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About bg8834

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  1. My story

    Thank you so much for the replies this morning and for previous replies in the past. I really appreciate it and it is great to see people that care and want to see you doing better. I think what I am going to do for now is just limit the amount of substances I am currently putting into my body each day and focus on having some self-control and self-discipline. I think that is one of my main issues that I am facing and if I can get that under control than it will really help me out in the long-run trying to go off everything for good. I am just going to use the adderall and cigarettes for now, but just take the amount of adderall that I am prescribed and cut cigs back to no more than one and hour. I know these are not giant steps, but I know that this is key for me having long term success. Eventually I can work on lowering my adderall dose and cutting cigs back to once every two hours and then once every 3 hours and before you know it, it will be only 1 a day or none. I cannot thank everyone enough for trying to help give me some guidance and support and let me know that I am not alone. It is a good feeling and reassuring. I wish everyone the best of luck in overcoming their addicitons or struggles in life and hopefully one day I will be in a position soon to help other people. Hope everyone has a blessed holiday season.
  2. My story

    Just wanted to update this thread as I was too quick in my post before saying I was completely done with this medicine. Adderall is not a good medicine at all for people who have addiction problems and I realized now that it might be a tough road ahead to quit this for good. I have a few questions and would welcome any advice that the members on here could give me. Since I made this post, I went back to the doctor at the beginning of December and picked up another script and started on the path I was on before which was bad. A week into having the new script I got so much anxiety one night I did the same thing as before and flushed all the meds down the toilet and thought I was done for good. I actually quit everything at that time including cigs, dip, coffee, and booze. I was a train wreck for about 2 days and had so much emotion going through me that I actually cried on the phone with my parents and even with another close friend and they were pretty worried. I slept for 12 hours the first night after that and 13.5 hours the next. I did have several excellent days after that filled with sobriety and lots of exercise and good productive work that I was proud of. For me I realized that I am the happiest in life when I do not take any substances at all throughout the day and have a clear mind and as little anxiety as possible. I also realized that money is not too important to me right now and I am very blessed to be in the position I am financially and do not want to live a life where I am continously taking things throughout the day to be more productive. When I don't take anything, I actually enjoy doing work like I used to and look forward to it alot of times instead of it being something I have to do. The last day or two I started drinking some coffee, smoking cigs, and having a little bit of alcohol and today I picked up another script from my doctor, took about 75 mg of adderall after 4 pm and had a pretty crappy night and have not even slept yet. I know long term I cannot continue to take this medicine and really want to strive for a life with no substances at all. Whatever substance it is even if it is just coffee or cigs gives me lots of anxiety and a very guilty conscience like I am not living a healthy life. I already have alot of anxiety to begin with. My question is where to you think I should go from here. I know that can quit everything and have the willpower to do that, I just really struggle with addiciton in general and it is getting the better of me. I know that I am going to try and post here more often as that definitely might help and has worked for alot of other people. My thing is that I just need to try and quit everything in general in addition to adderall. Do you think I should maybe try going to an AA or NA meeting. I have also thought about joining a sober recovery forum to see if that might help, but are not really the type to be posting all of the time updating on my progress. Not really into reading any help/quit books so that would not be really beneficial to me. I am posting here though because there are alot of members who have been in my shoes with addiction to adderall problems and have succeeded and I feel comfortable discussing everything here for some reason. I am in a better position now than about a month ago when I did my first post and have learned alot and had brief periods of sobriety which has been great. Thank you in advance for any help.
  3. My story

    Just wanted to say a big thank you to the creators of this forum and for those that support the people struggling on here with adderall. I am writing this post to help other people who may be thinking of quitting adderall or other adhd medicine. I have been on adderall off and on for the last 2.5 years and finally flushed all of my script down the toilet last night and never plan on taking it the rest of my life. I read some of the posts on here last night from other people and a few on other forums and it helped guide my decision and I knew that I was doing the right thing for my situation. I know that flushing the pills down the toilet is not the most eco-friendly type thing and not perfect for the water supply etc but I was in a bad spot last night and my health was feeling very bad (almost heart attack type symptoms) that I could not think about the environment at that point and had to do what I had to do. I am a 32 year old male who runs two businesses with over hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of revenue coming in on a yearly basis and also work another job 30+ hours a week and thought that I needed this magical adderall pill or other adhd pills I tried that would help me focus like I needed to and that I finally found the answer to all of my concentration problems with this pill. What happened was that adderall led me down a path of self-destruction, major anxiety, withdrawl from friends and family, change in personality, weight-loss but not in a good healthy way, and just a whirlwind of ups and downs on a daily basis that got worse at night when it was time to wind down and go to sleep but never can because you have been taking adderall all day. For the people that can take adderall or other adhd meds and really not have it impact their life to much and still are doing somewhat okay in certain aspects of their life I do not have anything against you and if you can make it work more power to you, but my feeling is that a large majority of people can't and over time you will see adderall is a terrible medicine that will strip you of alot of great things you used to love or alot of great things that life has to offer you in the future. For me adderall gave me great sense of euphoria and big dopamine kick and was in pleasure mode when I was on it and could concentrate on work for hours on end but all of that comes with a cost as adderall does have alot of side effects and the anxiety that is associated with all of them (dry mouth and lips that were always chapped, heart beating faster than normal, paranioa, terrible over dental health, worrying about sleep at night because you are so wired from the medicine, the highs and lows of the adderal high throughout the day and eventally always wanting to keep that high going all day, what is can do you your kidneys and retaining urine or peeing frequently, and just a whole host of bad things it does to you) is what eats you up over time in my opinion. I kind of had high anxiety to begin with and also smoked cigarettes as well and what ended up happening to me is days on end of taking adderall all day and smoking cigarettes and drinking whiskey at night to wind myself down and telling myself the next day that I was definitely done with this medicine and would put it in a shoebox or something, but sure enough the next day as soon as I felt overwhelmed with work it was right back to my pills. Last night it came to moment where I felt so crappy from taking adderrall and drinking and smoking and dealing with the highs and lows of the medicine that I was so drained I could have just flat on my face from exhaustion and had major heart symptoms so I decided I was done. I wish everyone the best of luck in the future if they are trying to quit and hopefully my story helps someone else if they are on the fence of whether or not to continue taking the medicine or not. For me it ended up being not worth it and don't worry I don't need any support posts on this thread wishing me luck to stay clean in the future and try to not go to the physiciatrist and get more pills or anything like that (although that is nice and does help some people), I just am not in that situation and almost died last night so I am perfectly okay with never going near this medicine again. I have quit other bad things for me in the past when I had wake up call type moments and have never looked back. The last thing I wanted to mention was for those people who were thinking of switching to Vyvanse instead of Adderall, I tried this medicine as well and this stuff feels like it just burns your dopamine receptors to hell over time and you will barely have any emotion and it also made me feel sick as well as in with flu like symptoms and overall terrible aches and pains. Thank you for reading my story and good luck to everyone in the future that is trying to quit.