of me, I just had nothing to say. I wasn't witty anymore. I just couldn't relax, chill, and have a fun time shooting the breeze with anyone. The only time I felt somewhat comfortable is when I was alone. It definitely made me lose just about all my social skills and I often avoided talking to people because I was afraid they would notice how off I was mentally. Not fun at all. Being able to socialize, in my opinion, is a mental thing. If you're mentally healthy, you can just be yourself and not have to worry what someone thinks about what you say. That's the case for me at least. I'm more mentally healthy after 11 months of addy than I have been in years and it's amazing. It's worth it when you get to a point where you can talk to someone without consciously thinking about anything. When I talk to people now, and write anything for that matter, I just talk I don't really think about what I'm going to say when I'm saying/typing it anymore. You'll get to a much better place in two years you'll be amazed. I'm still being amazed by how much better I get every single month. Stick with it it's worth it.
Blesbro
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Glad to hear it Zhenka. Congrats on 6 months that's a true accomplishment! What's CBT? I exercise, eat really healthy, and occassionally meditate although not as much as I should. And I totally agree with what you're saying.
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I've been taking adderall for ten years now. Since 8th grade and I'm 23 now. I first declared adderall evil about a year ago when I continually kept binging on it and never sleeping. The sad part is digging into the addiction like you said has made things worse. It seems since the first time I firmly committed to quitting back in January, I lasted four months. I broke because I had finals for school and feared I would fail them all. After that in May, I went off and on the adderall getting some from friends. It would normally but just enough for a few nights to binge and then I'd be sober for another month. Now it's November and I've been doing this since then, but recently I got an entire prescription. It's not mine it a family members. But with this prescription and told myself I was going to make this work. I told myself there was really something wrong with me if I couldn't at least have one freakin day without going over my dosage. Obviously, that didn't happen and now I'm here once again facing the reality that I need to quit. When I posted my question the other night I couldn't remember why I should quit? I kept coming up with all these reasons why it was bad, but the main one I forgot, was that your quitting becuase you can't control the addiction. I needed someone to tell me that again because after my last relapse I got alll twisted up again. I'm technically on my first day today, but I still have some 30mgs left. Everytime I'm committed to how fucked up this adderall has made me, I say I NEED to stop right now. But then when I try and do anything I feel just as depressed. I know this is typical of quitting especially at first, but I worry about failing after 4 months like last time. I made progress during that time, but still felt unhappy on the inside. It's almost like everytime I quit and try and do things without adderall, knowing ok this is my life now, I still act as though everything is a product of adderall. I never wake up with a clean slate or look and the mirror and identify myself as something other than an ex adderall user. I'm not sure if it's self sabotage or what. I spend more time wandering what other people are thinking and always feel like I'm wierd in certain ways. Not enough that I can't go out and socialize somewhat, but there's always something on the inside that doesn't feel right. I'm always anxious to get home because then I will be normal again. I will figure this out when I get home. Anyway I think my problem is I don't know or remember how to please myself. When I get off this again, I will work out, run and be healthier guaranteed. That is easy for me and comes natural, but there are still many other areas I struggle with. Btw I started first 4 years or so around 30mgs per day. But around 19 or 20 it steadily increased until I never slept on them anymore.
During my addiction, I definitely became socially weird and anxious. I was always in my head and couldn't keep a conversation for the life of me because I just was not all there. I was in an addy daze. It sucked ass. Those effects lingered for 9-10 months after I quit. I've been clean almost 11 months now and I have no anxiety or social awkwardness anymore. Pretty awesome. But at months 4-8, it was still there for sure. Definitely start working out ASAP. I'm all about health and working out. I lift 7 days a week, eat a really clean diet, and it has helped me in recovery in SO MANY WAYS. During adderall I still lifted but my workouts were shit and I just continued to lose lean mass because I couldn't eat enough. Once I quit, they went through the roof, I threw on 30lbs of muscle in 6 months, and now I dropped the excess fat gain that came with quitting. It has seriously helped my self-esteem, self-confidence, overall feeling of well-being, concentration, motivation, and energy levels. Make sure to take steps to get your body healthy again because that will really help you out in a lot of other ways. Eating healthy, running, and lifting weights will make your life much easier down the road of recovery I promise. Also, check out the thread 30 day challenge. It's for people in their first 30 days of recovery and should help hold you accountable. Quitting with others that are in the same stage of recovery as you makes it much easier as you're working together with someone else to beat the addiction.
Blesbro
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Good for you blesbro. My biggest fear from quitting adderall is not being successful, productive or motivated anymore. I agree that being productive is a great feeling. Something about being productive, smart, hard working, in control, motivated, etc. (all feelings you strengthened on adderall) are very important to me. I hope to regain those feelings back without adderall someday too.
I can totally relate to that bro. That's why I continued to take adderall for a year after being well aware of my addiction. Because I was afraid of not being able to be successful, productive or motivated anymore. So I continued to use for another year and IN THAT YEAR that i continued to take it, my whole life crumbled before my eyes. My reputation eventually was ruined, many good friends were lost because I was so fucked up and I don't blame any of my friends who went a separate way because I totally understand now. I started failing all of my classes where as I had been a straight A student my whole life before adderall. The deeper you get into the addiction, the worse it gets. It sounds like you were at an earlier stage in the addiction than I was before I quit. That's amazing! There's no way I could have quit without doing serious damage to my life. I knew it too. I couldn't find the motivation to quit until my life was nearly ruined (temporarily, of course!). So my HIGHEST advice to you my man is stay quit. It really is for the better. Eventually, after up to a year or more off of adderall, you can attain high focus, motivation, and overall success in life without adderall. How long did you take adderall for and what dosages if you don't mind me asking?
Blesbro
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Trotivated: Trying to get motivated.
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Congrats on day one Tessa! It's certainly not easy to quit at first but it will get easier! Stay active on this website and we'll do our best to help guide you to the finish line.
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Ive been taking adderal since i was a little kid. I needed it and probably still do. My add isnt the kind where i ant focus on 1 thing, its more like i am a lazy slug and need the boost to get my mind up and active. I lost my father last mothers day and began to take more adderal and hide behind the feeling of it from the sadness i really had inside me. It lead to horrible panic attacks and me having to move back home. I have started anti dep. and have meds for attacks if needed but i find myself so dependent on adderal that i cant do anything without taking one. even things i used to love now require adderal. I realized its time to be done for good and I want to experience life, not just think about when my bottle is going to run out this month. I am a slug when I dont take it. I just have zero motivation to do anything at all. I dont wanna shower, eat, anything! Do you guys have any ways to help me. I need to learn how to FORCE myself to go on that run and exercise, stuff like that to make me feel good. I just cant seem to do it. What do i do?! Thanks guys
Hey cardinal,
You have to make the decision to quit forever if you want to experience life to it's fullest and truly be happy again. It sounds like you're addicted. It's normal to feel like a slug when you don't take it. After taking it for a long time your body simply forgets how to function without it. Full recovery takes over a year for sure so if you do decide to quit for good realize that you won't feel motivated and disciplined until you have abstained from adderall for several months. It's hard to quit, but absolutely worth it. There are many people on these forums, including myself, who can totally relate to what you're going through. It sucks, I know. The good news is that the grass is much greener on the other side and when you do make it to that year mark you will be happier than ever, believe me. Please stick around these forums whether you decide to quit or not. I can see that you have good intentions and want to quit. We are here to help guide you if you truly are serious about it.
Also, if you're trying to force yourself to do things you don't want to do, maybe try writing down all the benefits you can possible think of doing a certain activity. If the WHY is big enough the HOW doesn't matter, you know? So for example, running will give you a lot more natural energy once you're used to running regularly, it will help you focus better naturally, and it will increase your levels of motivation. Once you get into running and make it a habit, it will be easy and enjoyable. A good run is far superior to any amount of adderall or coffee for me. If you can't force yourself to run for 30 mins, try 5 mins. Go run hard for 5 minutes every day out every 24 hours and soon enough you'll see that running for 10 mins will eventually be as easy as running for 5 minutes. Here's the trick, though. People who take adderall first take the drug and then they get motivated. For normal people who get motivated naturally, it starts with doing something that you don't want to do, and motivation will follow. You won't feel motivated to run until you start running. Make sure to WRITE DOWN why and then start as small as necessary. Also, the 30 day challenge that FW was talking about is a great way to hold yourself accountable for quitting. Check the thread out. I hope this helps.
Blesbro
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The same shit happens to everyone who becomes addicted to adderall. It all starts when you get a tolerance or when you are coming down from the last dosage. Your addictive instinct is to then take more to get back to your desired level of euphoria. For me, the honeymoon phase and after became a never-ending chase to feel absolutely wonderful at every hour of the day. And thus the pill popping continued.
Everytime I try to quit adderall I get stuck thinking about my time on it. Mainly, why is it everytime the last two years I take one adderall, it turns into a lot and an all nighter. The amount of all nighters, even three consecutive all nighters, I have gone through is starting to scare me. Scare me because I haven't stoppeed. I wish if at least took it, I would have enough discipline to stop before bedtime. But everytime nowadays, I take the max a person should ever take and stay up for a few nights straight.
So with my history with adderall I am constantly wandering why did I do that? Why does adderall affect me after just one pill. My best guess is that I never want to "come down" and I've impulsively learned to just keep popping addies. As long as I'm gonna get mad work done and have a super productive night it won't matter, because tomorrow I'l be normal again. Anyway I have wandered if quitting adderall this way, on such a unsettled, uncontrollable note, will I be able to recover the same? Will I always have less power since the adderall still controls me? Obviously if I took adderall now, or anytime during my soberness, I would behave and react the same way. Nothing changed regarding my behavior on it, just my ability to stay away from it.
I think what you're trying to ask is, if you quit for a while and go back to addy, will you ever be able to control your usage? Maybe I'm wrong, but if that is what you were wondering, the answer is no. If you can't control your adderall usage now you won't be able to control it later.
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Awesome, congrats Ashley!
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Oh yes, I definitely have ADHD. ADHD helped me explore a wide variety of opportunities pre-adderall and while I was on adderall. I seem to have lost that. Thank you for making me write that out because it made me realize that I probably just need to relax and focus more on recovery right now. I think lack of sleep, laziness, and lack of progress on a lot of fronts (even though I knocked out a bunch of work this morning) is just catching up with me today that and I missed lunch.
No problem. My dad has ADHD and has been unemployed for the past 7 years. He was prescribed addy for a couple years, although never got addicted, and I wonder if some of the problems he's having today isn't because of adderall. He didn't even realize that adderall was addictive when I told him about my addiction, so perhaps it was difficult for him to recover from something he didn't know he had to recover from. Maybe he got so down/depressed during recovery by his lack of being able to get anything done that it is still affecting him today. He is making progress but I do understand that it can be a lot more difficult for people with ADHD to properly focus on what is really necessary. That and depression can really keep someone from getting things done. I don't have ADHD so knowing what I have to do is less the problem and actually doing it is more the problem right now. Congrats on getting a bunch of shit done this morning. Try and get some more sleep man, it will make a huge difference!
Dillon
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I was just thinking about how I love waking up early, going to the gym, and getting my day started early. Why? Because I love feeling productive and being productive. I have loved being productive since before I ever took adderall. At first, addy seemingly increased my productivity which played a huge role in my love for adderall. I became a productivity NUT during the honeymoon phase. But now I have realized that I can still feel damn productive no addy necessary
I guess I have a natural love for feeling productive. Is anyone else like me in that sense?-
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In your case, I think working hard would be considered doing certain things that help you find your way in your professional life. Work as hard as you can at whatever is most important. I work my ass off in the gym, but that's not that important. And it doesn't translate to me working hard at school unfortunately. It's pretty hard to move forward toward an unknown next step. Maybe try meditating to help you figure out what the most important next step for you is. Basically, figure out WHAT YOU WANT in your life and go get bro! Don't sell yourself short by telling yourself that you can't find the next step because you absolutely can! Would you say your ADHD plays a role in your issues? Or do you not have ADHD?
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struggling
A lot of recovery is struggling, but it will be worth it in the end. When we finally become stronger because of it. I am definitely struggling as well, but I consider it a good thing. Like you, I'm struggling with procrastination mainly in doing the most important things. It's really hard but constant small successes will change our habits.. I'm holding myself to do at least 30 mins of school work a day because somtimes I just go so many damn days without doing any after trying to do several hours a day. I don't have due dates or deadlines on it so it's hard to push myself. This is a problem I NEVER would have had pre-adderall. It's a struggle but it will be well worth it! Don't forget that.
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Great idea! What I have accomplished since quitting adderall on December 21st, 2012.
- I have gained the ability to become genuinely interested in others and also have developed a genuine interest to make real friends. I didn't have a natural desire to make new friends during the down-slide of my addiction.
- I have a strong self-confidence in myself and much hope for the future. I was absolutely hopeless on adderall. I had no chance of pursuing my dreams on adderall.
- I have made serious positive changes to my body since I quit adderall. I've gained lots of muscle and lost lots of fat since quitting due to my strong work ethic in the gym and willpower to eat healthy. This is probably the accomplishment I am most proud of.
- I am able to "live in the present" and get the hell out of my head once and for all!
- I am able to enjoy relaxing as well as sleeping.
- I feel more awake, focused, and energized than I did on adderall.
- I have overcome social anxiety for the most part.
Still have a long way to go, however, I couldn't be more happy with the progress I've made. Every month is better than the last.
Blesbro
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Congrats liltex, you're a HUGE inspiration! Thanks for sticking around!
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I want to give a HUGE shout out to my girl LUNAX! couldn't be more proud of you. 60 days is a huge accomplishment!!! You go girl! And thank you for keeping me sane as well during hard times lol. Love you sober sister!
Fw- congrats on day 46! You're trucking along beautifully
thank you for all of your encouragement!And ss- keep it up you're doing great!
Anyone heard from Kev? I only saw one post so far by him
Checking in today at dat 40! Just had a reality check that it's actually been 40 days since I've had any medicine. It's getting a little tough at work because there are several people coming out telling me that they are on Adderall, I had no idea I thought I was the only one. I would think it would be easy to be around people talking about it but it actually makes it that much harder
Hey ll,
I thought I might be able to help you out regarding being comfortable talking about it around other people. I really think that you ought to outright proud of the fact that you're off addy and shouldn't be afraid to let other people at work know that you're done with it, for good. You should be proud that you're in there trucking through work without taking the easy way out. You're doing it the natural way and there's no better way to do it! Also, letting people know that you are addy free for good in a confident manner will make them respect you. I have gotten nothing but respect by telling people that I quit addy for good. It will make it easier for you to say no if it comes up in a situation where a friend offers you one as well.
I would think that working at day 40 would still be extremely tough. I don't think I would have been able to handle a job at day 40 so I want to say congratulations for getting so far! Bottom line, if you truly are serious about getting off for good then who cares if other people take it? Personally, I feel bad for other people that take it. They could be so much better off if they decided to quit and learn to work hard naturally. I often try to reach out to others that I know that take it by sharing my bad experiences, while not trying to persuade them to quit at the same time. That has to be their choice.
Do you ever notice when some people that you know that take adderall act kind of dull and in-genuine? Almost fake sometimes? Well I have other friends that have problems with adderall and I can totally tell when they're on adderall because they just act different. They are much better people off adderall. I enjoy hanging out with them much more when they're on periods of not taking adderall.
Anyways, be proud! You should be! I hope this helped.
Blesbro
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So do you feel smarter now after 11 months of no adderall than you did on the days that you didn't take addy during the weeks?
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Congratulations Liltex you're an inspiration!
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Wow, I am surprised that you are still adjusting while only taking it 2-3x per week. Personally, I don't think amphetamines should be prescribed period for that very reason. We still have some recovery veterans in here like quit-once that have been clean for 2+ years. I know quit-once said he noticed significant improvements even in his second year of recovery.
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Blesbro, I just googled clean foods after reading your post and now I have a much better idea of what you mean. Here is how I understand it: a clean food is an an orange because it is all natural. A less clean food is orange juice because it is somewhat processed, and a not clean food is orange jello because it is a mostly artificially flavored (fake) food. I get it now. I agree with the concept but eating only clean foods is easier said than done.
Regarding the eating only when hungry, I entirely agree. Most of my life I have preferred to skip breakfast and eat my first meal of the day around noon. That became really difficult to do during adderall recovery because my stomach was really twisted from years of abuse. But, eventuallly, I was able to get back to eating two large meals a day and a late night munchie snack. I can also tollerate a wider range of foods than I did right after quitting (even if some of them aren't very clean
)That's exactly correct. A good rule of thumb is that if a caveman could eat it you can too. Of course I still indulge in not so clean foods. 95% of the food I have been consuming has been clean though. Eating clean is easier said than done but after 3 weeks, it becomes habit and become much easier
I also usually eat between noon and 2pm as my breakfast meal.-
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For me, I feel like when I quit adderall it was like starting a new life. I was so used to being sped up on addy that I completely forgot what normal human life was like. I have had to rebuild almost every part about myself since I quit, because I relied on addy for too much and when I took the addy away, it was like nothing was left but my genetics. Now that's a stretch but the point is I declined in so many areas of my life during my usage and after quitting that I have had to slowly rebuild myself since. For me, I feel as though I will be fully recovered from adderall when I am as mentally on point as I was before adderall. It's just grinding it out from here.
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Blesbro,
This is very helpful. It is nice to hear someone is in a situation very similar to myself. I have slowly been getting better but as you mention, there are days when I don't feel all there. If you don't mind me asking, how many mg were you prescribed daily? Also, how many days a week were you taking?
I have been trying to read more, play Lumosity games and exercise. I believe the natural way is the best way to recover. Surely over the course of the next 6-12 months, we should notice some gains back to our old cognitive situation.
I wasn't prescribed adderall, I bought it from different people who had prescriptions. For the year of usage I took it as much as I could but not daily. After the first year, I began taking probably 30mg daily which eventually got to upwards of 150mgs. My last 12 months I was taking 60-70mg daily and that was "just to feel normal". I too have been playing lumosity games and believe that the natural way is best. I have been also been lifting weights 5-7 times per week since I quit. I also run on occasion and have noticed that I am significantly more clear-headed after a good run. I think cardiovascular exercise is probably the most important type of physical exercise to increase cognitive performance and there are actually studies that back this up. Other than that, I take a super multi-vitamin, melotonin to help get in to a deep sleep quickly, and fish oil which is supposed to really help out the brain among other things.
I definitely don't feel "dumb" like i did between months 1-9, however, I certainly have some more mental improvements to make. Let's do this together! A part of me misses the super-focused absolutely "on point" feeling that adderall gave me in the beginning, however, I know I'll get a much more natural version of that feeling eventually; in fact, it's already starting to surface.
Dillon
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Does anyone else feel much dumber post Adderall? I catch myself constantly feeling dumb, stumbling over words, becoming slow to respond, etc. If so, does the feeling last forever?
What's up Gigem,
I am 11 and a half months sober and I totally felt dumb after quitting and have felt progressively "smarter" or more "on point" each and every month since quitting. I was super "on point" before ever taking adderall and after taking adderall for about 2.5 years, and quitting for 11 months, I still feel less on point than I did before ever taking adderall. I really think it takes longer than a year as I have had more focus and "smart thoughts" during month 11 than month 10. If you're really trying to improve your brain, doing things that work your brain such as reading intellectual things helps a lot. Also, exercising and eating healthy really helps to clear up your head and help you think better. At 11 months, it's about rebuilding your brain naturally. Nothing you do will make increase the sharpness of your brain as instantaneously as adderall did, however, doing little things to help your brain day in and day out will improve it's efficiency over time. Also keep in mind, recovery is not a linear process and of course you will have days where it might "seem" like you're not making progress when in actuality it's just part of recovery. I hope this helps.
Dillon
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Blesbro, how do you define "clean foods"? Can you give some examples of the clean foods you like to eat?
Hey quit-once,
I am still in the process of researching and finding new good foods and recipes that fit the category of clean foods. Basically clean foods are whole, healthy foods. I am no expert but this is what I have learned to eat in order to help shed fat quickly or gain muscle quickly depending on my current goal. The idea of clean eating is that carbohydrates, fats, and protein are all extremely healthy for you if you get them from a healthy source, in the right quantities, your body will begin recompositioning. The trick to maintaining or losing weight is really getting your required macro-nutrients from healthy sources. I find that if i get my required macros in for the day from all healthy sources, I can eat in a caloric deficit without any cravings or hunger.
For breakfast, scrambled eggs with cheese, salt and pepper, and two slices of multi-grain toast both topped with margarine and jam. This is an easy and super healthy meal. Basically the only other thing I have been eating for breakfast is oatmeal and protein shakes to mix it up.
For lunch and dinner, grilled chicken breast, some almonds, baked potato with your favorite toppings, rice, noodles, broccoli, sweet potato, turkey sandwich with provolone cheese on multi-grain bread, fish filet, and steak are a few examples. I'm starting to learn that I can transform my body with the help of the science of healthy food.
Thanks for sharing that Blesbro, even if you meant to post it in another forum lol.
I definitely agree that diet and exercise play a huge role in this whole thing. I also notice that when I eat anything too carby early in the morning I have a significantly harder time focusing.
The problem for me is that food is my first addiction. I get into healthy food kicks every few months but I never keep it up. I feel like I constantly relapse...on food! Anyways I'm just taking it one day at time.
Lunax,
Haha it doesn't matter to me what thread, I just meant to say I've been following the 30 day and 60 day challenge the whole way. Anyways, I'm not sure why eating anything too carby makes you unfocused in the morning, but if you naturally aren't hungry in the morning I would recommend just skipping breakfast altogether and eat when you get hungry. I have been skipping breakfast (but still eat 3 large meals) due to this concept called intermittent fasting and have found that I have better focus in the morning without eating! I would really recommend doing some research on intermittent fasting in your case, as I have been "addicted to food" in my life at times and have that found intermittent fasting seriously gave me the ability to control my hunger and cravings. In fact, usually within 30 mins to an hour after a hunger pang/food craving people will feel satisfied. Do what you're comfortable with though because taking it one day at a time is absolutely essential.
Dillon
Random interesting thought
in General Discussion
Posted
Thanks man, I appreciate it! I aim to try and inspire people because quitting is something that people should be inspired to do. It's the best and most difficult decision I've ever made. I want to spread the greatness of quitting. I had to dig deeper into myself to quit than I have ever had to before in my life. That feels good. I feel compelled to pass on my knowledge about quitting because I have seen the early stages of hell and I have gotten to a much better place. I am not perfect by any means but I strive to improve myself every day. Not only for myself, but also so that I can be a better brother, son, friend, and inspiration for all you guys on here. I simply choose to believe that a 110% recovery is possible and I don't care what the research or anyone else says (although the research tends to say that 100% is possible). I think everyone will be forever changed by the addiction and it's our choice as to whether that change is positive or negative. If we sit around, not do anything, and just feel bad for ourselves, obviously recovery is going to be a very long road. But if we push as hard as we can every single day, and take smart steps to recover, recovery is inevitable. The most important part is never giving up hope. Easier said than done, but that's why we have these forums to help motivate each other.
Congrats on hitting 11 months man, how's everything going for you?
Blesbro