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100 days clean!!! Feeling excited about the clean time but also in a lull. Might have an extremely busy day tomorrow or might not. It's all up to what the weather decides to do. Just wanted to post that I've hit the 100 day mark and I guess its time to start calculating clean time in months instead of days lol. Best of luck everyone!!!

@ALA Congratulations! Keep up the fight. We got this!!

@Trevor95 I feel for you, its crazy how we see everyone around us living their lives and moving forward while we feel stuck in limbo. I dwell on the past so much and regret so much but unfortunately it is what it is and the only option is to move forward making better decisions. Taking more pills would definitely not be a better decision. Also, I feel like most of us on here wish we could reset and go back in time. The movie "Edge of Tomorrow" is a favorite of mine (he resets the day constantly) and I happened to watch it the other day and decided to look up when it was released and it came out May 30, 2014 in theaters. I actually remember that specific day so well its insane, like every single one of my service calls and how hot it was. I also took too much adderall that day and had a weird cough that a customer even asked if I was "okay". It was the very first time I had a negative side effect which is why I remember it so well and just wanna go back to that day so badly and quit. I was only on it for like a month at that point. FYI I didn't go see that movie in theaters, its just a movie i watched years later and it happened to be released on a date that is burned into my memory so well...crazy stuff. lol and the basis of the movie is eerie for that date.. Idk im rambling now. sorry! BEST OF LUCK! KEEP VENTING IF YOU NEED TO!

@Trevor95 Welcome to forum! You've come to the right place to vent and interact with others that are going thru the exact same thing as you are. I can relate to that inability to connect to other people while taking it for sure. ALSO, I've hid my use from so many people around me and if I acted weird or came off short I would just blame it on being extremely stressed from work or some bs like that. I mean I would feel and look like a freakin zombie with red tipped ears and a red throat/neck (I guess high blood pressure caused that?). Feeling way better nowadays at day 93, by no means perfect but I realize that this is way better than taking something to feel slightly better or more focused. And I feel like the healthcare system is so overwhelmed with the addiction crisis and the millions of Americans that suffer cardiovascular diseases (I've been technically "obese" for the last 4 years) that you can't fully rely on doctors or hospitals to do the best job like they would've say 20+ years ago. Just too many of us now overwhelming the system. I'm in no way saying that the doctors or nurses are sub par, to me they really do ALOT and put up with so much BS...just more and more people every year. Just know that you're welcome here and I hope that these stories and posts help you in discovering your new self!

@SleepyStupid Thanks for the congratulations! I thought I was having a bad day yesterday but then realized my allergies were acting up. lol. But yes, I can't wait to get further along to where its "just another day". @GRFThank you!! I'm excited too and already feel more emotions than I have in years!! @ALA THanks! Congrats to you and we definitely can do this! Again, thanks to everyone and all members of this site that have contributed. I've read so much information over the years and the collective advice from multiple users on this site has helped me stay clean (Urge Surfing Technique has helped me tremendously). But not only the advice on how to deal with urges but the positive messages from people further in recovery that things will get better if you just give it time. -Start of my DAY 93

Welcome to the site! Hope to hear your story soon or later... whatever you need to do to get better! Best of Luck!!! -Start of Day 93

Today is 3 months clean from Adderall and Tramadol!!! I'm officially the furthest I've ever been in my fight from both substances. As of this morning I've started my healthier eating and didn't have my usual Dr Pepper first thing in the morning. Only water and unsweet tea until I hit my goal weight and no sweets or foods with excessive sugar for the rest of the week. Then next week I'm gonna fast for 1.5 days and begin Keto again. A very very brief backstory. I struggled with Adderall and Vyvanse for 8.5 years, and tramadol for 5 years. Very high doses of stimulants off and on mixed with tramadol at times. Obviously all the horrible bad stuff that comes with both addictions, more so for me from the adderall. I stopped back in October for a couple of months then relapsed onto Tramadol for 5 weeks which led me to go on a brief adderall binge for a weekend. That all led to January 11, 2023 being Day 1 from both substances. I still occasionally consume alcohol at birthday parties or events but its nothing like it used to be, I can take a 6 pack and be totally fine compared to when I was on adderall I'd buy two 18 packs to make sure I didn't run out. At a crawfish boil the other weekend I was offered an adderall by a friend and I kindly declined and let him know that I'm done with it and there no was no conflict. So I feel like I've learned alot of lessons from my past relapse experiences and can see where things go and KNOW how I will feel if I take more of it. Overall, recovery hasn't been the easiest thing but its totally been worth it. I'm noticing what people were talking about on here about good days being peppered in there and hints of the better days to come. It's crazy to know that my life fully revolved around pills and when I would or wouldn't have them. Now I'm starting to look forward and think longer term and its amazing. Best of luck everyone!!! So far day 91 has been going great!

@CAITLIN3 It won't get easier for you later on down the road if you keep taking stuff...that's for certain. My wife is over 9 months clean after taking it along with me for 8.5+ years (really high 120+mg dosages daily for those last 2 years), along with us consuming an 18 pack of beers every single night we took stimulants just to come down. CRAZY shit to me now but "normal" and necessary it seemed at the time. In the last 9 months we haven't had any CRAZY arguments or fights, she started a new job after 90 days and has been doing amazing at it and its incredibly demanding. She said she wouldn't of been able to do the job if she was on meds. She's always been a good mother to our almost 10 year old son but she definitely has a way deeper connection with him, is more patient, and isn't overly focused on household tasks like she was before. I mean its been a 180 for the better. I will say for the first 60 days things were rough around the house and not getting done like before but now most things are getting back to better...she still HATES LAUNDRY but not many people love it...unless theyre on adderall. lol. I understand that you have toddlers tho and they are much more demanding, but my wife (along with me) regrets all the time she wasted trying to be a supermom when she should've just been there during those and able to laugh more and focus on the bigger picture. Thankfully if your husband is supportive and help a little more for a few weeks then things will definitely get better...better to do it sooner than later. Just my opinion. GOOD LUCK! You CAN do this!

Day 79 today. So healthy diet routines definitely make for a smoother recovery. For example, Monday I ate good, drank water and unsweet tea and had probably one of the most amazing days I've had in the last 6 months. HOWEVER, the last 2 days I had sodas and junk food and my mood has been horrible. I'm still getting stuff done but geeze...also its been really dark and dreary so that probably doesn't help either. Just kind of in a lull I guess you could say. I still have no desire to take a pill AT ALL so thats terrific in my books. Soooo I'm planning out healthy meals and talked to the wifey about what we need to do. Progress is being made in the right direction. Although I feel like crap today, its no where near as bad as my days on adderall could be. lol That's a little motivation for anybody who reads this post that's in active addiction and is discouraged saying to themselves "see! why quit if I'm still gonna feel like crap".. Believe me, a clean "bad" day is better than most of my "good" days were on adderall.

@quit-once I remember the first time I realized that taking adderall wasn't sustainable, and that was like January 5th, 2015 (8 months after full time usage). So yeah I've struggled for quite awhile but I must say that my job (which I'm good at but hate) and financial responsibilities "reinforced" my want and need to keep taking the junk. My job though has gotten way less demanding and now that I'm knowledgeable it comes a lot easier. I do plan on transitioning to another career but want to get a solid year of clean time under my belt to assess things. Yes, tramadol is my trigger. I always preferred adderall over tramadol anyday of the week but honestly I think I take the tramadol because I know I will just say "screw it, I already messed up taking this so might as well take A". It's a vicious cycle of QUIT adderall, have clean time and feel better, talk myself into just taking tramadol for a small high, then talk myself into taking adderall, quit the tramadol within a day of that, then go hard on A for 2 weeks and then back to quitting. Its been like that since 2017. HOWEVER, my quit feels very different and real this time, I always remind myself of the inevitable cycle and to ride the wave. @ALA Congrats on 67 days! YES! I love cooking now!. I do alot of walking and I've started exploring bike trails around my area and its been a new passion it seems...atleast until its 110+ degrees outside lol. Thanks to yall for replying!!! Best of luck! Day 76 almost in the books.

Hey guys, realized the last time I posted was late November...I went 70 days and then decided it would be a good idea to take tramadol because I "hurt" my knee....Realistically an OTC pain reliever would and does the trick but my brain knew what it wanted. It wanted that altered state feeling. I took it and what was supposed to be a "just today" thing turned into a month going thru that roller coaster thru the holidays and it was horrible. Obviously it was great for the first few days and then lots of anger and negative emotions that last week until that pathway in my brain was opened that said "f*** it, you already took this junk, why not take some adderall?"..... I then got my hands on 10x-30mg IR's and took those over 3 days and ended up trashing the last one. Of course the 3 day addy binge was great for the first 2 hours and then it went sideways and the regret and shame crept in, along with crippling anxiety and a ridiculously high heart rate. THANKFULLY TODAY MARKS 75 DAYS since that little binge over the holidays. I've been addicted to these damn things for almost 9 years and I'm over it. My biggest problem is I've always had the commitment to quit the adderall and then I would be having a good day and decide to take tramadol which inevitably led me to taking adderall. So I've learned to stay away from both and not come up with excuses for tramadol. I learned that "RIDE THE WAVE" thing and I have to tell myself that the urge to take something will subside as long as I hold out, and it always does subside and I feel even stronger from it. 75 days is the longest I've gone off of adderall and tramadol at the same time and I feel myself returning again. I have good days and bad days but a good diet is essential for getting thru, for me atleast. BEST OF LUCK!

Welcome to the site! Great to see that you're at 90+ days, keep it up! I'm only day 59 but I've had 8.5 years of taking this junk and more relapses than I can count. Most veterans of the site and I would recommend getting rid of your meds completely so you don't have that temptation to take them. It can make the struggle way worse when in the back of your mind you know you have them. It can also be freeing to rid yourself of them and look at moving forward. I know from my own experience....I realized that I wanted to quit meds in January 2015 after only being on them for less than a year and here it is November 2022....I've missed so many important events in my life being completely blown out of my mind working on the most meaningless things. Just want the best for anyone that comes to this site looking for support. Keep us up to date! Best of luck!!

Thank you so much! I’m happy for you trucking along as well!!! I remember you posting on the forums with your other profile years ago. Lol. So I’ve been on the site awhile, wishing I would’ve listened to everyone 7 years ago and quit then. No point in looking back I guess and regret things, I only need to move forward. Getting the weight off that I’ve gained over the years has helped me physically and mentally (newer clarity)…If you have the willpower to quit this drug then going on a diet shouldn’t be nearly as hard once you get going with it and see progress. It takes willpower to get it going but it seems way easier because you can actually see the progress on the scale. Getting off adderall is so much more difficult because you don’t have such a obvious measurement to see your progress lol. Good luck! Thanks for responding! The forums a lot less active than it was a few years ago lol

Just checking in with everyone. I'm day 50 off adderall, alcohol, and other bad stuff. I also started working on the weight I've gained from years of trying to quit. The weight has added up after years of me saying "I'm done" and binge eating like a mad man just to turn around, relapse, only lose so much during the short active use phase before "quitting" and binging again. Most people wouldn't believe me if I told them I was a stimulant abuser.."your too fat to be a drug addict!" is what I'd hear and heard from some close friends. lol I got up to 230 (I'm 5'10") but I started a keto diet to get back down to my pre adderall weight of 175. I started my keto journey a little over 5 weeks ago and I'm currently down to 204. The crazy part is how good I feel from doing it and essentially cutting out bad stuff for me. My overall mood has been great. I'm really surprised...I've listened to a lot of podcast and youtube videos about positive mental thinking and it's really helped me. I must say that not every day is amazing but a bad day clean is better than my best day using. (that ol line. lol) To everyone struggling right now in their active addiction I hope you can find the willpower to pull yourself out of it. I took alot of meds in the last 8.5 years and made a lot of horrible decisions and missed many important events with my family and I struggle the most with regret. I do a lot of self loathing at times but I'm working on that through taking negative thinking and simply trying to find the silver lining or realizing how lucky I am to not be who I was just 51 days ago. For people in early recovery, just stick with it. Things will never get better going back to the devil pill....there is a price to pay for taking this horrible drug. My memory is still shot at times but I feel you gotta take action to get yourself better...obviously everyone is different physically, environmentally, and financially. But moving your body, forcing yourself to work on a task you've been dreading, walking down the street for a set amount of time, cutting out excessive sugars, and anything working on anything else you feel uncomfortable with will start to rewire your brain and make monumental task seem not as horrible. It's your life! Take charge of it! GOOD LUCK EVERYONE!

Congrats! Yeah exercise is amazing along with good foods. Good job! Starting day 23 strong! Good luck!