bluemoon

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Everything posted by bluemoon

  1. The +2 Year Mark No

    Sorry but I have to disagree. 14 months clean here and I definitely am not back to my normal "baseline" yet. Yes, I did struggle with depression before Adderall... but I refuse to believe that this is just who I'm going to be forever.
  2. This is my story..new to the site

    VERY wise words You nailed it.
  3. what do you consider "hard work"?

    Funny because my dog was born exactly 9 days before my quit date. I knew he was going to be coming home, and I didn't want him to ever see me on Adderall. It sounds dumb but he really did keep me going on the hardest days. (He also made some of the hard days even harder lol, damn puppyhood!!)
  4. One Word Status Update

    I know! How do we get them back?!
  5. Ticker gone ?

    Damnit, you're right. That sucks!
  6. Today was a good day

    Yay for good days!!! :) That's awesome Frank.
  7. Recently I celebrated my one year anniversary of being free from Adderall. Hardest year of my life!! Really struggled with fatigue, depression, weight gain, zero motivation, anhedonia. Of course, these things slowly improve with time but I just really felt like I was never going to feel better. I noticed lately I have actually been able to actually "have fun" and not dread social events as much. I had a freaking blast at my work Christmas party last weekend, which was really nice in comparison to last year when I went to my work Christmas party with only one month clean under my belt. I am down 10 lbs from my heaviest post-Adderall weight, and although I do still have a long way to go, I am finally feeling something I haven't felt for a long time: MOTIVATION! What the hell! Haha. Still have 25 lbs to go, but I really do feel I am ready and I can do this. I will be strutting the beach in that damn bikini this summer! I have also recently met a guy who has been treating me like a queen, I'm sure he has a little to do with all of these good feelings. I was very worried I would not be able to ever have feelings for someone again after I quit Adderall. I felt like it would be impossible for me to ever feel love again. Things with this guy are pretty new, but I am hoping they continue to go as well as they have been going thus far. It is nice to feel alive again! I'm still not 100% where I want to be, but I can feel it getting closer (finally!!).. I still have some fatigue and anxiety, but I do believe I will feel better by continuing to go to the gym, eating right and getting my weight back down to where I am comfortable and happy. If you are struggling and feeling like you will never feel happy again, like you will never feel better... I promise you, IT DOES GET BETTER!!! It takes a LONG ass time, but it gets better
  8. Massive Anxiety at 7 Months?

    Oh yeah, me and Frank were totally losing our shit at 7 months lol. Buying a car is a big thing! It's normal to feel a little anxious. Especially so early in recovery. I promise it will get better
  9. Massive Anxiety at 7 Months?

    Hey Danquit, I am not sure what the reason for it is, but I and many others here also experienced very severe and intense anxiety around the 6-7 month mark. Search my post titled "Crippling anxiety" that I posted in June. You are not alone, and it does get better!
  10. Yogichris, all of us here were once in that stage of addiction that he is in. It's full blown addiction. At the stage he is in, he is obviously not thinking about quitting at all. When you question him, he will defend his addict behaviour. It does not matter what anyone says to him, he will not admit that the pills are affecting him in a negative way (even though it is so obvious that they are), he will not admit he is addicted. He will always find a way to justify his addiction. It's just what an addict does. This was all of us at one point in time. One day though, it will hit him like a ton of bricks. The pills will stop working, and he will realize his life is in the shitter. From the sounds of it, this could be YEARS down the road for him. And I don't think you should wait around for one second longer. When he finally realizes he has a problem, he may possibly begin to THINK about quitting. This "thinking about quitting" stage could also go on for a very long time. It is extremely difficult to quit, even if you really want to! It took me two years of "trying to quit" and I can't even count how many attempts (at least 20 attempts) before I could finally make it stick for longer than a couple months at a time. There is nothing you (or anyone) can say or do to make him want to quit. He has to hit rock bottom. He has to admit to himself that has a problem. He has to want it for himself. But honestly, it really does not sound like he is anywhere close to wanting to quit. If he ever does finally quit, it will not be easy, it will be a LONG and painful road. Just like dadof3 said, you would still have to worry about possible relapses and what not. I quit over a year ago and I still struggle just to get through day to day life. I do not feel emotionally capable of being in a relationship with anyone at this time or any time soon. I remember you saying you wanted to have kids sometime soon. Get this man out of your life completely so you can heal and find a man who is worthy of your love!! It sounds like you have a lot of love to give. This guy does not deserve a single second longer of your time.
  11. Reading your post is absolutely heart wrenching. I've said it before, I'll say it again... All of his behaviour you have described in this post and in your older posts is a direct result of Adderall abuse!!! This guy is a LAWYER - it is his JOB to shift the blame, and he is damn good at it. The fact that he won't even admit that any of his issues are Adderall related is a joke, and it's a sure sign that he is not anywhere NEAR even thinking about quitting. If you choose to continue to allow him to be in your life, you are choosing a life of heartbreak, sadness, loneliness, worry, fear, etc. There are SO many red flags, and you know it. My personal opinion is that you need to cut all contact and change your phone number, and move on. Find happiness with a man who will treat you the way you deserve!! I know that this is not what you want to hear, but unfortunately, this man will never be that man for you. I am so sorry you are going through this, and I know it has been very hard on you. You deserve SO MUCH MORE!
  12. One Year

    Well, I did it. Today is my one year anniversary of quitting Adderall. Congrats also to Frank, Teamwin, and I know Flow isn't too far behind us either. Thank you so much to everyone who has helped along the way. You know who you are If it were not for your support, I definitely would not have made it this far. Been an extremely rough and challenging year, but we made it through without going back to the pills! That in itself is a huge accomplishment. Here's to hoping that this next coming year is a little easier on us
  13. 1 year!!!

    Congrats on ONE YEAR, Flow!!!! Yes, we did it Hope all is well with you!!
  14. Six Months Good days and Bad Days

    Hey Everything you're describing is exactly what I went through in the early months of recovery. I felt SO good and optimistic right after quitting, but it didn't take long for that to fade away. The next few months after that were full of misery. I found things didn't really get any easier for me until about 9-10 months, but noticed some others started feeling positive changes a bit sooner. Anyway, I found this interesting article a while ago about quitting crystal meth, and it has "the five stages" of recovery. It's kind of interesting how similar the recovery is to quitting Adderall. Here is a copy and paste of the "stages" from the article here: The Five Stages of Recovery from Crystal Methamphetamine Stage 1: Withdrawal (Days 0 – 15) Withdrawal usually lasts from 1 to 2 weeks, but it can last upwards of 4 weeks—and, in some extreme cases, longer. Also known as the “sleep, eat, and drink†stage, your body and brain are in healing overdrive. There’s a lot of damage meth caused that needs to be repaired before you can move forward. Stage 2: The Honeymoon (Days 16 – 45) The crash has lifted, your body has made those immediately needed repairs, and you are feeling physically and emotionally much stronger. You might even feel great, better than you’ve felt in years. And it’s only the beginning of the third week! Unfortunately, this upswing can lead to overconfidence and you might find yourself minimizing your past meth problem. A lot of people will relapse here because of this overconfidence. But not you. You are prepared. You understand this Honeymoon won’t last. Still, there’s much to enjoy while it does. And much to do in the meantime, while you’re feeling stronger. Stage 3: The Wall (6 Weeks – 4 Months) You hit it hard. All the positive, forward momentum from the Honeymoon crashes around you. A seemingly insurmountable Wall of depression, boredom, and despair—it begins about 45 days into sobriety and it continues through month 4 or thereabouts. Rarely, however, does the Wall last longer than 3 months. So, keep in mind, it’s going to get better. The Wall is often where people will relapse. You so want the feelings of boredom and loneliness to pass, crystal meth seems like the solution again. Though the danger of picking up is highest here, you can get past it. Let’s look at what to expect and what you can do to get through this stage of your recovery. The Wall is not impossible to overcome, just tricky. Stage 4: Adjustment (Months 4 – 6) You’ve gotten over the Wall safely and it is now mostly behind you. The next stage is called “Adjustment†because that’s what characterizes this time period—adjusting, physically, socially, and emotionally, to life without crystal. You get relief from the overwhelming cravings and begin to find life interesting again. Stage 5: Ongoing Recovery (Months 6 – 12) Toward the end of the first year clean, crystal meth addiction can seem distant and almost tangential to your life. Or, it can be something you continue to think about, fleetingly, almost every day. Like all things on this timeline, it depends. I like to call this part of the quitting journey “Ongoing Recovery†(also known as the “Resolution†stage) because, despite how foreign your crystal dependence may seem, it’s important to remember that meth addiction is a “chronic disease†and you are never cured. Recovery is always ongoing. Here is the article if you are interested in reading the whole thing: http://www.quittingcrystalmeth.com/the-5-stages-of-meth-recovery/
  15. A straight up miracle

    I will have to check this out when I get a chance too. Sounds like something I could benefit from. I'll let you know when I do
  16. One Year

    Woohoo!! Congrats!! How have you been doing??
  17. It took me a while to throw the pills away too. I don't know why it was so hard. It felt SO good when I finally did get rid of them though. It's the last step you need to take. You gotta do it! Get rid of them now. You don't want to risk a slip up on a bad day. It's so not worth it after how far you have come!
  18. 2 years and 2 months - still struggling

    It makes me sad that you're still feeling this way at over 2 years. Are some days better than others? Do you at least have some good days? I can't imagine having to deal with feeling this way for that long. The crazy motivation I can live without, but happiness is something I really need to come back.
  19. Six Months

    Yay!! 6 months is huge!! I remember around that time being very difficult for me. Even just minor stresses were magnified by a million. The worst anxiety I have ever had! Nowhere but up from here though. It will only get easier for him
  20. 6 Years

    Congrats on 6 years free of Adderall, and congrats on one year sober!! Like I always tell you, you are such an inspiration to everyone here and I admire you SO much!! You are truly "goals" I love Joel Osteen so much too. I always feel so good after listening to him speak. I follow him on Facebook and it's nice to have his little inspirational messages pop up throughout the day. I think I need to make an effort to listen to him more often though!
  21. TODAY SHOW

    Reading those comments makes me so angry inside!! There are tons of people on here who never abused their prescription and are still having a hell of a time getting off the drug. I know some people may disagree with me, but I personally truly believe that there is not one person out there who "NEEDS" this drug. Nobody "NEEDS" amphetamines to live. And as we all have unfortunately learned - taking Adderall is not something that is sustainable long term!!
  22. 6 Month Update.

    Congrats Danquit - you are doing awesome!! Sounds like you are doing a bit better at 6 months than I was. Proud of you!!
  23. Will the drive ever come back?

    Haha yes Frank!! This election is a complete circus!! Makes me thankful to be Canadian right now. My goodness. Lol
  24. Will the drive ever come back?

    Yay! You can do this! Christmas is a good time to detox.. I had originally planned on quitting during Christmas last year, but then there was a weekend in November where I hadn't taken any pills on the Saturday or the Sunday, and I woke up on the Monday morning and thought to hell with it ... and I didn't take any pills that day (or ever again after that). Work sucked pretty bad that week, but I made it through. I will say I really struggled with Christmas parties and other holiday obligations for all of December. That was a SUPER rough month. But somehow I did it and here I am almost a year later! Finally starting to feel like myself again!
  25. Will the drive ever come back?

    Frank, I was pretty careless with my spending when I was on Adderall too. I bought a brand new F150 and two houses. Now I'm stuck in a job and a city I don't wanna be in. Paying for it now. Long term, I know I'll get my money back out of the houses, so I know I'll be alright there. But let's just say I likely wouldn't have made these decisions had I not been on Adderall at the time lol