So my last dose was October 27th, 2015. I had had enough. 3 years of 30-60mg a day, every day, even on days I didn't "need" it. I had forgotten what I was like off the medicine. I was missing out on day to day experiences with my children because I was constantly pushing everyone away so I could get stuff done. Stuff that wasn't important. I was pushing my friends away, wife away, everyone away because they were just "in the way" of what I was trying to do at the time.
It made me a robot, and I became dependent on it. I felt like everything I had accomplished at work wasn't the real me. They weren't really my accomplishments. They were "super" Ghost's accomplishments because he had the brain drug that made complex code easy to understand and follow. I wanted my accomplishments and praise to feel earned, not stolen.
I feel like I was skipping out on time I should be spending on becoming a better person, not skipping to the finish line with nothing truly gained.
So I quit cold turkey. I had tried somewhat tapering off, but maybe tapered off too soon. Went from 30 to 15 in a week, then a week later to 7.5, then a few days later, nothing.
I haven't looked back, nor have I even been tempted to look back. But, in its wake, I've experienced a whole new set of issues.
Crushing "omg I'm dying" Anxiety, brain fog, discombulation, I feel so out of whack, I feel like I'm dying of cancer or have MS or something awful. (I've had ECGs, holter monitor, blood tests galore, lyme test, etc, all came back negative) I've had arm heaviness or what feels like my hands don't work right for a day or two but always seems to come and go. I wake up with numb limbs far more than is normal for me. It always feels like someone is pinching my airways closed in my esophagus. I'll have moments where I feel like at any moment I could just drop down dead.
I've had two doctors now tell me it's just Generalize Anxiety Disorder and "Oh, I don't think it has anything to do with you coming off Adderall cold turkey".
Randomly I'll have a day where I feel completely normal. Then the next I'm completely back to feeling crazy. What is happening!?!?! I'm getting so frustrated because my wife and kids are having to put up with this MESS of a guy as their husband/father, and my boss has had to put up with virtually ZERO work accomplished for 4 months now and I'm losing hope that things will get better.
My family doctor put me on 150mg of Welbutrin XL which I've taken for 6 weeks now and it's almost made everything worse. So I started halving the pills 2 weeks ago. I have an appointment with her today and I think I'm going to ask her to take me off the Welbutrin. It's not helping, and no pills would be better maybe? I just can't get this anxiety to leave me alone. I NEVER had it before Adderall and so naturally I'm assuming it's because of the Adderall quitting.
After lurking on here for awhile I have seen that anxiety is very common for people that quit, but I just feel like mine is SO BAD. Like. constant 24/7 feeling of doom and inability to breathe full breaths. I know I'm rambling, but I feel like this is a safe space and I can't talk to anyone else about it right now, (my wife is on Adderall herself so any "anti-Adderall" talk gets her feeling bad and feeling attacked.
Please help. Has anyone else felt anxiety this intense for this long directly after quitting cold turkey? Will it stop? Will I feel normal again? Should I stay off any meds and stick to just good diet and exercise? Should I stay away from redbull/5-hours? While on adderall I would most often supplement with caffeine toward the end of the day. I know I shouldn't have mixed stims, but I always felt like I needed to to be able to handle the wife and kids at home and chores, etc.
I've relied on drugs for getting me through life for 3 years.... now I need to remember how to do it on my own.