Sebastian05

ZK glad to hear about your progress. Are you on any meds? Any anti-depressants? Anything? If so, please give details.

Casssie: Thanks again for your support. You always give me hope. I know for a fact im doing better than I was a year ago. Hear a MD (psychiatrist) tell me that I need a serious medication or I will never be normal is really absolutely unreal. He didnt listen to anything I had to say about my in depth research on meds. He picked a drug..and he said "this is what we are going to start with". Nothing else is going to work for you in the long term. Fuck That. It only made me want to stay away from all meds even more. I find it VERY hard to believe that being resistant to medication is only going to make it worse for me (as he said) and that my brain will eventually be resistant to all meds unless I start doing something about it now. I've been working out a lot. I've been doing 6 mile runs at least 4 times a week. I need to give this more time, i think. S

So, I went to a psychiatrist today to discuss how I've been feeling. I've seen so many people on here post about Wellbutrin and how it has helped them. I'm almost 19 months off of adderall. I'm okay I guess. I'm not great. I'm not bad. I'm in the middle somewhere but I still do have trouble sleeping soundly and sleeping well and being happy and positive. Again, as usual....the zest for life just seems to be missing. Not really sure what it is. Is it the stress of my life? Is my brain still re-adjusting from having taken adderall? I have no clue. So I thought the psychiatrist would be able to help me sort things out. Basically, he started off very kind and then turned into a huge asshole. He told me that i need to be on Depakote. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?! After all the reserach on meds I've done, I've never once come across Depakote. He's telling me anything else would be just a bandaid on a wound and that I need a mood stabilizer. I asked him about lexapro and wellbutrin, and he said that those would not be for me. I asked him if Adderall can cause brain damage. He said that any medication can cause brain damage. He gave no straight answer. He did mention twice that the longer i go unmedicated, the more neurons in my brain would die off and then my brain would be less receptive to medication in the future. WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! It got a little combative at the end. I felt like he was just trying to shove medications down my throat. I refused the prescription. I told him about this site and how I've discussed ADHD with a group and his response was that I may have co-morbid symptoms of ADHD as well as a mood disorder, but that my underlying issue was that I have a mood disorder and need depakote. This is what he tells me after knowing me for 45 minutes. I left in pure disgust. I'm not just going to start shoving a med down my throat that actually requires constant blood work to be done because it can cause liver damage and also cause your hair to fall out. WTF. He really scared me saying that if I dont get on a medication soon, that I could just be hurting myself more and that I will never change unless I'm medicated. I'm so upset by this. Sorry for the rant on here. I know I've just typed out a bunch of thoughts without organizing them really well, but I wanted to share this with all of you and get some feedback. I'm either just going to continue down this natural path I'm on or maybe eventually see another psychiatrist. I just dunno what to do. Let me know what you guys think S

Ashley, how long have u been on wellbutrin and what dosage? Are u on anything else? Do u really feel the wellbutrin has helped. Im likely not gonna go back to adderall because the utter terror of what the withdrawal is like is hell on earth. I cant go thru that ever again. I need to remain strong but its so hard. And i do value the things i pick up here, but i get so frustrated that sometimes it seems theres no hope to ever be truly happy again. That my brain's dopamine system has been zapped. I dunno. Im typing this in between sets at the gym. Ive been staying strong on that point. But i wish there was someone who had a definitive protocol to follow. Everyone keeps saying 'be patient' but sometimes it seems that there really isnt anyone who has made the full 180 and come out of the dark tunnel.

Hey everyone. I quit because I noticed that at 10mg in the morning, I wasnt really feeling the lazer focus anymore. I knew I was going to have to raise the dose, and thats not something i felt comfortable with because i didnt want more meds in my body. So i figured that id achieved so much and the adderall had served its purpose in balancing me out and then i could just quit. It got me thru law school, got me thru the bar exam, helped me in finding jobs. And truly got rid of all my anxiety. 2-3 weeks later i noticed a feeling of unease creeping in and then it was full blown anxiety and depression. I do believe im better than i was a year ago, but something has to give. Do i keep pushing forward without it? Do i start experimenting with antidepressants? Is this all just in my head and im i being weak and making things harder on myself? I dunno. I miss the passion and positivity and hopefulness i used to have for life. Now i question every single decision that i make and wonder where the hell my future is going. I try to stay positixe and hopeful but when the anxiety and general BLAH feeling gets the best of me i get real down.

Wow. No responses. Bummer.

Hi everyone: At the end of June I will be 18 months clear, but I'm having a lot of mixed emotions. I made the mistake of googling "adderall reviews" and reading review after review of positive reviews of those who were taking adderall responsibly and as perscribed (just as I was). Naturally, when I read things like that, I cant help but think I'm really denying myself the motivation, drive, and happiness that I once had while I was being medicated on Adderall. I've started seeing a new therapist and she gave me the name of a psychiatrist who is very trusted among the therapists in the psychology practice that I go to. She said I could definitely talk to him about everything I'm going through and that he would really be able to listen and be caring and helpful. At this point my therapist isnt sure if my emotional state is situational or if its from some sort of chemical imbalance in my brain. I've yet to see any real sunshine though I'm still feeling pretty flat and 18 months have gone by. So those of you who know me from my posts here know that I've been fighting the good fight to stay off of these meds, but of course, sometimes it gets to be so easy to fall into the thoughts of wondering if I'm really doing the right thing for myself. I know that if I were to go back on the meds, that I'd become much more productive at work and my anxiety and depression would lift. The adderall did that for me. Anxiety and depression that I once had were totally wiped away and I was able to accomplish so much while being medicated. To be honest, the only reason I have resisted going back on the meds is this website and the nightmare after nightmare that I've read here. But then, I cant help but think this forum is a very small cross section of the millions of people who have derived great benefit from adderall or other CNS stimulants. I'm left with nothing but confusion because I don't know where to go from here. I dont know if i should keep pushing forward or if i should just relent and go back on the meds. I'm just being honest here as I feel that this is a place where I feel I can voice how I'm doing after having decided to quit the meds. I have a sincere longing to feel OKAY again. To feel happy and motivated and just cheerful as I once was. I have this arbitrary 2 year mark in my head. And i keep wanting to hit that 2 year mark and re-evaluate how I feel at that point. Again, I was on 10-20 mg a day for 4.5 years or so. I don't know who if anyone can relate to this, but for years and years I would always get severe anxiety for exams and things of that nature (especially while in law school). As soon as I quit adderall, all the anxiety and bullshit associated with my anxiety came back. So you can't blame me for thinking "hey. if there's something out there that got rid of all this for me. why am i denying myself?" This is such a difficult journey. And I just cant help but think, sometimes, that I'm doing myself a disservice by denying myself a medication that really helped me feel and perform better all around. As always, I'm open to all commentary. Sorry I'm not a greater beacon of positivity and hope. I'm really trying to figure out what the heck the best course of action is, and I just still feel pretty lost in all of this. S

Gigem, I'm right there with you. 16 months out. Still don't feel tack sharp yet. Not nearly as focused. Depression and anxiety too. Better than a year ago, but still not great by a long shot. im not happy about it.

If someone has a driven motivation to quit by virtue of the love for their family, they shouldnt be told that that is not the right way to quit or that it wont work. Im sorry, that is simply flawed reason and logic and deleterious to progress. That's her rock bottom. She doesnt want to lose it all. If that is what is lighting the fire under her to quit, then wonderdul! And if u read liltex's response above, it is in line with what im saying.

the better future for herself is a future with her husband and daughter. all due respect, quit-once, sometimes you come off as a little abrasive. more often than not, people are nothing without their families. if she is quitting for her family, she is in effect, quitting for herself. your message, while i'm sure was in good spirit, can come off as confusing and discomforting.

I took it as prescribed. 10-20mg a day. (a lot of times only 10mg a day) for me, i think quitting cold turkey may have been a mistake and made withdrawal even worse. But after reading the horror stories on this site, I wanted it out of my system ASAP. Adderall was very useful to me. And if it werent neurotoxic, i'd continue to take it. There came a time though when i realized that taking 10mg in the morning wasnt really doing much for me. It was at that point where i knew i could either up the dose or just give it up. I'm thankful i never raised my dose, because i feel like i could have screwed myself even more if i had done that. im 15.5 months off of it. I've had a pretty good week this week. I was in the dumps last weekend, but feel pretty okay this week. How much are you taking and how long have you been taking it? abusing it? Put it this way... If i ever have a kid...and a doctor tells me he/she has ADHD and writes him/her a script for adderall. I'd take that entire prescription pad and jam it down the doctor's throat. The best thing about adderall is that it works. The worst thing about adderall, is that it seems that you really can't take it forever. and that is a huge bummer. If you read thru this site you'll see that many people hit 4-5 years or so and realize that maybe they're not doing the best thing for themselves. But, to answer your question a little better. I think if you have ADHD and are taking adderall as prescribed, it is still tough to quit. If you're taking adderall and abusing it at insane doses (adhd or not) its even harder. S

This is great

Ä° really neesed this. Thanks

Hey everyone: I really appreciate the responses. I'm at such a difficult cross roads right now. See, here's the thing that really sucks. Of course I do feel better than 15.5 months ago, but I don't feel RIGHT. I've read so much online about dopamine deficiency and how that is a direct cause of ADHD and cause of depression. The way I feel now is the way I used to feel (even while on Effexor) actually worse to be honest. I've read a bunch of stuff online where adderall and concerta have helped people like me with anxiety issues and have gotten rid of their anxiety and helped them really buckle down and have focus and drive. I just dunno what to do. I'm definitely always in a haze at work and in a haze with life in general. My sleep has gotten better, but it still is pretty awful. I'm envious of all of you who can "sleep all day". I wish i had that ability to zonk out. It is rare that I fall asleep and wake up feeling really refreshed and energized and ready to take on the day. I usually wake up several times throughout the night with lots of anxiety. Sometimes i feel like my life is okay. Sometimes i feel like im barely holding it together. But never do i feel GREAT. And that's another thing. Life is not meant to be lived feeling like you're BARELY hanging on. I dunno where the old Sebastian went. The one who would wake up in the morning and couldnt wait to go downstairs and brew a big fat pot of coffee and sit outside with a cup of coffee feeling the crisp morning air all over my face and body. I'm trying really hard to believe things are going to get better. I'm trying really hard to believe this isn't permanent. I miss my confidence. I miss feeling happy. I miss feeling excited and optimistic about my future. I REALLY miss feeling driven and motivated and passionate. Cassie, you give me a lot of hope that things will keep getting better. There's one person on this site who I talk to on the phone pretty regularly. He/She has become a close friend and he/she has helped me believe that a lot of this is in my head and that its just going to take more time. I'm definitely going to set up an appointment with a new therapist. I havent been to a therapist in probably 6 months at least. And even then, my therapist said he himself had been on Concerta for 11 years or so and that he's still on it. My life has to turn around and I need to start feeling more like a fucking normal human being instead of someone who is just barely hanging on and barely keeping shit together. I'm going to keep taking l-tyrosine and 5-htp and GABA and l-theanine and SAM-e. I need to get back to normal. Sometimes I feel like I don't know who I've become and it scares the shit out of me. I used to be the most social person ever. I used to love always having people to see and things to do. I used to love dating. Now I barely ever feel like doing anything. I stay in a lot. My spare time is generally filled with just going to the gym and running errands. I hope everyone is having a good weekend. I wish i could be a beacon of positivity, but right now I'm still just pretty scared. S

hey everyone: excuse my last post. i deleted it after realizing that the details within the message could have been interpreted as triggers by some on this site. I would hate for that to happen. i was also really angry when i wrote the post, and I'll explain why in a moment here. I had a doctor's appointment recently just for a checkup and he asked how everything was going. I told him that I still have a lot of anxiety and that it comes and goes. But when I have it, it is really bad. The depression is still there too, but it doesnt hang over my head and press me down the way it first did when i quit 15.5 months ago. The anxiety is a real bitch though. My doctor doesn't believe in medications. He tries to keep people off as many as possible and he NEVER prescribes adderall. He thinks its very dangerous. Don't worry. I wasnt there looking for any. Remember, I'm the guy who has an almost full prescription bottle in my drawer that I never threw away after I quit. My doctor said I'm doing a real disservice to myself by letting myself suffer with the anxiety and the depression and he thinks I should at the very least go talk to a psychologist. I'll do that. I've done it before. My last psychologist was a great guy, but he had also been on Concerta for about 11 years he told me. He was a really sweet guy and really nice and caring, and he took the honest belief that "if it helps you feel good and makes you happy and has a positive impact in your life. do it." Now, he wasnt telling me to go back on adderall. I was never addicted to adderall. I quit because I didn't want the f'n amphetamine chemicals in my body and I didn't want them to burn out my dopamine receptors. I just straight up would prefer not to be on any medications at all. But is that the smartest thing to do? I dunno. What kinda bummed me out (And i know this person didn't mean to do it im sure)...but someone on this site recently posted something about being the happiest they've ever been and how they quit adderall and now they are on strattera and feel GREAT. That got me thinking...."well. shit. maybe i should be transferring to another med to help me focus and concentrate and lift me up again". I eat extremely healthy. I work out all the time. But I just dont have the same zest for life that I used to. I'm not excited and happy like i used to be. I'm just "meh". Am I in better shape than I was a year ago? I'd say yes. For sure. Do I feel great? No. And thats the problem. When I hear about people doing great and feeling great, then i start wondering "am i denying myself happiness by not going on any meds? should i keep pushing to get to 2 years off of adderall and then re-evaluate". I think its CASSIE on her who keeps saying it gets better after two years. If thats the case, i've come this far...and i can keep pushing. There are a lot of things in my life right now that I'm grateful for. There are a handful of things that are weighing me down and making me really sad. The new job that I took after quitting my old job is certainly WAY BETTER than my old job, but this job is also kinda soul sucking (For you guys who dont know my story, I'm a lawyer. I moved to the philly area for a job. Bought a house here. Things were going great, so I decided to just quit adderall so that I could be really healthy. Then turned out that the job i moved to philly for was absolutely awful. So I found a new job that's better in every way but still just is not satisfying to me at all and as a result it is VERY hard for me to focus and stay organized). I'm trying to figure out where the anxiety and depression is stemming from. I've turned the internet upside down and have read everything under the sun regarding adderall treatment and adderall withdrawal and I've found so many sites that indicate that depression and anxiety is just part of the withdrawal. Okay, i get it...but I'm 15.5 months out at this point. Is it as bad as it was? No. Is it getting better? I dunno? Maybe? So at this point im just trying to figure out what to do. I want to control my own life and make good decisions. I really do not like the Philly area at all. I want to move and will eventually move the hell outta here, but I have to make sure that my decisions are well thought out and calculated so that I'm fixing problems instead of creating more. Do I go to a psychiatrist and tell them everything that has happened in my experience with taking adderall (not abusing it) - Taking 10-20mg a day for about 4.5-5 years). Do I ask if i should go on Concerta? I've found a lot of things online that say Concerta is pretty helpful. But again, I dont want to jump down the fucking rabbit hole of withdrawal..EVER AGAIN. The withdrawal from adderall is extremely heavy. It is a big factor in what keeps me away from the pills because nobody ever told me that there would be withdrawal and that it would be BAD. But again, the anxiety bouts that I have are brutal and really suck. I'm trying to fight this out, guys. I'm trying to make every best decision I can for my own physical and mental health. I need to come out of this on top. I need to get rid of this anxiety and self defeating mentality. I was on effexor at 50mg every other day before I started Adderall. I havent been on any antidepressant in about 6+ years. I never gained weight on effexor and I didnt have any negative side effects from it. But I'd prefer not to go on any antidepressant if that would be possible. My doctor also knows that I do not want to gain any weight. Thats just not an option for me. So he would prefer not to have me on any antidepressant because many do cause weight gain. I always manage to write a dissertation here. But these are all the thoughts running through my head right now. Any and all advice is appreciated. Sebastian

Out of concern that what i wrote could be a trigger to others, i've deleted this post.

Congratulations Ashley Very happy to hear that you're happy.

Hi Everyone: It has been a while since I've posted, so I figured I'd drop by. This waiting game is just the worst. Its been 14 months (when we hit April it will be 15 months) and I'm still waiting to feel good again. I think I'm doing better than a year ago, but still, things are a bit rough. The anxiety is still there. The depression is still there. I just feel very BLAH. I've resisted anti-depressants (as most of you who know my story already know) and I'm going to continue to try staying away from that route. So, something I'm concerned about is the fact that prior to Adderall, I would always get really awful anxiety before tests and exams. This started as a child with Spelling Tests and went all the way through Law School. Thats when the adderall came into the picture. Adderall did something for me that was amazing. It got rid of all my anxiety and really helped me focus and buckle down and confidently approach all of my responsibilities. Thats why when I was on adderall, I was sure I'd be on it for life. Because it fixed everything that used to drive me crazy about myself. Well, 14 months have gone by. No adderall...but I have pretty bad anxiety and it really sucks. Im working out, eating right (but this is nothing new for me...before and during adderall i was eating healthy and working out) but I'm just really having trouble being positive. I'm having trouble staying focused, being positive and being happy and optimistic about my life. I've been out on a bunch of dates and I really cant seem to find a spark with anyone and now I'm starting to think maybe its me. I dont know what to do. Part of me is wondering if i should go see a doc and maybe try Ritalin or something. Part of me is wondering if i should just say screw it and go back to 10-20 mgs of adderall a day. Part of me thinks i should give Wellbutrin a shot to see what happens. I just dont want to be on any pharmaceutical drugs anymore and I certainly dont want to be on anything for life. I noticed Cassie mentioned previously that she's having a hard time having fun. I'm right there with you. I just dont get enthusiastically happy and excited about things anymore and it breaks my heart and I'm so scared I'm going to be like this forever. Is this a waiting game? Is my brain going to somehow and at some point reset? Do I need anti-depressants to make myself better? I have no idea what to do. For those of you who know me, you might remember that I moved to the Philadelphia area for work. I feel really alone out here and feel like this was all a big mistake. I have a good job and it pays well, but I'm just not passionate about it and it bores me to death. Another problem with my job is it is mostly working from home. So im isolated from the world all day (which isnt good for my mental health) but I have no choice right now. The only time i see people is when i go to the gym at night or when i go to bikram yoga at night (its hot yoga and they turn the room up to 105 degrees and you sweat like you couldn't possibly imagine). Im new to yoga. Have only been going for two weeks, but I want to keep it in my life as I feel like it could seriously help with depression and anxiety. I should be really happy with myself and with my life but I just cant seem to be. Things are better than a year ago, but I'm just not a happy camper. I'm like a BLAH camper. I hope this changes. I dunno what the factors are that are making me so unhappy. Is it that i quit adderall and that I'm still struggling with that? Is it because I dont really like my job that much or where I live and now I'm a homeowner in a town I dont really like? Is it because I don't feel like a successful person? I have no clue. Sorry, I'm thinking out loud, but i just wanted to reach out to see what you all think and to hopefully get some good advice. Thanks as always, Sebastian

Robin, what antidepressant are you on? How long have you taken it and in what ways do you feel it has helped. I've been off of adderall for 14 months now. It can still be a big struggle for me. I was taking it for 4-5 years at prescribed doses of 10-20mg a day. I think im doing better than i was a year ago, but still, things seem not completely on point. I'm still trying to just use exercise and diet as my anti-depressants instead of going on anything pharmaceutical grade. But I'd love to know your thoughts on the antidepressants and which ones you're taking.

jay, what antidepressants are you on and how much are you taking?

Jay, I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm an attorney as well. I too was prescribed adderall in law school in my very last year when I was really struggling to keep up with my intense work load as well as having to work 25-30 hours a week. I was convinced that I had ADHD, so my doc started me at 10mg a day of adderall and it was slowly bumped to 20mg a day (10 in the morning and 10 after lunch). As soon as I took that first pill, everything changed. My mind became a machine and I thought I'd found the answer to all my problems. I was suddenly able to focus on Federal Income Tax Law and Article 9 secured transactions, and all that super fun stuff. By the way, before starting adderall, I was taking 50mg of Effexor every other day. The adderall actually helped me ween off of the effexor. I've always been kind of a space cadet in class and have always had trouble focusing (especially when really bored). The adderall changed everything for me. I never abused it. I never wanted to hop down that rabbit hole. In fact, I was on it for about 4.5 - 5 years i think. Maybe less. Definitley no more than 5 years. The last couple years I was able to drop my dose down to 10mg a day just in the morning and I seemed to be doing just fine with that. There came a time about a year and a half ago when things in my life really fell into place. Found a new great job...moved to a new city...bought a house. It was at that point that I'd decided "okay. the adderall did what it was supposed to do. It got me to where I need to be in life and I'm taking a low dose, so I should be able to quit no problem at this point." Also, another thing that was concerning me was that the 10mg i would take in the morning. It really felt like nothing. I would take it and just feel OK. No big charge. Nothing like that. I would supplement it with lots and lots of coffee throughout the day. The last thing I wanted to do was boost the dose, so I figured I'd pull the plug. About two weeks went by, and I was feeling just fine. Thought the quit was a piece of cake with nothing to worry about. Then I remember distinctly, one night I was out with some friends and we were at a restaurant and I started getting really cold. This pit developed in my stomach and I REALLY started to feel like shit. Just like overcome with shivers and anxiety. And I'm pretty sure thats when shit hit the fan. I had no idea what was going on. I didn't even tie it to adderall at that point. I just thought I was feeling anxious with my new surroundings and new environment etc. I started getting extreme anxiety and was having a lot of trouble sleeping. I was also having god awful night sweats. It was at that point i started googling adderall and quitting adderall and all that and thats how I came across this site. I'm not going to sugar coat it. Quitting isnt easy. These fucking doctors have no idea how bad this shit is that they are prescribing to their patients. Honestly, i WISH this stuff was safe. If it were, i'd take it for the rest of my life. But after all the reserach I've done, there's just no way at all this shit is sustainable for the long haul, and the train has to come to a stop at some point. I'm 13 months off the shit now. Do I want to go back? Yes and No. I'd love nothing more than to get that focus back. Get that drive and ambition and zest for life back. But like I said, it has to stop at some time. At least that's what I've convinced myself. I'll tell you this much. I think it just takes time. I constantly worry if the stuff caused any brain damage, and I really hope it hasnt, but life in the past year has not been easy. Dont get me wrong, its been getting better, but it certainly has not been easy at all. I would wake up some mornings and just wish I was dead. I remember some Saturdays I would even wake up and just sit on my couch in complete disbelief at how fucking awfully depressed I was and how terrible the fucking anxiety was. ON SATURDAYS! Lots of people say adderall turned them into a zombie. See, it never did that for me. It made my life better. I was more alert. More caring. More driven. Happier. But again, i had to keep fueling that fire with adderall to keep feeling that way and there's no fucking way anyone can tell me that I'm going to need to be on a fucking amphetamine for the rest of my life to feel that way. Law school beat the shit out of us. I was always the type of guy who would get test anxiety and would get so anxious during exams that I would blank out. Adderall fixed all that for me. WHY? I don't know man. I sure wish I did. It just took all the worry and anxiety away. But once i quit, those emotions came back 100 fold. One year ago I was mashed potatoes. I couldnt do anything. I couldnt run. Couldnt lift. I had ZERO drive. And i've always been a gym rat. It is all coming back, though. I'm as strong as ever now and I'm in the gym 5-6 days a week. I still have really bad days though too. But I dunno man, it seems like shit is getting better. I'm not on any meds now. Lots of people go on wellbutrin after adderall, but i just dont have it in me to go through meds and withdrawal again because these doctors and pharmaceutical companies dont give a fuck about anything but their bottom line. Believe me. So often I think, "okay. fuck it. I'll go to the doc and get some wellbutrin or some lexapro" or some shit like that. But I've read so much stuff online about people who have gone through this with benzos. And it has taken many people well over a year to reset. I'm writing a novel here, but this is the kind of novel I would have wanted to read 13 months ago. So I take a bunch of herbal stuff now instead of adderall. They seem to help. But dont forget. Nothing will ever be adderall. I'm taking the following 1. L-Tyrosine 2. L-Phenylalaline 3. Magnesium (lots of studies have shown that adderall and high stress deplete magnesium and once you replenish, it helps maintain keeping anxiety and depression at bay) 4. Vinpocetine 5. Huperzine-A 6. L-theanine 7. GABA 8. Mucuna Pruriens I dont take all this shit at the same time. They are all natural and supposed to help with cognition and dopamine. You said you've been on adderall for 7 years. What is your dosage per day? What are you taking? Also what anti depressant are you on? If I were you, I'd try to ween off. You dont seem to be abusing it. I personally think cold turkey, for me, was a big fucking mistake. So dude, thats my story. I still struggle to focus. It seems to be getting better, but I'm not like some machine just churning out work anymore being passionate over the most mundane bullshit. But i just feel like in the long run, life is going to be better not being on adderall. Good Luck Counsellor. Let me know what you think. Sebastian

ashley, you're looking healthy. I wanted to respond to your questions about jobs earlier, but I never had the opportunity. How have you been feeling? How's the depression and anxiety? I think you said you're taking meds for it? How are they working? I'm coming up on 13 months at the end of this month, and I plan on posting about it. Regarding jobs, just get out there. Get your feet wet. You've come a long way. Now its just gonna be baby steps in the real world, but you'll be okay. The job market is insanely hard right now, so just get out there and start getting experience. You're fresh outta college so the world is your oyster. Just pick some direction and move forward. Its really hard to do, but you'll do it. Just keep going forward. I know adderall really had the best of you a while back, so the progress you've made so far is really good. I was only on 10-20mg a day, and its still hard (After 13 months cold turkey) to feel like im getting back to where i was before the damn adderall. Part of me feels that my natural chemistry just needs that kind of boost in the mornings to get going. I keep convincing myself to not go back to it and to just keep stacking time onto my quit to see how things fall together. Thanks for always supporting me, by the way. And i really hope ur doing well.

ashley, i find it to be bothersome because this is one of the hardest things i've ever been through. I'm sure everyone would agree. I've hit 1 year and still dont feel exactly right. Still deal with random bouts of depression and anxiety and it really saddens me. What gives people hope on this site are the people who have come out of this horrible tunnel through the other side and are feeling good. It would be nice if Mike contributed to let us know how he's doing and to comment on exactly the things we are feeling too. I'm still pretty scared about all this. I mean, I know im doing better than a year ago, but is this it? Is this the plateau? Because if this is how im going to feel for the rest of my life, its a scary thought.

Hey All: It has been a while since I've last posted, but I'm still going strong. My last refill was december of 2012 (60 10mg pills). I still have 50 of the 60 left in that bottle and I just keep the bottle sitting on my desk. So It has been a year. I'm def doing much better than I was last year this time. I remember last year during new years, i was so burdened with depression and severe anxiety that I didn't even want to leave the house, but i forced myself to because my friends and I had a really amazing night planned in Manhattan. I think im still trying to make my way back to the way I was before adderall. For those of you who don't know, I took 10-20mg a day for about 3 years and then for the last year was pretty much only taking 10mg a day. I was able to make a one month script last 2 months. My point is, i never abused it. I took it as prescribed (if not less than prescribed) but getting off of it has still been really tough. I really miss feeling energized all the time. I really miss being able to have laser focus on anything, but I'm sure this is better off in the long run. I take L-Tyrosine (1000mg) daily. I also take L-Theanine and CDP Choline and Alpha GPC as well as L-Dopa Mucua. All of these supplements are supposed to boost Dopamine levels as well as re-sensitize your dopamine receptors. Anyways, I noticed that someone recently posted about coming out of 20 months pretty strong. I noticed that she mentioned she's also taking Wellbutrin and Klonopin (as needed). As much as I'd love to take Wellbutrin, I just cant bring myself to getting dependent on another pharmaceutical med. I hope everyone is doing well. Looks like a lot of new people on board to the site. I wish the veterans would post more. I still kinda consider myself a newbie, but I guess I now have a pretty decent amount of time under my belt. Last year this time, I was not doing too well. I was not sleeping AT ALL because the anxiety from the withdrawal was so intense. I am sleeping better now but definitely not as well as I'd like to. I really hope this will continue to get better. So I'm just chugging along, guys. Everyone who knows me knows im extremely stubborn and when i set my mind to something, i achieve it. After i quit, i gained weight for sure. I'm still working on losing that. I do spend a lot of time in the gym and my strength has gone through the roof. I've always been a gym rat. I'm not fat, but i'm definitely not as solid as I once was. Last year this time, i would go weeks without even working out because i was just so tired. Now im in the gym 5-6 days a week. I'd like to think things are moving forward. I'm still not as zesty and enthusiastic about life as i once was prior to the adderall. I hope this comes back. For those of you with a lot of time under your belts, please let me know if my progress is good/normal/to be expected. Thanks S

mike never contributes to the forum. i find that to be very annoying that he never ever chimes in and offers guidance or advice or lets us know how he's doing.