Hey Zerokewl! Dude it's incredible to see how many things we have in common. I also started a part-time job this past year while self employed. I'm a photographer, but also graphic designer and a little/micro bit of coding.
I often attempt to make lists and organize my life thinking it's the "key" to feeling happier. However, it never sustains. Then I struggle eating healthy and feel tired, etc. On Adderall I could eat anything and stay ripped, or starved and dried out like a bean.
I appreciate your courage and boldness to be honest about the "negative" realities we face. This battle is savage. Life is tough on or off Adderall which absolutely sucks at times, actually often.
I finally began speaking with Jesus about this and I've asked (and continue asking) for honest, truthful answers about my life. Through His word (the bible) I'm discovering these answers, but they are not easy to hear.
For instance, when Jesus says, "For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it." (Matthew 16:25). So I'm supposed to surrender my attempts to feel peace and meaning (Adderall, wife, job, organization, lists, etc.) to Jesus and then my life will begin making sense? Yes, this is really working.
I'm a desperate, needy person bro, and I cannot fix my life. But Jesus can and He is helping me overcome the darkest demons and fears I've ever known, all the while blessing me with needs that I tried over and over to meet, unsuccessfully. (i.e. Instead of trying to eat better, I'm asking Him for His grace/power to help me eat better. Inexplainably, I am slowly beginning to desire to eat better.)
Just the other day my wife and I were walking up from a river and my shoes were muddy and drenched. She wanted to go get Mexican but we couldn't because my shoes looked like I had wrestled a frog-goblin. As we walked back to the car, I prayed and halfheartedly asked Jesus to provide me a pair of shoes. Literally there was a pair of old water shoes (dry and not muddy) randomly waiting by our car once we completely hiked back. I was stunned! The shoes fit me perfectly and there's no explanation how they ended up abandoned by our car. Well, there is an answer. Jesus answers prayers. Not always the way I would prefer, but He is faithful and good. I could tell you innumerable stories like this one that happened this past year.
I really hope I'm not writing too much. I'm amazed that I'm able to write so much off Adderall .
Maybe we could talk sometime over the phone if that's cool with you?