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About RestorationMagic

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  • Birthday 01/06/1994

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  1. Quitting secretly.

    Thank you for replying, i'm so relieved this site exists. As far as a plan i have cut ties to my source of Adderall, i don't get it prescribed anymore, and basically just fighting. Today i made myself get up and go for a drive. little steps. trying to stay positivve and happy, today i used music and it got me out of bed. i got dressed then undressed, then dressed again finally forcing myself to just leave the house. its still a struggle. but im doing this. we can all do this
  2. Addiction is secret so I'm quitting alone

    i am quitting alone as well.
  3. parkinglotjunkie

    This is absolutely wonderful. Not too many post poetry nowadays, it's become too labeled as a cliche but i'm glad you did so that others, (maybe myself) will post as well. When i was doing adderall i would write A LOT. During comedowns sometimes it would even become psychobabble. Looking back at them it's actually kinda interesting. Thank you for sharing "Mining clouds, chasing memories" <--- i love this.
  4. Thank you so much for this post. I recently moved to a new city and every time i visit back home where i used to live i feel no need to take Adderall, in fact i don't even think about it. I visited for three weeks last month & they sat in my purse the whole time but the very first day i came back, the urges to take Adderall were really strong and i succumbed. I battle with myself here, but i don't battle when i am away from here. Also playing video games again when not on Adderall is a strange thing to adapt to.
  5. Quitting secretly.

    Ok, so i'm going to share my entire story here because i have never told anyone and for years i kept the fact that i took Adderall secret, so now i am quitting in secret & finding this website & just getting this out & knowing i'm not literally as alone as i feel is relieving. I started Adderall after my ex boyfriend handed me one, & told me it was "just like a pain pill." After, Adderall became our entire relationship. I was already seeing a psychiatrist so one day we decided what i could tell him to possibly get Adderall prescribed to me. It worked, we just became two Adderall zombies. Taking dose after dose, we were together but ignoring each other completely except when we were feeling "chatty." Things went downhill the more and more we took it. All the while having our happy Adderall times together, our relationship turned into a dysfunctional mess of violence, paranoia, and apathy as well. Our relationship went on in cycles like this for a year and a half until he decided to leave for the Air Force. We thought everything would magically be better. He would come back and everything would be fine. He asked me for all kinds of information, so i would be invited to his graduation, he said he would call when he could, or write, & then he got out of my car & I never saw him again. I stayed off Adderall while he was in basic, fully motivated and ready to start our life together, i waited and waited to hear from him. His time in basic was over, i saw pictures of his graduation all over his father's facebook. This hit me hard, and i ran back to Adderall, he had completely erased me from his life. I started to party a lot, hanging out with everyone i could, mixing adderall with anything around, doing the stupidest stuff, many times i was afraid i was going to die, but i didn't care. I was heartbroken and Adderall distracted me from that until the comedowns. i still waited to hear from him for the rest of the year, having dramatic comedowns. I slowed down on the partying and going out all the time, and became more seclusive, hiding at home all day on Adderall, doing useless things, speeding around, not leaving the house ever. I kept taking more and more Adderall. My life became a huge fog. I just sped around not meaning anything not truly feeling anything, and being extremely impulsive. I had became a totally different person. Now, I want to quit. I want to feel like i can do things without a pill. I want to be me and not that person i created from taking Adderall. I am absolutely serious about this. This is not how i want to continue to live my life, & I do not want to schedule my life around a drug anymore. I just want to stop completely. If you read this, i'm really sorry, i should've just summed this up to be shorter hahaha! But also, THANK YOU. I am too ashamed in real life to admit, even though people close to me no doubt know about my Adderall problem, i have secluded myself from everyone and no one knows i am going through this struggle of quitting...
  6. Please help me quit for good

    I feel the same way I want to be myself, not a pill. I spent so much time on this medication denying the risks, denying that its a problem, no matter what happened. I just didn't care about myself, i felt like the positive of Adderall outweighs the bad. I talk myself into taking it until i finally take it. I feel like i am fighting this person Adderall created. Honestly it is really difficult. Everything i need to do, i always think: "I should take Adderall & then do this." Adderall is such a big part of my life that simple tasks like doing the dishes, putting on my make-up, doing my hair, etc are difficult to make myself get up and do without Adderall. It's literally almost impossible. There is no motivation whatsoever, and all i can think about is how much easier things would be if i take an Adderall. & i do have depression, and my life at the moment is just chaotic. Even so, i absolutely cannot do this anymore. & it's not even the dangerously high heart rates & blood pressure. i want to quit is because i feel like i spent two years of my life being dead. i look back and it seems like a daze. I'm not the same person on Adderall. This person i was for two years is not me. MOST OF ALL, i am tired of scheduling my life, around a drug.