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Rightplace

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  1. I can relate as well! A couple weeks ago I went to the ER and had all these damn tests thinking I was dying or having a heart attack and my poor family had to go through panic while I was in there. It was just anxiety and of course, they didn't think it had to do with coming off adderall. Crazy how much shock our systems are going through by coming off this damn drug. Makes u realize how evil it really is. Lastly, I too have noticed that my anxiety is almost non-existent when I don't use stimulants (caffeine, nicotine) or even sugar. Makes me wonder if I should cut those out too, but I'm scared to quit yet another thing.
  2. I'm so sorry. But yes, this sounds like adderall abuse. The drug can also cause delusional thoughts about your family or relationships that cause you to avoid them and wall up and focus on something else, like work. Have you confronted him at all about your concerns for his possible drug abuse? That may be difficult as I would not have believed that the pills were doing it to me if I were in his shoes. I would have just blamed my behavior on my partner or spouse. Maybe what would have been best for me would be to know about this website...send him a link perhaps? And then start taking care of yourself and your children, maybe join a support group for partners of abusers or similar?
  3. Well it's been 35 days since I stopped adderall though it feels like it's been much longer in the sense that I can't believe I haven't used stimulants for this long. It was end of January and now spring is in the air and its March. I'm proud of my achievement. But I'm struggling to be patient and present. I want to feel better now. But I think I hear myself saying I want to feel stimulated again. I miss my old energy levels. I miss wanting to do projects all around the house fixing things up, checking things off the list. I miss chasing clients at work and putting in all those hours, feeling like I was some big wig business man. I miss having the ability to make eye contact and listen while communicating and responding with profound statements. I miss my stomach and fitting into my clothes , hah. I miss feeling every sense as I inhaled a cigarette and smoked it down at the speed of light. I miss the routines and the rituals (waking up, popping pill, feeling alert, tackling the day). Now as I write this, I can also say that I don't miss the chest pains, racing heart beat. I don't miss the black cloud of intense irritation that swept over my body when a girlfriend or buddy said something I perceived as stupid. I don't miss feeling so unhealthy as I would go hours without food or water. I don't miss spending money on useless items for the new obsessive project of the week or the new hobby of the week. I don't miss isolating from my friends and family. I don't miss always checking to make sure I have adderall on me wherever I go or travel and I certainly don't miss the times I forgot to bring it with me and then having a meltdown. I don't miss stockpiling and enshrining this drug like it was gold. And finally I don't miss feeling crazy. Literally. I would feel like I'm seriously fucked up, not even considering that it might have something to do with the pills. I'm doing ok but still really having a hard time getting off the couch. I'm worried I'm going to get too used to this and never find joy or motivation to live life. I keep trying to start s membership at the gym but it sounds so exhausting. Depression is mild now and crying spells are almost non-existent. I can go to work daily again at least. I can have moments here and there where I feel ok again. L-tyrosine really helps when I actually take it. One thing I hate are my social skills. Before adderall I struggled communicating my thoughts. I always felt like I was stupid and inarticulate. Once I got on stimulants I felt like a rock star and became a good communicator. Now it's back to the old self which is my natural self I suppose. The first few days of sobriety were awful , then suddenly it was great. I thought i was in the clear! Now I'm sluggish and starting to fantasize about taking a pill. I even caught myself thinking the other day that maybe I should get a rx for Concerta since it's supposed to be mild. I was telling someone about how I quit adderall and they started saying "oh u should try concerta, it's helpful like adderall but totally safe!" Ugh....I don't plan on restarting stimulants or relapsing but it certainly feels more tempting than ever. Anyway thanks for reading. I just needed to get this out there and could use some encouragement.
  4. You may be asking the wrong question. Instead of asking if your career will be ruined, consider asking: Will staying on the pills ruin your life, relationships and ultimately your career (as we both know it's not sustainable in the long term to keep taking the pills and working like robot.)I guess I would ask myself what's more important, career or my life? Shitty cliche question I know. But logically if you think about it, continuing on adderall for the sake of work or promotion may not make sense when adderall has been responsible for losing jobs and promotions in the past. Carrying on may help with the career today but I'm sure you know deep down inside that it's not the career or promotion that makes life wonderful. You have a boyfriend and live in this beautiful world and truly have the power to feel worthy and important with or without a career or promotion. Maybe if you can return to your pre-adderall self and go through the withdrawal, you'll return to a happier person which will in turn lead to some life successes (beyond career). You said you used to be bubbly and happy and not so awkward and shy. If you quit you may not have the same career routine as before. You may still be successful but it will require more effort and mental energy. Good news: if you decide to stop, its completely doable! And it can be pretty amazing to see and think and feel normal again. I seriously have resurrected some old friendships already, am closer to my parents, and love that I'm able to be real again, not veneered in stimulants. But I'll be honest, I have a ways to go as I have to deal with wirhdrawal still and learning how to manage my emotions. My work productivity has dipped and I feel exhausted working at the same levels, but I havent been fired by anyone and don't think I will. If you decide to quit,I would go cold turkey based on your higher dosage levels as I think it's going to feel like cold turkey even if you just reduce. I'm not s Doctor tho, so I could be wrong. But I would give yourself a home-made rehab if you can and take at least one week off work and ask a friend/family/boyfriend member to babysit you and keep u company. Good luck
  5. Your honesty is great. I respect it. Don't worry today if you aren't ready to quit just yet. You're already taking important steps noticing what it's like to be present when adderall is not in your system. You'll be ready to stop when you decide it's not worth it. When I went off it the first week, I noticed how much easier it was to be with my girlfriend and how less irritable I was. Maybe that's intriguing enough for you to try going off adderall? Maybe not and its just a window. Either way, keep being curious. Keeping the weight down was also another reason I liked adderall. The crazy thing is that I wasn't obese before or anything. I just got picky with myself. I think us adderall users have our self-worth tied to being of certain image and certain productivity which leads me to believe I've had crap self esteem for a while. I look forward to addressing that now that I'm taking steps to be adderall free. If you decide to go off it, maybe communicate about it with your boyfriend and ask for his support. Warn him you may gain weight initially and ask him for support with that as well. Since I quit I've been doing as others suggested and just letting myself eat whatever and gain a bit of weight for the short term , just to help with withdrawal. Eventually we can start exercising and building s healthy lifestyle.
  6. Thanks everyone for the replies. It feels so much better putting my thoughts out there and even better seeing that others can relate and that there is hope. The last 12 hours have been a little better physically as well as I tried out L-tyrosine after reading some posts on supplements. Ready to start a new day today
  7. I think it's always hard to be ready to quit if you haven't felt enough pain from the consequences of being on adderall. I've tried in the past but never really saw its damage until now. I'm 37, business owner, creative, single, prescribed this drug to help me with staying on task. I decided for myself I must be ADD and the doctor was easy to get to go along. Maybe I even am ADD who knows? The drug helped and my business went from mediocre to big success. I have money and a good lifestyle, am blessed on that note. I could pay bills, complete tasks, and stay uber organized while working most of the time. My attempts to have girlfriends suffered meanwhile. I never thought I was abusing because I was taking what the doctor prescribed. But every day of adderall started to take its toll on me mentally. I've always had issues in relationships with slight intimacy stuff , but new problems began and existing problems were exacerbated. I suddenly became a very critical, demanding, anxious, paranoid, and intense boyfriend. The poor women I dated would find me to be full of expectations. When things didn't go as planned, I would become irate and emotional. Not so much with yelling or temper loss, but with the most anxious body sensations ever causing me to shut down or wall up and fume at an obsessive level about how they aren't good enough. I would focus and focus on their issues and figure out how to fix things. I would tell them what's wrong with them. This never happened before adderall. This happened for years while my adderall kept at a daily pace, sometimes increasing dosage and sometimes decreasing, but daily nonetheless. My smoking cigarettes doubled. I stopped going to gym - no time when you're so productive! My art work improved and I took up new hobbies. But love life was awful and I was always anxious. My doctor recently told me she didn't think I was ADD and should stop adderall. That sent me into a panic as I pondered her suggestion along with the scary side effects of this drug that she warned me about. In the meantime, after attempting to rekindle things with my ex only to find myself returning to my old crazy behaviors, I finally hit rock bottom. My anger and anxiety and obsessive focusing on negative traits had rocked me to my core and I found myself curled up on floor bawling my eyes out after failing yet again. I knew right there that this drug had probably ruined me. I was nearing 40 and still not any closer to my dreams of having a wife and family. Sure I had business success and money finally, but what good was it when I was in the state I was in, without joy or calmness? I took myself off of adderall 2 weeks ago and had one relapse last weekend out of desperation as my anxiety practically doubled from its already high levels ! That's the crappy thing with withdrawal...it seems to take my shitty feelings and worsen them. Now that I know what to expect, I decided I was ready to try again. It's been 4 days now. I've been emotional and going in and out of crying fits and depression. I lay in bed or on sofa most the day. My mind races and races. I felt suicidal 3 days ago, thinking my life was ruined forever and that I'll never be able to be a loving partner and successful business owner at the same time. Fuck adderall for being so wonderful at first. Fuck me for not coming on here before starting adderall and educating myself on the dangers. Fuck the doctors for giving in to us and not doing their job. And fuck withdrawal for taking me to the dark places I never thought I'd experience. I need this to get better. And I'm here now on this forum for support and help cause I don't think I can do this alone. Thanks for everyone that contributes to this great site that exists for people like me randomly googling one day about symptoms and side affects.
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