Brandy76

This is a very supportive board and you can discuss anything you're going through whether you quit, or trying to quit. I don't think you can use swim though. haha your social life sounds just like mine. And like you said the energetic way addy makes you act for your clients really makes you rely on it more. I work a lot fitness conventions (in addition to my corp job) where I have to be addy'd up to be the bubbly sales pitch girl. Sometimes just thinking about having to take that to be like that has made me start declining things because just thinking about what I have to put my body through to get thru social events is exhausting. I'm on the generic xanax and I swear i don't think it's as strong as the name brand. I'm perscribed 1mg at night. Lately I definitely have to take 1.5 and sometimes 2mg to fall asleep. It sucks. My doc tried me on Klonopin instead of Xanax and I hated it. It makes you tired, but like "drunk" tired not a mellow feeling tired. I would stumble while on it - my body just couldn't tolerate Klonopin. Your job sounds very stressfull and with adderall sometimes the focus still makes you not focus on the right things and you become scatterbrained I never take the adderall with the xanax as they're opposite drugs (upper and downer) I only take the xanax when it's night & i'm done with working/gym and I have nothing to do and no one to talk to. So it helps that loneliness not be too bad I think xanax is only bad to come off of if you're using high amounts, like really abusing it. Not having it for that time sucked because I couldn't feel that happiness at night, but I was still able to sleep & function. I had no withdrawal symptoms. Wellbutrin is for depression but not like the prozac types. It affects the dopamine levels instead of the seratonin so it's meant for the people who always feel tired, sluggish, and it's also used to help people quit smoking I think. When I've run out of my addy, having the wellbutrin helps a little because it does give you energy, just not that rush type of energy that addy gives. I do want to quit, but I'm so vain I like the weight loss part, even though it's leveled out now meaning I can eat like normal but it just burns so much calories naturally. On the flip side since I've been on it I can't keep or start any type of relationship, like i'm either to intense or too detached. I've forgotten how to think about others and ask questions, be concerned....all things that you need to do to start a relationship lol

Wow congrats on being clean for that long. I've been on it for 2 years and I can tell it's coming to a breaking point. I'm always curious when people say how it ruined their life, do you have examples? I didn't start realizing the negative things that were happening in my life were because of the addy until I found this board and read so many similar stories of these "bad" things that happen

Wow congrats to you and your recovery. I don't know too much about suboxone, but isn't that given to people coming off of heroin also?? Would a doc give that freely if they knew you were stopping your adderall? Did you loose your dream job because of the adderall? I work in the corporate world and my performance has definitely decreased the few years I've been on it

That one little sentence means so much. It's really weird how the adderall makes you loose interest in pretty much everything. I'm at that point where I don't "like" anything and I've chased away all friends, barely talk to family....it's scary

You sound just like me except I've been on that roller coaster for 2 years. I work a corporate job also. I'm on 30mg IR twice a day plus 1mg xanax at night. Some days the adderall goes to 75mg for the day On the weekends I take breaks from everything and I literally stay in bed an eat pizza. I have no desire to do anything unless I'm medicated. I defintiely can't have a productive day at work without adderall to get me going. Otherwise I'm so depressed I can't even fake be happy with my co workers and everything seems like such a chore. My xanax tolerance has gotten so high that just recently I went through a 30 day supply (1mg) in 14 days. I too was worried about the xanax withdrawal which can be dangerous, but nothing happened, except for me being even more miserable during my adderall comedowns without xanax to smooth the ride. Suprisingly without the Xanax (which has been two weeks) just the adderall I'm able to crash once I'm home at night. But I just feel overwhelmingly miserable. At least with the xanax I felt a little happy. What's worse is I'm also on wellbutrin but it seems to make me more depressed when it wears off? but that's a whole other issue

I hear ya with the hair & other stuff getting better. On addy my hair got so thin I actually had a britanny spears moment and just cut it all off, which normally would've been a huge thing to me since my hair was my everything. But it's sad that being on addy I pretty much felt nothing when I had to cut it to start from scratch. I'm same way with addy & appetitie, I can eat a lot on it. The wellbutrin though has squashed my appetitie

Aww thanks!! Telling my story is easy...now actually having the courage to quit is the challenge. There's always some event I have to be in shape for....so I"m scared of what would happen if I stopped appearance wise

Wow thanks so much for all that info on Xanax. I never realized it doesn't put you into REM sleep. Before addy I only took Xanax to fly so I could pass out & not be so nervous. So maybe like 3 times a year I used Xanax. But once I started addy I noticed I couldn't fall asleep no matter how tired my body felt. I would lay there for sooo long before falling asleep. I don't think I have a problem with xanax since I would never take it during the day because it just makes me too tired and I don't like that feeling. Taking 1mg a night doesn't seem all that bad. Someone once mentioned you're a xanax addict when you start taking the xanax "bars" But you're right; it's a horrific cycle I'm in. I'm always tired no matter how much I pass out on the weekends (xanax induced stupor lol) I'm sure if I stopped the addy my body would be so tired I won't need xanax to calm down or fall asleep. Normally I'm a very calm person; never have panic attacks and just never liked that downer feeling, so I don't think xanax is my problem

OMG your experience is so like mine. I have a corporate job and instead of getting things done, I've literally wasted hours picking at my face in my magnified mirror or getting lost in message boards on any topic. I feel so mentally run down by the time I get home from the add'y that I don't even want to put my body thru that again just to get through a workout. But I end up taking it to get to the gym, otherwise I'll just lay in bed doing nothing; which seems so lazy for me, at least during the week.

I'm no expert, but if you really don't have ADD/ADHD it reacts ike meth. Giving those horrible negative meth type side effects.

I understand the facial structure change thing. My lower jaw area/lower cheek area is so hollow that if I'm not all dolled up I look like a crackhead With the eyes, I've noticed the skin underneath has gotten darker, i guess from lack of sleep I've heard it does age you physically with more wrinkles or getting acne, but for me I became addicted to getting facial fillers to combat some of that. So now when people comment how great I look, of course that makes my mind say "see the adderal IS good for you"....I know sickk. I'll be following along your journey. It will be interesting to see if you make the job switch to the military; as that's such a drastic change

so agree how narcissitic this drug has made me, yes i'm nice and skinny and at my prettiest but inside, like you said I'm an emotionless zombie. I have zero interest in anyone's life or problems even my own family, I've ditched plans with, avoided calls because frankly I just don't care to hear what problems they have. I guess that's the part of the drug that makes us not have any friends lol like you I've been fearful of attempting to go to one of those meetings, because I"m envisioning celebrity rehab looking junkies & here I am in the pageant world all about image

This statement really hit home. how adderall makes you have these grandiose plans, but that's all they are is plans/thoughts. Once the addy wears off you can't even comprehend those grandiose plans

but needless to say I filled my perscription & started back on the cycle. It's weird, the ups on addy are very enjoyable so when I had that break there were no ups. Having to function at work with not even an hour of "an up" was miserable, and after work I had no enthusiasm to even go to the gym, which is my life

I always enjoy your posts. I been on this site for a while thinking about quitting. But just like you said on the days I give myself a break and don't take them which is usually the weekends, i'm so depressed that I just pop my xanax all weekend so I can be zoned out and not face the reality that I chased everyone away and have no companionship Now I need the drug to do just about anything that requires me to leave the house , which is why lately my weekends have literally been spent in a dark bedroom ordering take out pizza (thank god for my doggie who poor thing gets bored in the bed all day) Otherwise any general weekend task, like cleaning shopping, I need the pill to get going, but on weekends if I do take it I still don't get the tasks done & end up doing mindless stuff on the internet. Now I'm really scared how when I talk to people, they constantly tell me "you've already told that story to me twice" my memory is so horrible, it's frustrating The nighttime depression when I'm back from work & gym all by myself is horrendous which is why I rely so heavily on xanax at night to feel nice And I'm tired of always having to tell people that I took too many fat burners when I'm at a function, because then I come alive but maybe too much lol It's all exhausting

I've always been planning to stop, but you know the drill, there's always a reason why "you're not ready" My perscription ran out way too early, so I've been forced to be without if for 6 days. (I'm on IR 30 mg twice a day, but have been breaking up all the pills in pieces and just pop them throughout the day so I can't keep track of dosage) My saving grace however is Wellbutrin. It really helps keep my mood elevated so I feel happy/productive (minus the fast paced speediness). Wellbutrin down side /or sick side is I take an extra dose of Wellbutrin which isn't perscribed, in the afternoons where things can get really dismal at work if I didn't. (I'm only supposed to take 300mg for the day (two 150mg pills) but I now take 450 for the day) I tried not taking the wellbutrin in the afternoon & I was a walking zombie and could NOT for the life of me smile at anyone. Usually I can fake smile/interest, but without that extra boost.....wow I was an evil/miserable person. I still take my perscribed Xanax at night which really helps just make me feel pleasant and not think about "not having adderrall"

I don't like the impulsivity of it, i've gone so broke online shopping for nonsense

Wow that's so me right now. At first I was stellar at work on it, then I was horrendous (late, not multitasking, forgetful) Even though I'm still on it being reprimanded about those things made me make a conscious effort to be how I was in the honeymoon phase of adderral (very organized, quick) It's weird how the drug works. OMG that's me every month now. Reading this post made me realize to seriously consider stopping asap

I sooo undedrstand what you're going thru. I'm still trying to quit adderrall (so far only on the weekends) I've been on it for 2 years and haven't had a signficant relationship/connection with a guy since. It's weird because I used to be such a relationship person but this drug has made me so cold that it seems like a chore to find a relationship. When I do find someone I end up scaring them away because of my mood swings and impulsive arguments; even after knowing them for a short time which is embarrasing I understand your reluctance to quit & gain weight. I'm in the fitnesss industry to as a competitor and I always tell myself "i'll quit after this event....."

lol Yes I get the impulse to sometimes just sit around and do nothing. such a strainge drug. I'm finding my weekends when there's no schedule of a 9-5 job, I'm getting less and less done and lately for the past few weekends, I've just stayed in bed, sleeping and eating nothing else....

I can so relate to the paranoia thing, I know I've taken too much in a day when by the time I get to the gym at night, I think everyone is staring at me, I avoid looking at anyone and if anyone comes near my peripheral vision (just to use a machine) it annoys the crap out of me so I have such a puss on my face. Once I was at a corporte work function which required me to be up for 16 hours AND social. By the end of that function, I kept hearing the business women whisper to one another "someone should tell her about her wet pants".....Mind you I was sweating profusely on the inside, but having the delusions of hearing that, I kept looking down at my pants and feeling for wet spots. What a sight I must've been. And everyone who I was near I felt was looking at me "strange", which of course made me standoffish, which is the oppositie to what I was supposed be hosting this work function. This drug can seriously make you "write off people" because your delusions make you think they don't like you

I would also suggest Wellbutrin. Before I was on adderall i was on wellbutrin since I was always so exhausted and depressed and it worked wonders, it even made me loose weight too, where as other SSRI's make you gain weight. I stopped Wellbutrin after a while, just to get of taking pills, but now that I'm on Adderall I was re-prescribed Wellbutrin for the depression I still feel. Being on both I'm not sure is the best as I have double the no appetitie and double the exhaustion on weekends....

Yea it really is scary how I'm sure these last 3 years my decision making has caused my life to be horrendous. When I first started this drug and had no clue it caused paranoia, anytime my friends invited me out I would literally ask them is this a set-up. I'm so glad I found this site and realized these are bad reactions and if you're not self aware you can get into some serious trouble. On a whim I decided I wanted bigger boobs, withdrew money from my 401K & got them done as big as possible. I'm sure if I wasn't on this med, I would've waited longer, saved the money

so true the only movies I can imagine watching are Limitless and the machinist lol. Someone compared me to that character in the machinst which doesn't sound like a good thing lol

I'd like to hear what others have gone through when it comes to the impulsivness or the "delusions" that lead to the impulsiveness that adderall seems to give. Like that feeling of it must happen now & it must happen fast. Here are some of mine: I was never into shopping, but on the meds, I'll start surfing clothing sites and buying things just for the heck of it. A lot of times not even checking my account to make sure I have enough funds Going thru a break-up on it & before knowing these negative symptoms are med related, the minute he called it quits I went beserk literally, I hacked is facebook account to snoop, tormented him with non stop texts and calls & tormented his new gf ...the list goes on n on Now I've learned to take a step back before reacting to something I "think" needs such a strong reaction. This is still a struggle & I ruin any chance of new relationships because I blow up at the person before I'm even supposed to feel comfortable enough "to blow up" lol It's like a temper tantrum if I feel something is not going my way with the new person, I lash out in an unnatural way. Met a random stranger at store, went out on few dates, then decided there was something off about him...... so I scoured the internet for his name and found an article about him burning down his mothers house while shooting at the police & having grenades on hand. After reading that, combined with the tiny hint of him being a little weird whn I did try to end it, my paranoid delusional mind thought if I call it quits he's going to burn down my house or randomly walk by and throw a grenaded through my window (can't believe I truly felt that was going to happen) I immediately went to police after reading article & filed a restraining order stating how in danger I was & I really felt like I was in danger after realizing what he was capable of .....Keep in mind this all happened after knowing the guy for 1 week........embarrasing