eric

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About eric

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  1. Well I'm currently Day 0, tomorrow will be Day 1 and so on... I've posted on the site a few times in the past and have lurked around it for the past few years when coming down after a day of taking meds. This is my first post since May of 2017 and I plan on being much more involved in posting and helping people that frequent the site. Whats funny is I never gave people a basic background on myself in the past so here it goes. I'm a male in my early 30's, I'm married, I have a child in elementary, I live in the southern part of the US, and I'm apparently struggling with continued prescription stimulant abuse. I currently have a very stable job that I am not at risk of losing due to "performance problems", although it can be extremely demanding due to the physical aspects of it (my current boss has been off meds for over 3 years and understands my struggle). As far as usage, I've been prescribed stimulants for the last 4.5 years, and started abusing it within months of getting the prescription. I originally was on Vyvanse 50mg and 20mg IR Adderall and took that for about a year. Then I was on Adderall XR's and IR'S for a period of time and to be honest a bunch of different variations of Vyvanse and Adderall or both. But essentially always running thru a month supply in 2 weeks or less followed by withdrawing and saying I wouldn't fill it yet I inevitably would when the 28 days was up. I would stay up for 2 days at time and sometimes 3 days for the first few years and get crazy with pointless projects, I don't tend to do that anymore since the "positive" effects of the meds are significantly less than they used to be and all I experience now is regrets and negative physical symptoms. As far as highest use, a few years ago I would take 100 to 120 mg's of IR'S everyday but the dumbest thing I ever did was take 4x-60 mg capsules of vyvanse in a 8 hour period about 2 years ago. I didn't go to the hospital or anything but I thought I was gonna die. I've actually never been to the hospital due to stimulant use but I've honestly laid on the floor in the living room many a nights with my blood pressure at 188/122 thinking that I was gonna stroke out and this was it and praying to god or anyone listening to please not let me die cause I was gonna change my ways. The sad thing is the addicted part of myself would convince myself to take meds the following day. :-( As far as side effects, I feel like I've been thru them all and I tended to experience them at different times throughout my years of abuse. Some side effects would be shortness of breath, blurred vision, lightheadedness, minor psychosis, weird popping noises in neck, chest pains, muscle pains, and along with all the other ones you could think of. After I experienced any of those side effects for the first time I always said I was done and "thats it" but the drug has such a grasp on me that I would go back. I'm at a point (and have been for last 2 years) where I actually feel terrible within an hour of taking them at the start of the day followed by regrets and occasional productiveness. Its just a horrible life cycle to live and I have to put adderall into the past so I can actually focus on the future that I want. This site and the members experiences have always given me hope that I CAN fight this addiction and find true happiness. I've gone 14 days off the meds a bunch of times and a few times to the the 20-22 day marks but the longest I've made it off was exactly 30 days before I relapsed which was in November 2016 and I remember feeling actual happiness after being 3 weeks off before my dark addicted side talked me into going back. That being said I need this to be the last day that I'm on this crap and tomorrow be the first day of my life after adderall. I hope to remind those that are ahead of me in recovery to not go back because it seriously isn't worth it and it will not "be different this time" and I hope to help those people that are early on in realizing that they may have a problem with this drug to quit now because days lead to weeks, weeks lead to months, and months lead to years. I've been actively trying to quit these meds since January of 2015 and it truly makes me sad realizing how much I've missed and given up just by taking that little pill. As said I plan on being more active on the site so ask any questions if you have any!!! Here's to starting my life after adderall!!!!!
  2. New horizons...

    Wow, I cant believe how long ago it was that I started this post...and unfortunately I'm still fighting my addiction to this terrible drug. I've been on it for 3 years and 1 month now and its horrible to actually type that. For anyone that has recently started taking this poison, do yourself the biggest favor OF YOUR LIFE and quit. Your life will not become better from taking these pills even tho you think it will. The longest i've been off of this drug has been 30 days (last November) and that was the best 30 days of my life. I've not come close to that since November and its so depressing to realize that I've wasted over 3 years of my life not being the best father or husband or friend that I could and needed to be. That time is gone and I will never get it back! and for what?! to be more productive?!?! It's such BS! and here I am laying in bed trying to go to sleep and I of course can't. I would like to say I'm done for good but I've said that every day for the last 2 years and I'm still on the crap! My best friend has been off of it since September of 2015 and I don't understand why I don't have the willpower to do the same thing...sorry everyone, just venting. Fortunately I am looking forward to a long weekend with the family and I'm ready to start my post adderall life during that time. Thank you to all those that post on here and give encouragement to those of us that are still in the dark days of our addiction.
  3. Advice please!

    Best advice is to quit now because its only gonna get worse, to the point where you won't even be able to function at work while on it. I've been on this drug for almost 3 years now and realized I needed to quit it back in January of '15, yet I always find some reason to keep taking it. I have quit for 2-3 weeks at a time over the past 2 years and the longest was a whole 30 days. I feel so amazing once I get past day 5 and I always say I'm done...but then I take it again. I know what your going through with the small business owned by family/friends. It seems like it can make it more difficult because in small businesses more roles and responsibilities can be placed on people and positions and family/friends can be quick to ask questions about mood changes/productivity issues. I'm 28 with a wife and young son, flush the damn things now because you will feel a huge sense of relief and deal with the consequences...so what you won't be as productive for a week or two! It will get better!!! Just read the stories on this website, they are all trying to help you!!! In the end it all comes down to YOU wanting to be done with this crap....best of luck.
  4. New horizons...

    Just letting everyone know that I'm still doing good. Finishing up my 22nd day of being clean. Luckily I've been EXTREMELY busy at work and to be honest if I was still on meds I would've probably over did it and end up in the hospital or something, due to the excessive heat. Keeping a busy schedule normally reduces the amount of time I'm able to think about meds...in the past that wasn't always the case. As far as my recovery, the past 3 weeks have not been as horrible as they could be but I plan on giving a more thorough rundown of everything in the next few weeks. I still need to post my story as well but 22 days is a new record for me which means everyday from here on out is, so YAY!!! lol
  5. New horizons...

    Finishing up day 12, for the "god only knows" time. I've reached that point where quitting is the only option for me because its what I have to do and want to do. I have been a frequent guest of this site since January of 2015 and a member since February of 2016 and finally feel comfortable enough to post something. If I were still on meds I would stay up and type my story into the early morning hours but I thankfully am not and will be turning in for the night. lol. I plan to add my story in the next few days and I hope it will aid others in seeking recovery from these medications. Thanks!!!