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I can't function with or without adderall. i'm dying inside. This hole has been dug so deeply.

Guys thank you all. I've dropped a course 19 minutes before the withdraw deadline lol. Fuck. This is crazy. Thanks for the responses. Really. I was considering dropping it but this pushed me over the edge. Looking for the best this semester. I'll look into counseling. Don't want to start Rutgers off on the wrong foot. Scared for the future, hoping for the best. All of you are amazing.

I was off adderall for the summer. I started using it again this Tuesday. I went off to college for the first time a couple of weeks ago and felt completely overwhelmed by the workload. I am a beast on adderall and can pretty much maintain a 4.0. I can't take the effects of adderall on my social life. I am not all there. I am completely different. I have done well in school in the past without being on adderall but I can't muster up the courage to actually try that again. I am very good at procrastinating and putting things off and admittedly I don't have my mom pushing me along anymore to remedy that. I am almost positive that I will be getting a lower GPA. If it were only slightly lower, I really wouldn't care. For people who have gotten off of adderall while they were in school, how did you do after you stopped taking adderall? Should I take the risk and just see what happens? I HATE ADDERALL! FUCK! I really am so terribly addicted to it when I feel pressured. The pressure is everything. The rock and the hard place feeling is making me going fucking nuts. Guys :'( Where has my self-control gone?

MFA - I know I'm a little late to the discussion but personally I had taken adderall just as it was prescribed to me and I had become by all accounts addicted to it. I hardly ever abused it (though extremely rarely I did). It doesn't seem right to say that people who took it as prescribed (responsibly) could not have had the same experience as someone who took it irresponsibly. I feel that adderall was an extremely negative thing in my life that isolated me and gave me delusions. I was addicted to it just as anyone else on this forum was. It is still constantly in my mind. I understand why you might say that he has no place here telling people how to take it responsibly but I like to think that I did take it exactly as it was supposed to be taken and still had the same experience. Idk hopefully you see where I am coming from.

Ahh... the craziness of adderall thoughts.... Do I appreciate you writing them down before you quit? Yes, its a good reminder. It can never just stop. The thoughts are always churning. Everyday I kept taking adderall was one more day wasted.

hmm.. for FOUR years he didn't know you had a prescription? Since you guys are going to be getting married and all I would have to assume that it would be right to come clean since this is, I'm assuming, a significant event in your life. If he really loves you he can see past this. Did he say that he misses the old you? I don't think most guys really care whether or not a girl reads the newspaper or spends a little less time cleaning the house. As long as you don't come off as not caring about anything anymore, i.e. him, then I don't see there being a problem. He just needs to know what he can expect from you. You have come this far without telling him about Adderall and so if he tends to react strongly to things then I would say that you shouldn't mention it to him. I know people who just don't understand drug use but are otherwise rational people and if this is the case then I don't see there being a problem with contributing your change in behavior to something else and promising yourself that drugs will have no part in your life. Personally, I would want to know.

Hey Leila I like your profile pic its pretty awesome. I am about 3 months clean and I can say that I do find myself depressed and wishing that I could take adderall however this is typically when I am not keeping myself busy with something or with someone. It is also typically when I have not exercised for a while. In my opinion cold turkey is the way to go. I would personally rather get through the crappy shit quickly than dragging it out. If you are still taking the other medications then I, like Cassie would not recommend quitting them all at the same time... It might sound contradictory compared to my hardline approach on quitting cold turkey but in a sense, the other stuff is a crutch... One at a time.. Thats what I'm doing and I can't say I am cured but I'm clean and looking forward from it.. Set yourself up for success and you will go far. Don't plan anything when you need to quit. Make sure get good food, exercise, support from close friends/family if you need it. Countdown that week and a half like it is the amount of days until you can be unshackled from addiction. If it is at all possible, try and look forward to it. Btw nice profile pic.

Sorry I hadn't seen you respond. Sweet potato chips are just from my local grocer (ShopRite). They're tasty! They are probably fairly new because I only know of one brand that makes them. And I can't name it off of the top of my head... And that is interesting, I always thought that the whole point of whole wheat was that it didn't cause the same blood sugar spike. But I do see now that that is not the case..

quit-once- I'm not sure whether you have tried it or whether you are even interested but have you tried using wheat flour, wheat crackers, brown rice? Generally I find these to be full of energy and generally wholesome and filling. Also if you ever find yourself craving sugars I would recommend honey! Honey is a beautiful thing. Oh and sweet potato chips done in peanut oil (doesn't taste like peanuts) is also one of my favorites... Sounds like you're already choosing a very healthy diet though

wait so what happened with the legal issues that you had because of it? It sounds like it got pretty serious?

lol heather.. yeah my anxiety has definitely dropped to a level that I would consider normal. To me I always have thought of adderall as a chemical straightjacket. The euphoria seemed to be what kept me acting as I did but as the euphoria became less and less pronounced the anxiety became more and more prominent. Either way I was always guided by the feelings that I got from adderall. Yerp. Happy thats over with lol >.>

How long has it been?

lol thanks for sharing! it was nice to realize that that was behind you though?

lol welcome aboard! Ive always loved spicy things personally. Definitely can relate to anxiety. It always seemed that it dampened my interactions with other people and left me feeling strangely. Did you feel that it was a gradual increase in anxiety for those two years or how were you reacting to that anxiety?

I might be able to take adderall occasionally and be OK with it but I'm not so sure. It's hard for me to only take a drug occasionally. I tend to be an all or nothing sort of person. I don't want to take adderall because it isn't who I really am. Adderall has great aspects to it but I remember how it left me feeling... Basically like I didn't have a soul. I always took my prescribed dose of adderall so I wasn't abusing it. But yes, I did have a problem with how I felt on adderall. I do not plan on taking it again. I can't. Speed freaks are bad... I say no to speed freaking... I just have an attachment complex that hasn't gone away. I need to get over this semester and know that my performance off of adderall is just as good as my performance on adderall. If I could just believe that............ Thanks for the responses guys

I took it to try and catch up on course work. That is really the pressure that drives me to take it now even. My relapse experiences were for the most part negative. I wasn't happy that I had taken it after so much time off but the day after I had taken it I sort of looked back and realized that just because I had taken it again doesn't mean that I would have to lose all of the progress that I had already accomplished... The work that I had been able to complete in my courses when I had taken it could very realistically been done without adderall... Looking into the future I still look to adderall as a sort of "miracle" study drug... It's hard to ignore what I was able to accomplish last semester with adderall. Despite the desire I have to permanently be off of adderall it has for the last 2 months that I have been mostly sober, still been in the back of my mind. I have not thrown out the pills yet because I am not that strong Honestly I just want to do well in school and I have not been able to completely detach myself from adderall because it was SO beneficial in that regard... I think coming on here is important because I tend to let myself lose focus of the real cost/benefit of taking it... Idk I am constantly weighing the cost/benefits and sometimes it comes up in favor of adderall and I get upset... lol sorry for hijacking your thread searchingsoul

Motivation_Follows_Action-- Is that saying by Santiago just a saying you heard or have you read a book about something like that? I liked your one book you and I'm open to more suggestions lol..

Ah I also was considering 10 and 38 lol. What exactly is happening in your profile pic btw...?

Well I have taken it twice since Christmas but that was like a month ago. So besides those two times it has been since Christmas.. Its been important for me to start coming on these forums again... School is starting to get busy and unfortunately I do find myself thinking about adderall... must.... resist......... Thanks for asking How is your job search?

This is funny. I have had a dream recently too where I had taken adderall in it. I probably wouldn't have even remembered it without your post. I just remember being really disappointed in myself for relapsing. I felt like I had lost myself again. It was a good reminder of what I had to lose from relapsing.

I pick "44. Yield." Need to let things go...

Motivation_Follows_Action - I read the Invisible Man. It was pretty good. Stay strong. Momentary slip-upp for sure. Do you know for sure whether you didn't get the job?

Wow. Congrats Yeah where I live cigarettes are like $7-8 a pack. Adderall only cost me 5$ a month though?

thanks falcon! unfortunately i too worry that i may have quit weed too late as it has been about 5 full years for me (14-19). I think that it is important though not to dwell on any and all past substance use and instead to look to the future. i plan on going into next semester with that mind set though! I will not sacrifice my sanity for A's....... also on a side note--- i live next to a nature reserve and the birds that i have around me are astonishing sometimes! i swear we have hawks and all kinds of crazy stuff. yesterday i accidentally awoke a GIANT turkey vulture and it swooped in to attack me and i had to duck loll

Ok lets see. How has life gotten better without weed? Well to start off I am almost 5 months clean from weed. I believe that weed was mostly a filler in my life. It made me feel like I was actually doing something. I have time for more things that I actually feel good doing now. It has evened me out a bit because I believe that smoking weed more than once in a while leads to you feeling worse all of the time. It uses all of your stores of feel good feelings. Basically I am more clear headed without weed. I certainly exercise more. One of the biggest things for me though was that smoking weed kept me in a self-centered lifestyle. All drugs used to get high are self-centered of course but I hate that about them. Smoking weed made me want to be high all of the time and thats why I could never go back. Almost all of friends smoked and thats all we ever did. I was NOT a casual smoker I smoked incessantly. Me and my main smoking buddy always thought like this "Well theres no reason for us NOT to smoke weed". But really we just didn't want to face the facts. He still hasn't. Life goes on fine with or without weed but I believe the quality of life is just a bit better without it. I am interested in hearing why you might be considering quitting weed?