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Everything posted by bluemoon

  1. Dunn Dun (jaws theme) PAWS!

    I'm at 18 months. I wouldn't say every single day sucks anymore, it is getting better, but it takes a LONG ass time!! I can't wait until the day when I can say this is 100% behind me. I'm getting there, slowly but surely.
  2. Dunn Dun (jaws theme) PAWS!

    Yup. I know these feelings all too well!
  3. That weighted down sloth like feeling

    Frank is right, the first year just SUCKS no matter which way you put it. I think it was around 13-14 months I started having some better days.
  4. Trouble with eye contact??

    Nicole is so right. Once you start abusing Adderall and taking more than your prescribed dose, there really is no going back to taking it responsibly. Trust me. I tried.
  5. Trouble with eye contact??

    Adderall made me extremely socially awkward. I could not stand to make eye contact with anyone and basically it got so bad that I got to a point where I could barely leave my house. Even though I've been off Adderall for over 18 months now, I still feel a bit of that social awkwardness. Not nearly as bad, but it's still there. It takes a long time to get back to your normal self. Why delay the recovery any longer? Sounds like it may be time for you to quit. You may have to ditch the dancing job though if you want your quit to be successful. How bad do you really want it?
  6. One year down!

    Congrats on one year!! What an accomplishment. Isn't it nice to know that the worst is behind you?? I also contemplated trying Wellbutrin but after a lot of thought, I decided to fight through it naturally. At 18 months, I still have good days and bad days. Around my 15-16 month mark, I finally found some motivation to tackle the extra weight. It is coming off slowly but surely. I also started seeing a counsellor a couple of months ago and I also find that it helps. I'm still not where I want to be, but it does progressively get better, even though it's been painfully slow.
  7. Depression sets back in

    Yay!! That's awesome. I've been to a few different ones myself and it took a few tries for me to find one I liked. I'm glad you found one you like
  8. Depression sets back in

    It's ok Nicole, I know exactly how you're feeling!! When I was at 9 months I thought what the hell... 9 months and I still pretty much wanted to die. I thought it was never going to get any better. I'm at 17 months now, and I definitely am a lot better now than I was at 9 months. I have more motivation, I have hope, and I don't feel all that bad anymore. I still feel like I have more improvement to make, but I sure have come a long way in the last few months. What I found has helped me is exercise, eating better, and I started seeing a counsellor a couple months ago. I resisted seeing a counsellor for the longest time, I thought nobody could help me. But counselling has given me hope and the ability to recognize my negative thoughts and turn them into more positive ones. It isn't always easy and I'm still a work in progress, but I promise it does get better! However, unfortunately, when I was feeling my lowest, there wasn't anything anyone could say or do to change my frame of mind. I basically just wanted to tell everyone to shut up because they didn't understand lol. I wish I could help more, but just hang in there and give it TIME, and it will get better! Consider seeing a counsellor if you can (and find a good one), I really think it helped me get over that hump and it got me feeling a bit less depressed, a bit more hopeful and a bit more positive. I still have my bad days but they are not as often and not as bad. Since the weather is nice, maybe you could set up a spot outside and listen to some music and just chill out there for a bit. Even if it's just for 20 minutes. Small steps! Thinking of you. Happy Easter
  9. Faded memories

    But you are there for them now Frank!! You did the best possible thing for them and now you get to be present with them
  10. Ottawa, Canada?

    I'm in Canada too, but not Ottawa. I think you're the first Canadian I've seen on here other than myself!
  11. My Full Story

    Rachel, I still can't believe they prescribed you concerta. You're 77 days clean of adderall yes, but you're still taking a stimulant. To me, it is still the same thing. It will lead to the same problems. That's too bad. I wish you all the best in your quest to recovery.
  12. Today is a good day !

    That sounds awesome Frank!!!! Looking forward to seeing how it goes. Hope this is the big break you've been waiting for
  13. How many of us are 100% ADD ?

    I feel like if you list the symptoms of ADD/ADHD, pretty much everyone can relate to at least a few of them. I personally think it's a made up disease but I'm sure there will be lots of people who disagree with me. For me, Adderall covered up my depression and I thought it was amazing (at first). It gave me energy and motivation like I had never had before, and I finally felt "happy". I felt like I could finally do anything! Until it all came crashing down of course. But anyway, no, I don't believe I actually have ADD/ADHD, however when I took the test I did score quite high on it and was diagnosed with it. Like you said, I just knew what to say. Am I a little lazy and do I lack a little focus? Yes for sure. But I don't think I would label it as a disease.
  14. All I can say is... what the hell?!?! That is so messed up that they prescribed you another stimulant while you're in treatment for addiction/abuse of adderall. I would take everyone's advice here and NOT take any more of that shit. It is the same thing as Adderall! It will pretty much put you back at square one
  15. The #1 worst thing about Adderall

    It stole my soul. It ripped away my personality. It made my already existing depression a million times worse, and I worry I'll never quite be the same again.
  16. I know you said you quit adderall two years ago but you've been on other stimulants since then. Are you still on stimulants or how long has it been since you've been off stimulants?
  17. My Story - Trying to Quit...Again

    I have so been there. I know exactly how you feel. The good part is that you sound like you are ready to quit! You can do this. It won't be easy, but you can do this!
  18. Hello, I'm Mr. 75%

    I liked this post I'm Mrs. 50 percent and have been stuck here for a long time unfortunately haha
  19. 1 year

    I agree Frank. Would love to have our tickers back. Featherdusters, congrats on one year and I hope you see more improvement in the next year
  20. The +2 Year Mark =,

    Keep us updated Frank. I hope the Wellbutrin helps. May be something I want to try also.
  21. The +2 Year Mark =,

    Sounds like you have a lot on your plate!! I hope things settle down for you soon. Life can get crazy at times and it's a lot to handle. Kudos to you for going back to school. I have contemplated going back, but I think the stress of a big work load and busy schedule/exams would be way too big of a trigger for me. Anyway, I have been feeling super shitty for a while, way before I cut out the caffeine. Was thinking maybe my excessive caffeine intake wasn't helping my situation. Trying to see if I feel any better without downing a massive amount of coffee every day. I know I'm just depressed but I'm not sure how to get out of this funk. And I refuse to go the antidepressant route. But yes, I'm definitely thankful Adderall is a pain in the ass to get your hands on, and I'm glad l I told my doctor to never prescribe it to me again, otherwise I probably would have relapsed many times by now haha.
  22. The +2 Year Mark =,

    For me, this is not just a mental thing.. I am physically not well. The fatigue is indescribable. I am still going to bed at 8pm every night, not because I want to, but I honestly cannot keep my damn eyes open any longer. My whole body hurts.. my muscles ache constantly. In my opinion, this kind of depression isn't something you can just overcome by positive thinking. I wish it were that simple! I'm hoping what I'm going through is just something to do with the extreme winter weather I have been experiencing. I did begin to feel better a few months ago, but now I honestly feel as if I just quit yesterday. It is THAT bad. I did cut out caffeine 4 days ago, as my consumption got to be a little out of hand (I am just so fucking tired!)... hoping to see some positive changes from cutting out caffeine. I don't know what to do anymore. I am beginning to feel like this is going to be a lifelong battle. Sorry you're going through a hard time Erin. Break ups are never fun. Isn't it crazy how when things go wrong, we think of Adderall as a possible solution to it all? Even after all the pain and suffering it caused us, and even after 6 years clean for you. It just goes to show what a strong and messed up hold this drug can have on a person.
  23. Yeah. I think the weight is what's contributing to my depression in a big way. But I'm too depressed to put forth the effort to lose the weight. Yup. This blows.
  24. The +2 Year Mark =,

    Oh man. I wish I had something positive to say but I'm feeling pretty much the same as Frank right now. So tired. So unmotivated. So depressed. Some days I really do feel like giving up.
  25. Hi Jen. I'm in the same boat. I gained about 40 lbs after quitting and haven't been able to lose more than around 10 lbs of that. I just can't stick to a diet and exercise plan for the life of me. I try and usually give up after about two weeks. I'm a failure in pretty much all areas of my life right now. I just feel like I have such a long way to go. Ugh. How much have you gained since quitting?