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  1. so how would returning to Adderall solve anything? you already know what the result is! your urge to use is COMPLETELY irrational by your own admission - don't let the drug do the talking and deciding for you! i think most of us can relate - i was always the drug "sage" of my circles, always able to handle my shit, never got addicted to anything .... until Adderall. that shit changes you. those parts of yourself that you feel disconnected from will come back with time. i'll admit, there are some things that i simply don't enjoy anymore that i used to love on Adderall. i'm willing to accept that speed may have poisoned those things for me, but maybe i've just outgrown them as well. maybe its a combination of both? ... but i'm okay with that so long as Adderall doesn't poison me. i can still enjoy new things and experiences that Adderall has never touched. i recall that your usage was very closely entwined with sexual activity - that's certainly a tricky one, but i definitely relate. i had a serious masturbation problem on Adderall, i thought my sex life would be ruined for the rest of my life. i'm happy to report it's quite healthy now! just give it some time and patience. (:
  2. do you know what your triggers are? the subtle vs obvious ones? maybe something has happened recently that's thrown off your subconscious? go back and READ YOUR OLD POSTS! "I want my mind back. This is taking my inner spirit out. My inner fire. I feel like a zombie, occasionally animated. I need to stop." and remember... it will won't be different this time. it will never be different.
  3. congrats on a month! doing "okay" at school is actually phenomenal for where you're at! muscle aches are the worst - but TBH nothing compared to the muscle aches from being ON adderall. i remember there were some days i'd wake up and feel like i got hit by a truck. it was scary stuff. keep on keeping on (:
  4. “What’s Adderall Like” YouTube Video

    "you need to define what dysfunction means to you". ^ totally this. i also agree with the cocaine thing - ain't got shit on Adderall, though i'm a little surprised about his comparison with meth. haven't tried it myself, but i have to imagine the rush is a lot stronger, though with adderall it would be longer duration less intense.
  5. 22 years old addicted to adderall and marajuana

    hi Neil, it's great to hear back from you! first of all, major props on 3 months. that's huge!! and even MORE props for flushing those remaining pills!!! "opening up the flood gates" is precisely what happens during a relapse. even with a single pill, it opens up reward pathways that have been closed up from abstaining. it's like reminding your body how easy it can be to receive pleasure. if i understand correctly, you've only taken 1 pill though? don't sweat it - this will not erase your 3 months of effort. you'll feel some discomfort, and it will be on your mind for a couple of weeks, but overall negligible. it sounds like your bigger problem is the parents / doctor thing. so you lied to your parents about stopping Adderall? one would think they'd be on-board with this, but it wouldn't be hard to educate them on the dangers of stimulant medication in general. obviously the best outcome here is getting them on-board with your decision, but at the least, you don't have to lie to your doctor. assuming your not a minor (cause you're in college?), your doctor cannot discuss your care or treatment plan with your parents without your consent. tell your doctor you're done with stimulants. even better - admit to your addictive personality so he/she never prescribes it again. cut the supply off. you can continue to see your doctor, and if your parents ask about the medication, you can tell them your doctor decided to take you off it. this is your life - not your parents. this is the right decision and you know it. gl and keep us posted (:
  6. Help

    hi @Ame, you're not alone - there are many forum members here that are going through the exact same thing. his behavior is almost text book based on the stories shared here, though it seems that he's not too far gone for you to save your marriage! Adderall can definitely morph your personality. depending on what's going on in a person's life at that point, it can feel like the miracle they have waited for all their life, to open doors to success, confidence, happiness, etc. some of the things Adderall does that could explain your husband's behavior: - it chemically fulfills the emotional needs and validation you would generally get from a partner or spouse (i.e, the user feels validated, secure, confident, etc. without the need for interaction) - it lowers the threshold for decision making - decisions are made impulsively, and because of the point above, every decision made feels right (no matter the consequences) - it can certainly improve your performance at work (at least for a time), which can lead to dependency (i.e, i'll lose my career if i stop) i'm glad to hear that he's weaning off! the wavering and confusion you're seeing now is a good sign. when you come off Adderall, there is certainly a period of depression and confusion as you start questioning your past behavior on it. i would encourage him to visit the forum here and read some of these stories!
  7. Adderall Taper Advice

    hi Onedayatatime, unfortunately, tapering is one of those things that requires a lot of trial and error. there is no formula for success, it has more to do with your personal goals for this process. is your goal to ride out your recovery with the bare minimum side-effects? then yes - based on your historic usage (60mg ~10 years) you're tapering too fast. it can take years to taper down, and its an entirely subjective experience. but is that really what you want? to be on Adderall for another 2 years? if your goal is to quit as soon as possible but need to at least remain functional, your current taper schedule seems reasonable. if you were still functional after halving your dose to 30mg, then that's fantastic progress! another thing to consider is that you're currently on instant release. if 20mg IR is where you lose functionality, maybe consider switching to 30mg extended release? or even an equivalent dose of Vyvanse? i understand your doctor may not have the experience to taper you properly, but you should really discuss this with him/her and try a move over to XR formulation for a couple of months. gl and keep us posted! (:
  8. Mid-century ADHD

    wow, the "bad habits" girl video was heart breaking - that's how my life has been for a very long time (still is to a degree). "is ADD real?" - i believe it is, though alarmingly over diagnosed... if ADD is NOT real, then we are simply molding ourselves (or worse our children) with chemicals to be more "normal". if ADD IS real, then don't we (or our children) deserve a chance to be "normal"? but a better question might be "what does it mean to be fixed?" are we trying to fix our success at life or our quality of life? what is the benchmark for "normal"? is it a salary? no it can't be! you'd have to be a monster to drug your kids for that reason ... so we have to believe that it is in the best interest for their long-term "happiness". following that line of logic, an appropriate analogy seems be "attractiveness". it's no secret that physical attractiveness impacts the quality of one's life (perhaps success too). some people are more naturally attractive than others - but if you work really hard you can still achieve some level of attractiveness. "is being ugly real?" - probably. kind of depends on how we benchmark beauty in our society. wouldn't cosmetic surgery and/or procedures be in the best interest for one's long-term "happiness"? so why aren't we running around turning our kids into Barbie dolls? you could perhaps make the argument that its more expensive (you'd be right).. but i don't think its just that. as fucked up as it sounds, drugging your kids has the added benefit of making your life easier, doesn't it? i'm not a parent, so my position is admittedly one-sided, but i certainly acknowledge the difficulty in all of this. if you're led to believe that success = happiness... Wouldn't you do anything in your power to give your child the chance to succeed?
  9. 9 Months

    ^ this this this!!! it's crazy how powerful that realization is. you recognize Adderall for what it is. some people escape or numb themselves with alcohol, marijuana, opiates.. for us it's stimulants. congrats on 9 months, this is huge (:
  10. After a Decade on Adderall, I’m 30 Days Clean

    how much Wellbutrin are you taking? if it's anywhere near 300mg, then it's too much (at least initially), but you're right that it can be stimulating enough to mess with your sleep. coming off Wellbutrin isn't terrible. you could probably do it cold turkey, but i'd suggest a taper. honestly, you probably won't feel any of the withdrawal symptoms as the adderall withdrawal is masking it. the risk of seizures is generally associated with an increase in dosage rather than a decrease, so you'll be fine.
  11. DAY 3 - When Does it Get Better?

    hi @flywithme , welcome to the forums. that superhero feeling is what led all of us here, so you're in the right place. you should be super proud of yourself for cutting off your supply already - this is one of the hardest parts of quitting! what usually matters more than the dosage itself is the frequency and duration of use. daily usage of 20mg over a 3 year period is a fairly long time. obviously everyone's chemistry is different, but the worst of the lethargy should pass in the first few months. the apathy and anhedonia are the biggest challenges and can last for a couple of years. but it won't be constant or severe the entire time though. in the beginning there will be more bad days than good. in time, there will be more good days than bad. many doctors don't seem to understand (or even acknowledge) the long-term withdrawal symptoms associated with stopping amphetamines. you should be careful with the anti-depressants, especially SSRIs which can cause side-effects way worse than just feeling tired and cranky. the only anti-depressant that has been tolerable and helpful to me has been a low dose of Wellbutrin. congrats on day 3! keep us posted, we're here to help (:
  12. Adderall induced cognitive impairment

    don't worry about the psychosis - if you haven't already experienced it and you're already tapering and cutting back, you're in good shape. and whatever you're feeling is not permanent! it really takes an extraordinary amount of amphetamine over a long enough time to be neurotoxic enough for that scenario. the losing words and difficulty constructing sentences is a well documented effect of abuse and also early recovery - it does go away! (:
  13. Social media garbage.

    you know what's worse? reading your Xanga blog entries from 15 years ago lol. SO CRINGY i guess the simple answer is that we're social animals. but i think that those people that post incessantly on social media do so because they don't think highly enough of themselves. it's the whole external vs internal validation thing - it's so much harder to love yourself than to post fake ass shit to get a bunch of likes. can't say that i love myself just yet.. but social media certainly isn't the answer for me!
  14. After a Decade on Adderall, I’m 30 Days Clean

    i don't believe that attitude is as pervasive as you may think, but it certainly exists. it's probably because of the lack of a true physical dependency. you're not in "pain" when you quit amphetamines, so your struggle isn't "real". also, people have a stronger mental association between opiates and addiction than they do with ADD medication.