eric

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About eric

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  1. 5 Worst Things Adderall Did To You?

    @LuLamb Your post about the walkway reminded me of myself at times around my old place...and it being a RENTAL made me actually laugh out loud. This drug is ridiculous... I feel like I've read a few posts on here about people doing crazy renovations or whatever to rentals. I also know from experience ...lol
  2. 5 months today

    @dolssa Way to go!! Love reading your posts, even if your venting. lol. Good luck!
  3. @Brit Welcome to the forum and that is quite a story!! Keep up the good work on staying off the meds!!! I believe it was super smart to take advantage of this quarantine...you got the immediate withdrawals over with while fighting the virus. A few years ago I had type A flu and kept on popping pills like an idiot. Still haven't fully learned my lesson since then but these past 5-6 weeks have been a blur and I'm ready to get past this struggle I'm still facing. Good luck!!! Keep posting!!
  4. Day 4

    @DelaneyJuliette Congratulations on day 9 and being honest with yourself. I'm glad to see you post and be in good spirits. About a week ago on Amazon Prime I watched a PBS Nova Documentary on Addiction(2018) and one of the people on it said "People recover from addiction. No one is unreclaimable. The only thing you can't recover from is death". Idk why but that has stuck with me alot... I'm not dead so I can recover from this ya know. Anyways it was worth a watch, especially in recovery. It's mainly focused on the opioid epidemic but they talk about dopamine levels in the brain and how drugs in general affect it. And essentially "dopamine is motivation" and when your on drugs you stop producing it and obviously when your not on your drug you feel nothing. Until your abstinent awhile...ya know basic stuff most of us know on here, but it was super interesting to watch. Made me feel better about having zero motivation at the moment to do anything. Realizing that chemically my brain has been through the wringer.
  5. Day 4

    @DelaneyJuliette Just checking in and hoping things are still going good. I'm almost thru Day 19. Feeling pretty fatigued today and upset about that, until I remembered I stayed up late watching Netflix and then woke up at 4:30 am and was unable to fall back asleep.... I need to remember that most people would be dragging after only a few hours of sleep the night before lol. It's funny how 4 hours of sleep seemed plenty when on adderall. Overall, I'm doing good and feel even better after typing out this simple post. Good Luck!
  6. fuck fuck fuck

    @dolssa Well atleast you flushed it....I wish I would've flushed the one i had on day 90 last October...I'd be past the 6 month mark.. :-(. I don't know if this helps much but my relapse began about 2 weeks before day 90. I got my hands on a prescription of pain meds that I use to abuse and it altered my mind enough to convince me to take adderall. So on day 90 I popped a little 5 mg of adderall and 30 minutes later it kicked in and worked well, almost the way it did years ago. However, after a day or two of taking little amounts I stepped up the dosage and everything went to crap again (got back to 100mg/day real quick)....and I couldn't replicate that first 30 minutes feeling again. What I tried to take away from that experience is the fact that my brain must've been repairing itself because I haven't had that feeling after taking 5mg in the last 5 years.... I guess it made me realize that my dopamine levels were trying to come back to some sense of normalcy. I obviously and totally regret taking that one little quarter but tried to take away something positive from it. The positive thing being that my brain/our brains do actually heal, and i've held onto that crappy regret feeling of relapsing after 90 days and I don't want that ever again. -Today marks day 15
  7. Story of hope!

    @Adderall OG Wow, that was amazing to read and congratulations on your recovery. Thank you so much for posting that!!! I'm on day 15 (and happy about it) and so glad that I just read your story. For the last half decade all I did was live life from pill to pill and refill to refill without looking far ahead and believing that I have no future after this med. I know from the stories on here that one day it will be good but its refreshing to see another new person's story and to hear them thrive later on down the road in recovery, especially after you used it for such a long time. Good luck on everything and thank you for posting that very encouraging story!!!
  8. 1yr clean today.

    @m34 Congratulations on the 1 year mark! I'm very happy for you and this post really helped me alot tonite!
  9. Day 2 Clean

    Congrats on getting thru day 3! I bet you're pretty tired but you CAN beat your addiction to this drug even though everyone around you uses it. It will obviously make it incredibly more difficult but unless they're holding you down to take it then you can talk yourself out of it. I'm only day 13 but my best friend is coming up on 4.5 years clean and had to deal with me and everyone else around him taking it. Even when he would be drinking at parties he still knew that he couldn't take it when offered because of the hell it would cause him. Simply put you CAN do this and the sooner you do it the better. I wish I had some awesome line or something to give you but I don't at the moment. lol. I just wanted to let you know that you're definitely not alone in this struggle!!! Good luck and just know that this could be your last Day 3 ever if you want it bad enough!!!
  10. @Tom23Jones Thats awesome, sounds like Dave Ramsey steps? I was paying off all my non-mortgage debt and on track to being debt free but during that phase I got my first Vyvanse script and unfortunately all the financial steps went out the window. Hopefully I can get back to it and become financially stable again.
  11. Welcome to the forum and congratulations on 45 days! Caffeine has increased my cravings in the past and I found myself chasing that "high" by drinking excessive amounts of Red Bull. I quit for 90 days last year and when someone would recommend a Red Bull I knew not to do it because I couldn't have just 1 lol. I guess since caffeine is a stimulant it would trigger that part of my brain that adderall would. Unfortunately after chugging 3-4 Red Bulls in a short period to chase that high I started to feel worse (super shaky, anxious, and overall just crappy) than I would after taking Adderall and in my head I would just say "I might as well be on Adderall, its healthier for me!"...you know the addiction talking. My friend who's been clean over 4 years used to drink ALOT of coffee when he first quit, to the point where I actually thought he was on Vyvanse or adderall. After a few months he had to drastically reduce his caffeine intake to maybe 1 cup of coffee in the mornings and he went for a few months with no caffeine since it stimulated him so much. He started to consider it a drug of its own (like it was as bad as Adderall lol) cause it altered his attitude so much. But he normally stays around 1 cup in the mornings and thats it. Personally I drink a sweet tea with breakfast, lunch, and dinner, which I don't feel like it affects me but when I didn't have one in the morning I noticed the lack of caffeine lol. Everyone is different, I'm currently day 9 at the moment and staying away from the energy drinks because of the way they affect me.
  12. Day 4

    Well, made it thru day 6. Just a long day but thankfully not to stressful, didn’t think about adderall too much either. Just checking in and wishing everyone a good day tomorrow! Good luck to all!
  13. Day 4

    Almost done with the workday, just rounding out day 5. I feel super anxious in the mornings too... especially in my job where things can be just fine one second and then all of the sudden all hell is breaking loose (IT job). I wish I delivered mail or something where its kind of the same routine everyday (a close family member is a mailman so I know all about the negatives too) lol. Oh well, for the current time I try to take it one hour at a time during the work day, and in the evenings I normally try to watch at least one Intervention episode and cruise around on this site after dinner and getting my son to bed. GOOD LUCK! Keep Posting!!!
  14. Day 4

    @DelaneyJuliette I just want to let you know you’re not alone. I went on a full 8 day bender but finishing up my 4th day clean with you. What’s crazy is the past 2 days at work have been insane but I pulled thru. I also have another very close friend that is on day 9 today so that’s awesome as well. Hope your day was good!
  15. @DrewK15 Thanks for the response and encouraging words. It did feel tough getting back on here and talking about my mistake but I'm glad I did because it helped me to revisit what went wrong. I'm so glad I didn't break yesterday when I had that refill in my hand as well. It's insane how intense the internal struggle can be within your mind. So at this moment I truly feel back on track as much as I can and a little bit more aware about avoiding future substances. Thanks again!