Liz3345

Also, has spirituality or prayer helped any of you?

Thank you all. I definitely need all the advice and help I can get, and each of your posts really spoke to me. LILTEX41 your message wasn't too rigid at all. I'm in a constant cycle of denial, and I really need to hear it like that. Otherwise, I'll find excuses and reasons to argue why I'm not an addict. It's crazy. I also can totally relate to you. I don't care to drink when I'm off stimulants, but if I do end up in a situation where there is alcohol involved, it's difficult for me to stop at one or two, and I usually end up drunk. I'm definitely going to check out that book. AND I can also relate to you Cassie, I'm much more of a drinker on stimulants. But I just can't stop taking them. How did you do it? I've tried over and over for very short periods and keep going back. The fatigue and lack of motivation and the horrible mornings trying to get of bed is what I struggle with when I try to stop. I'm on phentermine, diet pill now, and I'm having a really tough time controlling it. I think about the drug all the time. I take it in the morning and when the energy high starts wearing off, I take another. And sometime even more. I feel like I'm on this awful roller coaster I can't get off. I've been told working the steps and going to meeting would really help. But I'm finding it so difficult to find adderal/prescription stimulant addicts in meetings, and I think it would help to be able to relate with somone. Bc I do believe stimlant addiction recovery is diffent than alcohol recovery on some level. I want to try and wean myself but I don't know the best way to do that, or if it would even work for me. Just wondering how all of you did it? And what motivated you to stick with it?

First of all, I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who have shared your wisdom and strength on this blog. I'm not sure exactly how much to share so I'm sorry if it's too much... It's just a relief to have found people who I can relate to. I began battling addiction to adderall back in grad school several years ago. I was overwhelmed, prescribed aderall, and instantly hooked. Suddenly I could read boring text books, and concentrate, and had this energy and zest for life I'd never felt. But that high was followed by horrible insomnia which led me to start drinking nearly every night to come down off the pill. By the next year, I began taking an additional dose of adderall often later in the day from time to time. I graduated began work and for the next 6 years I became completely consumed with stimulants( between adderall and Vyvance and going through a prescription 2 weeks at a time)- at the same time drinking most nights to bring myself down. Other than work I lived in almost complete isolation ( other than a couple of brief relationships being left heartbroken) I went from being an incredibly active athlete and social person, to just cutting myself off from most friends and living alone. Feeling desperate, I voluntarily entered treatment for a month. I stayed clean for 6 months and then relapsed on diet pills( adipex, phentermine) and the vicious cycle with stimulants and alcohol started all over again. And the past several months have been such a battle. I will stop for about a week and then I go right back. I'm very high functioning but miserable and almost no one knows what I'm going through other than close family. I just want to be able to wean myself from the stimulants..but is that a bad idea? I keep trying to control it. And the alcohol..my family is worried I have a drinking problem too. But I don't feel like I do...the only time I have the desire to drink is when I'm on stimulants. So am I an alcoholic or just a problem drinker on stimulants? These questions probably seem completely crazy and ridiculous but I can't figure out what's denial and what's not? I know I'm sick though. And I DO want to get well. I do find much comfort in spirituality and have attended AA. However, I question if I really need to be there? Again, am I in denial? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Any book suggestions..really anything you think could help me. Thanks so much!