NancyBotwin

Hey, So I was diagnosed with ADD at a very young age, but I only took medicine on and off starting at age 17. I am now 26. My last year in college I was put back on it, but then stopped taking it when I graduated. Sure it made me a better student, but it also made me irrational and angry. Shortly after I got a full time job and didn't need adderall to perform competently. I then moved to Washington DC with confidence that I would find a government job. The job market is so competitive down here that I started taking adderall again to get out as many applications as possible. Sure I have gotten out applications and wrote great cover letters, but the issue is that most of my applications are not even being looked at. I graduated from a respectable university with honors. The reality is that the job market sucks and you really have to know someone to get in the door. So being unemployed is depressing in itself. But it is even more depressing when you are trying your hardest and taking large amounts of adderall expecting results and you don't get any. Adderall makes me highly focused and I am now highly focused on feeling like a failure. I am so angry at baby boomers, and the government. Although I do believe there is truth to my anger, there is a huge amount of drug induced paranoia in my feelings. All I do now is obsess over how fucked up society is. Sure adderall has always heightened my anxiety, but in general I saw immediate results from being able to focus. At this point I am now so angry and depressed that I am getting no results. Since adderall is proving to be anything but helpful. I have made the decision to quit for a month and see what the result of that will be. I am hoping that I return to being emotionally stable. Maybe through putting out good energy in the world and working hard without adderall I will become employed. I hope not only will I become employed, but I find a job that I enjoy doing.