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JCQ

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  1. Hey Zerokewl! Dude it's incredible to see how many things we have in common. I also started a part-time job this past year while self employed. I'm a photographer, but also graphic designer and a little/micro bit of coding. I often attempt to make lists and organize my life thinking it's the "key" to feeling happier. However, it never sustains. Then I struggle eating healthy and feel tired, etc. On Adderall I could eat anything and stay ripped, or starved and dried out like a bean. I appreciate your courage and boldness to be honest about the "negative" realities we face. This battle is savage. Life is tough on or off Adderall which absolutely sucks at times, actually often. I finally began speaking with Jesus about this and I've asked (and continue asking) for honest, truthful answers about my life. Through His word (the bible) I'm discovering these answers, but they are not easy to hear. For instance, when Jesus says, "For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it." (Matthew 16:25). So I'm supposed to surrender my attempts to feel peace and meaning (Adderall, wife, job, organization, lists, etc.) to Jesus and then my life will begin making sense? Yes, this is really working. I'm a desperate, needy person bro, and I cannot fix my life. But Jesus can and He is helping me overcome the darkest demons and fears I've ever known, all the while blessing me with needs that I tried over and over to meet, unsuccessfully. (i.e. Instead of trying to eat better, I'm asking Him for His grace/power to help me eat better. Inexplainably, I am slowly beginning to desire to eat better.) Just the other day my wife and I were walking up from a river and my shoes were muddy and drenched. She wanted to go get Mexican but we couldn't because my shoes looked like I had wrestled a frog-goblin. As we walked back to the car, I prayed and halfheartedly asked Jesus to provide me a pair of shoes. Literally there was a pair of old water shoes (dry and not muddy) randomly waiting by our car once we completely hiked back. I was stunned! The shoes fit me perfectly and there's no explanation how they ended up abandoned by our car. Well, there is an answer. Jesus answers prayers. Not always the way I would prefer, but He is faithful and good. I could tell you innumerable stories like this one that happened this past year. I really hope I'm not writing too much. I'm amazed that I'm able to write so much off Adderall . Maybe we could talk sometime over the phone if that's cool with you?
  2. Hey Zerokewl! Today I registered specifically because of you. I've read your entries for yrs as I struggled quitting adderall. Your transparency has always encouraged me. I know the "answer" you seek, but it may not be the answer you want. First, know that as a self-employed photographer who struggles with motivation and depression that I understand your pain, intimately. I've also gained 30-50lbs of weight after quitting adderral. The answer is Jesus. I cannot begin to tell you the hope, peace, strength and even miracles HE has brought to me. He even led a skinny, beautiful woman into my life who loves me even at the weight I'm at now with all my other defects. In John 6:28-29 Jesus says that the "work" we must do to receive eternal life and to know God in a real, loving relationship is simply to "believe" in Him (Jesus). Ask Him to save you from the pain you're experiencing and to reveal His power and love to you in a clear way. What else do you have left? What other options promise you what Jesus does? I've prayed for you bro and I would love to talk more. I'm not perfect but Jesus has helped me me so much from the UFO-obsessed, insomniac, psycho-paganistic, paranoid, prideful, etc., person I used to be. My website is www.jasonqualls.com I hope this message serves you well and that you hear my heart and that you know I really do care because I know how dark things can get. I'm sorry your Dad spoke so harshly to you. I really am. Jesus will never do that, ever.
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