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  1. i think you should hold off on your assessment of "Adderall skills". i don't think there is such a thing, but that's hard to see until you're out of it's grasp. Adderall makes everything more interesting, but it doesn't exactly make you better at something. the problem is actually one of reference or comparison. for a long while, you will compare doing things sober to doing things on Adderall. it's hard to forget. but with new things? there's no point of reference. you can't compare it to how it felt on Adderall. that's why novelty is so important during recovery - finding new hobbies, interests, even a new career. i'm not sure what an IT Analyst does specifically (i think it varies a lot?), but it sounds similar to Product Management (which is what I do). gathering user requirements, converting them into functional specs, being the glue between engineering, designing and operations... it's a hectic but rewarding field! it sounds like that's where you're headed - maybe take some time to broaden your skills, take an online class or two, but most importantly - take it easy for a little while. (:
  2. honestly the only way to effectively lower your tolerance is... well, stopping for a while. but keep in mind - you've already admitted to chasing a high and not having the will power to taper. even if you manage to lower your tolerance, it will not bring the high back. basically what i'm saying is that this is not going to work for you. yes. i am still on Wellbutrin as it helps with my depression, but in regards to Adderall recovery it can reduce the discomfort through acute withdrawal. it's not a miracle drug, and the effect is subtle. you can't get high on it and as long as you're not taking too high of a dose, it is very well tolerated. it is certainly an option to consider with your doctor.
  3. One Word Status Update

    closer! (than ever before)
  4. hi @mcmc congrats on your decision to take your life back. you're right - something needs to change immediately. i'll be honest with you - over 10 years on Adderall is a long time. 1 month may be enough to get through the "can't keep my eyes open" phase, but if you intend on keeping that job, you need to have a serious plan in place for cutting back on responsibility and making it through the day with the least amount of effort. this could be difficult if you've made yourself known as an Adderall work machine, but perhaps that means you have a good enough relationship with your supervisor to explain your situation (after all, you're taking FMLA for a reason). it's really a game of managing expectations. many people here have had success with complete cold turkey, but just know that everyone's situation is unique. don't automatically rule out a taper, and don't automatically rule out something like Wellbutrin. the key is to stay quit , not do it in any specific way. good luck and stay close to the boards. we're rooting for you (:
  5. One Word Status Update

    bored!
  6. 2 Years!

    totally this~!!!!!! well said! it's so easy to get trapped into a mindset where you're waiting for something magical to happen, or suddenly feel healed one day. the reality is, you won't feel anything until you actually do something that you couldn't do before. congrats on 2 years @EricP (:
  7. it's not really a dosage problem (though it can contribute). the problem is actually a fundamental difference in how doctors define addiction and how patients understand it. to be clear - dependence and addiction are two separate conditions, the former being more medical the later behavioral. your doctor's argument is that people who "actually" have ADD will not not feel the same "high" or compulsion to abuse. not true. its actually shocking that he'd use the word "impossible" so casually (aren't doctors scientists too)? the flip side is that the question you as a patient meant to ask was: "can i become dependent on this medication?". that is a much different question, to which a doctor would have to admit "yes", but many of them see it like this: are diabetics addicted to their insulin? no. are they dependent on it? yes, but they have a condition that requires it. your condition of ADHD requires medication so it's perfectly fine to become dependent.
  8. One Word Status Update

    guilty.
  9. All out.... so here we go!

    ah yes. the jittery, shaky feeling was the worst because for me it went hand in hand with the word salad. not only do you physically shake on the outside (tremors are very common during the acute recovery phase) but you also feel shaky on the inside which a weird chemical feeling. i had tons of night sweats and hot flashes when abusing, but those seemed to disappear rather quickly once the amphetamine was cleared from my system. i agree with @DrewK15 regarding the alcohol, but i think it may self-correct itself anyway. at least in the next couple of weeks, it won't have the buzz it had before. drinking will probably just make you feel tired and incapacitated. you definitely don't need help falling asleep in the short-run, but the danger lies past the first month or so when many people begin to experience insomnia. it's weird how it flips, but it eventually happens and this is when you'll be the most tempted to start drinking. plan out the next couple of weeks carefully - you'll be fine. i'd also suggest planning something to keep you engaged (or even just distracted) during the summer. lying around at home will do you no favors. gl and keep us posted! (:
  10. One Word Status Update

    almost...!
  11. Started off great, recovery now getting harder

    hi @Zajche that's hard to say - it varies from one person to the next. what i definitely recommend doing though is sharing your story on the Tell Your Story board. get it all out there, in with brutal honesty and detail. that post will be an anchor for your recovery, something to return to and remind you of the pain Adderall caused and a point of comparison to see how well you're doing now (:
  12. After a Decade on Adderall, I’m 30 Days Clean

    hang in there! to be honest, i think starting work is going to be a really positive thing - it will force you to have energy. external accountability was SO important to me during my recovery. i still take Wellbutrin. it definitely helps, though some people need a period to adjust to it. if you decide to try it again, make sure your dr does not start you at 300mg. frankly i've been at half that for years and it's more than enough. gl at your first day of work!!! (:
  13. One Word Status Update

    (pleasantly) surprised!
  14. I feel stuck, I am in hell, and I hate this....

    ^^^ this this this!!! i think i commented on this in another post, but for those of us struggling with "finding our energy again", perhaps we're looking for the wrong thing. maybe it's that big dream or goal that we need to be searching for that will jumpstart our lives. (:
  15. One Word Status Update

    (well) rested!