Spence23

A little update. I had a relapse throughout the month of September where I took it every day. Being straight up honest, I did not have the ambition without it to handle a full school load and work. My heart started hurting again, pretty damn bad, which finally motivated me to kick it again. It is crazy to me that my heart hurts the way it does when I take just 5-10mg every day. After I quit taking it for about 2 weeks it stopped hurting again. I am sure I have damaged my heart in some way; but it is like my body is preventing my addiction to rage on, which is pretty cool. Anyways, I cut back to taking just 8 hours of school, and am maintaining A's in both classes. I have learned that it is going to be a slow process to get back to the cognitive level I had when I was on it, BUT I have lately been seeing some improvements in my work. For example, although it is not as good as when I am on Adderall, I can write a paper in about half the time; as I don't think and rethink every single sentence. But I haven't taken Adderall in about 20 days now.

My doctor already is aware of my heart. I requested an EKG on my last check up and everything turned out to be okay (which doesn't necessarily mean my heart isn't damaged). But she knows that I know how easy it is to doctor shop. She realized I am intelligent and believes I know better than her what I should or shouldn't be taking I could ask for Xanax and poof I would have it. On a side note, I caved in to all the supplement talk and tried 500 mg of L-Tyrosine, 200 mg of Phosphatidyl serine, a B complex, and a multi-vitamin today (first day I have really ever taken supplements), and even though I had only gotten 5 hours of sleep the night previously I felt fantastic. After about an hour of taking them is when I really felt the effects. It was a similar effect to Adderall minus the cardiovascular symptoms, but felt way more natural and healthy. Until I get an unusual side effect from these supplements I think I am going to continue to keep taking them. The reason I quit Adderall is because of my heart, and I know taking these supplements is way better for my heart than ingesting a pot of coffee everyday. But I must say I am very surprised I felt as good as I did after taking the supplements. Completed my first homework assignment without Adderall today for the first time in 7 years. Woot!

Just an update.. Today is my first day back in school and I've successfully managed to study my Organic Chem for 5 hours straight That's the longest I have ever studied anything stimulant free in over 7 years I HAD THE BIGGEST URGE SINCE QUITTING TO CALL MY DOCTOR AND GET A SCRIPT BUT I RESISTED!!! Most of the information has seemed to actually stick.. Needless to say I am super proud of myself! On a side note... My heart feels great, I am running 6+ miles almost every day WOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks Nouedis but I don't want to become dependent on any other drug. I see you are promoting the drug on multiple posts when people are weak. Shame on you.

Anyone play league?

Again, thank you everyone for the awesome replies.. @idonttan.. After reading a lot of the posts from this site.. that is what I have been learning. There is never a bad time to quit. No matter what, there will ALWAYS be another excuse to continue taking the drug. I wish you the best in recovery, and I hope you can kick the drug for good one day. If my heart didn't start hurting, I don't think I would ever have any desire to quit. @Clinx.. thanks for the reply. I think the number one thing, like you said, is the anxiety of thinking that I won't be able to study and succeed without it. I read somewhere that was kind of what Adderall does. It makes you THINK that you won't be able to succeed, thus makes you want to keep on taking it. I wish I could just believe in Christ and gain power through him.. but as much as I tried to be a Christian (went to church for 10 years) I just can't disregard every other religion. I believe there HAS to be a God (just by looking at the beautiful blue sky and smelling the grass), but I believe I (all humans) would be bias to think every other God is false. @Matilda.. I loved your post. Thanks so much. It's crazy that, until now, I have had a distorted medicated look on life since I was a child. Who knows, I could be a lot further than I am now without the medication.. I will never know. But this is my chance. I can be anybody I want to be. I can do anything if I set my sober dedicated mind to it. I can definitely put a finger on the euphoric recall you were talking about.. as I always think about how awesome my life was with it.. but I have a hard time remembering how I felt like my heart was going to explode. @Ocasional01.. The thing is, I felt like I was totally having a great life while on Adderall. I felt like I could feel the same emotion with the drug than without the drug. But maybe this could be the sheath that the drug covered me with, causing me to think that I have the same emotions when in reality the drug has held them back for years. Thank you for all the study tips and the part about the GPA not being solely what jobs look at when hiring. I plan on joining Big Brothers Big Sisters when I move next semester.. That will look great on my resume, and be easy to do without being on Adderall.

Awesome job staying clean for 23 days! Keep it up I am almost 3 months without Adderall after being addicted to it for 7 years. It feels so good to know that there are people who are going through what I am. I still get the craving for it MULTIPLE times a day, and I plan on those urges staying with me for years to come. Just try to remember to take every day at a time. If you ever need someone to talk to about your addiction I am a message away The reason I quit was because my heart began palpitating and going crazy (I used to drink a pot of coffee and worked out while on my stimulants). Although it is gradually improving, I know the drug damaged my heart. I am curious, since you took such a large dosage, if you ever had any of the same symptoms as me.. At times I felt like I was going to fall over and have a heart attack.. but mainly just constant heart ache. Currently my heart only aches if I drink ANY coffee or go on a hard run.

I am blown-away, I had no idea my post was going to receive such incredible feedback. Thank you all so much. So much from your posts stood out that I want to elaborate on, when I get a chance tomorrow I am going to reply in depth. ..Thanks again. Reading these replies made my entire night.

No one..?

Howdy Howdy, Although this is my first post ever here on the forums, I have read hundreds of posts for the past few years from members who are, like me, trying to quit Adderall for good. After taking a high dosage of amphetamines every single day for the past 8 years, I am proud to say that I am currently 77 days stimulant free.. My senior year of college is starting in a month, and I am, without a doubt, terrified about how I am going to preform in school without my crutch. Take note that this is the first time I have written anything stimulant free since I was in Middle school, so please don't judge my grammatical errors and sentence scrambled run-ons. Here is my story in a nutshell.. thanks for reading. This is really important to me. I started taking Adderall in ninth grade due to a recommendation from a doctor. Looking back now, I do not think at the time I actually had ADHD (for those who think the diagnosis actually exists), but I was highly depressed, and just didn't fit in at High School (which I didn't realize was totally normal). I had just picked up smoking weed too, which dramatically decreased my motivation. Like everyone else who has been addicted in the past, throughout High School my parents and I both thought Adderall was a wonder drug. I was a state-champ wrestler with a smoking hot girlfriend and a 4.0. The first few years of college was no different, as of the 100 some credits I have already completed I have only had a couple B's and the rest A's. About a year and a half ago is when my insomnia really started kicking in. It really is no wonder why, as at the time, I was taking around 30-60mg IR Adderall, and drinking a pot of coffee everyday. At nights I would down a 5th of vodka to help me sleep. Although I was literally killing my body, I still pushed on to have soaring high grades, and had an overall pretty good life. About three month ago is when my heart started hurting. One night I was sitting at my girlfriends cramming for an advanced Trig test. Taking a break, I went outside, popped a 10mg IE Addy and puffed on a blunt. I have done this so many times in the past it was no big deal. All of a sudden I felt like my heart was going to burst. I thought I was going to have a heart attack and die in her back yard. This was the first time, EVER, that I felt the stimulants take an effect on my heart.. Although I have WANTED to quit for the past few years, this was the first time ever where I put my foot down and said no more. I had to quit or I was going to die. I had no other choice. After I got done with finals the following week I threw my bottle of Adderall down the toilet and called it quits. My heart ached bad every day for the next month or so even though I was not on prescription pills. However, eventually, it started feeling better. Currently it only aches when I go on a hard run, but I still think it is gradually improving. This summer I have completely ditched the bottle, the weed, the coffee, and the Adderall. This is the first time since Middle School I am entirely sober. I never thought this was possible. So here we are... Next month school starts. I am fucking TERRIFIED about diving into my senior year Adderall free. The last time I read a book not on stimulants was in Middle School. How the HELL am I supposed to achieve top grades without the crutch I have relied on for so many years? How am I going to be successful? I feel fine without the drug, but my brain is, to say the least, foggy (as I am sure so many of you have experienced). I am a server, and before quitting I was able to take the order of 8 people without writing down a single thing, and as of now I have to write everything down and repeat it multiple times. The only reason I quit in the first place was because of my health. I don't want to die early. I don't want to have a heart attack. Even with Adderall I found an amazing fiancé and was all around happy. But I have to quit, for my heart and for my future family. I just need advise about school. How am I supposed to achieve anything without the crutch that has held me up since Middle School? I've thought about being prescribed a super low dosage for studying, but I know that ultimately it will only cause my addiction to soar again. Thanks for reading. And I look forward to becoming an active member in the forums.