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Everything posted by Danquit

  1. THREE YEARS!!!!!

    Congratulations! At three years is when I considered myself officially “recovered” and it felt great! I still think about the whole experience and how it has shaped my life and I try to apply what I learned to better appreciate what I have now. Life is so much better without Adderall because it is real. I am currently struggling with losing weight but I know that I can do it without Adderall. It is motivating me to exercise and to eat healthy and I appreciate the process. I remember that first brutal year and the suicidal thoughts and wouldn’t wish that on anyone. So glad to see others reaching this milestone and checking in. Congrats again and keep moving forward!
  2. Checking In, 402 Days

    You have entered the aftermath of recovery. You made it through the first year and now you’ll have to start building your new life. It’s tough because everything you do is all you, no help from drugs or anything else. This was a struggle for me too but over time it becomes empowering when you accept it. Motivation follows action. Do something, anything, and things will get better. It’s just life so try to enjoy every moment, even the shitty ones because one day you’ll look back and actually miss this time in your life.
  3. My story was very similar to yours in the beginning, I just wish I Lind this site sooner like you. I ended up addicted to Adderall for 5 years and have been in recovery for 3. That’s 8 years of my life that I’ll never get back. Please stop taking this shit, it will mess up your life and you will regret it. Life is hard, but speed is not the answer, it is a lie.
  4. Optimism

    Adderall gives you false optimism and confidence. I miss that feeling all the time but I know it’s not natural. We are designed to live with some fear and anxiety because it helps us survive. Without Adderall I find optimism by reminding myself that none of the stuff I worry about really matters in the end. I trust that everything will be ok no matter what happens because it will be. Just don’t get back in Adderall, that’s not the answer.
  5. How did you quit adderall taper or cold turkey?

    Personally I could never taper, if I have Adderall, I will abuse it. I went from 80mg a day to zero. First two weeks were a nightmare then the hell really began and went for the entire first year. It wasn’t until year two when I started to feel like my old self again. Now at a little over three years, I’m a little fatter but a whole lot healthier and for good or for bad, I’m living my life without Adderall.
  6. I'm at day 78 after quitting and I was just thinking about the two psychotic episodes I had that landed me in the mental hospital when I was abusing Adderall. I remember being in my friend's mom's basement thinking that all of the answers to the world's energy problems were to be found in that basement. I seriously believed there was Atlantean technology buried down there for me to discover and share with the world. The second time was similar, I stayed up for a couple of days researching hidden technology online and was convinced that Tesla had discovered how to transmit power through the air but big energy monopolies squashed the technology. I was so paranoid that I ended up escaping from my roommates and ended up on the side of the highway talking to god who I thought was living in the Sun. These were the two amphetamine induced psychotic episodes that led me to quit for good. Looking back though, everything I did on Adderall was kinda crazy. I spent an insane amount of money building a recording studio in my apartment in New York. I would spend countless hours rearranging everything in my apartment over and over again. It's like Adderall made me come up with some crazy idea and gave me the energy to realize these crazy ideas no matter the cost. I remember the all night cleaning sessions, holy crap. I can't believe what this drug is capable of when you abuse it. Anyway, I was wondering what you all might have done while on it.
  7. New day, same results.

    Frank, whatever you do, do NOT get back on Adderall. I’m also at three years and I’m lazy and unmotivated as fuck! I barely get by at work and all I do at night is play video games and watch YouTube. I can’t wait for warmer weather so I can go running again. I still read this forum a few times a week just to remind myself of the horror of withdrawals. I don’t know if you have access but I got some cannabis and it’s been helping me to relax and not be so depressed. It’s not addictive at all because I can take it or leave it. It definitely doesn’t motivate you but it does change your perspective on life. In any case, I know how tough you are but I totally understand what you’re going through. I sound fine now but next week I could hit a wall and want to get Adderall and I’ll be in here sharing with you all too, just don’t get Adderall, it is poison.
  8. At months 7-9 after quitting I definitely went through similar cravings. It was the depression and anxiety that triggered it but I didn’t cave and things got better by month 12 because it was a major milestone. Remember, the first year is brutal. There is no way around it, just know that it is normal and it will get better but only if you DO NOT get back on Adderall, nothing good will come of that. Make no mistake, this is the most challenging thing you will ever go through. Stay strong and don’t get Adderall.
  9. 5 years. First two years were amazing; confidence, charisma, motivation, energy, thin, you know. Then last 3 years were arrogance, overconfidence, delusion, no sleep, hyper zombie behavior and ultimately psychosis. Hospital twice then finally forced to quit. 3 years in recovery, first year was brutal, second year at about 60-80% capacity, almost done with year 3 and I feel I am back! Older, wiser, and so thankful for having made it through the hardest challenge in life. All in all, 8 years of my life were taken by Adderall. I’m still here to make sure I never go back.
  10. What was your withdrawal like?

    Anyone who has recovered from Adderall has gone through what you’re going through. It is the Adderall, the other stuff is minuscule compared to Adderall in terms of recovery. I was taking 60-100mg of the orange instant release pills for 5 years. I smoked at least a pack of cigarettes a day and I even added vaping when they came out. I was addicted. When I quit, I went through the worst withdrawals ever. The acute withdrawals were brutal for the first 1-3 months, depression, suicidal thoughts, lethargy, anhedonia, extreme fatigue, I genuinely wanted to die. Months 4-12 were waves of the previous symptoms with some good days sprinkled in where I felt I was getting better. I put on so much weight which didn’t help the depression either. I got through the first year by just surviving and posting on this site and hanging out with friends on the weekend. Year two got a little better because I fought so hard and I started running. It was still a long year of recovering but my depression went down and I started to deal with life. Year 3 is going pretty well, I’m realizing that I’m back but I have to compare my life to my pre-Adderall baseline, not what I was like on Adderall. I feel fine today, still lazy but it’s not because of Adderall, I’m just naturally lazy, I have to self motivate which is tough without stimulants. This is a good thing because now I only do things that I absolutely have to do or I actually enjoy doing. 16 months is solid, I remember at about 16 months there was a turning point where I knew I was going to be ok. Congrats!
  11. My Story So Far, 191 Days Clean

    This story sounds so familiar now. We all wound up on Adderall and it was the best thing ever for a while, then everything went south. I’m coming up on almost three years clean and I am so happy I made it. Life isn’t perfect but I shudder to think how I would be today if I were still on Addies. The crazy part is I also sometimes think how awesome I would be if I never quit, like I’d be some rockstar in my career or how I’d be building some awesome business like Elon Musk. That is what a great liar Adderall is, even after all this time, it still whispers bullshit to me. Fuck Adderall.
  12. Observing Active Users Post-Quit

    It’s very irritating to be around, even more if you are recovering because you know exactly what you are seeing. I can only imagine how horrible I was on it so I have compassion when dealing with others who are still on it. I used to snap at people and I definitely imposed myself a lot. All while thinking how amazing I was at everything because of overconfidence. The best thing for me is to avoid people who are on Adderall, I dated a girl on Adderall two years after I quit and I could absolutely tell when she was on it. It’s not becoming because she was so self absorbed and focused on whatever she was “working” on.
  13. Stimulants are the perfect drug because you can still go to work and “function” on it. I’ve heard people justify using it because they want to be a contributing member of society. They are able to get along for a while until it all falls apart. I have a friend who basically lives and works and does the bare minimum raising his kids all so he can keep using Adderall. It’s very sad to see now that I know what exactly he’s going through from the other side. I’ve made it through recovery after 3 years of a very tough journey and I just feel so bad knowing what it will take for him to get off. I can’t imagine how anyone can take this for the rest of their lives. Sadly, it’s a part of our society now and I think there are more people getting in stimulants than there are getting off. All we can do is keep sharing our experiences so people who are searching for help can find information to help in their quit. The government isnt gonna do anything because well, money. There are plenty of people still defending Adderall because they need their “medication”. Keep sharing information and hopefully the truth will steer some away from this awful drug.
  14. Things better than a high?

    I would say everything I do is better except for cleaning. It takes time but I finally enjoy the video games I used to play on Adderall again. I enjoy going running and even just walking. I enjoy going out to eat with friends so much more now. Sleep is so good now and so is just laying around watching Netflix. Life in general is just better now because it’s real. Of course I miss the intense euphoria of popping Adderall and doing my taxes or putting together some Ikea furniture but come on, that is not natural!
  15. 3 years!!!

    Congrats blue moon! I’m right behind you and I feel pretty much the same. I remember us going through very similar recoveries early on and I’m so happy that we made it this far. There’s no looking back now accept to remind us of what a collosal challenge we overcame. It is so worth it and I am very proud of you for toughing it out especially in those early days. You definite deserve a celebration and a reward for yourself. Congrats again!
  16. I’ve been off Adderall for almost three years and it was a very gradual and nonlinear progression in years 1-2 but at two years I finally realized how good I felt in terms of just being normal. I’m fatter and I’m lazier but I’m healthier mentally and that is most important to me because I can exercise to feel better. There is nothing you can do when your brain isn’t right. I know I will never feel as “good” as I did on Adderall but that was unnatural. I touched the sky so now I have to get used to walking in the ground again. This will take a long time because you have to actually forget what it was like to be in Adderall. Unfortunately, intelligent people remember things for a long time. I advise you not to get back on Adderall, it’s just not worth it and it will eventually turn on you. You are feeling better at a year and a half off of the stuff, it’s just you’re comparing yourself to when you were on Adderall which is no comparison. You have to compare how you feel to before you ever took Adderall, your baseline is what you want, not Adderall high.
  17. OKcupid, Tinder, Relapsing & Adderall?

    Everything on Adderall is ultimately a lie. It’s a convincing lie; confidence, attractiveness, intelligence, knowledge, and drive. These things require a lot of work to attain but Adderall will make you believe you possess all of this and more. You will behave in a manner that is more intriguing to women but in the end it cannot last. It’s better to be yourself and work hard at dating so that you end up in a genuine relationship rather than taking Adderall to get you into the relationship because then the Adderall ends up in the relationship and not you. This stuff has a mind of its own and it is out to wreck lives.
  18. Early Warning Signs

    My early warning signs are similar to you all. I started on 40mg a day and I remember I couldn’t believe how awesome this stuff was. I googled it and I never came across this site but even if I did I would have ignored the warnings. I remember thinking to myself that I only needed 4 hours of sleep and I could be even more productive. I stayed up all hours of the night building my sound studio and I didn’t hang out with any friends. Eventually I was staying up all night working on stupid projects and then going straight to work with no sleep. I got in clonazepam to help me come down so that became a daily habit as well. I smoked like a chimney and I drank ungodly amounts of red bull and not eating. These were all huge red flags but I simply didn’t notice or didn’t care because Adderall had me. I pissed off friends and even strangers at parties because of my arrogance and overconfidence. All I cared about was myself and my addiction. I treated my family like shit too. I do remember reading some people’s opinions online about how great Adderall was and some of them even said it was good for you! I wonder how those poor people are doing now. I firmly believe that everyone who takes Adderall goes through the same phases and they all end up in the same place, addiction. Some early users will defend this shit so hard because they are still in the honeymoon phase. You have to filter them out and listen to us veterans who took the addiction all the way to rock bottom and were able to fight our way out of it and survive through recovery. I do not trust anyone who has not gone through what I’ve been through when it comes to Adderall, not the newbies, not the media, and definitely not the doctors and psychiatrists prescribing this shit. I only trust veterans on this site. Do not ignore the warning signs, in fact if you are seeing warning signs, it may be too late. Adderall is as bad as meth, heroin, and coke. Maybe worse because it is legal!
  19. Relapse

    Just stop taking them. You still have the 19 months of experience so you’re not starting all over. I also wanted to get back on at about two years because I thought I could handle it. That’s just Adderall tricking you. You can do it, you know where this road leads.
  20. It took me two trips to the psyche ward before I finally quit. The first time I didn’t even realize it was the Adderall that made me crazy and I was off for about 3 months before I got back on. I immediately started abusing for about a month when I ended back in the psyche ward. This time I had my epiphany and realized Adderall was ruining my life. I honestly think if I didn’t go crazy I would have never quit because I was so complete addicted to this shit, I wasn’t even trying to quit. This was 30 months ago. I took one Adderall about 6 months ago when I had been drinking and it didn’t have a big affect on me. I would never get a prescription though. I look at it like any other hard drug now, only stronger. It doesn’t matter how many tries it takes, just keep trying and quit this awful drug
  21. Foster Kids on Adderall and other Meds.

    I had two different doctors in nyc prescribing me Adderall. The first was a psychiatrist in Chinatown that did try to prescribe me ability first and after I took that home and felt nothing from it, the next time it was very easy for him to prescribe adderall. The second doctor was just a regular MD that my friend referred me to. I had one conversation with him and walked out with Adderall and clonazepam prescriptions. They were my drug dealers for about 5 years. I’m sure they had many other patients coming there every month to get their prescriptions so they made tons of money. It’s a business model designed to sell drugs.
  22. 3 years!!!

    Congrats blue moon! I am right behind you at about 30 months. I remember reading your posts and they helped me a lot. I’m feeling the same way as you described and my life is my own again. I still come here from time to time to check in and it’s nice to here from other long timers. Can you believe it’s been 3 years?! That is so crazy when you look back, I’m so glad you made it and you are doing ok. I know life is not the same without Adderall but just remember how bad it was to get over. Compared to that nightmare, boring life is so much better. I’m looking forward to getting to 3 years and beyond. Life is good!
  23. Long timer checking in.

    I was on it for about 4.5 years. I started on 40mg a day and went to 60mg a day but was taking more like 80-120mg a day as I was abusing. I was smoking at least a pack a day and drinking insane amounts of red bull and not sleeping for days at a time.
  24. Long timer checking in.

    I’m not even sure how long I’ve been off because it’s been almost 3 years now. This is a clear sign that recovery is possible and I just wanted to say hi and let you all know that I’m doing fine. Life is all mine now, it’s not perfect but I can honestly say that Adderall is a distant memory for me. Tonight is the first time it popped in my head in weeks and mainly because I was thinking how good I feel. The crazy thing is I can’t remember how I felt in early recovery anymore. I remember that it was horrible and the worst thing ever but I dint remember exactly how. It’s hard to explain. Lately I’ve just been having these thoughts like “I’m back!” I actually got into my work today while writing a document and I was so focused and started researching stuff and really enjoying it, it was strange because it felt like I was on Adderall, minus the jitters and teeth-grinding. I came across a similar document that I wrote when I was on Adderall and OMG, it was fascinating and scary to look at my work from those days. Knowing what I know now, it’s no surprise I got fired for turning in that work. Anyway, I hope you’re all doing well and loving your Adderall free lives!
  25. This documentary is dangerous because I felt like it was an in infomercial for Adderall. If I didn’t know anything about it, I would probably go try to get a script after watching this shit. The subjects they chose are mostly still on the stuff and are basically glorifying it by showing their happy lives on amphetamines, what a joke. if you watch it, be careful to not let it trigger you into getting back on addies, remember how horrible the recovery is. Anyway, the fact that I’m rewatching this at almost 3 years off Adderall tells you that it is still affecting me.