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About lulu

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  1. My thoughts for today

    congratulations and very well said!
  2. any suggestions? thx!
  3. Thanks to all -- I am so touched by your comments. As predicted I've been asleep for most of the past however many days... cancelled plans... polished off the food ... head hurts ... teeth hurt ... no shower for days - disgusting. As bad as my brain hurts right now I need to do the written exercises on this site because already I'm starting to forget... Thanks to all for your support ... syn
  4. neversaynever you crack me up and I hope to feel half as good as you after 8 days. Iknow the pink cloud I'm on right now is short lived but I earned it because I FLUSHED THEM !!!!!!!!!! InRecovery I agree with you whole heartedly. I know I have to tell my doc and I will. Not saying it's going to be easy as it's not my first rodeo with addiction, just with a different kind of med. I really didn't think the situation was as serious as it was until tonite which scared the crap out of me. I could have gone on and on popping pills through night 3. When I picked up these meds 3 days ago I really thought I'd be able to put them down but clearly that was not happening. Had I not read this forum x2 in it's entirety -- and the stories that were me verbatim that would not have happened and for that I am eternally grateful.
  5. Thanks guys for your comments - they are very much appreciated. The more I think about it the more I think I need to go cold turkey - TONITE - and hopefully not sleep thru NYE plans. I don't think it's possible to have these things and not take them. The best thing I could do for myself is just flush the remainder of what's left. I know that would be a huge boost to my self-esteem which has never been lower. I will continue reading the forum and again, am super grateful for your support.
  6. I'm new here and so want to embellish this post with smileys and beautiful words but I'm a wreck. 3 months ago I went back to an old habit of aquiring meds outside of my rx and have completely lost control. I've purchased additional ritalin 3x in the past 3 months in addition to my script which I now burn thru in less than a week. With the contrband my intentions are always the same - just use it to get thru to the next MD apt only taking 10 or 15 bid. Um... not so much. We all know the definition of insanity. Without fail I pop them haphazardly until they're gone. As I write this I've been awake for the past 2 nights totally wired popping pills, nicorette and red bull glued to the computer. And I've totally isolated myself from everyone I know and I feel like such a failure. Naturally there's a lot more to the story but briefly, I've been on 10 bid methylphenidate for ADD the past few years, did great so decided to do a drug holiday so to speak and after 8 months was miserable due to weight gain and lack of productivity. So my doc agreed to put me back on methylphenidate and I felt normal, got my focus back and everything's fine for the first few months until I start abusing it, now up to 100mg/ day and getting these meds from people I don't even know. I can barely think straight at this point but still want to keep popping the pills all night long - then I don't see my doc for 3 weeks but I always do this so I know what's in store. The only positive is that I stumbled onto this website which I relate to so much so I want to cry. Thank you all and esp Mike for doing this forum which for me right now is a g-dsend. xoxo