Robert Westwood

I'm approaching one year off adderall. Looking back, the first month was quite difficult. I felt a lack of energy and I was bored. I tried to eat healthy and stay active, but it wasn't as easy without the pills. I gained about 20 pounds (about 10% weight gain). On the other hand, I sensed that colors, sounds and smells were all more vivid without adderall. I started sleeping *much* better and I started dreaming again. About 3 months after quitting, I started to get some energy back. I missed the intensity and drive- the extra boost that adderall gave me, but I had no desire to go back--- well maybe a little--- I had access to pills through my teen son, but I didn't take any of them. At this 1 year mark, I definitely have way more energy than when I first quit. Workouts aren't anywhere near their former intensity, but I have a new normal that I accept. I feel good. I'm bored at times. I lack energy at times, but I'm ok with that. I'm living life on life's terms and I feel present. I occasionally miss adderall, but I prefer the cadence of reality. I'm not angry anymore. My skin cleared up. My patience returned. I'm "me" again.

I did it! I awoke at 4AM yesterday (race day) and made my way to the course. The race is called the Leona Divide 50- it's not just that the course is 50 miles, but there also some sections of very steep incline for up to 6 miles! My recovery time was indeed better without Adderall, (but my energy levels felt comparitively low), that said- I know that once my body attains a new baseline, those "tired" feelings will continue to diminish. It took me 11 hours and 28 minutes to cross the finish line- I was exhausted, but I did it clean! This experience has shown me that I am capable of achieving remarkable things without Adderall. It's an unnecessary crutch for many of us who can actually function just fine without it. Once I managed to overcome the fear and unpleasant reality of withdrawal, I knew that life's true joys would eventually filter back in, and they already are after less than 2 short weeks. I have no desire to take another blue pill. The opposite, I'm growing more aware of other crutches and addictions that are clouding my ability to experience life.

I've been taking Adderall for three years. My doctor prescribed it to me shortly after I saw my teen son's grades improve from "D"s to "A"s in the classic Adderall tale. I figured since my teen son and I are similar- maybe I have ADD and I too could benefit from the drug... I was initially much more productive at work- I could prioritize like never before. At my job (in healthcare sales), I was able to draft lengthy proposals- I was capable of rapidly researching and comprehending anything. I was more confident than ever and thought my performance would skyrocket- but it didn't... It took three years for me to realize that the reason people bought from me (before Adderall) was based largely on their ability to relate to me---- And I was no longer relatable. The fun-loving, affable man I once was became hardened and bitter due to months and months of accumulating sleep deprivation. My patience withered. My temper flared. My wife told me time and again that she felt that Adderall was causing me severe anxiety and in near-paranoid fits of rage... I denied it. My face became drawn and thin. My nearly forty-year-old skin developed horrible acne- but perhaps it was worse because I couldn't stop picking and picking... A week ago, I said goodbye to Adderall forever. I was finally able to gather up all of my pills and bottle them up, seal them & trash them (as recommended by the FDA). The withdrawal has been awful, but I knew I had to quit. Every day gets better after the first day... I am a runner. Adderall made running easier and more appealing (for me), but I have always loved to run... Before I ever thought of quitting, I entered a 50 mile ultra marathon... It would have been easy for me on Adderall, but as I'm still fighting withdrawal, it's quite hard... Hell, waking up can be hard... But I'm going to do it... My race is tomorrow... 50 miles... And I'm doing it clean.

I've been taking Adderall for three years. My doctor prescribed it to me shortly after I saw my teen son's grades improve from "D"s to "A"s in the classic Adderall tale. I figured since my teen son and I are similar- maybe I have ADD and I too could benefit from the drug... I was initially much more productive at work- I could prioritize like never before. At my job (in healthcare sales), I was able to draft lengthy proposals- I was capable of rapidly researching and comprehending anything. I was more confident than ever and thought my performance would skyrocket- but it didn't... It took three years for me to realize that the reason people bought from me (before Adderall) was based largely on their ability to relate to me---- And I was no longer relatable. The fun-loving, affable man I once was became hardened and bitter due to months and months of accumulating sleep deprivation. My patience withered. My temper flared. My wife told me time and again that she felt that Adderall was causing me severe anxiety and in near-paranoid fits of rage... I denied it. My face became drawn and thin. My nearly forty-year-old skin developed horrible acne- but perhaps it was worse because I couldn't stop picking and picking... A week ago, I said goodbye to Adderall forever. I was finally able to gather up all of my pills and bottle them up, seal them & trash them (as recommended by the FDA). The withdrawal has been awful, but I knew I had to quit. Every day gets better after the first day... I am a runner. Adderall made running easier and more appealing (for me), but I have always loved to run... Before I ever thought of quitting, I entered a 50 mile ultra marathon... It would have been easy for me on Adderall, but as I'm still fighting withdrawal, it's quite hard... Hell, waking up can be hard... But I'm going to do it... My race is tomorrow... 50 miles... And I'm doing it clean.