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About bluemoon

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  1. An Update And The Word I Fear The Most

    Congrats on your accomplishment!! That's huge!! I like your description of the first and second year. "Recovery" for the first year is putting it nicely. Haha. "Adaptation" for the second year is the perfect word!! I totally agree. I'm starting to feel like myself again and it feels strange because I almost forgot what it felt like to be me. But I am also so glad I quit. I don't regret it for a second.
  2. Girl!! I was just thinking about you the other day and wondering how you were doing. I know exactly how you feel. I can even relate to the being stuck living in a place I don't wanna live (I'm in the middle of nowhere, near Alaska, wtf) and being stuck in a relationship that you don't wanna be in, but being too depressed to do anything about it because you're living in fear of what's happens next. The first year, all I wanted to do was sleep my life away... I was in complete misery. I had gained about 40 lbs that just WOULD NOT BUDGE. Honestly though, you really do have to expect the first year to suck balls. I doubt there's much you can do to soften the blow of that miserable first year. I would say I started beginning to have some better days around the 13 month mark. Not every day was good, but once in a while I would get a good one, so that kept me going a bit. Now (at 19 months) I have lost 25 of those 40 lbs and still going strong. I actually have some natural energy again (something I honestly was worried I would never get back!), I actually feel like doing stuff and I don't fall asleep at 8pm anymore. The depression & anxiety still linger a little bit but I have always struggled with that, even before Adderall. Anyway, my point is, hang in there and it does get better. It just takes time unfortunately. Sending big hugs your way ..... seriously hang in there, you are doing AMAZING and I'm so proud of you for how far you've come!!
  3. Just Flushed Pills!!!! QUITTING

    GOOD JOB!!! I am so proud of you!! Sounds like you had your "aha" moment and you finally get it - and you're ready to quit!! YOU CAN DO THIS!! Message me anytime.
  4. Depression sets back in

    Yay!! Glad to hear you're doing well!! Your post made me wanna give you a big hug and hang out lol. The nice weather definitely helps. I was sober last summer but still too early along in my recovery to enjoy the summer. This summer has definitely been way better and I am actually feeling happy and enjoying it. Wait, what did I just say?? I feel happy?? I didn't think that would ever happen.
  5. 300mg a day down to 0mg

    Good job!! How long have you been clean??
  6. Not sleeping not tired

    YEAH! What the hell Frank, I noticed like in the past month that I actually have energy too! It is so weird, I haven't felt energy in a LONG time. About damn time. I think that was our biggest complaint all along, was not having any energy. I also noticed I have been staying up a few hours later than normal and not complaining about how tired I am. WOOOO We are at almost 19 months now. I still wish we had our tickers too!! Bring them back lol
  7. Dunn Dun (jaws theme) PAWS!

    I'm at 18 months. I wouldn't say every single day sucks anymore, it is getting better, but it takes a LONG ass time!! I can't wait until the day when I can say this is 100% behind me. I'm getting there, slowly but surely.
  8. Dunn Dun (jaws theme) PAWS!

    Yup. I know these feelings all too well!
  9. Sorry to hear about your diagnosis. It's crazy, you're not the first person who has said that cancer was a piece of cake in comparison to Adderall addiction. Just goes to show what we're really up against here. You can do this!!! Have you told your doctor what's going on?
  10. That weighted down sloth like feeling

    Frank is right, the first year just SUCKS no matter which way you put it. I think it was around 13-14 months I started having some better days.
  11. Trouble with eye contact??

    Nicole is so right. Once you start abusing Adderall and taking more than your prescribed dose, there really is no going back to taking it responsibly. Trust me. I tried.
  12. Trouble with eye contact??

    Adderall made me extremely socially awkward. I could not stand to make eye contact with anyone and basically it got so bad that I got to a point where I could barely leave my house. Even though I've been off Adderall for over 18 months now, I still feel a bit of that social awkwardness. Not nearly as bad, but it's still there. It takes a long time to get back to your normal self. Why delay the recovery any longer? Sounds like it may be time for you to quit. You may have to ditch the dancing job though if you want your quit to be successful. How bad do you really want it?
  13. One year down!

    Congrats on one year!! What an accomplishment. Isn't it nice to know that the worst is behind you?? I also contemplated trying Wellbutrin but after a lot of thought, I decided to fight through it naturally. At 18 months, I still have good days and bad days. Around my 15-16 month mark, I finally found some motivation to tackle the extra weight. It is coming off slowly but surely. I also started seeing a counsellor a couple of months ago and I also find that it helps. I'm still not where I want to be, but it does progressively get better, even though it's been painfully slow.
  14. Depression sets back in

    Yay!! That's awesome. I've been to a few different ones myself and it took a few tries for me to find one I liked. I'm glad you found one you like
  15. Depression sets back in

    It's ok Nicole, I know exactly how you're feeling!! When I was at 9 months I thought what the hell... 9 months and I still pretty much wanted to die. I thought it was never going to get any better. I'm at 17 months now, and I definitely am a lot better now than I was at 9 months. I have more motivation, I have hope, and I don't feel all that bad anymore. I still feel like I have more improvement to make, but I sure have come a long way in the last few months. What I found has helped me is exercise, eating better, and I started seeing a counsellor a couple months ago. I resisted seeing a counsellor for the longest time, I thought nobody could help me. But counselling has given me hope and the ability to recognize my negative thoughts and turn them into more positive ones. It isn't always easy and I'm still a work in progress, but I promise it does get better! However, unfortunately, when I was feeling my lowest, there wasn't anything anyone could say or do to change my frame of mind. I basically just wanted to tell everyone to shut up because they didn't understand lol. I wish I could help more, but just hang in there and give it TIME, and it will get better! Consider seeing a counsellor if you can (and find a good one), I really think it helped me get over that hump and it got me feeling a bit less depressed, a bit more hopeful and a bit more positive. I still have my bad days but they are not as often and not as bad. Since the weather is nice, maybe you could set up a spot outside and listen to some music and just chill out there for a bit. Even if it's just for 20 minutes. Small steps! Thinking of you. Happy Easter