sleepystupid

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  1. i've tried piracetam back in the day, and i don't remember it being very helpful. this new phenylpiracetam sounds like it's much more potent- did you have any positive experiences with it? obviously nothing is going to be stimulating in the same way as adderall, but that's probably the last thing any of us here want (:
  2. One Word Status Update

    unproductive (but its Friday!)
  3. Sharing the triumphs with the struggles

    @Nicole88 nope, but we do integrate with Epic (: we're in the outpatient rehab market actually. it's bad enough struggling to be motivated, but it's often times really discouraging being around my boss (owner of the company). he has this natural amount of energy and drive that's just unbelievable to me- it's like in the cosmic dice roll, he got the winning brain chemistry. i have a pretty good relationship with him, but sometimes it's really discouraging to just hear him go on and on about how much he accomplishes. he simply enjoys being productive. MUST BE NICE.
  4. Struggling. 5 months out.

    aside from toughing it out, which is undeniably tough, i can personally say that a low to moderate dose of wellbutrin definitely helped and helps me to this day. it's an atypical antidepressant, so it's quite different than the others which have wildly fluctuating effects on people. it's an SNRI which means it acts primarily on norepinephrine and secondarily on dopamine, (but not in the way adderall does). some people are quite averse to hopping onto another pill (understandably so), but what i can say about wellbutrin is that there are very few side-effects and it is easy to start and stop at low doses. if it means the difference between misery and function, it may be worth discussing with your doc. (:
  5. Cleaning my shop storage area

    lol i know EXACTLY what this is all about. funny story- back in the midst of my addiction, i was absolutely obsessed with audiophile gear and upgrading my A/V life. given that i spent a LOT of time in my car (simply cause i just never wanted to go home), i spent hundreds of dollars on audio gear for my car. i figured upgrading a car's audio can't be much different than a home theater.. BOY WAS I WRONG. i spent a week tearing apart my car, pulling panels off the inside, tracking wires... basically geeking the fucking out. guess what ended up happening to that project? lol. i dont have that car anymore, but i never even replaced the panels or installed any of that gear. it's still sitting away in storage haha. i collected so many wires, cables, connectors, adapters- a/v stuff.. i was living at home with my parents during much of my addiction, and my father just had years and years of electronics hoarded up in the garage. i'd spend SO MANY NIGHTS in the garage, chain smoking, headphones on, dancing around the garage discovering "exciting new things" (in reality it was all completely useless shit, and was in the garage for a reason!). i would hoard not only electronics, but even more so, digital downloads. i just scoured the internet for random shit, torrents, downloaded terabytes of e-learning material, books, software.. shit i knew i was NEVER going to use, but i simply couldn't stop collecting knowledge and utility. and now, its hard for me to care about any of that stuff anymore. i still enjoy having nice things (who doesn't), but its surprisingly unimportant now.
  6. One Word Status Update

    optimistic
  7. Sharing the triumphs with the struggles

    whoa- i have the exact same background and made a very similar change to IT. my background is healthcare administration, but now I am working as a Product Manager for an EMR company.unfortunately the autonomy and seniority i have here is a bit too much.. some days i struggle to advance on projects because there are never any hard deadlines to meet.. but i am super thankful to have a good steady job- it was honestly the only thing that kept me sane through recovery, not having to worry about money and my career going to shit. congrats on the promotion! it's awesome to be appreciated for strong work that was ALL YOU, not some pill. (:
  8. Coping with Boredom?

    i don't know if this is weird or not, but somehow i've managed to avoid all major social media: facebook, twitter, snapchat, instagram, etc. , but honestly it's not because of some admirable discipline or anything.. it's more about not wanting to be constantly bombarded with people advertising the best version of themselves and comparing my depressing life to everything constantly. yea, this is the really difficult part of recovery- you feel fine physically and mentally for the most part, but things you used to enjoy just don't seem as fun, so it's kind of hard to occupy yourself and have it not feel like an effort. i'm not sure i have a good answer to this- in fact this is partly what kind of led to my relapse recently. FWIW, i started on an anti-depressant (wellbutrin), and i feel a bit more positive about things... but also it feels a little bit like now i'm just not as depressed about being bored (: sorry if that wasn't helpful, just wanted to share that i understand where you're coming from lol
  9. Just need to vent

    wow, its fucking terrifying that the people that are supposed to be making decisions for your well being are influenced so easily. i had a similar experience with a past pdoc. i had moved from another city where i was being prescribed ~60mg a day, and found this guy in my new town. he was the only pdoc nearby that was in network for my new insurance. upon seeing him, he flipped out on how much i was being prescribed, refused to prescribe it and instead put me on two new (at that time) medications: Vyvanse and Pristiq, no doubt because it was in his best interest. now in retrospect, he was probably right to flip out on the adderall given that i was abusing it anyway, but im convinced that his decision on the change in medication did not have my best interest in mind.
  10. Philadelphia

    i'm not too far from the philly area (central jersey), though i'm not sure of my availability through the holidays. but hit me up on pm either way if you need to talk (:
  11. One Word Status Update

    unremarkable.
  12. Just need to vent

    @Nicole88 glad that you were able to overcome the temptation. i was not- relapsed two scripts in a row around month 24. but i did start taking Wellbutrin again, and i think that's been helping. i too shall try out this Lithium Orotate- should probably check for interactions with the Wellbutrin though..
  13. My first post here, I need to be free.

    it is more than okay to share this aspect, because id wager it's a pretty big thing for some of us. this obsession with sex and everything related led me down a very dark path. towards the end, this was basically the 90% reason i was getting high all the time. everything became about instant gratification, and because of the vasoconstriction, you can go for HOURS and HOURS. i'd have marathon fapping sessions, sometimes spanning 12 hours. it became a ritual which reinforced my adderall abuse. thankfully, this addiction to sex and porn didn't have a lasting effect- i have a fairly normal sex life now. it's kind of bizarre to think about the things that you become absolutely obsessed with while on adderall, and then once you're off, you don't give a shit about it lol.
  14. My first post here, I need to be free.

    not physically. i quit cold turkey from hardcore binging use (160mg+ a day), and the first few days were a complete fog, basically sleeping, eating and chugging water all day, but it was nothing harmful. you said you've already tried tapering down 15 times before, so it sounds like cold-turkey is your only option at this point. you need to cut yourself off from your source- this is the guaranteed, sure fire, no way back route. it's a scary decision, but if you're serious about this, it will keep you committed. gl and keep posting.