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  1. Weight Gain/Body Image

    i'd be curious to hear about your results - i had tremendous bloating for a while after, but at the time I chalked it up to poor eating habits. I can say with certainty that my GI system even today is not what it used to be (but maybe that's just age as well ). weight gain is something that I neglected the first few years of my recovery, and it wasn't until recently that I really recognized the impact it's had - it might be solely responsible for the social anxiety that I currently have, particularly when interacting with people who last knew me 40 pounds lighter! my weight has definitely stabilized, though at a much higher level than i'd like - working out at home is okay, but I'm definitely looking forward to gyms openings again (:
  2. Cleaning up adderall-messes at 15-months clean

    @LuLamb you've reached a really important point in your recovery. as you say, the actions taken by the addict are the consequences the real you will have to bear. it definitely takes time and energy to sort through these various messes. for me (and many others), it was a financial sink hole that I had to work my way out of (it took me 2 years after quitting to become financially independent again). there are relationships to mend, habits to break and health to improve, but don't try to tackle everything at once!
  3. New to this forum

    hi @GirlSavedByGrace 10 years is a long time - congratulations on breaking the cycle and starting the process of healing! it is going to be a challenging journey, but it sounds like your spirituality and resolve is strong. I remember what taking a whole month's supply in a single week feels like - it's brutal and unsustainable. ripping up that script was a huge win for you. cutting off your source is an important first step in this journey, so perhaps consider coming clean to your doctor about the abuse. they may suggest a taper schedule which could work, but a fair warning: those of us that were binge users will have a much harder time with control and discipline needed for a taper. quitting cold turkey is usually the recommended route and generally pretty safe. if you choose to go the taper down route, perhaps consider having your partner dispense doses for you. welcome to the forums and keep us posted on your progress! (:
  4. Starting fresh after 2+ years addicted

    hi @Articulus congratulations on taking the leap, and welcome to the forums! "So far, so good" - that's an excellent attitude to have this early on in the process. ultimately your experience during recovery will be shaped by your expectations - if you feel like napping, then listen to your body and do it. you will find that pretty soon, you won't feel like napping during the day, which is great because it shows you're making progress. around that point in the journey is a good time to start an exercise routine, because you will have some energy back but won't really know what to do with it. gl and keep us posted (:
  5. Dexedrine - The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

    @correctfigure the bots are always getting smarter, don't let it bother you (: it's been a while since you've posted - how are you doing these days? hoping that you're now ~6 months clean?
  6. congratulations on the move! it sounds so beautiful out there! I agree with the plan of just getting out of the house - soak up the new views, nature and experiences there. it should serve to distract you from the one-year blues. while it is true in general that we (addicts) are a higher risk population, this kind of language seeks to minimize the risks for "normal" people which is kind of disingenuous. doctors will say the exact same thing about Adderall, "you'll be fine in a couple of weeks unless you abuse it" . if the pain is still an ongoing issue, for a safer alternative, I believe your fine state legalized marijuana recently
  7. One Word Status Update

    committed? COMMITTED!
  8. Too chilling not to share

    this is probably how I looked to other people towards the end of my addiction - no one wonder strangers would ask me whether I was okay! Adderall was my precioussssss
  9. Pen Pal or Advice Please :/

    yes! that is certainly the point of this place (: nothing odd about this at all. I remember periods during my abuse (while on Adderall), where I couldn't suppress my tears. it felt like a version of me trapped inside the addict, and the only way that person could communicate was through tears. it wasn't until I ran out at the end of the month and crashed for a few days that I actually knew why I was crying. and of course once I filled my script, all that understanding would vanish. it was such a vicious cycle.
  10. Explaining to family

    hi @tjzen Adderall is thought of more frequently as a "medication" than as a "drug". this is kind of a double edged sword because it can mask the seriousness of a dependency or addiction, but on the flip side it may help you explain changes in your behavior to your family (without it sounding suspicious). I'm not sure how much they already know about your usage, but you could simply explain that you're trying some different treatment options with your doctor - it's not a lie, and should afford you the much needed support of your family. it can be scary, but don't be afraid to ask for help! family is family - rely on them for a while so that they can rely on you once again (:
  11. When will I feel again?

    hang in there @tjzen ! the first couple of weeks will be brutal, but that acute anxiety will subside. you're still in for quite a ride after that, but just focus on one day at a time right now until you feel a bit more leveled out. when you feel ready, I encourage you to share your full story and we can help you plan out the next phases of your recovery. (:
  12. A lapse in time

    I think it's natural (even expected) to have cravings and temptations. IMO, there's no amount of mental resolve or will power that will eliminate these feelings, but if you simply don't have access to pills when these temptations occur, then problem solved! glad to hear that your back on a taper schedule - do you have any precautions in place to make sure you don't overuse? perhaps a family member or roommate that can dispense for you? you're at a very critical juncture right now, and it wouldn't hurt to be extra cautious. welcome back (:
  13. @NurseAddy @sage Fear is a very powerful motivator. you need to be scared for yourself, scared for your family, scared that you're literally chopping away years of your life. especially for those of us who ABUSE with a capital A, it's bad enough to see the damage that's visible - imagine what's happening that you can't see! doom and gloom aside, it's great that you're both still here and keeping this on your mind. as @quit-once says - you NEED a plan. work with your families, doctors, employers, anyone who can help you set up the right support structures to escape from this cycle of abuse. and of course keep us posted (:
  14. Exhaustion

    I suppose it depends how you define exhaustion. the acute withdrawal period (where you're barely able to keep your eyes open through the day) could last any where from a couple of weeks to a couple of months. I remember this period as the "car nap" period as I'd use my lunch break to sneak naps during the day! after that, it can vary wildly from one person to the next, but I remember quite suddenly not being able to fall asleep during my car naps any more. this was maybe around month 3 for me, but I would still be exhausted coming home and would fall asleep around 9PM every night. this lasted for probably longer than it should have (more exercise would have helped), but this lasted another 6 months or so. I think toward the end of my first year is when I stopped feeling "exhausted" just being alive - I had enough energy to make it through the day, but still bad anhedonia and depression. that would dissipate over the 2nd and 3rd year for me. hope this helps a bit (PS I was also on a low dose of Wellbutrin for the first 6 months or so).