oswhid

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About oswhid

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  1. Where is everyone from?

    Central Florida
  2. Is Adderall Ruining My Marriage?

    JSS4321 - My husband took the prescribed dose - more or less. By that I mean he usually went without over the weekend in order to take a little more during the work week. He manged to make it last until the next prescription date but he always had it refilled on the first day possible. I suspect he did have to ration it a bit toward the end though. He was prescribed 30xr and 10 ir when he quit. I don't know the exact amount he was one the whole time but he did say one time that the most he was ever on was 60. I do not know if he meant that was the most he was prescribed or the most he took.
  3. Is Adderall Ruining My Marriage?

    I've reread the original post several times now and it is eerie how similar our experiences are. It's not just the anger and lack of feeling or empathy, it's like there is a pattern to it. The way that they perceive the past is so distorted. We also had a marriage that in which divorce or unfaithfulness would have never ever been on the table. The constant lying, always saying I'm trying to control them, pretty much everything they said, I've experienced. It's like it specifically affects the brain in a predictable way.
  4. Is Adderall Ruining My Marriage?

    Short answer: Yes Search on members Oswhid (that's me) and Dadof3finallyfree View their profiles Click on "view their activity" read all posts in ascending date order My husband is almost 14 months adderall free after 11 years of use. His personality and the way he treated me changed 180 degrees when he started taking it. It was a living nightmare and that's no exaggeration. Suddenly every mistake I had made in the first 19 years of our relationship was terrible and unforgivable and anything he had done and/or was currently doing was either wiped clean or justified by my awfulness. He would dredge stuff up that he didn't even care about when it happened as some proof of why he had been in an unhappy marriage the whole time which was just crazy. Just yesterday I was thinking about two widows I know who lost their husbands and how they must feel. I reflected on how I literally felt the same way except I got to live some monstrous replacement that in some ways was worse because nobody really believed me so I had to mourn alone. By some miracle the nightmare is now over and I know how lucky I am.
  5. Generation RX documentary

    I was able to rent it for $2.99 on YouTube.
  6. My husband reached the one year mark on May 14. I haven't posted yet because we left on that day to go on our first vacation alone together since before he started taking adderall the summer of 2005. We had a lot of fun. A week away going to the beach, biking, kayaking and just hanging out. Unthinkable a year ago! We went on one family vacation in 2009 before all the kids had all left for college but by that time we weren't really "together". Prior to 2005, we went on a family vacation every summer. By the time he quit, the only thing we did together was occasionally going out to eat and even then nine time out of ten we would drive home in angry silence because we were not capable of having a conversation that didn't somehow turn into an argument. I spent about 11 years trying to make sense of the disconnect between the person I knew for 19 years and this person that I was currently living with. I have spent the last year trying to wrap my head around having the first version back. Well not exactly the first version but pretty close. He's still trying to get the whole exercise thing going but the priority this first year has been surviving at work and rebuilding our relationship. Hopefully, we can both work on health and fitness more this next year. Several months before he actually quit cold turkey, he was "supposed" to be tapering down. When he got within a couple of weeks of when he was due to be done, he said that he wasn't ready to quit and hadn't decided yet if he ever would. He said not to bother him and that he would let me know his decision. It was then I made a post here under another user name. The next day, he texted me that he had refilled his prescriptions that morning. I called and actually read him that post out loud over the phone. The only reason he even listened was because he was at work and I said I would come there and make a scene if he didn't. Not sure if it had any effect but I didn't let up and he quit for real about a month later. So my confession: I am "justsaying" and I posted "letter to my husband" on April 12, 2016. I'm sure some of you probably already suspected that though!
  7. 11 month check-in

    Husband reached 11 months today. He's been trying to work out more. It's hard with his work schedule to be consistent because he has to have a good nights sleep or he can't get up in time to work out. One thing I've always worried about is the fact that I "broke the rules" when pushing him to quit this stuff. Everyone says that it has to be something they really want but I knew he would never come to that on his own. Our situation was somewhat unique in that we had almost two decades and 3 kids together before he started taking this stuff. I didn't have to wonder what life would be like without it. He was 49 when he started taking it and 60 when he stopped. I was certain if I could get him off of it long enough to get back to his prior self then he would want to stay off of it. It's been an anxiety filled fifteen months, first the "all in" push to get through to him which was not an easy task and then the worry about relapse until he was completely on board. After a false start where he mostly pretended to taper for 3 months, he informed me exactly one year ago yesterday (4/13/16), that he had refilled his prescriptions. That was a dark, dark day. Then another month of trying to get through until he announced that he quit as of 5/14/16. It took him another couple of months to flush the pills. Slowly I have seen him go from doing it for me to doing it for himself. He has become motivated to get off of his two blood pressure meds that he had to start taking as soon as he got on the speed. He cut down and then stopped the one that made his legs swell first. He probably should have tapered his remaining BP med but as he lost weight, it was making him dizzy because the dose he was on was now too strong. But he just stopped**. He is still having some residual dizziness in the morning but it's slowly getting better. His BP ranges from normal to borderline to a little high but not dangerously so. He found that while on it, it really limited his ability to work out as he was always short of breath as a side effect. As he loses the rest of the weight and gets fit, I think he will get completely back to normal. He has now read up on his BP meds and realizes how he basically has ALL the side effects. ** I know he theoretically should have consulted is doctor about the BP meds but as long as it wasn't in the danger zone, I figured it could be on the high side for a couple or months with out any long term effect. Also I am not thrilled with his doctor who just kept upping BP meds on a 49-60 year old previously healthy marathon runner patient without confronting him about what was really causing it. His GP doctor is part of the same clinic as his psych doctor so he had access to his records and knew what he was on. Every day I breath a little easier. I know I have painted a pretty rosy picture of the last 11 months. To be honest - my bar was so low that it has seemed pretty rosy to me but of course there has been bumps. His emotions can still be volatile at times, mostly when he gets his defenses up about something, though nothing nearly as bad as before. Any insight into how long that takes to go away? So I will end by saying that my daughter, son-in-law and 4 month old grandson arrive tonight for a week visit. What a difference 11 months makes! Have a happy Easter everyone.
  8. addict

    Everything she is accusing you of doing is just her projection. If I pointed out a negative behavior to my husband then without fail within a matter of days he was accusing me of the same thing with apparently no recollection of me having said it first. Then it became a ridiculous argument of "who said it first". It was so stupid but it happened over and over.
  9. The #1 worst thing about Adderall

    As a spouse, the number one thing was the absolute lack of remorse. It wasn't so much the constant rage, arguments, mood swings, blame, etc etc but that he was never ever remorseful, cared about my feelings (lack of empathy) nor accepted the blame for any of his behavior (taking responsibility).
  10. My husband stopped reading for pleasure when he was on adderall - only work related articles and documents. He spent hours and hours laying in bed watching mindless tv on his ipad. Now that he is off, he reads all the time. In fact, it was one of the first changes I noticed.
  11. 10 months and counting!

    Frank, can I ask a question? If you did have all the motivation, drive and focus you wanted, would you be able to earn enough from your business if you stuck to a somewhat normal work schedule - roughly 8-5, 5 days a week? Or are you saying that if only you could be motivated to work all the time 24/7 like you use to, then you could make enough. Maybe there is your answer. My husband is doing ok at work I think. A good nights sleep is the biggest key to surviving.. Gradually over the months, he mentions less and less about it being "hard" or having "bad days" and "good days" at work as in regard to how he feels. If he has a bad day, it's more because of what went on at work dealing with office politics, incompetence, etc - typical corporate crap. But he has never talked to me in great detail about it so he may still struggle more than he says.
  12. Today is 10 months for my husband. I read an article recently - one of those things you click on Facebook. It was asking psychologists what were some of the most profound things a patient ever said to them. One of them replied that an addict had said, "I feel like a ghost, walking around unseen in the backdrops of these other happy lives." That really resonated with me. Even though I wasn't the addict - it described how alone and lonely I felt. Life is still often surreal for me now. In just the past few weeks we have visited my sister for the weekend, have gone for a 25 miles bike ride, done a 12 mile canoe trip down a local river, attended a wine tasting with another couple and bought tickets to a craft beer tasting. I've also made reservations for a 4 day camping trip in a couple of months - something we have never done before. And we had fun. And we didn't fight. It's almost like we are "real" people again. As far as how he is doing. He's just getting back to trying to exercise. He had a bad case of the flu last month followed by food poisoning from a restaurant. The silver lining to that is he lost a lot of weight from those two things and it has made it easier to exercise now that he is feeling better. Though I'm pretty sure he wouldn't recommend that method of weight loss!
  13. My husband was always getting mad at me for not being able to follow his train of thought. It was like he was holding a whole conversation in his head and then would blurt out the last few sentences and couldn't understand why I didn't know what he was talking about. It's like he couldn't always distinguish what he was thinking from what he was saying.
  14. Yeah it was awesome getting to watch them disappear. I cannot describe how much I hated those pills. I was wanting to make a big deal of it but he brought them home from work, marched right in and dumped them. I don't think he wanted to waste any time in case he changed his mind.
  15. My husband didn't flush his pills until he was two months in. He was very adamant about it but wouldn't say why. It wasn't until later until I figured it out. He normally got three months supply at a time. He didn't want to flush them until he had made it to the next refill date in case he changed his mind.